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[Patches]

Don't recall what the prompt was, and I didn't finish the last paragraph - but do you think this is a plausible start? The text is Leunig's The Lot.

Behind the Curtain

2013 is well underway, and the latest crop of political martyrs lie rotting at the feet of the great dictator. The most recent unfortunate is the intelligence analyst Snowden, now condemned in absentia to a lifetime of statelessness for the crime of standing against the inexorable march of public authoritarianism. The indictment of Snowden, and before him Manning, Woodward and Bernstein, is delivered with such supreme self-consciousness one wonders who the deluded prosecution is trying to convince. Great historical changes are rarely the result of epoch-shattering moments, but of a gradual re-engineering of what is deemed socially admissible. Snowden and Manning offer us a rare crystallisation of history’s arrow in flight, a peek behind the curtain that we can heed or ignore at our peril.

Sometimes a word or phrase perfectly captures this crystallisation, the instantaneous moment when it becomes clear that things are not as they once were. The German regime of the 1930s took as its founding myth the idea of gleischschaltung, the moment where the social, political and economic instincts of a population turn together and fall onto a common track. Gleichschaltung, of course, will not overtake out natural inclination to heterogeneity without a degree of persuasion. The lens of history allows us to watch gleischschaltung give way to fascism, a nation hoodwinked into embracing a set of social norms and expectations that today we regard as heinously cruel and inhuman. This did not happen with the throwing of some great cosmic switch, but gradually and insidiously  as a culture was poisoned by means not necessarily apparent at the time.

For this reason, I have always been suspicious of the great cultural homogenisers, the shadowy hand committed to the advancement of the Australian gleischschaltung in the guise of a national myth. There is no national myth until it is constructed as a tool of political expediency. The politicians’ ugly cries to ‘stop the boats’ are a visceral reminder of the power of language in shaping historical trends, so succinctly describing the intent to control that I can’t help but suggest we may have found 2013’s gleischschaltung. In isolation, the phrase is innocuous, but viewed as the natural continuation of an engineered trend it reveals a sense of cultural arrogance that should be disturbing.

When we militarise politics, we extend this expectation of obedience and submission to our wider culture. A phrase ostensibly about re-asserting national sovereignty is really about subordinating difficult decisions to others, the creation of a system where the thinking is done for us and individuality becomes an affront to societal expectations constructed on our behalf. The reality of historical trends is that they are rarely impeded by the actions of individuals. The rise of the Nazis, and as much as such things can be conflated our own historical missteps of the Stolen Generations and White Australia Policy, were allowed to occur because the great mass of society surrendered their voices to others. When we fail to stand against iniquity and injustice, we implicitly condone it when we fail to stop others speaking on our behalf. Those whose consciences cannot abide such a debasement of our collective humanity too often speak in isolation, their challenge to the carefully manicured madness of the great dictatorship only to be vindicated in the cold light of hindsight. Enlightenment is found when we sneak a glance behind the curtain, the backdrop created to blind us to the implications of our inaction; yet if we fail to together take an interest such curiosity will be punished.

[last paragraph lives here!]

Thanks

[brenden]

Okay guys. Obviously I've ignored this thread for far too long due to my own expository inadequacies. I'll give it a go but keep in mind, I literally always wrote creative pieces so I know very little do to with the VCE expository conventions or whatever else. Just giving it a shot because it's better than having them left here, right?
Also  -  I've skipped the essays if the posters have 1 or 2 posts -- if you are one of these people, message me and I'll do it (I'm just assuming that people posted their essay here once and will never look at it again)
Also - to the person who wrote their essay on power (anon submission, I've even forgotten who you are) on the second page: I literally have no idea what to say about it. Your writing is great and it connects to the prompt and the context (which I assume is power) so I just have no idea. Sorry.

This is a piece based on Michael Leunig's The Lot: In Words which is a collection of articles he has written. This is my attempt at writing another article to complement the collection in the book. I have tried to capture his voice, cynicism and quirkiness. He also has a habit of taking an element from nature, like an animal, and using it to illustrate a greater purpose, which I've done with the butterfly. His style is a bit messy and all over the place, like vomit, but good vomit

The quotes between ' ....' are taken from Leunig's writing, and those between "...." are things I needed to quote, emphasise, etc.  Cool, sounds pretty good.

Prompt: 'Subverting reality is easier than accepting it'.

Crushing the Caterpillars

By Michael Leunig

Back when I was an inhabitant of Australian suburbia, before being surrounded by vast green acres and greeted in the morning by an iguana as I slurp my coffee, the sight of a peculiar, modest butterfly could cause an unexplainable sense of hope and wonder to brew within me Promising first sentence. One summer morning, one of these little creatures decided to follow me as I was walking home. The fluttering of its wings, as it refused to stay put, was almost a declaration of liberty; something we, mere men, can only dream of and produce movies about you could get more creative with this finish for it to sound better.. Perhaps "could only dream of and helplessly try to recreate in our cinema" or something. The 'wild irregularity' of it was inspiring and breathtakingly beautiful, and not the kind of 'beautiful' you see in celebrity magazines. Flying rings around my head to form an invisible but very present halo, it moved about me, curiously,Perhaps a period instead of a comma provokingly, almost. It didn't merely take up space, but owned it. It beamed in its own radiating uniqueness. After it had studied me for long enough, it positioned itself at the tip of my nose causing me to become momentarily cross-eyed. It flaunted itself before saying, "Michael mate, don't you wish you had a pair of wings like mine?" Indeed, I did. Hahaha, very good. Nice writing, nice description of the image, decent mimiry of the Leunig surrealism. Haha, great speech from the butterfly.

 'If only i could be like [it]. If only I could wear my true coat'.

Females these days, walk around stumbling like drunks on tightropes because they feel the need to challenge gravity and attach metal lengths to the soles of their shoes. And how about those skinny jeans that cannot be gentle on any man's... manhood? Thank you dear, little creatureneeds a comma here I thought. I finally understood the mass hypermania surrounding the way people dress themselves, like it is some sado-masochistic competition to see who can inflict the most pain and discomfort on themselves and bear it the longest. Why, they are simply searching for their wings.Nice

Yet, no amount of sparkly powder or lip colour applied with great gusto and a paint brush, can replicate the 'larrikin coat' the butterfly wears. I don't even think Chanel can concoct the turquoise the creature bears proudly.

We are in this everlasting pursuit for a pair of our own wings that we become oblivious to, or rather, willingly choose to disregard the pair nature has granted us with. We 'deny or crush in ourselves' this 'vitality'. We must physically 'bomb or torment' ourselves, in the name of 'enhancement' or 'be cast into the abyss'. Just as we look at an undisturbed, green paddock, relishing in all its glorious simplicity and see a shopping centre, we look at ourselves, in the form nature intended us to be, as a construction site.  "I want to be different, just like everybody else", 'is the prevailing maxim'. 'Lao Tzu said so wisely a long time ago..., 'true art does not look like true art'. 'We might extend this to say that' true authenticity does not look like authenticity. Starting to connnect to the prompt a bit more here, which is good, but will need to pick up for the rest of the piece I think ./ Also... kind of strange that  you're quoting Leunig when you're writing as Leunig, don't you think?

'It is difficult to imagine anytime in history when so many people claiming to be free have lived in so much fear of being unattractive'. It is difficult to imagine why a race which expresses a burning desire for individuality does so by adopting the lingo, diet habits, and picture poses of their neighbour or perhaps their neighbour's neighbour. It is difficult to fathom that this democratic, politically correct, feminist country we live in can be so oppressive, I think would be better. repressing. However, it is impossible to comprehend that our well-educated, technology-savvy, smooth talking, duck faced, Facebook friends, politicians, bus drivers  and companions on this planet believe that by bedazzling their exterior, they are in fact nourishing their interiors bit of prompt here, not bad. still think we might need more though. Yes, there seems to be this universal understanding that a new hairstyle or, perhaps, a quirky tattoo can make you your own person, almost like you're curling or inking your soul!

We don't value our 'hearts and minds', reducing them to 'the dumping grounds for... spiritual poisons'. We have become enslaved to 'The Pursuit of Unhappiness', with the goal of being desirable, 'attractive in any of its many forms - charming, strong, good- looking, successful, groovy, brilliant, amusing or rich'. The journey we must endure to reach that unattainable goal is not important, after all, we can endure it, in the same way the ozone layer is enduring it. It's alright, we should just suck it up and take it all in, what we think doesn't matter. The 'dictator', otherwise or more commonly known as, the media would have it no other way. No need for one of us mere mortals to interfere with the mass soul raping.

