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April 24, 2021, 02:45:47 am

Author Topic: English Extension 1 Essay Marking  (Read 30548 times)

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bsdfjnlkasn

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #60 on: May 23, 2017, 09:27:13 pm »
Great! I'm going to the library tomorrow (it's Monday night where I am) so I will sit to look at this then. How did you think you went with the presentation? :)

Hey Elyse!

Unfortunately, I had some technical issues with the presentation but that wasn't completely my fault so hopefully the markers can overlook that :) .
I think I spoke clearly although wish I spoke slower, leaving room for pauses. Also, I wasn't particularly nervous which was a nice surprise!
Reflecting on the actual content, I probably could have included more evidence but I believe my take on the audience's engagement with the text (as well as the explicit reflections called on in the marking criteria) was unique. Hopefully my evidence and the link to ways of thinking was insightful - I hope they could see the links without me literally stating "the ways of thinking in .... " as I didn't do that.
I hope my expression was clear (what was actually written rather than how I said it) and that the focus on the individual and how people reacted to the changing global consciousness will make me stand out a bit.

Anyway, regardless of what I thought - i'd love to hear a bit more of a critical perspective.

Thanks again for keeping in touch :)
« Last Edit: May 23, 2017, 09:34:54 pm by bsdfjnlkasn »

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #61 on: May 23, 2017, 11:36:50 pm »
Hey Elyse!

Unfortunately, I had some technical issues with the presentation but that wasn't completely my fault so hopefully the markers can overlook that :) .
I think I spoke clearly although wish I spoke slower, leaving room for pauses. Also, I wasn't particularly nervous which was a nice surprise!
Reflecting on the actual content, I probably could have included more evidence but I believe my take on the audience's engagement with the text (as well as the explicit reflections called on in the marking criteria) was unique. Hopefully my evidence and the link to ways of thinking was insightful - I hope they could see the links without me literally stating "the ways of thinking in .... " as I didn't do that.
I hope my expression was clear (what was actually written rather than how I said it) and that the focus on the individual and how people reacted to the changing global consciousness will make me stand out a bit.

Anyway, regardless of what I thought - i'd love to hear a bit more of a critical perspective.

Thanks again for keeping in touch :)

That sounds like it ran pretty well aside from the technical failures! Congratulations!

Here is my feedback in the spoiler below :)
Spoiler
The dropping of the atomic bombs Fat Man and Little Boy threw the world into a moral wilderness love this! which created a climate of uncertainty and vulnerability. This resulted in the individual becoming a ‘tool’ within broader political networks. Steven Spielberg’s history film Bridge of Spies uses 1960’s America with it’s backdrop of espionage to reveal this. Yet the oppression this amounted to revealed a revolutionary discourse between the oppressors and the oppressed as individuals began to assert “unique selves.”  Not a single qualm here!

This is seen in Spielberg’s depiction of James Donovan’s rejection of McCarthyism as well as in Sylvia Plath’s confessional poetry in Ariel where she undermines the Cold War’s patriarchal discourse. Ishiguro’s self-reflexive novel An Artist of the Floating World, however is a little different.I can imagine the way you said "a little different" in a conversational yet appropriate way. I talk like this in speeches as well! Masuji Ono’s unbreakable bond with the past prevents him from accepting Japan’s failed nationalism and so his own insignificance. Thus the importance of being independent of cultural and political dictations has been impressed on me Not sure about this wording? "Has influenced me" works better, but I'm not sure it is what you're trying to say. via these diverse explorations of human worth and so, values.

The Cold War’s famous espionage, cumulating in events such as the Rosenberg Trials, defined a culture of deceit and suspicion that placed extreme pressure on the individual to conform. Beginning in Rudolf Abel’s apartment, Spielberg presents us with three images of the man which creates an impression of transparency. However, the dim lighting taints this objectivity and evokes our suspicion. In this way, Spielberg uses the audience to collectively target the man as “a foreign threat” and so, capture the paranoia of Communism Excellent - I was waiting for the specific indentification of a way of thinking. which plagued American consciousness during the Cold War.

