In Mary Shelley’s cautionary tale Frankenstein which is set in the early nineteenth century don't think the early 19th century part is necessary unless you make a point about it later on, such as a specific point on societal development at the time, but don't think this is necessary. also write it as 19th., the meaning of nature and the natural order is explored through the construction of Victor Frankenstein and the Creature. Victor’s actions and motivations in the morally ambiguous world constructed (try to use another word for constructed since you've used construct already, maybe developed, too repetitive imo) by Shelley portraying him as a hero whose tyrannical actions are seen as the result of an unrelenting passion to manipulate the ‘immutable laws of nature’ try to not quote for the sake of quoting, but for analysis, especially in introduction, and I think a better quote on his ambition could've been utilised here. The prompt also says that he's at odds, and if he's tyrannical, how is he a hero? A better description for Victor could've been used. This His megalomania? I personally believe that you can cut out the entire previous sentence and segway straight into this signpost, by saying "His tyrannical actions acts...". Best to make your intro short and snappy! acts as a catalyst for his self-obsession and loss of connections with his relatives and friends and wreaks havoc on his life . Moreover, Shelley explores the need to maintain the natural order through the role of the female characters in the novel. Since Victor has essentially created life without a female, he has usurped the role of females and nature in giving life. Hence, the consequences of opposing the natural order are not limited to the perpetrator only, as Victor’s family also died as a result of his fervent desires. Well yes, but not really. I feel you can cut out the female part especially since you mention males in Body 2, and just talk about how defying God might alo earn your close and loved one some trouble. Yet ultimately, both Frankenstein and the Monster seek revenge on each other and mankind. Yes, but how is this relevant to the prompt? Always keep the prompt in mind. Thus, through the characterisation of Frankenstein and the Monster and the absence of female characters in the novel, Shelley advocates her view that if one attempts to push the natural world beyond its boundaries, one will suffer a host of negative consequences. Repetition, I feel as if you can just say "Thus, Shelley advocates her view..." and it would still work, as you have already established your arguments.
Some general comments about intro: Try to signpost what you are going to talk about in body paragraphs, (or base topic sentences off your signposts) for better flow of arguments. Also, try to not use quotes in introduction if signposting, unless you use any textual quotes from prompt. Try to make it short and snappy. Context sentence (Shelley's cautionary tale does this, that), then 3 signposts, then your contention (messing with nature will have negative consequences...). Don't want to keep the marker at intro for too long.
Shelley explores the dangers of falling prey to lofty ambitions through the construction of Victor and Walton How does falling prey to lofty ambitions relate to the consequences of messing with nature? Topic sentences are the first thing that the examiner will see, and if you discuss an unrelated tangent, even if you have the best ideas, it'll bring down the quality of paragraph for the reader which you want to avoid.. Despite Frankenstein having ‘begun life with benevolent intentions’, his desire to create a fully functional human from cadavers becomes his sole motivation, and thus leads to his downfall. As a child, Frankenstein is depicted as an ‘innocent and helpless Monster bestowed on [his parents] by Heaven’. By presenting him as such, Shelley iterates an initially favourable view of the character due to the associations of purity through innocence and a reference of the Divine, adhering to the Romantic idealism of children. I feel like you can reword the "Romantic Idealism" part. Children are always seen as symbols of purity and innocence. Could say something among the lines of "Shelley iterates an initially favourable image of Victor through her depictions of his purity and innocence, which coincides with society's idyllic image of children". However, Victor’s unrelenting ego is later exposed when he relishes the possibility of ‘a new species bless[ing him] as its creator and source’. This highlights his true desires as he is more concerned with attaining personal fame and glory rather than contributing knowledge to the knowledge base. I feel as if you can skip developing him to be initially good, and go straight into saying that he has a big ego to cut essay down, so "he has an ego", then "Shelley condemns this". The presence of this in the text proves to be a condemnation by Shelley of an individual with such ego, foreshadowing the adversities that Frankenstein faces in the aftermath of creating the Creature. Could be worded differently. "consequences of creating the creature". And why will he face adversities from creating the creature? Explaining that will be the crux of answering the prompt and relating to your topic sentence, but you are doing neither here, making it unnecessary to have half of this paragraph, where you say that he is initially good, then turns bad because of his ego. Always keep the prompt in mind. Furthermore, moreover, don't stick to just "Also". Conjunctions are a deadly weapon to wield, Shelley warns the reader about the dangers of scientific pursuit through the construction of Walton, who claims that “one man’s life or death is a small price to pay” for the acquirement of knowledge. Again, try to not use quotes for the sake of it. One quote that is analysed will be better than 10 quotes that serve as filler for sentences His unnatural eagerness to sacrifice anything and everything for the pursuit of glory and fame is portrayed as unnatural through the sailor’s wishes to return to England. Add a quote from him which implies that he is willing to sacrifice anything/everything for glory and fame. "I preferred glory to the enticement of wealth" comes to mind, then explain how this is unnatural or whatever point you want to make. Hence, Shelley commends Walton for taking heed from Victor’s experiences and uses his construction to convey the message to the audience Is Walton really a changed person? At the end, he blames "blasted cowardice" for his forced return. Also, provide evidence for this. You are also lapsing too much into storytelling and not enough analysis. She conveys that dangers that come from self-obsession and attempting to be “greater than [your] nature will allow”. Since Walton had a cautionary tale to showcase the consequences of betraying the natural order, he was able to recognise when he has reached his human limits, and to prioritise his life, and those of the sailors over the quest for fame and recognition. Initially, Victor seeks to ‘overtake the winds’ through his lofty desires and dreams, but soon he needs to be ‘carried by the wind’, and after bringing his creation to life, he is ‘moved by every wind that blows’. This motif of wind is deliberately used by Shelley for different purposes; while she accentuates that Frankenstein’s lust to challenge the power of the natural world intensifies his suffering, she also promotes her view that one should not presume that a mere mortal has the jurisdiction to preside over life and death. Furthermore, the motif of wind seeks to highlight Victor’s suffering as he loses touch with reality. Every worrisome thought carries him away from the protection of his family which illustrates his psychological breakdown. Thus, Frankenstein’s passion for the exploration of the natural world subsequently leads to him suffering considerably as he is attempting to cross the boundaries of the human condition.
From what I have read so far, you are constantly linking quotes or why things are in the book to Shelley's intentions, which is good. However, you need to provide sufficient evidence for points, and you are telling the story too much instead of answering the question. Always question the WHY of a quote, and HOW it does this or WHAT it is trying to do. Try to also not utilise superficial quotes for the sake of using quotes, but rather, have 2-4 quotes to fully analyse. If this is done, then could it be seen as using a few superficial quotes here and there to compliment your writing. There is also too much unnecessary writing. Before writing, write a contention regarding the prompt (in this case, messing with nature will result in negative consequences) and 3 ideas that support this. These ideas will then be your topic sentences, then use TWO points of evidence to back up this idea. Falling into storytelling is a dangerous notion that I myself have fallen prey to in the past and still occasionally do. Try your best to avoid this
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