English advanced human experience short answers

[Leleandanial]

Hi, i have uploaded two short answer questions I completed for human experiences under timed conditions and I would really appreciate any form of feedback. thank you

[amal.rabbani]

Hi, i have uploaded two short answer questions I completed for human experiences under timed conditions and I would really appreciate any form of feedback. thank you

Hi Leleandanial - this is a decent attempt however there are insufficient links to the rubric, and you haven't necessarily displayed your knowledge of the  module in this response. Your thesis statement is not strong enough as it makes some sweeping statements without any sense of justification, or implication. You also need to access a broader range of techniques, simply talking about the 'salient' image is not sufficient. Talk about the tone, the colour palette, composition, size, perspective. Also, when you are talking of the techniques you MUST talk about the 'effect' of the technique. E.g if you were talking about the use of accumalitive listing you can say that it creates a jarring rhythm or a disorentiating effect on the reader to reinforce the idea that .. bla bla.
ALWAYS have audience impact, understanding and purpose in every essay and short answer you do - without it... accessing that 5/5 is difficult. Your response is also too short. IMO, this short response is currently sitting at a 2/5.

To break it down
 - Ideas need work, try to be more nuanced and avoid a very generic answer to the stimulus
 - Thesis must answer the question, but avoid sweeping statements.
 - Thesis must also address an aspect of the RUBRIC - this is imperative
 - Variation of techniques ! > and highlight the perceptual effect of the technique

Keep in mind, I'm not an atarnotes lecturer/marker, just simply a fellow year 12 student who likes to help out so take everything with a grain of salt.