In this same scene, Spielberg establishes the theme of duplicity in private. This unexpected subversion of the audience’s understanding of espionage, as implied by the film’s title, reveals the strict expectation that the private be separate from the public. The social cohesion that resulted from constructing an existence and identity by this principle was used by America to promise security from foreign and so, nuclear threats. However, the unspoken oppression which resulted is revealed by the man who seeks to define his own identity, literally, by painting his portrait.

Through this, Spielberg captures the disillusionment of those who began to see the hypocrisy in America’s aggressive enforcement of single-minded identity veiled as “patriotism”. I think this would be an excellent place to discuss the ways of thinking. Current and past ways of thinking collide here: hypocrisy is being noted! The previous way of thinking put a lot of faith in the government, and this new way of thinking is more critical as cracks start to appear. As Cold War anxiety is tied to these struggles of asserting a unique identity, Spielberg uses our viewing experience to prove the outer and inner worlds as inextricably linked. Sylvia Plath extends this in her use of the confessional form to invite the reader to equate poet with persona. Absolutely seamless link here! Expected to marry and mother children, Plath aligns her personal context to her global context by the simile of herself in Fever 103° ‘Hiroshima ash... eating in. The sin. The sin.’ The internal rhyme creates a claustrophobic echo linking the atomic bomb’s destruction directly to the time’s oppressive nuclear family values. Excellent analysis - genuinely spectacular

But rather than despairing, Plath leaves us with a flicker of hope in The Applicant. I hope you've presented this as you've written it. I love using the inclusive first person "us" when making a speech, it's really engaging I think!The necessity of our engagement in defying gender expectations is urged in the concluding “will you marry it, marry it, marry it”. Each authoritative repetition empowers us to resist the blatant denial of autonomy we are coerced to accept. Therefore, we alongside Plath, are encouraged to see value in ourselves and defy these dictations. This central way of thinking which asserted a value in the human spirit instead of arbitrary expectations has therefore, been revealed to me via the involving forms of each text. Outstanding

As the infallible facades of authority begin to fall, the previously concealed true power of the is revealed and celebrated. Spielberg frames his protagonist, James Donovan between the pillars of the supreme court, aligning him with the justice they represent. The Doric style columns are reminiscent of Ancient Greece, a nod to democracy in an America which restricted free speech and justified it by the dissent it deterred. Further, Spielberg uses a low angle shot to empower his audience to recognise the scale of Cold War injustice in it’s undermining of the individual. Doing so, highlights the significance of defying it. 

Seeing the flaws of capitalism lie in state-sanctioned oppression has led me to conclude the importance of an identity which is politically removed, and so immune to it’s instability. Ishiguro elaborates on Spielberg’s indictment through Ono’s feelings of displacement. Left, “searching … for significance” we see his resilience in the sibilance. Yet as his effort amounts to nothing, we realise how his sense of meaninglessness is a reflection of Japan’s failed imperialism. As this promised prosperity is left unfulfilled, we, like those in the Cold War are led to question the authority which convinced us otherwise.

As new dimensions of the Cold War are constantly being revealed, as I’m sure they will in the speeches to come, Great engagement! we see the time’s questioning of humanity as being incredibly complex – both intensified and incomplete, despairing and hopeful. Ultimately, it was paradoxical – much like the period itself.


Wow! You should be so impressed with this. I hope your physical presence and oral manipulation nailed it home. This is a really tight little piece that expresses ideas really concisely. You've moved between the texts quite effectively in my opinion! I do think there is a little room for improvement in the way you approach the ways of thinking, and this is likely most important for essays rather than for the speeches. So, you've recognised that there is a shift in global consciousness, and that the climate changed. What better way to prove change than to show the before and after. What developed into what? I think you've done a fair job when looking at Sylvia Plath's work- you've engaged with the "new" way of thinking there. But remember, the module doesn't just ask for "new" ways of thinking, it leaves it open! So, I think you can engage with the idea of CHANGING ways of thinking in a stronger manner.