All the time we take ruthlessly denying our beauty, is all the time we have to spend to become awakened to the fact that its staring at us through the mirror. In the search for truth, we are blinded to it. It is all there in its raw form  - in its heartfelt, palpable embodiment. But truth can't be that simple. Or so we are told. So, instead we convulse and complicate it so that it becomes more twisted and destructive than hurricane Irene. Rather than hear the beautiful, turquoise butterfly utter, it would have been a lot easier to ignore it, perhaps, disregard it all together; label it under the heading of 'imagination'. Why, I must be losing my mind! You see, 'it takes soul to believe in soul. Let's call it psyche if it makes it more scientifically acceptable'. In an attempt to be realists, we in fact become shunners of authenticity.

The bland outside of a cocoon is only containing 'the outlandish beauty' the world can't seem to handle. Every so often, Mother Nature decides to send us a glimpse of optimism and out of a cocoon comes the true meaning of aesthetic greatness, of spirit, originality, and the epitome of freedom. It nourishes our deprived, counterfeit souls - 'a form of Holy Communion'. 'The absolute truth of the situation begins to gleam'. 'The heart rises'. Sorry, Great Mother, I don't think we've taken the hint yet.

'We kill all the caterpillars then complain there are no butterflies', John Marsden.

April 2013   

Wow. Very nice piece. I'm impressed; your writing is really nice, you captured Leunig really well. So, I'm assuming you probably connected to the text and I think potentially to the context. Seems like there's a lack of attention to the prompt though. I'm not sure, again, I'm not very good with C&P at all, but this was a lovely piece to read.

Prompt:‘Institution is more powerful than the individual’
A context practice piece I wrote regarding power in prison, based specifically on a documentary regarding Aylesbury Prison


‘The reality of power within an institution ’
A recollection of the concept of power within Aylesbury Prison
The Age, By: Jon Snow, Warden of Aylesbury PrisonNice touch here. (What context? I'm assuming Conflict)

Power is arguably the largest social dynamic issue within a prison, identical to the society we live in today. Thirty-five years as a Warden of Aylesbury Prison has exposed me to the magnitude of power within not only the institution itself – but also the prisoners.Cool. Establishes your narrator/perspective immediately, nice. Prisoners are commonly perceived by the average member of society as individuals whose lives are owned entirely by prison; this is profoundly inaccurate.  The power of the institution over a prisoner’s life is irrefutable, however it is undoubtedly limited. Regardless of our efforts in assisting these young individuals to come out of prison with a brighter outlook of themselves, some rebel and oppose us; for, it is ultimately the prisoner’s choice as to whether he will abide to us as an institution. Henceforth, the concept of power finds itself in both the prison as an institution and the individuals within it, in -contrary to popular belief. Nice opening.

It is in our nature to succumb to the authority of others regardless of the circumstances, especially when in fear of the consequences. Prison holds extreme authority over the prisoners, for the institution decides on the prisoner’s lifestyle in prison and their futures. As a result, the majority of prisoners abide to the power of the institution, in order to make the best out of their situation. This is very much alike with what is known as Stockholm syndrome (affects 27% of hostages according to the FBI) in which a kidnapped individual begins to empathise and abide to their captors. As with prisoners, the individual succumbs to the authority of another as a psychological defence, subconsciously attempting to improve their circumstances. Realistically, many prisoners are subjected to the agency of a prisoncomma as it is human instinct to conform to something perceived as bigger than oneself.

Throughout a prisoner’s sentence, their entire lives are often under the hands of the staff, whether it’d be prison officers or the parole board.  Everything a prisoner does is determined by a member of the staff; what they eat, where they sleep and when they get out of prison.  Hence, they are also in charge of enforcing punishment, further reinforcing the power of the institution. These prisoners essentially live their lives in accordance to the institution; this is known as institutionalisation. The effect of institutionalisation on these prisoners is immense as many often find it difficult to live a normal life without any bounds upon their release, particularly those who serve long sentences in the prison. The institution has the power to completely change an individual, though we try our hardest to ensure that they are released as better individuals than they once were and are ready to face the challenges of society once more.The Shawshank Redemption would be a brilliant example here (although I guess it's not that appropriate in an article rather than an essay? Idk, but it realtes. Interest movie anyway, if you're interested)

Conversely, in certain cases individuals are seen to oppose the prison and refuse to conform to the consensus of the institution. This has occurred many times throughout my time at Aylesbury Prison in which some prisoners who are placed in segregation units protest through rebellious acts such as thrashing cellspeiod instead of comma, in one extreme casecomma a prisoner decided to dispose of his waste through the door of his cell. Granted, this form of rebellion may have raised due to the tight control of their behaviours. However this is unavoidable, we as a prison are forced to enforce such tight controls to ensure that these prisoners are really given the chance to become better individuals. We are not heartless people; our officers truly care for the prisoners and are constantly worried for their futures when they are released out into the open.

There is a clear limit to the power of the institution. The prison can enforce as many rules as possible and still be unable to control a prisoner. It is entirely on the hands of the individual as to whether he wants to abide to the prison and avoid the consequences. A prisoner residing in Aylesbury Prison at this moment suffers from heavy suicidal thoughts and refuses to accept the help of our staff and instead constantly looks for objects to self-harm with. Whilst we managed to persuade him to work in the kitchens seems illogical.. why does your character send a suicidal prisoner to the kitchen where he can lay his hands of an infinite amoutn of objects to kill himself with?temporarily, this rendered useless as he eventually reverted to his state of mental disturbance. To this day, this prisoner isolates himself from the rest of the prison, once confiding to a member of our staff that it was ‘time to say goodbye’.  Regardless of our efforts, we are ultimately dealing with individuals who refuse to accept the support of the prison, as a result worsening their circumstances by isolating themselves in an alien environment.

When I speak of the power of prison as an institution, it is vital that members of the public realise that we as a prison try to use our power to help rehabilitate and nurture our prisoners to become better people in comparison to when they first stepped in as newly convicted youth. However, this is not always possible and there are many cases of rebels and adverse prisoners who refuse to accept our support. Like in every other community, power is an inevitable component of a prison, finding itself in both the prison and the individuals within it.

As we can’t eradicate power, we can only attempt to control it,period instead of commaunfortunatelycomma this is not always possible.

I think this is pretty decent. I think it explores the prompt decently and it's written nicely with a consistent character voice. I honestly don't know how to improve this piece, sorry. I don't know the text was supposed to be the springboard, so it could potentially relate more to that. Not too sure, sorry.

Give me hell. (I am aware that the second and third paragraphs are terrible among the rest of the crap, though) I have been told many, many times that I have good ideas but am lacking in writing skills (severly I must say) so I am posting this here to aid in correcting this

Home is more than a place. (Contextual film is Oranges and Sunshine)

Home can be interpreted in many ways. One’s home is defined by the way one has lived their life. One’s home is a place where we feel safe, secure and accepted. Home is not always in a physical place, it may be felt simply being with loved ones and friends. The film Oranges and Sunshine explores the concept that Home is more than a place. The children longed for their home in the form of mainly their mothers. For them the physical home did not define “home”. Home can be a combination of both physical to connection to a house or place and emotional connection to loved ones. For the forced migration of children in Oranges and Sunshine being with their families was their idea of home. Well, your grammar isn't bad, so your writing could be worse. What people are talking about is the monotone you get from reading your writing. All of the sentences are relatively similar in length and single clauses (not really any use of commas), so if you would read it out loud it would be "sentence. sentence. sentence. sentence. sentence". A quick fix would be to vary your sentence length (go read the higher scoring essays to see how it might work) and introduce some longer sentences that require commas - hopeflly it will force you to go deeper. But don't be afraid to be creative with your writing. Honestly, that's the main thing, but something I don't know how to teach.

Many people feel that Home is not only a physical space. A prime example in the film Oranges and Sunshine where children have been taken from their family setting at a remarkably young age. Growing up oceans away from their true family, the children long for their family home as represented by their mothers. As this has shown, our perception of home is moulded by experiences which clearly do not have to be experienced in an actual place, but possibly rather the people. “Where we love is home – that our feet may leave, but not our hearts” as said by Oliver Wendell Holmes, is shown by the children never losing the spiritual and emotional connection to their mother, although being across the other side of the world. When we are away from home, we can often long for the sentiment that we are accepted.

Home is a setting where we can feel accepted, secure and loved. Home is a place of refuge, of both physical and emotional security, settings where we feel emotionally secure include places where we feel accepted, whether it be with cultural groups, sporting groups and people close to you – which are more than simply just where you are. As said by Charlotte Wood, in her article At home with myself “I may be finally getting to what lies at the heart of my home-sickness. I miss people, my husband, of course” further showing that home is a lot more indeed, than just that of a place. A common group where ones idea are accepted and valued can provide can provide a great refuge, which can easily be found online in the form of forums, social networks or even now, more than ever – online games. Such online places in the virtual world can be and are spent more on, than actual physical interactions, such as those with family.  Home can be both a physical and emotional connection, too.

