The procrastination drug has hit hard yet again, but I think if I push through the first 10-15 minutes, than I can work effectively. So I am going to remind myself to push through. So the goal of this week is to push through and just try the activity I'm procrastinating on immediately for at least 10-15 minutes. If I still feel like shit, I'm going to take a walk around or just chill for a couple of minutes.Love this strategy!
Physics: 100%
Maths X1: 71%
Relatively happy with the physics mark, I feel the teacher marked too easily but still am happy. I am relieved with my maths X1 mark, I thought I would get 40%, so this is kind of good? I am relieved, nonetheless, and want to persevere and try and get a solid mark in my half-yearlies.
Wow that's amazing! Seriously don't discount yourself, I'm sure you totally deserved that 100% - good job for crushing the exam!
Also congrats on maths X1! Legit have so much admiration for you judging numbers and random triangles stress me out haha. I still have fond memories of my teacher saying my circles looked more like ovals and taking off marks (even though I needed every mark I could get) XD.
I really felt your heavy thoughts section. Since I'm also in Year 12 doing the HSC, I totally relate to having stress come over me sometimes and having this exacerbated by the subsequent lack of work due to stress (funfun). Technically I actually should be doing a bio depth study now haha exhibit A of my lack of productivity and super procrastination skills (thankyouthankyou i try :) )
I find that it's good to write to do lists. Sometimes I use Microsoft To Do so I can add and remove tasks easily. Feeling stressed? Maybe do an essay plan, another subject or take some time out today to reframe your mind. Feeling like you can slay the syllabus? Essay if you want or difficult homework but still pace yourself. Talk to your teachers! I legit love hitting up my teachers to destress and reframe my mind.
Sorry for keeping it brief (well for me as I write wayyyy to much alllll the time XD) because I have bio to do. Feeling inspired to set up a year 12 journal now because of you. Thanks mate - you rock!
Good luck with this week and I'll be back soon!
Reviewing what I have written in this journal so far, I feel as I have written some good advice, to be honest, and I think I need to keep reminding myself of these things so I can stay on track. The past few days, I have been panicking so much, and I feel the stress getting to me. So, after each entry, I am going to write myself advice, tips and messages, just to keep myself going. I feel like by writing this, it will not only provide benefit to me but to everyone else reading this journal as well.
I started this journal just to track where I am going, but it sort of became a place where I just re-organise my attitude and all that inside stuff.
Whatever happens, after remembering that wide shot of the man just calmly making his noodles with such concentration reminds me that I will be fine, and I will find that one job where I will be like that man. I don't know, just something to think about!
Man I love your journey journal! It really pushes me to keep going and find the motivation to do my work!
I totally relate to finding inspiration from pop culture and TV shows. I think finding someone with a lot of passion and drive for their work helps me to keep going.
Congrats on your results too! You seem like you've absolutely smashed your exams ! Hard word pays off and studying smart definitely shows :D
Have a great week!
-Gracie
Just need to get something out of my system. It's a big one.SpoilerToday was such a mixed bag of emotions. We went out as a class the whole day for an excursion, mainly for history. We went to a museum in the University of Sydney, and there I encountered a wall filled with tombstones from the Roman era. On the floor was a funerary urn, with's it's inscription stating how the son made this for his mother's ashes. Didn't take much more of it, until a good friend told me," hey, isn't it weird that our tombstones will end up like that on the wall?"
Fuck man I was lost at words. I stared at this funerary urn for like 30 minutes or something. The ashes of mother, whom used to be a human being fully living in the world like me, experiencing emotions, being themself, experiencing the world. Now turned to ash. To powder that slips past the fingers into a small little box, eventually to wisp away and end up in a museaum in Australia to be glimpsed temporarily by passerbys, to be remain there alone.
I haven't had too many existential crisis these past three weeks, probably none from the start of this term since I was focussed on schoolwork. It just all came tumbling down today. I was silent, I just knew myself to be awkwardly silent at that moment.
Things kind of got better. My class attended the 'last night of the proms' which was great. Then we walked through the 'vivid' festival, in the Botanic gardens.i walked with a couple of friends, but then I got separated and decided to walk alone.
I don't know, things got kind of intense. I started to think about the future, and all these negative consequences. Getting a bad ATAR, imagining the look on their faces. Fuck, like I don't know, I just kept moving into a negative spiral.
I just starting thinking about my life, and I was just disappointed. I was just feeling very very isolated, lonely kind of. Fuck. Like I just... I don't know.