Also, I think that you could toy with the idea of: "Does a text come as a response to ways of thinking, or does a text prompt new ways of thinking?" So which came first - the chicken or the egg? You don't need to deal with this idea explicitly, although you could, it's just most important that you get a grip on the idea of how texts and ways of thinking relate to one another, and I suggest this is how you should do it! I think it works well to explore this in an essay as well, but you could just do it for your own study and then implement the findings.

Hopefully this gives you a new direction to work in when you get the feedback from the marker. It's not so much that there is a fault in your existing work, it's more than I think we can extend the work!
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bsdfjnlkasn

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #62 on: May 25, 2017, 04:54:01 pm »
That sounds like it ran pretty well aside from the technical failures! Congratulations!

Here is my feedback in the spoiler below :)
Spoiler
The dropping of the atomic bombs Fat Man and Little Boy threw the world into a moral wilderness love this! which created a climate of uncertainty and vulnerability. This resulted in the individual becoming a ‘tool’ within broader political networks. Steven Spielberg’s history film Bridge of Spies uses 1960’s America with it’s backdrop of espionage to reveal this. Yet the oppression this amounted to revealed a revolutionary discourse between the oppressors and the oppressed as individuals began to assert “unique selves.”  Not a single qualm here!

This is seen in Spielberg’s depiction of James Donovan’s rejection of McCarthyism as well as in Sylvia Plath’s confessional poetry in Ariel where she undermines the Cold War’s patriarchal discourse. Ishiguro’s self-reflexive novel An Artist of the Floating World, however is a little different.I can imagine the way you said "a little different" in a conversational yet appropriate way. I talk like this in speeches as well! Masuji Ono’s unbreakable bond with the past prevents him from accepting Japan’s failed nationalism and so his own insignificance. Thus the importance of being independent of cultural and political dictations has been impressed on me Not sure about this wording? "Has influenced me" works better, but I'm not sure it is what you're trying to say. via these diverse explorations of human worth and so, values.

The Cold War’s famous espionage, cumulating in events such as the Rosenberg Trials, defined a culture of deceit and suspicion that placed extreme pressure on the individual to conform. Beginning in Rudolf Abel’s apartment, Spielberg presents us with three images of the man which creates an impression of transparency. However, the dim lighting taints this objectivity and evokes our suspicion. In this way, Spielberg uses the audience to collectively target the man as “a foreign threat” and so, capture the paranoia of Communism Excellent - I was waiting for the specific indentification of a way of thinking. which plagued American consciousness during the Cold War.

In this same scene, Spielberg establishes the theme of duplicity in private. This unexpected subversion of the audience’s understanding of espionage, as implied by the film’s title, reveals the strict expectation that the private be separate from the public. The social cohesion that resulted from constructing an existence and identity by this principle was used by America to promise security from foreign and so, nuclear threats. However, the unspoken oppression which resulted is revealed by the man who seeks to define his own identity, literally, by painting his portrait.

Through this, Spielberg captures the disillusionment of those who began to see the hypocrisy in America’s aggressive enforcement of single-minded identity veiled as “patriotism”. I think this would be an excellent place to discuss the ways of thinking. Current and past ways of thinking collide here: hypocrisy is being noted! The previous way of thinking put a lot of faith in the government, and this new way of thinking is more critical as cracks start to appear. As Cold War anxiety is tied to these struggles of asserting a unique identity, Spielberg uses our viewing experience to prove the outer and inner worlds as inextricably linked. Sylvia Plath extends this in her use of the confessional form to invite the reader to equate poet with persona. Absolutely seamless link here! Expected to marry and mother children, Plath aligns her personal context to her global context by the simile of herself in Fever 103° ‘Hiroshima ash... eating in. The sin. The sin.’ The internal rhyme creates a claustrophobic echo linking the atomic bomb’s destruction directly to the time’s oppressive nuclear family values. Excellent analysis - genuinely spectacular

