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March 29, 2024, 08:17:55 am

Author Topic: English Standard: Module A  (Read 1676 times)

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ushna

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English Standard: Module A
« on: March 24, 2019, 06:15:41 pm »
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Hi,
Can I please get feedback for my essay. I know the essay is bad, but please read over and give me some feedback.
Thank you!
« Last Edit: March 24, 2019, 06:21:31 pm by ushna »

angewina_naguen

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Re: English Standard: Module A
« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2019, 04:09:12 pm »
+5
Hi,
Can I please get feedback for my essay. I know the essay is bad, but please read over and give me some feedback.
Thank you!

Hey, ushna!

The essay is written and structured well! I have some feedback for you in red and in the comments which I have attached to this post. Let me know if you have any questions!

Angelina  ;D
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ushna

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Re: English Standard: Module A
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2019, 05:07:22 pm »
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Hi.
Thank you so much feedback. The feedback means a lot to me. I just need help with two parts:
In my first body paragraph, enjambment is used for the whole stanza which I  do mention. Do I have to make it clear that this technique is also for that quote.
Also, for my last body paragraph, you said that it is similar to the previous one. How can I differentiate both of them. My teacher told us to choose two main ideas and for each main idea to choose two poems and talk about how each of the poem explores the main idea.

Thank you so much once again, and I am sorry to disturb you

angewina_naguen

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Re: English Standard: Module A
« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2019, 07:58:46 pm »
+2
Hi.
Thank you so much feedback. The feedback means a lot to me. I just need help with two parts:
In my first body paragraph, enjambment is used for the whole stanza which I  do mention. Do I have to make it clear that this technique is also for that quote.
Also, for my last body paragraph, you said that it is similar to the previous one. How can I differentiate both of them. My teacher told us to choose two main ideas and for each main idea to choose two poems and talk about how each of the poem explores the main idea.

Thank you so much once again, and I am sorry to disturb you

Hey, ushna!

No worries about disturbing anything  ;D So firstly, for the enjambment technique, do make it clear that the technique is also for that quote. This could be brought up earlier to save you having to repeat the quote again like this;

"...“I crawled there once and sat/ in his shade he did not know me/ yet gave me leaves,” which provides an insight into intense relationships and personality of Aboriginal people. The first person and nostalgic connotation of “once” provokes an emotional response in audiences, allowing them to sympathise with the persona and the Aboriginal people. This is combined with enjambment to convey to the readers that this attachment of Indigenous people would not be impacted by the attempts colonisation to separate it. This is important because it and shows to the audience how the assimilation affected Aboriginal people impacted on their identities..."

As for the last body paragraph, a way you could differentiate between the two is to keep the first more Stolen Generations focused (looking at the past) and the latter a more contemporary-based argument (looking at the present and speculating into the future through the impact it has on readers). You could differentiate this firstly with your thesis statements like this;

"On the other hand, through language, texts can shape and renew our perceptions of ourselves and others, thus inviting us to reconsider dominant paradigms that existed in the past."

"Similarly, language has the power to both reflect and shape individual and collective identity, and can play a significant role in shifting attitudes and beliefs in contemporary society."
 
This way, you still explore the same idea but it has a different lens to build more complexity in your essay :) Hope that clarifies any concerns!

Angelina  ;D
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ushna

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Re: English Standard: Module A
« Reply #4 on: March 26, 2019, 10:14:10 pm »
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Thank you so much once again,
just another question I have, for the quote "will the leaves turn golden/ and seeding grass sway/ to console me?”, I want to link this quote with stolen generation and the traditionally held assumption of Aboriginals being uncultured. For the analysis of this quote, I want to say that Eckermann is questioning whether this assumption will be held in the future or not by the leaves turning golden since golden is associated with something nice. How can I say this in a better way that it links with the idea and what technique should I use?

Also, how can make the last body paragraph from contemporary point of view. I am really finding that difficult to do. I like the idea and I think that it will make my essay better, its just I don't know how to do it.
« Last Edit: March 26, 2019, 11:05:23 pm by ushna »

angewina_naguen

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Re: English Standard: Module A
« Reply #5 on: March 27, 2019, 11:09:08 am »
+1
Thank you so much once again,
just another question I have, for the quote "will the leaves turn golden/ and seeding grass sway/ to console me?”, I want to link this quote with stolen generation and the traditionally held assumption of Aboriginals being uncultured. For the analysis of this quote, I want to say that Eckermann is questioning whether this assumption will be held in the future or not by the leaves turning golden since golden is associated with something nice. How can I say this in a better way that it links with the idea and what technique should I use?

Also, how can make the last body paragraph from contemporary point of view. I am really finding that difficult to do. I like the idea and I think that it will make my essay better, its just I don't know how to do it.

Hey, ushna!
So for the quote, you could use colour symbolism for “the leaves turn golden” and how Eckermann questions whether such a rich and accepting future for Aboriginal people will ever be possible. You can link this with the injustice committed in history with the Stolen Generations and how Eckermann hopes that in changing times, as symbolic of the leaves becoming a different colour, there will be consolation and forgiveness.

What you’re doing with the above quote is essentially what you should be doing for the final paragraph. Look more at signs of forgiveness, belonging and acceptance in ‘Unearth’ and how the questioning in the previous poem seems to gear more towards a positive future for Aboriginal people. This will set apart the last body from the third because you examine more specifically the resilience and hope that there is for more cultural sensitivity and identity acceptance, than simply just contemplating whether it’s possible like the poet does in the other one. Hope that makes more sense!

Angelina  ;D
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ushna

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Re: English Standard: Module A
« Reply #6 on: March 27, 2019, 04:52:17 pm »
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Hi,
Thank you so much for helping me and I am really sorry for annoying you. If it is ok, can you please have a look at my essay again and tell me if my idea makes sense and is clear to understand. Also, about the last body paragraph, can you just read it and tell me if I successfully added the parts about contemporary perspective.
thank you so much once again and I am really sorry for annoying you

angewina_naguen

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Re: English Standard: Module A
« Reply #7 on: March 29, 2019, 10:29:24 am »
+2
Hi,
Thank you so much for helping me and I am really sorry for annoying you. If it is ok, can you please have a look at my essay again and tell me if my idea makes sense and is clear to understand. Also, about the last body paragraph, can you just read it and tell me if I successfully added the parts about contemporary perspective.
thank you so much once again and I am really sorry for annoying you

Hey, ushna!

I just had a look through and everything's looking better! Glad to see you take on my feedback  :) I only had a few minor suggestions to polish it up which you can take if you wish. Hope this wasn't too late!

Angelina  ;D
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