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Author Topic: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread  (Read 73696 times)

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elysepopplewell

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Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« on: September 13, 2016, 03:30:22 pm »
+2
Thesis statements* are a small way to enormously change the sophistication and direction of your essay.
This thread is created for Area of Study, being the common denominator between Standard and Advanced. This doesn't limit you to posting your thesis statements for other modules to gather some perspectives! This has potential to be a great resource for yourself and others, and if you join in on the feedback, you improve your own editing skills as well as helping a peer. If you're not here for feedback and just have a question about thesis statements in general, please post! There is no post requirement to receive or give feedback, so join in  :)

Some things to consider when giving/asking for feedback:
-The modality: does it work?
-The core concepts.
-The originality
-The clarity of expression


If you're starting from scratch or looking to improve on what you've got, you might benefit from having a skim through this guide here!

*Thesis statements are the same as motherhood statements, concept statements, overarching statements, whatever you like to call them!  :)
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conic curve

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2016, 06:49:33 pm »
+3
I'll put some input here

In order to make thesis statements for discovery, you should be looking at the discovery rubric and breaking it up into pieces.

The ways in which the concept of discovery is REPRESENTED in and through texts. HOW

The experience of discovering something for the first time or rediscovering something that has been lost, forgotten or concealed. WHAT

Discoveries can be sudden and unexpected, or they can emerge from a process of deliberate and careful planning evoked by curiosity, necessity or wonder HOW

Discoveries can be fresh and intensely meaningful in ways that may be emotional, creative, intellectual, physical and spiritual. WHAT AND WHY

They can lead us to new worlds and values, stimulate new ideas, and enable us to speculate about future possibilities. WHY

Discoveries and discovering can offer new understandings and renewed perceptions of ourselves and others. WHY

An individual’s discoveries and their process of discovering can vary according to personal, cultural, historical and social contexts and values WHEN AND WHERE

The impact of these discoveries can be far-reaching and transformative for the individual and for broader society. WHY

Discoveries may be questioned or challenged when viewed from different perspectives and their worth may be reassessed over time. HOW

The ramifications of particular discoveries may differ for individuals and their worlds. WHY

By exploring the concept of discovery, students can understand how texts have the potential to affirm or challenge individuals’ or more widely-held assumptions and beliefs about aspects of human experience and the world. WHY

Through composing and responding to a wide range of texts, students may make discoveries about people, relationships, societies, places and events and generate new ideas HOW

By synthesising perspectives, students may deepen their understanding of the concept of discovery. HOW AND WHY

Students consider the ways composers may invite them to experience discovery through their texts and explore how the process of discovering is represented using a variety of language modes, forms and features. HOW

So basically think of who, what, when, why, where and how and do this  for each sentence of the rubric. When doing so you can start to come up with ideas easily for discovery

We can also think of it like this: Impetus (what initiates the discovery)-->process (how does the discovery take place)-->Impact (what is the outcome and effect of the discovery)

Some words you can associate with discovery are: curiosity, self, competition, knowledge, challenge, scientific, historical, etc

Exploring discovery

Discovery is a concept that can be found in many disciplines
Students should explore the ways these disciplines define discovery
Look at the following extracts from other disciplines and consider how they related to the rubric and extend the notion of discovery
Perhaps they provide insight into a thesis?

Discovery in science

Discovery places a value on students' contacts with the world around them and how they interact with it. It relies on students' natural curiosity about the world and utilizes their ability to make sense of the things they touch, taste, or smell. It implies direct contacts with the world, a way of manipulating those contacts to form recognizable patterns, and developing structures for making sense of newly discovered information.

Discovery in research

A dynamic of consciousness, "discovery" is one of the essential driving forces of living entities. Even basic primate behaviors such as the drive for food, sex, social interplay can be said to be based in the act of "discovery". So, what is the nature of this drive? Could a machine be instilled with this? Is it simple matter of novelty, or is it a factor of "learning"? It seems to be a blend of feeling and logic resulting in development of conceptualization, often leading to further investigation or parsing of root cause (reflection)..

Discovery in literature

A narrative pattern common in novels for children is a sequence of events involving a buried or concealed object whose discovery triggers a search for origins. Generally such narratives construct protagonists as young detectives, tracking when, by whom, and how these objects were hidden or buried. …Moreover, the discovery of buried items (weapons, personal effects, human remains) functions in narrative terms as a catalyst for personal growth on the part of protagonists, resulting in enhanced understanding of national and local histories and an appreciation of the meanings of the past for the present.