But rather than despairing, Plath leaves us with a flicker of hope in The Applicant. I hope you've presented this as you've written it. I love using the inclusive first person "us" when making a speech, it's really engaging I think!The necessity of our engagement in defying gender expectations is urged in the concluding “will you marry it, marry it, marry it”. Each authoritative repetition empowers us to resist the blatant denial of autonomy we are coerced to accept. Therefore, we alongside Plath, are encouraged to see value in ourselves and defy these dictations. This central way of thinking which asserted a value in the human spirit instead of arbitrary expectations has therefore, been revealed to me via the involving forms of each text. Outstanding

As the infallible facades of authority begin to fall, the previously concealed true power of the is revealed and celebrated. Spielberg frames his protagonist, James Donovan between the pillars of the supreme court, aligning him with the justice they represent. The Doric style columns are reminiscent of Ancient Greece, a nod to democracy in an America which restricted free speech and justified it by the dissent it deterred. Further, Spielberg uses a low angle shot to empower his audience to recognise the scale of Cold War injustice in it’s undermining of the individual. Doing so, highlights the significance of defying it. 

Seeing the flaws of capitalism lie in state-sanctioned oppression has led me to conclude the importance of an identity which is politically removed, and so immune to it’s instability. Ishiguro elaborates on Spielberg’s indictment through Ono’s feelings of displacement. Left, “searching … for significance” we see his resilience in the sibilance. Yet as his effort amounts to nothing, we realise how his sense of meaninglessness is a reflection of Japan’s failed imperialism. As this promised prosperity is left unfulfilled, we, like those in the Cold War are led to question the authority which convinced us otherwise.

As new dimensions of the Cold War are constantly being revealed, as I’m sure they will in the speeches to come, Great engagement! we see the time’s questioning of humanity as being incredibly complex – both intensified and incomplete, despairing and hopeful. Ultimately, it was paradoxical – much like the period itself.


Wow! You should be so impressed with this. I hope your physical presence and oral manipulation nailed it home. This is a really tight little piece that expresses ideas really concisely. You've moved between the texts quite effectively in my opinion! I do think there is a little room for improvement in the way you approach the ways of thinking, and this is likely most important for essays rather than for the speeches. So, you've recognised that there is a shift in global consciousness, and that the climate changed. What better way to prove change than to show the before and after. What developed into what? I think you've done a fair job when looking at Sylvia Plath's work- you've engaged with the "new" way of thinking there. But remember, the module doesn't just ask for "new" ways of thinking, it leaves it open! So, I think you can engage with the idea of CHANGING ways of thinking in a stronger manner.

Also, I think that you could toy with the idea of: "Does a text come as a response to ways of thinking, or does a text prompt new ways of thinking?" So which came first - the chicken or the egg? You don't need to deal with this idea explicitly, although you could, it's just most important that you get a grip on the idea of how texts and ways of thinking relate to one another, and I suggest this is how you should do it! I think it works well to explore this in an essay as well, but you could just do it for your own study and then implement the findings.

Hopefully this gives you a new direction to work in when you get the feedback from the marker. It's not so much that there is a fault in your existing work, it's more than I think we can extend the work!

Hey Elyse!

You've really reassured me with this feedback, hopefully the teachers enjoyed the content as much as you did!
Your feedback was super detailed and I actually love how you gave me some areas for enhancement :D
I'll definitely look to get more feedback in the future for tasks here and there - thanks so much again, I really appreciate it :)

maria1999

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #63 on: June 11, 2017, 02:13:46 pm »
hey!
So I have a hand in extension narrative due on Wednesday and was wondering if someone could take a look at it? It's based around the red scare in America and is from the point of view of two families. Structure is probs way off and spelling and grammar is also probably a low key horror movie so please be as critical as possible!!