Home can also be a physical space, complimented by emotional feelings. Again, referring to the article At home with myself written by Charlotte Wood, it is proclaimed “Without my house and bloke and friends, my garden and my neighbourhood, I feel like I’m not quite whole” showing that home can be perceived in both ways. The physical comforts of home including security, comfort, love and acceptance can be powerfully missed, as well as the personal connections as referenced by “Go to foreign countries and you will get to know the good things one possesses at home.” Said by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe causes us to miss such things that mould our perception of home.

Home can be easily thought of through numerous mediums other than a physical spectrum, such as being with friends and family, with cultural or sporting groups and even online forums. Our sense of home is almost always moulded by our experiences, thoughts or feels towards a particular group, town or specific place of refuge. Home cannot simply be narrowed down to just a place or concept as we have not all had the same experiences through life that would allow us to formulate a shared perception by all of society.The writing in the conclusion is much freer than the intro's writing. Your vocab and grammar isn't bad, I think that by writing skills people just mean the way your pieces flow which will be improves through sentence length variation and a bit of creativity. This engages with the prompt pretty solidly and I'm sure what the context is. Sorry I can't be of more help.

652 words

Don't recall what the prompt was, and I didn't finish the last paragraph - but do you think this is a plausible start? The text is Leunig's The Lot.

Behind the Curtain

2013 is well underway, and the latest crop of political martyrs lie rotting at the feet of the great dictator. The most recent unfortunate [?] is the intelligence analyst Snowden, now condemned in absentia to a lifetime of statelessness for the crime of standing against the inexorable march of public authoritarianism. The indictment of Snowden, and before him Manning, Woodward and Bernstein, is delivered with such supreme self-consciousness one wonders who the deluded prosecution is trying to convince. Great historical changes are rarely the result of epoch-shattering moments, but of a gradual re-engineering of what is deemed socially admissible. Snowden and Manning offer us a rare crystallisation of history’s arrow in flight, a peek behind the curtain that we can heed or ignore at our peril.Nice opening.

Sometimes a word or phrase perfectly captures this crystallisation, the instantaneous moment when it becomes clear that things are not as they once were. The German regime of the 1930s took as its founding myth the idea of gleischschaltung, the moment where the social, political and economic instincts of a population turn together and fall onto a common track. Gleichschaltung, of course, will not overtake out natural inclination to heterogeneity without a degree of persuasion. The lens of history allows us to watch gleischschaltung give way to fascism, a nation hoodwinked into embracing a set of social norms and expectations that today we regard as heinously cruel and inhuman. This did not happen with the throwing of some great cosmic switch, but gradually and insidiously  as a culture was poisoned by means not necessarily apparent at the time.

For this reason, I have always been suspicious of the great cultural homogenisers, the shadowy hand committed to the advancement of the Australian gleischschaltung in the guise of a national myth. There is no national myth until it is constructed as a tool of political expediency. The politicians’ ugly cries to ‘stop the boats’ are a visceral reminder of the power of language in shaping historical trends, so succinctly describing the intent to control that I can’t help but suggest we may have found 2013’s gleischschaltung. In isolation, the phrase is innocuous, but viewed as the natural continuation of an engineered trend it reveals a sense of cultural arrogance that should be disturbing.Wow, great

When we militarise politics, we extend this expectation of obedience and submission to our wider culture. A phrase ostensibly about re-asserting national sovereignty is really about subordinating difficult decisions to others, the creation of a system where the thinking is done for us and individuality becomes an affront to societal expectations constructed on our behalf. The reality of historical trends is that they are rarely impeded by the actions of individuals. The rise of the Nazis, and as much as such things can be conflated our own historical missteps of the Stolen Generations and White Australia Policy, were allowed to occur because the great mass of society surrendered their voices to others. When we fail to stand against iniquity and injustice, we implicitly condone it when we fail to stop others speaking on our behalf. Those whose consciences cannot abide such a debasement of our collective humanity too often speak in isolation, their challenge to the carefully manicured madness of the great dictatorship only to be vindicated in the cold light of hindsight. Enlightenment is found when we sneak a glance behind the curtain, the backdrop created to blind us to the implications of our inaction; yet if we fail to together take an interest such curiosity will be punished.

[last paragraph lives here!]

Thanks

I guess by now you've got it down pat. This reads really well and is an interesting read. I don't know the prompt or text so yeah.. bit useless there. Nice writing, though.

[Eugenet17]

Okay guys. Obviously I've ignored this thread for far too long due to my own expository inadequacies. I'll give it a go but keep in mind, I literally always wrote creative pieces so I know very little do to with the VCE expository conventions or whatever else. Just giving it a shot because it's better than having them left here, right?

I think this is pretty decent. I think it explores the prompt decently and it's written nicely with a consistent character voice. I honestly don't know how to improve this piece, sorry. I don't know the text was supposed to be the springboard, so it could potentially relate more to that. Not too sure, sorry.

-brb have to leave will try to fix this sticky later-

Thanks Brenden! The context was Power where our main topic for the SAC was to be Shawshank Redemption haha! However this was a piece I wrote before we started watching the film just to get back into context writing, so the examples i used were just from a documentary we watched in class of Aylesbury Prison. 

[brenden]

Dayman -- I've left your essay so someone more familiar with Conflict/expository might come along and mark it (would be great revision, to any current students ) -- seems to me like you're on the right track, though. If no one marks it I'll give it a go but I've already demonstrated how useless I am with expository ITT lol.

[Dayman]

Dayman -- I've left your essay so someone more familiar with Conflict/expository might come along and mark it (would be great revision, to any current students ) -- seems to me like you're on the right track, though. If no one marks it I'll give it a go but I've already demonstrated how useless I am with expository ITT lol.

Thanks man its the concern that counts. I finished the essay should i edit the original post? or upload a new one so that people can see it?

[brenden]

Post the new one and I'll delete your old post (so your essay is the last one in the thread)

[Dayman]

Post the new one and I'll delete your old post (so your essay is the last one in the thread)

"Conflict is inevitable."
Should i let go of the first bracketed line.
{{{{Conflict is a broad concept that is unavoidable as it is present in many forms.}}}} The notion of avoiding conflict is very difficult. Human history demonstrates that we cannot avoid our fearful nature which often results in widespread conflict such as war. Yet conflict is not just limited to two groups, conflict can occur internally and it is the very essence of human development. Humanity without conflict does not exist as our personalities are defined by the conflict we endure. As a result our personalities and ideologies continue to clash with others. Even physically avoiding conflict can result in even more disastrous results, as it can let a small problem grow into a complex issue.

War has always been part of the human nature. It is the human’s tendency to form civilisations and grow nationalistic pride that leads to suspicion and fear of other nations. Although fear can be considered as a behaviour that prevents danger it is quite the opposite on the international level. With nations only caring for their own needs and military gain, the peace of others is sacrificed. World War I was one of the most devastating events in all of human history and highlighted the human’s inability to avoid conflict. The atmosphere of suspicion and greed were the main causes of such devastation. Yet instead of trusting each other factors such as nationalism, militarism and imperialistic interest erupted into a war causing millions of deaths. After the conclusion of WWI efforts were made into avoiding any other conflict such as the treaty of Versailles. However due to the inevitability of conflict the aftermath of WW1, lead to events causing WW2. War cannot be avoided it is a conflict that leads to more bloodshed and fear. Nations leave grudges against each other and individuals get caught up in the cross fire, turning conflict into their reality.

Internal conflict is unavoidable and as human beings we are particularly susceptible. We can be victims to emotional and social conflict. However it is very common as through internal conflict we develop and grow. Emotional conflict can make us feel inadequate but it essential for self-improvement. Without the negative emotions we would not choose to grow out of the present conflict. Such a conflict is unavoidable and is the essence of what makes us human. Najaf Mazari is a prime example of a man who has suffered emotional conflict. In his memoir the Rug Maker of Mazar-e-Sharif he has outlined the emotional pain he suffered during his life both in Afghanistan and Australia. Wherever Najaf goes there are conflicts such as, his brother Gorg Ali’s death or the anxiety of learning a new language, are inevitable. We humans undergo such pain as to improve our current situation. Najaf strengthened his resolve for peace when he realised the senselessness of violence that took his brother in an instant. It is our nature to experience conflict and it is most certainly unavoidable. Every day we have new problems and the conflict that occur inside us help us to improve our current situation.

Conflict is ever-present we humans are social beings; our lives revolve around social conflict. Empathy and sympathy are only skills developed and learnt by individuals through contact and interactions. As humans we are susceptible to our emotions. We almost naturally judge people based on race, gender, social status, basically any trait that is foreign to ours. Social conflict is inevitable there will always be situation of awkwardness where we meet people we do not belong with. For example when Leila a widow in Woomera detention centre offered to marry Najaf he was struck with “embarrassment”. Although he refused and told Leila he could not due to his wife and daughter his lack of empathy made things worse. The sheer gravity of her proposal and plight left Najaf socially cornered so he felt that the right thing to do was to offer her a “shiny apple” and advise her to marry her cousin. Despite having good intention Najaf made the conflict worse by not understanding Leila’s feeling and offering such silly solutions. Whether we intend to or not we humans by far are not perfect. We do our best to maintain peace by avoiding
situations that will hurt people’s feeling. Yet the reality is that no matter how much we try there will always be customs, ideologies, and personalities that will conflict with our own as individuals.