Thing is, I already have a great home, good enough friends, food and shelter. A bed. I have everything I need, and yet I still feel like I'm missing something. Or someone, I don't know. This bugging feeling inside that something is not right.
I think it is loneliness to be honest. I don't know, but every single fucking time I hear my friends having a good time or just talking, I put myself in such a spiral,FOMO takes over. I guess there is this internal fear that I am perhaps alone in this journey. Every time I envision the future, I keep uttering the word loneliness. I do think know if it is a figment I have created, but it's so painful. To see other people, especially your friends, enjoy themselves without you. It's a very selfish thing, I know, but it still creates some kind of pain.
And when I do go hang out with them, I end up not having much fun and sitting by the corner. I keep telling myself that I am missing out on an opportunity that might make me happy, but I always end up as a recluse, listening to music while they chat. I guess I am creating this kind of expectation, which my friends can't meet.
I feel kind of lonely. I notice myself more and more trying to fit in, immediately making choices that supposedly will bring me in closer with them. But there is an urging feeling sometimes, a feeling that stabs me or something lIke that.
I don't think I like the people in my class as well. I addressed this in my first few posts, but their attitude to certain situations in life is kind of scary. There is an overt belief subtly interwoven into my school's culture of masculinity. For instance, walking down to the opera house, I just told out loud that I (prepare for cringiness) that I was holding a special someones hand right now (UHHH SO CRINGE). My two friends started to refute this. I told them I'll just let it happen naturally, like not forcing myslef to get out there and meet new people. Like let the circumstances dictate what I will do next, and take the opportunity. Letting it happen naturally. They refuted this quite strongly, and here are the exact words one friend said,
"I'm going to be honest, it's a competition."
Fucking hell. There were much worse things said. It's this kind of degrading culture, so subtle in the atmosphere of my school, that I fucking hate so much. Fuck, every single day, they taint the many beautiful things of society, which apparently to them is fucking ridiculous. Fuck. There's not really anyone that I have a deep relationship ship with. I don't know, but it's so overwhelming that no one will kind of hear you out. I guess it's a bit selfish, but yeah.
Ending up alone, I think of how the future will tear apart. Ending up lonely, ending up with disappointed parents, a disappointing mark. Like it's hard.
Hopefully, it goes away sometime. I just needed to tell someone about this, because things get pretty dark sometimes when I'm down this spiral of thoughts.
Seeing everyone enjoying life. That kind of makes me happy but pains me, alway subconsciously asking myself the question 'why am I not as happy?". Its a pretty selfish thing to be honest, and I guess omething I need to get rid of. But the thing is I don't know. I've always been told to stop thinking of myself, to stop being selfish, I guess that may be why I am always going down spirals. I don't know. I just don't know.
Hopefully ill get better tomorrow. Il post again and see how I am going.
re spoilerYou might have a different take on this, but are those ashes truly alone? So long after the person they are made up of has passed, there is still an impact being had on others. I don't know the entirety of anyone's life but that doesn't make them any less important or impactful.
Many people will tell you that the ATAR isn't that important in the scheme of things but in some sense to truly understand you have to be outside the highschool-bubble. That bubble is a weird place that can warp your perception of things and it can be a rough place to be in, but as the time passes and you've been out there long enough you'll get what we mean. Best of luck until then.
It's not selfish to want connection with others or to want to be understood. You're right that the responsibility isn't just on your friends to have you feel belonging but it's also not something you need to struggle through alone. If they're good friends you should be able to tell them how you feel - and even that alone can ease difficulty and loneliness.
It's not a pleasant feeling, but there's also nothing wrong with feeling loneliness sometimes. And certainly nothing wrong with you for that. If you do start to think that it's having a significant impact on your life and it doesn't seem to be going away I'd suggest you look into how you can improve and understand your mental wellbeing - including talking to a professional.
If you get an ATAR well below your potential that wouldn't make you a disappointment - mainly it means that you might take a slightly different road to your career and/or study goals. Yeah your parents might be disappointed and that's difficult to go through, but it doesn't mean that that feeling will persist or that you are a disappointment. There is so much more than your grades (especially your highschool grades) and even though it may be hard to understand now you and your parents won't define you by them.
I've had parts of my life where I thought I was a disappointment, not living up to my former potential etc. and even though it can feel all-consuming at the time it isn't. You get past it. I hope you don't go through that to the same extent as many of us in our age group do, but if you do, you won't be alone and it will pass if you give it enough time.