Red over the Hedge
[/b]


The McCarthy’s
 
Is your b[/center]athroom breeding Bolsheviks? Do you have the overwhelming urge to wake up two hours before work to “seize the means of production”?
 
Mr James McCarthy certainly did.
 
At dawn, James McCarthy would rise from his slumber and trudge to the kitchen, popping in eight slices of bread into the toaster for his family of four. Two slices each. How plentiful! How decadent! How utterly excessive. Leon and Vladimir, both too young to to understand the socio-economic implications of bread for both breakfast and lunch nagged their father about their predicament.
“Dad!” they both moaned in unison.
“What?” 
“How are we supposed to share one carrot between us for lunch and recess?” James paused for a moment to consider this.
“Rationing my dear boys, it’s a dying art!” He quickly pecked both his sons on the forehead before he hurried out the door to work.
 
The Johnsons
Anthony and Jacqueline Johnson were dipping in discussion at the kitchen table. Anthony was tapping the linoleum floor in haste, anxious for Jacqueline's reply. She would open her mouth in a succession of “ah’s” and “ums”, simultaneously shifting her weight between each elbow.
“Are you sure honey?” she said, directing her gaze straight towards him.
“It’s beyond doubt. Linden and Dwight said his kids came to school with a carrot between them. It’s chronic I tell you, chronic.” Anthony rubbed his palm against his face,
“Maybe we should give it time, it’s quite a serious accusation to make, don’t you think sweetheart?”
“I’m telling you Jackie, that family is sick” He stood up from the table defiantly.
 “I will protect our children.”
 
The McCarthy’s
“Falin’s Panel Beater’s” was a shed on the corner of Liberty Lane; James McCarthy’s place of employment.  There was an irrevocable sense of fellowship amongst the workers who slaved away in the liminal space amongst suburban Washington that seemed to glorify the beauty of work. Every aspect of this place reminded James of how he was just a pawn in another man’s game. Everything from the grimy air that seemed to slick over his skin whenever he walked into the premise to the mould spores that took refuge in the back room fridge. The foreman promised to have it check out but hasn’t gotten around to it. Typical. Regardless of the hardships, James relished in the comfort of his comrades when push came to shove. Every so often, he would help out one of his fellow workers finish up their quota of cars for the day.
“So how’s the family?” Billy was one of James's closest colleagues.
“Not too bad my friend, and yours?” The both of them we’re wiping down either side of a salvaged camaro.
“Yeah they're doing okay.” He stood up briefly and wiped the remainder of the polish from off his hands with the tattered grease cloth.
“We’re thinking of having a barbeque after the boy’s soccer game. We better see your face there after all you did for the boys this season!” James chuckled as Billy came around and patted his shoulder in gratitude. It was this feeling of camaraderie that he relished in whenever he came to the shed. It was a dog eat dog world that he lived in but whenever he came to his place of labour, he knew that he was looked after. At the end of his shift, he grabbed his rucksack from the back room and left his shift feeling accomplished.
 
