Hey Guys,
As declared by the title, this is my first digital journal where I will be recording and reflecting on my HSC journey with an ill family member. I intended to create this sooner, but I hesitated because the subject was still very raw and sensitive to me. However now by sharing my personal experience on such a heavy topic I will strive to provide a genuine perspective surrounding the ways I have juggled the HSC and the care-taking responsibilities of my ill family member. Also, just a heads up I will be referencing medical terminology which I will have a glossary for at the bottom of my posts.
Now to not leave you guys any further in the dark, I will provide a brief background: It was around September, a month before year 12 begun when my Mother was called in to take some general medical tests. First upon hearing this, it never initially concerned me as I believed this was the standard routine to check it her health was overall in good condition. However, when the test results returned she was recommended to take further specialised tests. Fast forward around 2-3 weeks and my family was called in for a doctors meeting where we received the news of my Mothers breast cancer diagnosis. Immediately, my entire body felt numb and my emotional process system malfunctioned into overdrive. I resorted to bottling my emotions instead of properly processing how I felt by discussing how I was feeling to trusted individuals in my school community as well to friends and family in general. I felt as if no one could fully understand the full depth of my emotions. In Term 1 2018, I attempted to plaster on a mask of optimism and ignored how I was feeling in the mist of piling homework and assignments on my doorstep. I found myself constantly feeling being pulled by strings towards multiple commitments (i.e HSC workload, co curricular and being a part time carer). Soon, it was no surprise when I found myself feeling burnout towards the end of the term with the adoption of some poor habits(i.e inconsistent work routine and late nighters). However, during the summer holidays I took the opportunity to fully let myself adjust to a completely different lifestyle. Also, Due to the early detection, I am grateful that during the break my Mother had a mastectomy which currently is being followed by chemotherapy.
Jumping back into present day, I now say that despite the seeming chaotic experiences life has thrown at me, I have accepted it and continue to believe in my capacity to handle the HSC in light of the confronting revelation. I would be lying to say that I feel 100% now even if has been many months since the diagnosis due to continual challenges. But, I am becoming better at adapting my routine to suit my multiple responsibilities as well as shifting my values and perspective surrounding the HSC.
mastectomy- removal of a whole breast
chemotherapy - use of anti-cancer drugs to destroy cancer cells
To conclude, here is a quote to summarise my HSC 2019 mood from my favourite musical Hamilton:
"I will not throw away my shot" Adieu,
C