There's nothing wrong with not being happy or wanting to be happy. I prefer to chase fulfillment rather than happiness as I find it is more lasting, but there are a lot of societal messages around happiness being the most important thing which can make that difficult. You can have everything going right in your life and still not always feel happiness; that's not being broken, it's being human.
Easy advice to give and harder to enact, but if you can identify how your spirals start it can make it easier to avoid the plunge.
Best of luck
Choosing to let go of anxiety, negativity... That's when I we experience happiness, or experience fulfillment.
But it can be hard to let go of anxiety, depression, all those shitty things. I think that's where meditation comes in. Practicing meditation, to be in silence without thinking, is to remind ourself that we will be fine.
To whomever is reading this, especially those in the midst of chaos, know that it will pass. Don't attempt to block the emotions. Take a deep breath. Cry your heart out. You will feel much better in the future. You will be fine, and you will be alright. Whatever comes your way, anxiety, death, whatever, just keep the knowledge that it will pass.
Know that it will pass.
Know that it will pass.
We must experience the night in order to feel the sunshine.
Love your dedication and mind set dude! I'm sure you will smash HSC out of the park, and get into med later on.
I envy your drive and perseverance, it's better than most med students and first round achievers I know, who don't work as hard in the long run.
Good luck with your studies! Love the posts ;D
Your positive attitude and outlook is so inspiring! It's really great to see someone so passionate about their future goals. Since UCAT is percentile based, maybe wait just a little bit before you change up your undergrad uni plan? I'm no med expert, but some of my friends have said that it kinda depends on how the rest of the cohort goes in the exams, so your numerical score might not be the 'be all and end all'. Apply everywhere because you never know what might happen in terms of offers ;D
Good luck (not that you'll need it) on your journey to becoming a doctor!
I feel behind in everything.Same! I thought it was just me! I feel behind in basically all of the aspects of my life! I feel behind in all my subjects and my extracurriculars and just me personally. When I don't feel that great, I think about how far I've come and what I've achieved so far. You should do this too! Trust me, it'll help. As someone once said ' Success is a journey not a destination'.
I'm not working as hard as I shouldThis is my everyday and it's tearing my soul apart. It's great that you're planning ahead and have battle plans for each subject! It really shows that you've been thinking about your weaknesses and how you can make them your strengths!
When I don't feel that great, I think about how far I've come and what I've achieved so far. You should do this too! Trust me, it'll help. As someone once said ' Success is a journey not a destination'.
You can do it! Have faith and confidence in yourself! I know you have the strength to keep pushing until trials! You will succeed! I believe in you! :)
Good luck for your trials, go on smash them (especially Physics) ;).
If you have any questions make sure to ask us on the Physics forum. I love answering questions.
What'd you think of Emma (by Jane Austen?)
Emma is a really powerful novel. At first, I found it hard to understand, and it was confusing and I didn't know half the time what was happening. I was at first disengaged with the text. But as soon as I started to understand (with the help of lit charts ;D) the novel began to have a transformative effect on me. I think with Emma, right, we see her commit these absolutely cruel decisions based on class and prejudice, as well as being mislead by her ginormous pride. We come to hate her, as we see her actions detrimentally crippling those around there. But what Austen does is that she takes all the shitty things Emma has done and punched it right up-to her face, pulling her in situations where she is forced to see herself being wrong, and her pride destroyed in a moment. Slowly, Austen reveals Emma thinking rationally for herself, eventually becoming kind and the type of character we esteem. Chapters 40-55 (the last chapters) are just so powerful in the way Austen reveals Emma to be learning and applying her new-found wisdom in situations where she would have done so otherwise if she were to retain her pride. We see, very slowly, the transformation of a character. Not only that, we also empathise with Emma's regret and sorrow for what she has done. Chapter 44 is especially so powerful towards the end, as Austen so powerfully show how Emma comes to realise her mistake, her deep cruel mistake. I think most people will relate to it so much. I relate with Emma so much towards the end of the novel, seeing her regretful and extremely sorrowful of her mistakes and resolving to do better. It was powerful how Austen wrote these few chapters. I think what is trying to be communicated as well is how we should come to accept individuals. While they have committed mistakes, mistakes that might scar someone, we must recognise that they have learned from the experience, and we should, we must, accept them. This doesn't mean to forgive them completely of their deed; it is to accept their change of heart, and to recognise their efforts in attempts to reverse their mistakes. Mistakes are etched into history; we can never change them. What we can do is to learn from them and move on, becoming better individuals in the future. This is what happened to Emma, communicated so powerfully through Austen's writing.No that was great actually!
