Here's what I think of you essay, but I'm in year 12, so take my advice with a grain of salt
Positives
-Introduces the pieces
-You imbed quotes really well into your piece
-You identify the techniques present
-You identify the impact upon the reader
-You provide some good analysis on the language and arguments in the pieces
Things I think you can improve on (in my opinion)
-It seems like you're introducing the pieces in your body paragraphs, which I don't think is good. I think you should do that in your introduction. (Disregard this if that's what your teacher wants)
-You don't compare the pieces enough. You provide some superficial comparison, such as saying stuff like "similar to", but you should really compare a lot more and comment on the subtle similarities and differences in the pieces.
-You include heaps of quotes which is really good, but sometimes I feel like you fail to analyse the quotes in detail. You generally say something like the writer says...and this suggests... However, I feel like you should analyse the connotations and implications of these quotes.
-Your expression can be really confusing at times due to grammatical mistakes and sometimes you misuse words. For example, you say the writer "evokes support", but I'm pretty sure that evokes can only be used when generating emotions. I feel like your expression is probably your biggest weakness in your essay.
Overall, I feel like the general analysis and thought process which has gone into this is solid, but your expression makes it difficult to understand. You have quite a few grammatical mistakes throughout the essay, which really detracts from your writing. So, I would recommend reading other people's essays to improve your expression. Anyway it's overall a good effort and I think that if you keep working at it, you can improve by the time your SAC comes around.
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