Relating discoveries in texts:

Rainbow’s End: Identity and self discovery through cultural and historical events
Away: self discovery (anagnorisis); National identity
Go Back to where you came from: humanity; cultural discovery; geographical and social discovery
Motorcycle Diaries : Intellectual, social, historical, and geographical discovery: self discovery
Life of Pi: self discovery
Awakening: self discovery; social and gendered discovery
Hurley: historical and cultural discoveries. New ways of seeing through the camera.
Bryson: the wonder of discovery; unplanned and planned discovery- the nature of discovery
Swallow the Air: cultural discovery; identity; spiritual
Tempest: a physical discovery of a new island leads to new ways of seeing the world. Written at a time of discovery when the New World was framed by assumptions about superiority. Shakespeare raises questions about the way we perceive the new. Exploitation becomes linked with discovery
Frost – discovering the spiritual in the natural; understanding of self; asking the big questions
Dobson – female ways of seeing the world through relationships and contact
with the bigger events of the world – discoveries are framed by who we are and when we live
Gray – Discovering the beauty of the visual.

Thinking about this:
What are some of the positive and negative aspects of discovery?
 How do we regard the discoverer in society?
What constitutes a discovery?
What do we expect comes from discoveries?
What does this mean about what we value?

Some 'positive' discovery connotations

Revelation of something new
New pathways
Progress
Understanding
Enquiry
Ever-changing

Some negative discovery connotations

Assumption of being the first
Rejection of established ways
Dissatisfaction
Sense of Superiority
Constant uncertainty
Unstable

When presenting texts:
Keep practising close readings with extracts from a range of discovery texts
Be explicit about the reason why these texts are being read: this extends understanding of discovery as a concept gives more ideas for a thesis statement, gives practice for section 1 but also can be a source for related texts

Discovery is about questions and answers but it's also about what we value

elysepopplewell

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2016, 02:06:45 pm »
0
I'll put some input here

Seriously good input here conic curve!
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conic curve

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birdwing341

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2016, 05:13:37 pm »
0
Why is there nothing about Wrack haha  :P

conic curve

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2016, 05:29:30 pm »
0
Why is there nothing about Wrack haha  :P

Unfortunately I couldn't find anything  :'(

karyn.mcdonald

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2016, 06:32:20 am »
0
Hello Elyse!
Just wondering if you could help me out with my thesis for the upcoming HSC? How much can you actually prepare your AOS essay?

For instance i wrote the following introduction on the question: Whether planned or unexpected, the importance of discovery lies in how it has altered perceptions of ourselves and our world.
Discoveries can awaken us to new ideas, offer fresh insights and enable speculations about future possibilities. However, the significance of discovery is relative to the measure in which it affects change in ourselves and our lives. Without the resultant paradigm shift, a discovery, whether deliberate or by chance, will never be meaningful. When exploring different ares of life, the discoveries made will challenge and change our understanding of self and our world through experience and growth of knowledge.

I've noticed in some of your past posts that you have recommended having two thesis statements and adapting one to the question in the exam. What do you recommend i could take word for word into the exam and what should i leave open for adaption out of the above intro/thesis?

Thanks in advance!! this is a truly awesome site... i wish discovered it before yesterday!

ssarahj

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #7 on: September 30, 2016, 06:09:16 pm »
0
Hello Elyse!
Just wondering if you could help me out with my thesis for the upcoming HSC? How much can you actually prepare your AOS essay?

For instance i wrote the following introduction on the question: Whether planned or unexpected, the importance of discovery lies in how it has altered perceptions of ourselves and our world.
Discoveries can awaken us to new ideas, offer fresh insights and enable speculations about future possibilities. However, the significance of discovery is relative to the measure in which it affects change in ourselves and our lives. Without the resultant paradigm shift, a discovery, whether deliberate or by chance, will never be meaningful. When exploring different ares of life, the discoveries made will challenge and change our understanding of self and our world through experience and growth of knowledge.

I've noticed in some of your past posts that you have recommended having two thesis statements and adapting one to the question in the exam. What do you recommend i could take word for word into the exam and what should i leave open for adaption out of the above intro/thesis?

Thanks in advance!! this is a truly awesome site... i wish discovered it before yesterday!

Hey karyn.mcdonald, welcome to the forums! So glad you're finding it useful!! Obviously I'm not Elyse but hopefully I can help out a little bit here. Lets break down your thesis:

Discoveries can awaken us to new ideas, offer fresh insights and enable speculations about future possibilities. Nice use of phrases from the rubric, but this sentence could be made more unique/stronger by blending it with one of your other sentences. However, the significance of discovery is relative to the measure in which it affects change in ourselves and our lives. I like this idea a lot, but you probably don't need the "However". Without the resultant paradigm shift, a discovery, whether deliberate or by chance, will never be meaningful. I like this one too. When exploring different ares areas of life, the discoveries made will challenge and change our understanding of self and our world through experience and growth of knowledge. This last sentence is a nice ending to the introduction, and I'm assuming you would introduce your texts somewhere in the middle of the paragraph?