I hope that rambling wasn't boring, I really enjoyed the text (will try to read it in full after trial exams!!). It's my favourite book in year 12 English, and I'm glad our teacher has chosen it.
Emma is a really powerful novel. At first, I found it hard to understand, and it was confusing and I didn't know half the time what was happening. I was at first disengaged with the text. But as soon as I started to understand (with the help of lit charts ;D) the novel began to have a transformative effect on me. I think with Emma, right, we see her commit these absolutely cruel decisions based on class and prejudice, as well as being mislead by her ginormous pride. We come to hate her, as we see her actions detrimentally crippling those around there. But what Austen does is that she takes all the shitty things Emma has done and punched it right up-to her face, pulling her in situations where she is forced to see herself being wrong, and her pride destroyed in a moment. Slowly, Austen reveals Emma thinking rationally for herself, eventually becoming kind and the type of character we esteem. Chapters 40-55 (the last chapters) are just so powerful in the way Austen reveals Emma to be learning and applying her new-found wisdom in situations where she would have done so otherwise if she were to retain her pride. We see, very slowly, the transformation of a character. Not only that, we also empathise with Emma's regret and sorrow for what she has done. Chapter 44 is especially so powerful towards the end, as Austen so powerfully show how Emma comes to realise her mistake, her deep cruel mistake. I think most people will relate to it so much. I relate with Emma so much towards the end of the novel, seeing her regretful and extremely sorrowful of her mistakes and resolving to do better. It was powerful how Austen wrote these few chapters. I think what is trying to be communicated as well is how we should come to accept individuals. While they have committed mistakes, mistakes that might scar someone, we must recognise that they have learned from the experience, and we should, we must, accept them. This doesn't mean to forgive them completely of their deed; it is to accept their change of heart, and to recognise their efforts in attempts to reverse their mistakes. Mistakes are etched into history; we can never change them. What we can do is to learn from them and move on, becoming better individuals in the future. This is what happened to Emma, communicated so powerfully through Austen's writing.
I hope that rambling wasn't boring, I really enjoyed the text (will try to read it in full after trial exams!!). It's my favourite book in year 12 English, and I'm glad our teacher has chosen it.
No that was great actually!
I never really delved as deeply into it when I read it as you did.
I can't believe you actually enjoyed something from English haha.
My English lessons were mostly my teacher yelling at me to do my work and taking away my laptop when she caught me not doing English, because I would just be doing Physics.
Also I just watched your video, and as it turns out we basically have the same first name, what is this lol
Congrats on getting through trials!
If you're 'a bit burnt out' (and I suspect that that is the case) taking some time to manage that is being productive & not an excuse. The study guilt is hard to ignore - especially if you're behind - but focusing on your wellbeing is going to help you be more efficient in catching up later.
As you've learnt sleep is important for your academic performance. It's also important for your emotional regulation, self dicipline & learning. You're probably going to struggle with going to sleep early enough given your late night studying so I'd encourage you to prioritise things like exercise that will help you get enough sleep & also improve your wellbeing.
Taking care of yourself isn't a cop out; it's important
Well done ;) that's what we all like to see
Physics: 94%, TOP RANK!!!! Honestly, this was the exam I was most relaxed for in a way due to consistency learning the content throughout the year. I should say that other classmates and I agreed the exam paper to be very kind to the class so I guess I should ramp up my preparation and not let this result get to my head and make me relax.
Any news on the next chapter so far? :)
Any updates? :)
Hey y'all!Go study Physics =(
Procrastinating on studying for physics so why not a journal entry ;D
Go study Physics =(
No but in all seriousness best of luck for Physics, smash it and I hope you get the marks you want =)
Congrats on finishing!! ;DThanks! It was a tough year but I’m glad I got through it!
Hey y'all,
Just got my marks!
English Advanced: 82
Ancient History: 84
Mathematics: 93
Mathematics Ext. 1: 86
Physics: 85
Chemistry: 90
Science Extension: 72
I'm pretty happy with these marks, except for my extension subjects (especially science extension) and physics. I'm a bit pissed off with chemistry though, could have definitely gotten higher.
Overall, I'm estimating my ATAR as 93.60, which is not too bad. I'll get into UNSW advanced science, also usyd is a bit iffy in terms of getting into the advanced stream.
I kind of wish it was higher, but considering I was failing english, science and maths back in the day, this is a huge achievement. It seems that my academic prowess is steadily increasing, so I hope to continue to improve and do better in university.
Will update this thread when ATAR's come out. Hope everyone in the class of 2019 received great marks!