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March 29, 2024, 12:03:57 am

Author Topic: can someone please mark/give feedback on my Medea creative response!!!?  (Read 1385 times)  Share 

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jessk1

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As Jason walked through the antiquated golden brown door leading into Colchis, his eyes were instantly drawn to a young and innocent looking lady, whom he thought was extremely exotic and unusual. She was not like the Greek women he had known in the past. The lady was wearing a long, dark red gown that ended at her ankles. It was very different to the gowns the ordinary Corinthian women dressed in, it was soft and fitted her body beautifully. On her feet she wore, exquisite leather sandals, her hair fell loose, waving back and forward in the ferocious winds. The thing that stood out most to the man was the girl’s bright amber-gold crown, which made her beautiful green eyes stand out. Jason’s first thought was to walk over and initiate a conversation with this lady. However, he did not know what to say or do, as he was a shy man. So the young man just stood behind an ancient olive tree, which swayed in the breeze, unseen, unheard and unsure of what to do next.

Jason felt a tap on his shoulder, which he thought was a fallen tree branch. He suddenly woke in surprise to see that very lady he had his eyes set on earlier, with her hand on his shoulder against the backdrop of the sea that Poseidon the God of the Sea, had created so many years earlier.  The mysterious lady smiled enticingly as Jason started to talk to her. She described her childhood growing up on this island and her family life. She mentioned her father and beloved brothers. As Jason listened to this woman, a deep passion stirred within and he knew that he could not resist her. Medea then asked in her gentle and soothing tone about Jason and his past and how he ended up in this island of Colchis.





Jason immediately hurried through the precarious door to see his precious children lifeless on the floor. And standing above them he saw his ex-wife tightly gripping a bloodstained dagger.

Jason looked into what he once saw as green eyes, to be nothing but a malicious killer. The chamber was dark as it contained vague lighting, however many wretched emotions and thoughts flooded Jason’s mind, making the room even more dark and miserable. The sound of Jason trying to grasp his breath echoed throughout the silent room. Blood heavily dripped off the stained walls, falling on the children’s cheeks. Jason heard the screams of his children repeat over in his head. He was hurting as he gazed at his two children covered in blood. Tears would not stop flowing from Jason’s pale cheeks. His mind was wild, as anger built up inside of him, he spotted Medea quickly rise up the never-ending staircase, laughing hysterically.

Jason and Medea’s love towards one another consumed them, they escaped their previous life together, they got married together and they had two children together. The two were always seen together. Their love seemed so profound and abiding and that they were capable of anything together. The instant passion and affection they both felt amongst meeting each other is what brought them together. Jason brought joy, hope and unity into Medea’s life, which guided her with high expectations that their love would last forever.
Medea once brought beauty and generous amounts of love into Jason’s life, which has now turned to extreme anguish and pain. Medea displays to Jason how love had lead her to commit atrocious acts.

zhen

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As Jason walked through the antiquated golden brown door leading into Colchis, his eyes were instantly drawn to a young and innocent looking lady, whom he thought was extremely exotic and unusual. She was not like the Greek women he had known in the past. The lady was wearing a long, dark red gown that ended at her ankles. It was very different to the gowns the ordinary Corinthian women dressed in, it was soft and fitted her body beautifully. On her feet she wore, exquisite leather sandals, her hair fell loose, waving back and forward in the ferocious winds. The thing that stood out most to the man was the girl’s bright amber-gold crown, which made her beautiful green eyes stand out. Really good descriptive sentences, but I would recommend to start with a more impactful first sentence to really draw the reader in at the beginning. Jason’s first thought was to walk over and initiate a conversation with this lady. This is kind of bland compared to the first couple of sentences.However, he did not know what to say or do, as he was a shy man. Here is a lot of telling and not showing. Show that he was shy and did not know what to say. You could describe him glancing at her, but averting his eyes when their gaze met. Or you could describe him opening his mouth, but being not able to find his voice. This shows his shyness without explicitly telling it. So the young man just stood behind an ancient olive tree, which swayed in the breeze, unseen, unheard and unsure of what to do next. This is another part where you could show and not tell. So, you could show him circling around on the spot or something like that, to show him being unsure of what to do.

Jason felt a tap on his shoulder, which he thought was a fallen tree branch. He suddenly woke in surprise to see that very lady he had his eyes set on earlier, with her hand on his shoulder against the backdrop of the sea that Poseidon the God of the Sea, had created so many years earlier.  The mysterious lady smiled enticingly as Jason started to talk to her. She described her childhood growing up on this island and her family life. She mentioned her father and beloved brothers. Just my preference, but I feel that this sentence is not very interesting. Here, you could use dialogue or something else to describe this in a more interesting manner. As Jason listened to this woman, a deep passion stirred within and he knew that he could not resist her. Medea then asked in her gentle and soothing tone about Jason and his past and how he ended up in this island of Colchis.





Jason immediately hurried through the precarious door to see his precious children lifeless on the floor. And standing above them he saw his ex-wife tightly gripping a bloodstained dagger. Great description.  :)

Jason looked into what he once saw as green eyes, to be nothing but a malicious killer. The chamber was dark as it contained vague lighting, however many wretched emotions and thoughts flooded Jason’s mind, making the room even more dark and miserable. Some good description here. The sound of Jason trying to grasp his breath echoed throughout the silent room. Blood heavily dripped off the stained walls, falling on the children’s cheeks. Jason heard the screams of his children repeat over in his head. He was hurting Better descriptive words could be used as he gazed at his two children covered in blood. Tears would not stop flowing from Jason’s pale cheeks. His mind was wild, as anger built up inside of him, he spotted Medea quickly rise up the never-ending staircase, laughing hysterically.

Jason and Medea’s love towards one another consumed them, they escaped their previous life together, they got married together and they had two children together. The two were always seen together. Their love seemed so profound and abiding and that they were capable of anything together. The instant passion and affection they both felt amongst meeting each other is what brought them together. Jason brought joy, hope and unity into Medea’s life, which guided her with high expectations that their love would last forever.
Medea once brought beauty and generous amounts of love into Jason’s life, which has now turned to extreme anguish and pain. Medea displays to Jason how love had lead her to commit atrocious acts.


Note that creatives are probably one of my weakest areas in English, so I'm not the best person to give you feedback. I feel like you should have an overarching message or something you're trying to tell the reader, which I'm not really getting right now. Also, I feel like you should place a few metaphors into your piece, since it's something that could really impress your teacher. Overall it's a great creative with some amazing descriptive language. I hope this helps and keep up the good work.   ;D