The Johnson’s
The tinge of dusk had washed over the fringes of Lincoln Street. Anthony was busy finishing up the last of the plates which the family had eaten brunch on and noticed by chance the repulsiveness of the overgrown hedges. Peering outside the window he looked over at either side of his neighbor's yards and saw the clean and clipped shrubs which lined the outside of their humble abodes.. Walking out into the yard, he immediately began to rectify the issue that was the lush vegetation that swallowed his front yard. He began to open the trimmers when the sound of a beaten up Chevy truck filled the vicinity of the neighbourhood. It was James McCarthy. Hurrying out of his truck, he run up the cobblestone steps to his home before double taking. His eyes lasered the hedges that ran across the parameter of his home. Walking promptly to the tray of his chevy, he took out what appeared to be a curved contraption. He swung it behind his back and looked both ways, briefly making eye contact with James before entering his garden bed.
“Shit!” Anthony muttered underneath his breath, grappling the branches of his sugar maple tree and take refuge in it’s lowest canopy. He squinted his eyes to focus on his neighbour. McCarthy swung the contraption side to side, the greenery falling like butter being cut by a hot knife. It was then he saw it. What an idiot he thought to himself. How could he have missed it? The gleam of the sickle was undeniable. This was the final straw. It was beyond questionable now. Anthony marched over into the kitchen and grabbed his telephone, hammering the buttons to call the police. Jacqueline was preparing the pot-roast for later this evening.
“What are you doing honey?” She look at him in confusion
“I’m taking care of that situation” He pointed abruptly to across the road and tucked his phone between his head and shoulders.
“But how-”
“Jacquline” He stared directly into her face. She knew that there was no convincing him otherwise.
“Better yet..” He finished his sentence quickly and put down the receiver.
“We go over to the house right now, and if we see anything even more compromising than what we have already seen, we’re alerting the authorities”
He grabbed Jacqueline's hand and pulled her out of the house. They walked across the road and paced across garden bed of the McCarthy residence. They stood briefly at the door and then looked at each other for a second. He raised his hand and went to knock when the door swung open.
“Thank you so much for your contributions, Mr McCarthy. You know, In this day and age, it’s so nice to see young men like yourself thinking about the good of society instead of this horrid “everyman for himself” mentality. The people of the Red Cross pass on their best wishes to you and your fa--.” James looked over at both Anthony and Jacqueline. Both of their mouths hung open in shock and disbelief. They could not have known the horrifying truth.
“Anthony, Jacquie, what brings you over at this time of day” He chuckled at them both and the Red Cross officer.
“Would you like to make a donation today? The officer raised the burlap sack that jingled with loose change.
“There will be none of that today Sir.” Anthony turned and put his arm around Jacquline, looking back at James”
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re playing at” James furrowed his brow confusion and watched as the Johnsons walked away. Immediately once inside their home, he knew what to do. With one hand on the bench, he tapped impatiently waiting for the response on the other side of the receiver.
“Hello, welcome to Suspicious Activities Agency. To report crime press 1. To report a missing person 2. To report Communist activity press 3.”

raylmao

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #64 on: June 11, 2017, 03:59:04 pm »
Hiiiiiii,

I'm only prelim (no h8), but I was wondering if I could submit my essay for some marking???? I can't find many resources that provide help to preliminary students... We're currently doing a genre study on horror and I just want a fresh pair of eyes to review my essay. I understand the 15 post rule, but I was just wondering if you'd accept a prelim essay.

THANKS :)
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3U English, Modern History, History Extension, Legal Studies, Economics.

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #65 on: June 12, 2017, 05:07:48 pm »
Hiiiiiii,

I'm only prelim (no h8), but I was wondering if I could submit my essay for some marking???? I can't find many resources that provide help to preliminary students... We're currently doing a genre study on horror and I just want a fresh pair of eyes to review my essay. I understand the 15 post rule, but I was just wondering if you'd accept a prelim essay.

THANKS :)

Heya! Welcome to the forums :) Definitely can help with a preliminary essay! Just because I'm not as familiar with the demands of this kind of question, if you can post your essay question, and any other relevant info (or marking criteria) then I can be more helpful :) See you at 15 posts! Let me know if I can help with anything in the meantime.
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marcusgrahamm

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #66 on: June 12, 2017, 08:05:54 pm »
I know I still have a few more posts till I should be allowed to get this essay marked, I have it due on Wednesday and I would really appreciate some feedback from you guys, its sooo helpful.

I promise ill make up the posts soon, just kinda urgent bc I feel like I'm wayyyy off track on this essay in terms of the way I'm answering the question

Thanks!! :)

The individual’s pursuit of truth was inextricably linked to the natural world during the Romantic period. Evaluate to what extent this statement reflects the perspective in your core text and one related text.