Conflict is an all-encompassing process that is essential to human lives. Through conflict we become human. It is the essential nature of human beings to congregate into groups and fear each other. It is human nature to experience emotional conflict and grow. It is human nature to experience social conflict to gain skills such as empathy and sympathy. Conflict is inevitable. To be human is to experience conflict.

[unfamila]

 I really need help! I was thinking of remembering a piece for this section of the exam, as i'm not a strong English student. So, any recommendations on how to improve this piece would be greatly appreciated.

   Our relationships with others can be pivotal, in how we view ourselves. "We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt about it we too like the infant left alone would cease to grow, cease to develop choose madness and even death." Leo Buscaglias statement depicts the importance of being loved and the need to connect with society. He further explains without this support, we may be left lost to scrutinize our ''sense of self.'' Without connections belonging can become an intricate task, especially when there's a plethora of different personalities expressing colliding perceptions. As humans there is an intrinsic motivation to belong to gain acceptance and henceforth validation from others. Thus, we often compromise our own distinctiveness to gain much needed validation, manoeuvring away from our true individuality. In contrast, if we can have intimate relationships with those closest to us, we may be able to establish who we are, without altering who we want to be.

   Our close relationships can have a significant impact in establishing our persona. Our closest relationship is usually with our family. Our family help galvanize who we are, we bequeath their hobbies, values and beliefs from an early age as we have subconsciously grown and adapted to them. Their support and expectations can drive us through adolescence, establishing our identity with greater ease. However, if there is lack of support or conflicting views within the family, it can initially stifle our personal growth. Our family could leave us lost and disorientated, consequently leaving us to reaffirm our individuality. This notion of family expectations is epitomized in 'Five ways to disappoint your Vietnamese mother' in Alice Pung's anthology of short stories; Growing up Asian in Australia. Where, Diana the protagonist rejects her mother’s expectations and views on how to live her life. Diana has "had a mixed idea of who [she] is and what [her] role is", as her mother has specifically set out her career path. She has passion for drama however her mother views it as a hobby rather than a career.  It is through Diana's rejection of her mother’s opinion that she is able to establish a solid identity.  Diana pursed a successful career as an actor which further illustrates that she had confidence throughout her career, whilst appearing on shows such as underbelly. In contrast, my family has supported me throughout the entire life. I have bequeathed many of my parents hobbies including cricket and Motorsport, their direction through adolescent years has established confidence in my identity, which helped me grow as an individual. Thus, our relationship with our family can strengthen our sense of self, however if we encounter conflict with our family it can stifle our growth, but we can ultimately follow our passion.

   Moreover, as humans there is an intrinsic motivation to belong, to gain acceptance and to affiliate with others. We need to validate our role within society to hold a positive interpretation of who we are. However, if there is a disparity between an individual and the group, the ability to gain acceptance can become an intricate task. As there will inevitably be differences in values and beliefs to that group, we often conceal the nuances that are contradictory to gain acceptance. This often modifies our distinctiveness by conforming to the norm, as we compromise our sense of individuality to gain much needed validation. The notion of renouncing our differences is exemplified in 'sticks and stones and such like' of Growing up Asian in Australia.  Where Sunil the protagonist attempted to conceal his differences to the Australians in the school yard. Sunil altered his name to Neil as he was sick of the stereotypical bullying that was taking place. After consulting with his mother he realized his name wasn't "too Indian"; it was a part of who he was, and he is now a "proud Indian". In addition, I often alter my behaviour around different personalities. For example, I treat friends differently to how I treat teachers, as I consider the use of language and the topic of the discussion. I am more myself around my friends and reveal my real perceptions on life rather than trying to stay out of trouble. Thus we often alter our own distinctiveness to gain much needed validation.

 Additionally, to not compromise our beliefs we may choose to not belong and determine who we are by our-self. As Leo buscaglias once stated "the hardest battle you are ever going to fight is the battle to be you". Determining who we are can be done through examining our own personality. The notion of choosing not to belong is explored in ''towards manhood'' of Growing up Asian in Australia where the protagonist Benjamin Law, realizes that he is different from birth. Ben believes he is troubled "due to a problem in his mother’s uterus", deciding to make him abnormal. Although, he did not have intimate relationships with others his age but, was able to discover his homosexuality. This self-actualization and his mother’s acceptance granted him a stronger sense of self, as he was able to accept his personality. Whereas, Abraham Maslow sees belonging an essential human requirement. He established that there are 5 essential needs and ranks them in difficulty to obtain. Firstly, and individual must satisfy survival and security needs- such as food and shelter before obtaining a sense of belonging. If the notion of belonging is not satisfied he believes we will not be able to satisfy self-respect and self-actualization needs- such as creativity and acceptance of facts. He states that "we need to believe we are worth something to society". The Michigan school of Nursing study guide compounds Maslow's theorem reaffirming that belonging is needed. Their study revealed that "a psychological sense of belonging is a greater predictor of greater depression than other factors commonly associated with depression such as, social support and conflict. Therefore, to maintain a positive mind frame and a strong self of self we must gain acceptance and love from others.

 Growing into our identity can become an intricate task, especially when there's differences between the individual and the group. But, as human there's and intrinsic motivation to belong, to gain acceptance and affiliate with others. Therefore, we often conceal our nuances to validation as it can be pivotal in determining in how we view ourselves and social health. As Chuck Palahniuk once stated, "Nothing of me is original, i am a combined effort of everyone I have ever known.

[hannah2013]

Hey i was wondering if i could get some feedback/ help with this essay i did for 'encountering conflict' The texts i have mentioned are the rug-maker and more subtle ideas related to the quiet american. Help for a title would also be appreciated
Thanks a bunch in advance


Conflict can change us in positive ways

The weekly bulletin – issue 107

When we think of the word conflict, full-scale war is what immediately fills our minds.  World War II, Afghanistan or perhaps Vietnam. Many of us have not had an immediate experience with conflict of this magnitude. Instead we have been informed by pictures on our television screens and the headlines that fill the pages of our newspapers. We find ourselves “hat[ing] war” due to the damage we know it can do. Not only physically but also psychologically. We perceive conflict in only a negative way as it is inconceivable to imagine anything positive ever coming from it.

However, its time for our societies views to change. I am by no means suggesting that conflict doesn’t deserve the ‘bad wrap’ we have give it, but perhaps we have been lead to judge its effects to harshly. For, amongst the wreckage, are small glimmers of positivity. Amongst the lives that have been ruined, there are examples of individuals who have been positively altered. Although outweighed and possibly out shadowed by those that have suffered detrimental changes, I promise you they are there. You are most likely one of them.

Conflict has the potential to teach us things, valuable lessons we can’t learn in other situations. It can help us realize the value of things that we didn’t know of before. Perhaps even notice small details of the world, we failed to see before. Surely, any new knowledge is positive. 

In Australia we have the luxury of freedom. Many people try desperately to join our seemingly safe haven, to escape their own situation of conflict. Najaf Mazari informs us of his plight to do so in his acclaimed biography ‘The rugmaker of Mazar-e-Sharif’. His experience of conflict is one that seems all too familiar, yet is unimaginable to you and I. He recounts the loss of family members, witnessing bombs destroying his village and the turmoil of fleeing his homeland of war torn Afghanistan. He even shares a horrible story of his own torture at the hands of the Taliban. But he also reveals the ways his experiences changed him in positive ways.  He notices and appreciates little things, seemingly unimportant things in his life. Whilst in Woomera he notices and appreciates the flowering poppies. He also considers how lucky people are to be able to walk down the street without bombs falling on them.

In our own busy lives as ‘privileged Aussie’s’ we do not have such an appreciation for our lives. Perhaps this is because we haven’t experienced the same degree of conflict as Najaf. He has learned to value everyday, to value his ability to ‘build a house which no one can drop a bomb on’ and to value being free but also being alive. Experiencing conflict helped him to appreciate these things we take for granted as he learned it is possible to be lost.

Many soldiers return home having been changed in a negative way. They may suffer from post traumatic stress disorder and not be able to sleep or leave the house. They may be very different men than when they left. But they may also have ‘grown up’, made the transition from boy to man as they say. They might have learned to value their mum’s birthday, or to acknowledge the homeless teenager outside the milk bar on their street. They may have learnt that there are more important things than material items.  Perhaps witnessing and experiencing conflict increases the ability for us to empathize with others. And, therefore means we are more willing to help. 