There's some strong ideas here, but I think some of it could be phrased more clearly so that the marker can grasp what you're trying to say straight away. For example you could combine your first three sentences into something like this:

Discoveries can offer an individual fresh insights and ideas which enable speculation about future possibilities. The significance of discoveries, whether deliberate or by chance, is relative to the measure in which it affects meaningful change in one's perception of themselves and their life.

In terms of 'two thesis statements', you could go into the exam with something like what is written above and then either change words/add on phrases that answer the question. Don't feel like you have to start out with a really broad statement from the rubric, you can hone straight in on your thesis and answering the question.
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karyn.mcdonald

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2016, 09:29:28 am »
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Thankyou so much ssarahj!! seriously appreciate it! ;)  :D

So say if the question was nothing to do with changing perceptions or the nature of discovery being planned or unexpected (sorry just being difficult here :o) but rather something like this:Discoveries, their process and their effect, very depending on an individual's context., how would you suggest adapting our thesis statement (below) to fix the question?
Discoveries can offer an individual fresh insights and ideas which enable speculation about future possibilities. The significance of discoveries, whether deliberate or by chance, is relative to the measure in which it affects meaningful change in one's perception of themselves and their life.

Thanks again!

karyn.mcdonald

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2016, 09:30:22 am »
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sorry *fit (not fix)

ssarahj

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2016, 02:52:00 pm »
+1
Thankyou so much ssarahj!! seriously appreciate it! ;)  :D

So say if the question was nothing to do with changing perceptions or the nature of discovery being planned or unexpected (sorry just being difficult here :o) but rather something like this:Discoveries, their process and their effect, very depending on an individual's context., how would you suggest adapting our thesis statement (below) to fix the question?
Discoveries can offer an individual fresh insights and ideas which enable speculation about future possibilities. The significance of discoveries, whether deliberate or by chance, is relative to the measure in which it affects meaningful change in one's perception of themselves and their life.

Thanks again!

When adapting your thesis to a question you want to keep the core of your own idea while adding the specific notions of the question. So for that one you could say something like this: (changes from the previous one are in bold)

The process and effect of discoveries can offer an individual fresh insights and ideas which enable speculation about future possibilities. The significance of discoveries is very dependant on one's context, which can influence the degree of meaningful changes in one's perception of themselves and their life.

So I would recommend that you take your thesis and go write the introduction under timed conditions for at least 10 questions. This will help you to knuckle down the core of your thesis and practise changing the wording of sentences to suit the question. Best of luck! :)
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elysepopplewell

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #11 on: October 02, 2016, 10:58:02 am »
+2
When adapting your thesis to a question you want to keep the core of your own idea while adding the specific notions of the question. So for that one you could say something like this...

 Best of luck! :)

Ahh, young grass hopper! You give such good advice Sarah!
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karyn.mcdonald

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #12 on: October 02, 2016, 07:08:53 pm »
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cool! 8) sounds like an excellent idea!! thanks a stack! i'll LYK if I have any difficulties ::) ;)

angiezhang9

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #13 on: October 02, 2016, 11:11:27 pm »
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Hey guys,

I was wondering if you could give me some feedback for my AOS thesis. Could you also let me know if it's adaptable as Im planning to use this in the HSC. Also, how would I manipulate it to fit the essay question?

"The confronting and provocative process of discovery has the potential to transform an individual’s perception towards the human experience and the world. However, the extent of the transformation is influenced by the willingness of the individual to embrace their discovery."

ssarahj

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #14 on: October 04, 2016, 10:30:19 am »
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Hey guys,

I was wondering if you could give me some feedback for my AOS thesis. Could you also let me know if it's adaptable as Im planning to use this in the HSC. Also, how would I manipulate it to fit the essay question?

"The confronting and provocative process of discovery has the potential to transform an individual’s perception towards the human experience and the world. However, the extent of the transformation is influenced by the willingness of the individual to embrace their discovery."

Hey angiezhang9! I really like your thesis, you've hit some syllabus points really well without repeating the words of the rubric exactly and I think it'll be very adaptable  :) Just something to be aware of: since you're wanting to make it adaptable, make sure you're prepared to change the wording slightly from talking about the "process of discovery" to whatever the question specifies. So now I would recommend that you take your thesis and go write the introduction under timed conditions for at least 10 questions. This will help you to knuckle down the core of your thesis and practise changing the wording of sentences to suit the question.  :) :) Great work  8)
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6th in NSW for SOR 2

ATAR: 97.00

2017: B Nutrition & Dietetics @ University of Newcastle