Creative Writing Task (English Advanced)

[Georgiejaques]

Is anyone able to give me some feedback on my creative writing task?

Use an idea, concept or image from T.S Eliot’s poetry as the stimulus for a 800-1000 word piece of imaginative writing

Two o’clock

I tried to hide my blunted smile as I quickly glanced over to him, he was being his usual joker self. His right hand held the steering wheel firmly, with the left on the gear stick, making a shrewd noise every time he moved it. His soft brown hair was ruffled by the breeze from the open windows, whilst he hummed along to the music, shaking his head for no reason, causing his wrinkled forehead to frolic about. The trees and shrubs on the side of the road were a blur as we drove further and further away from home, towards an unknown place. I hoped that the unknown would be better than the known. Memories exploded inside my brain. There are too many for me to count. A cold tremor washes over me, as the initial promise of the day dissipates
…..

Three o’clock

Sunlight fell through the sunroof. It was getting close to her favourite time of the year. We both stared as careless children mucked around in the wet sand, struggling to build sandcastles. I looked over to her. She was lost in her thoughts… again. I sometimes wished I could read her mind; to see what made her this way. The sunlight sitting on her pale legs highlighted the little scars she had, the little scars I had always noticed, but would be too timid to ever ask how they appeared. I knew the answer.

….

Three o’clock

Why are they bothering to build empty little homes that no one will live in? The sand placed on top of the castle falls, revealing the crumbly formation left behind. A child’s face drops revealing the effort involved. Her face fills with determination; ready to conquer anything the world has to offer. Recreating the castle again, and again, and again. But some things will not hold together no matter what. The child, around 5 years old, flicks her golden hair behind her ear, sticking her tongue out, concentrating on the only thing important in her life at the moment; perfecting this sand castle. If only I cared about something that much. As she nears the waters edge, she collects sand in her bright red bucket, unaware of the harsh waters lying before her.

...


Half-past three

“38 bottles of beer on the wall, 38 bottles of beer, you take one down, pass it around, 37 bottles of beer on the wall

The thump of the concrete road started to drive me slightly insane and the lines were starting to merge into different outlines, as the humming of the engine spoke to me. 

My eyes began to flicker as a yawn pervaded my face. They felt like curtains ending the show, but I couldn’t stop driving.

“NO”

I squeezed my eyes shut and quickly opened them in hopes that I would be regenerated with energy. My eyelids still felt heavy. I should really pull over. But I am just so close to home, I could almost taste the brownies my yiayia makes.

I placed my arm softly on her leg, trying to get her out of her thoughts. She quickly shifted her face as she registered what I was doing, regaining her whereabouts and fighting her way out of her head. My eyes sparked as she faced him and smirked. That was my favourite sight. Her. 

….

Four o’clock

The car on the opposite side of the road wavered in the lane crazily, as it headed right towards them. I tried to look for a way out. But I couldn’t find an alternate option. I was boxed in. The erratic car swayed into my lane, and before one final squeal could emerge from my mouth, the car flipped.

….
Three Fifty-four o’clock

I watched as his eyelids became droopy. I contemplated giving him a shake and telling him to snap out of it. But I wasn’t bothered. When I met him all I really wanted was someone to consume a small amount of my vast spare time, at least that is what the shrink said to do. She said I should at least search for human connection in this dull, repetitive world. But it did not help.

…
Four o’clock

I saw the car approaching, as his breathing escalated. The tires screeched in vain. His head was thrown back onto the headrest. The cars crunched like paper. Glass shattered. Blood was everywhere.
…

Two past Four

My legs screwed up. A pume of grey smoke rose from the car. I couldn’t feel his legs. But Ashley. Was she okay?

There she sat. Her face dull and lifeless. Crimson blood dripping down her cheek. There was no smile that I loved seeing everyday. No sparkle in her eyes. No comforting glance. There was nothing.

…

Two past four

I thought about opening my eyes. But the thought of entering back into this life, the life that made me so miserable, was sickening. This is just another layer of hell.  I prayed that someone would make sure my eyes would never open, and that I would be taken away, to a better place. I felt this tingling sensation over my body. Finally, I was being transported to a safe haven, I saw the man holding my coat. 

…

Three past four

I opened my eyes to see this new place, a new life waiting for me. Just my luck, I woke up and the Fool was still with me.

…

Three past four

I gasped. Her glistening, angelic eyes stared back into mine. She is back. To me.