A captain in the military might notice, for the first time, the exquisite beauty of the sun set. He does so because of the countless about of people he has killed whilst at war. When was the last time you went outside and admired the sun setting in the sky? When was the last time you admired anything?

But, you protest, I have never been anywhere near a war let alone experienced the full scale of its destruction. That maybe true, but you are never too far from conflict. We have all been involved in an argument or two in our time. Think back to a large one you had, perhaps with your parents when you were younger or spouse, likely to be more recent. When it was over, after the verbal fighting subsided, were you exactly the same as before it began? Did you realize you had at least a small understanding of the other person and could now relate to them more?

Having our own ideas and opinions challenged, often leads to a broader outlook on the issue being debated.  We may form a new view or the one we started with could be consolidated and assured by what we have heard. On the other hand, we may adopt some ideas from the people around us to add to our beliefs. This may mean we are more open but also better informed. Our own opinions are important to us so to have them strengthened must be positive mustn’t it? This cannot be achieved without some form of conflict.

We have all also experienced an inner conflict at some stage of our lives. Perhaps we actually encounter conflict in this form often, we just don’t recognize it as a form of conflict. By this I mean the likes of having to make the really difficult decisions. Such as whether to take drastic action against a friend that you know is causing harm to others, or to let him continue. In the end making decisions makes us stronger. We realize we can cope with the ‘tough stuff’. We are also prepared for the next time an internal conflict arises as we now have the tools to do so.

From conflict, we may also obtain favorable qualities such as acceptance. Conflict is almost necessary for us to accept those who are perceived as different and acceptance is integral in our community.
HERE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW LIKE CONFLICT LEADS TO UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING – IE RATIAL. Please help.

Our opinion of conflict and its connotations have been shaped to be negative. And this isn’t surprising. Almost everyday we are confronted with more information, more stories, about conflict resulting in tragedy. When we think of conflict we think of the negative effects it has on humanity and may have on us in the future. But what I hope you now realize is that conflict can be positive. It can change our values, our perceptions, our lives and us as individuals. And it can change them for the better.

[brenden]

"Conflict is inevitable."
Should i let go of the first bracketed line.
{{{{Conflict is a broad concept that is unavoidable as it is present in many forms.}}}}Honestly, I'm not sure. The notion of avoiding conflict is very difficult But of a short sentence here that doesn't do toooooo much for you. Also, ďt seems odd to call avoiding conflict a 'notion'. You might like to be a little bit more exprssive in this second sentence. Human history demonstrates that we cannot avoid our fearful naturecomma which often results in widespread conflict such as war. Yet conflict is not just limited to two groups,semi-colon might work for you better conflict can occur internally and it is the very essence of human development. Humanity without conflict does not existcomma as our personalities are defined by the conflict we endurethis sounds good. As a resultcomma our personalities and ideologies continue to clash with others. Even physically avoiding conflict can result in even more disastrous results, as it can let a small problem grow into a complex issue.seems good

War has always been part of the human nature Yeah, you could try to be a little more philosophical. At the moment it's quite blunt. "War, unfortunately, is a directly follows the the most basic foundations of the human condition: as we war within ourselves, we are forced to war with others. (heh, maybe I wouldn't be so bad at expository after all). It is the human’s the human's sounds strange. Simply -- it is a natural human tendency-- should do tendency to form civilisations and grow nationalistic pride that leads to suspicion and fear of other nations. Although fear can be considered as a behaviour that prevents dangercomma it is quite the opposite on the international level. With nations only caring for their own needs and military gain, the peace of others is sacrificed. World War I was one of the most devastating events in all of human history and highlighted the human’shumanity's, rather than the human's inability to avoid conflict. The atmosphere of suspicion and greed were the main causes of such devastation. Yet instead of trusting each other factors such as nationalism, militarism and imperialistic interest erupted into a war causing millions of deaths. After the conclusion of WWI efforts were made into avoiding any other conflict such as the treaty of Versailles. However due to the inevitability of conflict the aftermath of WW1, lead to events causing WW2. War cannot be avoided it is a conflict that leads to more bloodshed and fear. read this out loud and it will alert you to a pattern in your writing that you need to fixNations leave grudges against each other and individuals get caught up in the cross fire, turning conflict into their reality.

Internal conflict is unavoidable and as human beings we are particularly susceptible. We can be victims to emotional and social conflict. However it is very common as through internal conflict we develop and grow.short sentence. short sentence. short sentence. vary it up Emotional conflict can make us feel inadequate but it essential for self-improvement. Without the negative emotions we would not choose to grow out of the present conflict. Such a conflict is unavoidable and is the essence of what makes us human. Najaf Mazari is a prime example of a man who has suffered emotional conflict. In his memoir the Rug Maker of Mazar-e-Sharif he has outlined the emotional pain he suffered during his life both in Afghanistan and Australia. Wherever Najaf goes there are conflicts such as, his brother Gorg Ali’s death or the anxiety of learning a new language, are inevitable. We humans undergo such pain as to improve our current situation. Najaf strengthened his resolve for peace when he realised the senselessness of violence that took his brother in an instant. It is our nature to experience conflict and it is most certainly unavoidable. Every day we have new problems and the conflict that occur inside us help us to improve our current situation.I'm not really sure, but you could maybe focus on the more 'philosophical'questions about internal conflict. why is is? how is it? what about us causes it? I just think it might sound 'better' than the sort of 'presentation of fact'style this paragraph has. I don't really know

Conflict is ever-present we humans are social beings; our lives revolve around social conflict. Empathy and sympathy are only skills developed and learnt by individuals through contact and interactions. As humans we are susceptible to our emotions. We almost naturally judge people based on race, gender, social status, basically any trait that is foreign to ours. Social conflict is inevitable there will always be situation of awkwardness where we meet people we do not belong with. For example when Leila a widow in Woomera detention centre offered to marry Najaf he was struck with “embarrassment”. Although he refused and told Leila he could not due to his wife and daughter his lack of empathy made things worse. The sheer gravity of her proposal and plight left Najaf socially cornered so he felt that the right thing to do was to offer her a “shiny apple” and advise her to marry her cousin. Despite having good intention Najaf made the conflict worse by not understanding Leila’s feeling and offering such silly solutions. Whether we intend to or not we humans by far are not perfect. We do our best to maintain peace by avoiding
situations that will hurt people’s feeling. Yet the reality is that no matter how much we try there will always be customs, ideologies, and personalities that will conflict with our own as individuals.
Not bad. The red shows where you need to use commas or exprss it differently. You could also try to avoid so many short sentences in succession

Conflict is an all-encompassing process that is essential to human lives. Through conflict we become human. It is the essential nature of human beings to congregate into groups and fear each other. It is human nature to experience emotional conflict and grow. It is human nature to experience social conflict to gain skills such as empathy and sympathy. Conflict is inevitable. To be human is to experience conflict.

Not bad! Overall I think you might try to be a little more "philosophical'' about it to make it a more gripping read.

[brenden]

   Our relationships with others can be pivotal,remove comma in how we view ourselves. "We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt about it we too like the infant left alone would cease to grow, cease to develop choose madness agrammarnd even death." Leo Buscaglias statement depicts the importance of being loved and the need to connect with society. He further explains without this support, we may be left lost to scrutinize our ''sense of self.'' Without connectionscomma belonging can become an intricate task, especially when there's a plethora of different personalities expressing colliding perceptions. But, as humans there is an intrinsic motivation to belong to gain acceptance and henceforth validation from others. Thus, we often compromise our own distinctiveness to gain much needed validation, manoeuvring away from our true individuality. In contrast, if we can have intimate relationships with those closest to us, we may be able to establish who we are, without altering who we want to be.nice intro

   Our close relationships can have a significant impact in establishing our persona. Our closest relationship is usually with our family. Our family help galvanize who we are,semi-colon here we bequeath their hobbies, values and beliefs from an early age as we have subconsciously grown and adapted to them. Their support and expectations can drive us through adolescence, establishing our identity with greater ease. However, if there is lack of support or conflicting views within the family, it can initially stifle our personal growth. Our family could leave us lost and disorientated, consequently leaving us to reaffirm our individuality. This notion of family expectations is epitomized in 'Five ways to disappoint your Vietnamese mother' in Alice Pung's anthology of short stories; Growing up Asian in Australia. Where, Dianacomma the protagonistcomma rejects her mother’s expectations and views on how to live her life. Diana has "had a mixed idea of who [she] is and what [her] role is", as her mother has specifically set out her career path. She has passion for dramacomma howevercomma her mother views it as a hobby rather than a career.  It is through Diana's rejection of her mother’s opinion that she is able to establish a solid identity.  Diana pursed a successful career as an actor which further illustrates that she had confidence throughout her career, whilst appearing on shows such as ucapital Underbelly. In contrast, my family has supported me throughout the entire life. I have bequeathed many of my parents hobbies including cricket and Motorsport, their direction through adolescent years has established confidence in my identity, which helped me grow as an individual. Thus, our relationship with our family can strengthen our sense of self, however if we encounter conflict with our family it can stifle our growth, but we can ultimately follow our passion.nice job. As above, you might like to explore the very fundamentals of adapting ourselves from our family - how, in a philosophical sense/

   Moreover, as humans there is an intrinsic motivation to belong, to gain acceptance and to affiliate with others. We need to validate our role within society to hold a positive interpretation of who we are. However, if there is a disparity between an individual and the group, the ability to gain acceptance can become an intricate task. As there will inevitably be differences in values and beliefs to that group, we often conceal the nuances that are contradictory to gain acceptance. This often modifies our distinctiveness by conforming to the norm, as we compromise our sense of individuality to gain much needed validation. The notion of renouncing our differences is exemplified in 'sticks and stones and such like'capitalise titles of Growing up Asian in Australia.  Where Sunil the protagonist attempted to conceal his differences to the Australians in the school yard. Sunil altered his name to Neil as he was sick of the stereotypical bullying that was taking place. After consulting with his mother he realized his name wasn't "too Indian"; it was a part of who he was, and he is now a "proud Indian". In addition, I often alter my behaviour around different personalities. For example, I treat friends differently to how I treat teachers, as I consider the use of language and the topic of the discussion. I am more myself around my friends and reveal my real perceptions on life rather than trying to stay out of trouble. Thus we often alter our own distinctiveness to gain much needed validation.Why is that? What is it about our identity and belonging - these deep needs, that prompt this behaviour?

 Additionally, to not compromise our beliefs we may choose to not belong and determine who we are by our-self. As Leo buscaglias once stated "the hardest battle you are ever going to fight is the battle to be you". Determining who we are can be done through examining our own personality. The notion of choosing not to belong is explored in ''towards manhood'' of Growing up Asian in Australia where the protagonist Benjamin Law, realizes that he is different from birth. Ben believes he is troubled "due to a problem in his mother’s uterus", deciding to make him abnormal. Althoughno comma, he did not have intimate relationships with others his age but,  he was able to discover his homosexuality. This self-actualization and his mother’s acceptance granted him a stronger sense of self, as he was able to accept his personality. Whereas, Abraham Maslow sees belonging an essential human requirement. He established that there are 5 essential needs and ranks them in difficulty to obtain. Firstly, and individual must satisfy survival and security needs- such as food and shelter before obtaining a sense of belonging. If the notion of belonging is not satisfied he believes we will not be able to satisfy self-respect and self-actualization needs- such as creativity and acceptance of facts. He states that "we need to believe we are worth something to society". The Michigan school of Nursing study guide compounds Maslow's theorem reaffirming that belonging is needed. Their study revealed that "a psychological sense of belonging is a greater predictor of greater depression than other factors commonly associated with depression such as, social support and conflict. Therefore, to maintain a positive mind frame and a strong self of self we must gain acceptance and love from others. Cool! I don't reall know what to say lol. Sorry.

 Growing into our identity can become an intricate task, especially when there's differences the individual and the group. But, as human there's and intrinsic motivation to belong, to gain acceptance and affiliate with others. Therefore, we often conceal our nuances to validation as it can be pivotal in determining in how we view ourselves and social health. A Chuck Palahniuk "Nothing of me is original, i am a combined effort of everyone I have ever known.

This seems decent! Your language is mostly effective which is about all I can say confidently. I think you could go into a deeper exploration of the context and get down and dirty with the ''philosophy'' of it. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

[silverpixeli]

Hey guys! I've re-written this imaginative piece a few times for a heap of prompts and this is the latest one, it's a bit longer than I think I'd be able to write in an exam (~1275 words) but nonetheless I'd love some feedback on my writing and stuff. The text is Graham Greene's The Quiet American. EDIT: The piece centres around the main characters of the novel and it set shortly after the events of the novel.

Without further ado,

Conflict is more likely to occur when reality doesn't meet our expectations

There was a knock on the door of the flat. I called for Phuong to answer it, but there was no reply. I was forced to lift myself from my armchair and walk, begrudgingly, to the landing, only to find that Pyle had already let himself in. This struck me as out of character, but nonetheless I offered him a drink.
   “No thanks, Thomas” came his anticipated reply, as cold as his white suit and sparkling black boots.
   We sat down and I realised we were no longer in my flat but at a table outside the Continental Hotel in Saigon. Neither the dream-like transition, not the lack of people in the adjacent town square, seemed as odd to me as the fact that I was sitting with Pyle.
   “I thought you were dead”, I stated, as calmly as if I had been asking the time.
   “I am dead, this is a dream” Pyle's ghost replied. Our dialogue accentuated the silence from the square. “Why kill me?”
   “I didn't kill you, you got yourself killed when you became a danger to Vietnam” I replied.
   A puzzled look crossed his face, I imagine Alden Pyle had never thought himself a danger to anything in his life, least not the very people he had been trying so ardently to save.
   “What you and York Harding think is best for these people and what's actually best for them are two very different things,” I continued, “You came here to save them from 'communism' and from the French and whatever else, but in your infinite complacency, you ended up killing them.”
   The flames from the square bombing returned then, and the square was engulfed in an inferno. With the fire came the sounds of agony, the smell of fear and the taste of blood. When the hollow fire faded, there was still not a person to be seen.
   “I suppose it wasn't entirely your fault,” I said, “Your ideas of war came from a library, and from lecturers who have never served on the front line, or seen the horrors brought by napalm bombs. You saw a romantic adventure in a far away country where you could play the hero and save people's lives from evil. What you didn't see was the lives you destroyed, the harm your little game was doing. The lives you lost along the way, they were just necessary casualties; collateral damage. You hadn't the faintest idea of the real life consequences of your involvement.”
   “You sure can talk, Thomas, sometimes you're a real hypocrite,” He began, catching me off guard. The real Pyle wouldn't be so harsh, was this my conscience talking? “You say I'm playing with people's lives, but I don't see you lifting a finger to help them. You sit back with your drink and your pipe, getting paid to watch this country tear itself apart! But none of that bothers you, it doesn't matter. If it doesn't threaten your culture of pleasure - the standard of life you expect, it's not of your concern. You call it neutrality, but it's really just selfishness. You stay out of it so you can meet your high expectations of life, at least I'm trying to help these people!”
   “Help? There you go again!” I laughed, “Since you know so much about how to help these people, why don't you write a book on it? Another naďve generation of Americans will read it and come to a country they can't comprehend, then they'll kill its people to save their souls! You're so entranced by your own patriotic ideals that you still can't see this country! The people you killed were real, Pyle, and you can't see that, and it's your damned ignorance that forced me to have you killed!”
   Pyle held my gaze, looking broken, like a child after discipline. Children, like Pyle, can see the world through a rosy-tinted view, oblivious to consequence. Pyle stark suit faded away and his tie vanished, he sat in front of me wearing a dark shirt and a defeated expression.
   People began to return to the scene, and I caught sight of Phuong across the square by the scarf shop. Pyle saw her too.
   “Is she okay?” he asked.
   “She came back to me, after you died.”
   “She loves you then.”
   “Love? She doesn't want love, at least not the way you view the word. Love is an idea, she can't eat it or sleep under it, it wont stop her from getting shot at. Don't you see? Your view of these people is completely different from reality! That's what they're concerned with – reality, living through the day and maybe, after that, thinking about a future. They don't care if it's a communist, a French or an American bomb, they don't want to be blown up. If you really wanted to help them, you should have spent your time trying to end this goddamn war, not fuel it with your third force and your Diolacton. That's another thing you don't seem to be able to comprehend; war isn't a game anyone wants to play. The two sides, the people themselves, Phuong, they all just want the fighting to end, because it's not as pretty as you seem to think.”
   Pyle looked from the scarf shop to his shoes, “I'm glad she's okay,” he winced.
   “I'm glad there's someone, it seems, you wouldn't sacrifice for your imaginary cause,” I cut back.
   Pyle looked up and held my gaze, weakly. The flames from the square bombing flashed across his eyes once more.
   “I'm sorry, Thomas,” the specter admitted.
   It was somewhat ironic, that Pyle was apologising to me. I was responsible for his death. It may have been necessary, it may have prevented him from harming anyone else with his innocence, but that didn't make me any less culpable. I suppose, even in my dreams, Pyle couldn't see the bad in me. He was more blind to my faults, perhaps, than he was to the reality of his own flawed actions.
   Before I had could voice my thoughts, Pyle stood and turned to leave. As he walked into the distance, both the people and the colour faded from the scene. I was left, alone in the grey, waiting for my dream to end.
   When I woke, I was back in my flat, a faint cloud of smoke from the previous night's opium lingering in the air above the bed, reminding me that I was back in reality. My dreamtime exchange with Pyle was clear in my mind. He had called me a hypocrite, and I had reproached him, but hadn't he been right? I was here to report the facts, just write what I see, I hadn't cared to help anyone. At least Pyle, despite his ignorance of reality, had truly meant to help the country and its people.
   I rolled onto my side and watched Phuong breathe in her peaceful sleep, her silken hair rising and falling on her shoulder with each breath. I wasn't neutral anymore, I was engagé. First Phat Diem, then the tower, when my position in Vietnam had been threatened I had become as involved as necessary to keep my way of life. And the biggest involvement of all, had my role in Pyle's death been an act of justice, or an act of selfishness? The fact that Phuong was next to me now was proof that it had won me my life back. I wished, once more, that I had an opportunity to apologise to Pyle, for making him pay the price so that my reality could keep up with my expectations.

[saradom136]

‘Conflict is more often driven by self-interest than genuine sense of right and wrong.’
 “Show me a man who has no interest in his own good, and I'll show you a man who is not in touch with his own humanity." R. Alan Woods. Conflict can be driven by any emotion whether it be greed, love, hate or lust, after all conflict occurs principally when an  individual feels an emotion strong enough that they will not quell before opposition in violation of this emotion, because of this assessing the most frequent  motive behind conflict could be investigated  by asking the question;  What emotion is the strongest and most frequent in humans? Doubtless, the answer to this question is relative to its target, a cynic might declare hate, a romantic love, and a patriot pride; however all of these emotions can be elicited from both self-interest and a sense of infringement of a person’s moral code. Throughout the span of a humans life the one motive that remains central to a person’s approach on life is the desire to fulfil ones owns emotions and take care of one’s own interests, in Graham Greene’s the Quiet American  both Thomas Fowler and Alden Pyle act based on personal interest despite the usual contrast of both their emotions and their actions. Fowler desires Phuong out of a sense of loneliness and longing for companionship, whereas Pyle desires Phuong out of  the desire for a wife and a desire fulfil the responsibilities placed on him by his culture, allowing his life in his point of view to be considerably improved, albeit with the  significant addition of the goal of making Phoung’s life better, which is also a manifestation of his own emotional need to rescue and help others, the fulfilling of which increases his emotional wellbeing. The desire to serve our own interest is the force that characterises most of our decisions, whether it is in the form of greater emotional comfort and wellbeing by standing up against an infraction in our moral code or the simple taking from the helpless for direct personal gain. It is for this reason, that conflict is more often driven by self-interest than a genuine sense of right and wrong.

Catherine Susan "Kitty" Genovese was a New York City woman who was stabbed to death and repeatedly raped near her home.  Investigations recorded 38 witnesses, none of whom attempted to assist Kitty personally and only one whom called the police, afterwards stating “I didn’t want to get involved” The incident of  “Kitty” Genovese’s  death exemplifies the extraordinary lengths that humans can go in an attempt to prevent self-loss even at the cost of another’s far more severe personal loss.  By not acting these neighbors failed to stand up for their moral code and in doing so failed to act on behalf of what is reasonable to suggest they believed to be right at the cost of another s life, this also establishes the ability of self-interest to not only drive conflict in the way that self-interest allowed the event to occur on the side of the attacker, who was likely motivated by lust or anger, but to  also discourage opposing action in bystanders out of a fear of personal loss.  The actions the witnesses of “Kitty’s“ fate took mirror the attitude of a large degree of  the human populations attitudes. Historically, few stand up for their beliefs and moral code at great personal risk, the strength preserve oneself  Is too strong for most , for every “hero” that acts, hundreds of bystanders  fail to act. The existence of “heroes” Itself is evidence that humans often fail to act in times of conflict, after all if there was more people who acted in times such as “Kitty’s” murder compared to those who failed to act then the heroic deeds of people such as Sophie Scholl who sacrificed her life for the sake of a moral principle would become commonplace, merely regarded  as a slight extreme version of the normal reaction. Instead these people are revered for their courage, having books written and movies wrote about them, while these people likely deserve such images and their actions are evidence of either an increased emotional sensitivity or little direct self-interest it reflects very poorly on the rest of the populations courage and willingness  to stand up for what they believe in.

Behind every action is an corresponding emotion , meaning the intent of every action is to fulfil our emotion, not to respond to some moral code or  the unfairness of life or the cruelty of another, acting on our emotions is in fact an  almost entirely self-orientated activity .”People love others not for who they are but for how they make them feel” said Irwin Federman.  When a man acts to shelter a child it is not the fact that the child is in harm’s way that drives him into sheltering the child, but the emotion  that the man feels upon sight of an exposed child, in this way in order to commit actions without a self-driven motive a person needs themselves to either have no emotion or no emotional fulfilment, however exceptions to this could possibly be shown by the actions of  individuals such as Hugh Thompson Jr, who risked his life for the sake of others’ lives through his actions in the Vietnam war, namely intercepting his own force in an attempt to circumvent the massacre of hundreds of innocents. It is possible however for an individual to enter conflict with an self-orientated aim and transition throughout the conflict into upholding moral principles and beliefs that may directly oppose the individuals initial viewpoint. Demonstrated best by Oskar Schindler these peoples sense of right and wrong eventually conquers the greed and self-interest they feel until they abandon the hope of gaining for themselves and embrace the hope of  upholding what their moral code stipulates, Oskar Schindler entered the second world war initially motivated by profit but in a display of commendable tenacity and moral integrity saved over a thousand Jewish workers in defiance of the Nazi regime. The selfish nature of emotions  also suggests that if emotions are the driving force of action and the individual fulfils the actions his emotions desire out of a need for emotional wellbeing  then the majority of  actions are driven by self-interest on one level or another, and that since conflict is the result of two opposing  actions and that the motive of self-interest contains all other emotions and so in a way conflict can be driven by both self-interest and a genuine sense of right and wrong, that a majority conflict must be driven by self-interest.

In conclusion, conflict is driven in the most part by self-interest but this is also true of almost every other action. The spectrum of emotions that  self-interest encompasses  is vast enough to include almost every emotion that an human can experience  since actions are driven by emotions and conflict by both actions and emotions the cause of conflict can, in the majority of cases be traced back from the action to the emotion behind it to the drive that causes humans to fulfil the actions their emotions demand. This drive can be identified as self-interest, in this way almost all conflicts can be traced back to self-interest as both a catalyst and a driving mechanism
   

[tcstudent]

First time posting a context essay, i hope it is not too bad for the marker haha, also my topic sentences are said to be very weak all the time, if possible could i get some tips on them too please. thank you

Prompt: People who feel alienated from mainstream society struggle to know who they truly are.

Sometimes who we is not good enough, the ideas and attitudes we have, seem to separate us from the common groups we hope to belong too. It is because of this that some cannot understand their true meaning because they have not had the ability to be a part of the majority, yet to many people belonging to the conventional society provides no satisfaction for the individual and therefore relies on themselves to find a true meaning for their existence.

People within society always feel the need to belong in order to find their true self, this is a prevalent issue that many cannot understand and therefore results in many people conflicting with family traditions and cultures, we feel as if we conform to the usual social ways that we find acceptance which essentially helps us mature and truly understand our self, however by challenging factors that we were born into makes us question our identity, because we have decided to change who we are so we can feel united with other social groups which could possibly affect the relationships we have with our loved one.

In Growing Up Asian In Australia edited by Alice Pung, the short story Sticks and Stones and Such Like by Sunil Badami, explores the prevalent issue that many outsiders have to face when wanting people to ‘’accept’’ them in order to feel like they can develop their identity in an estranged society. It is evident that Sunil ‘’just wanted to fit in’’, however the colour of his skin resulted in him feeling alone and only having his family to rely on, however when Sunil acquires a more western name of ‘’Neil’’ he feels that by putting his traditions and cultures behind him and primarily focussing on gaining acceptance from other that it will develop a true sense of self, however as he developed it resulted in him acknowledging what his name truly ‘’meant and what it meant to his mother’’, allowing him to ultimately feel like an individual who did not have to belong to the mainstream society to find a true meaning for his existence.

Sometimes the groups we belong to can prevent us from finding out true purpose and therefore limiting the growth of our identity. The family we are born into is an inevitable concept; our family develop us to live through them so that their traditions and cultures can continue for further generations. This pressure can ultimately cause conflict between members of the family as sometimes we decide to create a path for ourselves rather than following the roles and attitudes imposed on us by our parents. For example. This can then result in finding happiness and fulfilment as we have decides the objectives for our existence which leads us to believe we are developing  independently and not having to follow what is our expected role, nevertheless by people deciding to reject the roles imposed on them, we can often feel in such a way that allows us to independently grow without the need of others, In 5 ways to disappoint your Vietnamese Mother Such ideas are reflected when Diana Nguyen had discovered her true purpose at a young age, which essentially was restricted by her mother who decided ‘’Diana’’ would ‘’become a doctor’’ and hence left Diana with no choice but to ‘’bring shame to her family’’ after she was unwilling to accept the traditional ways of her culture resulting in a ‘’lasting communication barrier’’ and being known as the ‘’slut daughter’’


When we do not share the same values and beliefs of the mainstream society, it may result in our social identity being limited. While we live in a democratic society which should allow all to be equal, some individuals still struggle to identify themselves with others that accept them for their inner self. Throughout their development they find that expressing the true values and beliefs can initiate a sense of unacceptance from their peers and family which can therefore cause us to become detached from our traditional ways and makes us feel that the democratic society we live in is truly not a place of equality. Yet some who feel the need for acceptance often feel by hiding their beliefs that it will essentially make them feel complete and not isolated from the heteronomotive society we live in. However how can someone remain true to themselves if they are ultimately forging their values and beliefs? In Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ Same Love such issues are explored when people feel the need to hide their true beliefs in order to progress in a straight society that ultimately limits the growth of those who share opposite opinions to the mainstream society, however with changing time it is evident the mainstream is become more accepting of same sex marriage which makes everyone feel more apart of society.

In Essence, when we feel our views and values are different to the conventional society, it can ultimately leave each individual feeling lost with no sense of direction, however when the society we live in, creates an accepting atmosphere it allows those differences to be eliminated and therefor leaves each individual in society feeling equal.

[Patches]

For eclipse:

Here you go - on the whole it was very good. I've mostly commented on the things I thought could be improved, so obviously there are plenty of great bits as well.



Prompt: 'Subverting reality is easier than accepting it'.

Crushing the Caterpillars

By Michael Leunig

Back when I was an inhabitant of Australian suburbia, before being surrounded by vast green acres and greeted in the morning by an iguana as I slurp my coffee, the sight of a peculiar, modest butterfly could cause an unexplainable sense of hope and wonder to brew within me.it's good, but the leunig-y-ness isn't exactly subtle. Pick the iguana or the butterfly, not both, and would he really say 'vast green acres'? Seems more like something he would satirise One summer morning, one of these little creatures decided to follow me as I was walking home. The fluttering of its wings, as it refused to stay put, was almost a declaration of liberty; something we, mere men, can only dream of and produce movies about. The 'wild irregularity' of it was inspiring and breathtakingly beautifulwould leunig say 'inspiring and breathtakingly beautiful'? Both are wordy and I would say overused, and not the kind of 'beautiful' you see in celebrity magazines. Flying rings around my head to form an invisible but very present halo, it moved about me, curiously,provokingly, almostagain, good but could certainly be more subtle.. It didn't merely take up space, but owned it. It beamed in its own radiating uniqueness. After it had studied me for long enough, it positioned itself at the tip of my nose causing me to become momentarily cross-eyed. It flaunted itself before saying, "Michael mate, don't you wish you had a pair of wings like mine?" Indeed, I did. 

 'If only i could be like [it]. If only I could wear my true coat'.

Females these days, walk around stumbling like drunks on tightropes because they feel the need to challenge gravity and attach metal lengths to the soles of their shoesagain, great idea but the bluntness is letting you down a bit I think. 'metal lengths' - really? prongs, spikes are both a bit better imo. And how about those skinny jeans that cannot be gentle on any man's... manhood? Thank you dear, little creature I thought. I finally understood the mass hypermania surrounding the way people dress themselves, like it is some sado-masochistic competition to see who can inflict the most pain and discomfort on themselves and bear it the longest. Why, they are simply searching for their wings.good leunig-y last sentence - but why? I know part of his style is to flit around between different ideas, but I think it's a bit jarring here

Yet, no amount of sparkly powder or lip colour applied with great gusto and a paint brush, can replicate the 'larrikin coat' the butterfly wears. I don't even think Chanel can concoct the turquoise the creature bears proudly. Do you need the 'I don't think' part? Not a huge change, but read it over and see if it sounds more authentic without.

We are in this everlasting pursuit for a pair of our own wings that we become oblivious to, or rather, willingly choose to disregard the pair nature has granted us withgreat idea but wordy? 'Too often, in the hunt for a fresh pair of wings we lose sight of what we already have' - not sure. We 'deny or crush in ourselves' this 'vitality'. We must physically 'bomb or torment' ourselves, in the name of 'enhancement' or 'be cast into the abyss'.IMO, if you're writing 'as' Leunig you shouldn't need quotation marks, I would think. Just as we look at an undisturbed, green paddock, relishing in all its glorious simplicity and see a shopping centre, we look at ourselves, in the form nature intended us to be, as a construction sitedoes leunig idealise a green paddock? I think talking about the bush would maybe have more potential..  "I want to be different, just like everybody else", 'is the prevailing maxim'. 'Lao Tzu said so wisely a long time ago..., 'true art does not look like true art'. 'We might extend this to say that' true authenticity does not look like authenticity.  Definitely wouldn't use the inverted commas here - looks like you're copying huge slabs of the text when you make the argument as effectively in your own words. Quotes are not a requirement for context.

'It is difficult to imagine anytime in history when so many people claiming to be free have lived in so much fear of being unattractive'. It is difficult to imagine why a race which expresses a burning desire for individuality does so by adopting the lingo, diet habits, and picture poses of their neighbour or perhaps their neighbour's neighbourgood. It is difficult to fathom that this democratic, politically correct, feminist country we live in can be so repressingyeah... don't know about feminist, merely because it has connotations not necessarily relevant or supporting to your piece.. However, it is impossible to comprehend that our well-educated, technology-savvy, smooth talking, duck faced, Facebook friends, politicians, bus drivers  and companions on this planeti wouldn't have two 'list' sentences in a row, but that's just me believe that by bedazzling their exterior, they are in fact nourishing their interiors. Yes, there seems to be this universal understanding that a new hairstyle or, perhaps, a quirky tattoo can make you your own person, almost like you're curling or inking your soul! not bad

We don't value our 'hearts and minds', reducing them to 'the dumping grounds for... spiritual poisons'. We have become enslaved to 'The Pursuit of Unhappiness', with the goal of being desirable, 'attractive in any of its many forms - charming, strong, good- looking, successful, groovy, brilliant, amusing or rich'. bleh, definitely don't use quotation marks.The journey we must endure to reach that unattainable goal is not important, after all, we can endure it, in the same way the ozone layer is enduring it. It's alright, we should just suck it up and take it all in, what we think doesn't matter. The 'dictator', otherwise or more commonly known as, the media would have it no other way. No need for one of us mere mortals to interfere with the mass soul raping.

All the time we take ruthlessly denying our beauty, is all the time we have to spend to become awakened to the fact that its staring at us through the mirror. In the search for truth, we are blinded to it. It is all there in its raw form  - in its heartfelt, palpable embodimentgood. But truth can't be that simple. Or so we are told. So, instead we convulse and complicate it so that it becomes more twisted and destructive than hurricane Irene. Rather than hear the beautiful, turquoise butterfly utter, it would have been a lot easier to ignore it, perhaps, disregard it all together; label it under the heading of 'imagination'. Why, I must be losing my mind! You see, 'it takes soul to believe in soul. Let's call it psyche if it makes it more scientifically acceptable'. In an attempt to be realists, we in fact become shunners of authenticity.adding to what I said on the quotation marks - it makes it way too clear what's leunig and what's you pretending to be leunig. You haven't quite got his style down, which means it's jarring to switch between the two.

The bland outside of a cocoon is only containing 'the outlandish beauty' the world can't seem to handle. Every so often, Mother Nature decides to send us a glimpse of optimism and out of a cocoon comes the true meaning of aesthetic greatness, of spirit, originality, and the epitome of freedom. It nourishes our deprived, counterfeit souls - 'a form of Holy Communion'. 'The absolute truth of the situation begins to gleam'. 'The heart rises'. Sorry, Great Mother, I don't think we've taken the hint yet.

'We kill all the caterpillars then complain there are no butterflies', John Marsden.


Ok. Great use of the text and provocative ideas. I think you haven't quite grasped leunig's style yet - you wrote this a while ago so no doubt you're getting closer.
It's obviously difficult to give specific advice for something like that, but my general observation is that your sentences are too convoluted and you use words he wouldn't use and imagery I don't think he would use. I would try and imitate the way he plays with language - 'true art does not look like art', 'manicured madness', things like that. You can use your words a lot more carefully and to greater effect.
In short, I would try to think like a wanker - you're convinced that you're smarter than everyone else, that you notice things (in nature, people's behaviour etc) that other people are too thick or too distracted to notice. That should give you the confidence to be a bit more out there in your expression, rather than resorting to the same whose reality wank that every other piece is going to use.

That said, I imagine this would still score pretty well, but I think you can get a lot more out of it.