Ensuing the Age of Enlightenment’s process of scientific reasoning, a Romantic movement emerged. Central to new-found ways of thinking, and fundamental to the conceptualisation of free thought and nature’s relevance in pronouncing the deeper, sub-textual meaning of humanity. Lord Byron’s 1816 poem Darkness, emphasises the pantheistic role nature plays in man’s pursuit of veracity and its linkage in understanding life’s purpose in the face of death. Similarly, Mary Shelley’s 1818 Gothic Novel, Frankenstein, explores the uniqueness and the jeopardies arising from an unbounded quest for ingenious virtuosity. Through nature’s role in developing truth within, and for the individual, coinciding with the notion of sublimity and its significance in shaping candour these thematic concerns forebode a parallel, interrelationship.

The complex notion of individualism is concurrent with veracity’s formation of humanity. Romantics valued the oneness of human life intertwined with a unification of human experience through the realistic traits nature offers man. Shelley’s Frankenstein epitomizes the idea of truth through the scientific paradigm, whereby Victor is symbolic of the Age of Enlightenment’s rational ways of thinking. Hence, in his pursuit of a ‘logically true creation’ we witness an intricate link between the natural and metaphysical world. Driven by a desire to highlight sagacities role in natures evolution Victors conjures the plans to create what will become an abomination of the biological world. His instincts of philosophical rationality can be interpreted from the hyperbolic recount of Victor’s naïve years “I had not been content…with the results…of natural science…and exchanged the discoveries…for the dreams of modern philosophy”. However, contrasting to his interpretation of what genuine livelihood embodies is the creature which is characterized by the dominant traits of romanticism through its harmonious response when surrounded by the physical world. Subsequently, it is obvious that Shelley has interwoven the impact pursuit of rational truth has on the realistic outcomes nature ultimately forebodes. Thematically we are presented with the contextually contemporary concern of individualism which was treasured by the Romantics but despised by their rational counterparts. Throughout the progression of the novel the creature comes to stand as an extended metaphor for humanities ignorance and inability to accept the inevitable truth of change. This is highlighted when he suggests “Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay to mould me Man, did I solicit thee from darkness to promote me?” this dichotomising the story of ‘Adam and Eve”, specifically Adam’s apologies for his sins. Here the monster pictures himself as a tragic figure, primarily shown through the religious iconography and allusiveness to his alikeness of both Satan and Adam. Rhetorical questions fortify the confusion of the monster’s mentalities and his foist of Victor’s choice to pervade natures barriers for true science. Consequently, Frankenstein comes to symbolise Satan through the sacrilege of his attempt to arrogate God’s power and bend the authentic process of natural evolution. Furthermore, the pathetic fallacy manifested in “a dreary night of November” foreshadows Frankenstein’s forthcoming demise due to his unruly desire to overcome natures laws. Aiding this is “I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open… and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs”; here visual imagery alludes to further negative connotations, and the reader comes to the realisation that Victor’s choice to avail truth has resulted in an unfixable mistake. Consequently, he decrees “the beauty of the dream vanished”, in turn elucidating the philosophical enigma of Romanticism. His ardent, enigmatic psyche correlates with the bizarre powers of nature. Romantics rejected the absolutes of scientific thought in its attempt to reduce nature’s answers validity. Thus, Shelley’s Frankenstein exemplifies the inseparable connection the natural world evokes when resonating with the notion of truth.
Human experience is central to the romantic ideal of truth through its illustration of nature’s pertinence to man’s survival and sense of self. Lord Byron’s Darkness tackles humanities degradation, through a post-apocalyptic description of earth in order to challenge societies ignorance relating to nature’s significant role in sustaining genuine life and developing truth. Composed in the Year Without A Summer, whereby the world was succumbed in volcanic ash clouds, Byron cultivates a sense of irony and metaphorical substance in the title of this poem. “Darkness” itself expounds on the fear and uncertainty striking society contextually. Thus, the bleak, gloomy mood is symbolic of the dangers incited when forgoing nature’s bliss in the industrial metropolis which ultimately disregards core ways of Romantic thinking. Aiding such is the paradoxical remark of “I had a dream, which was not at all a dream” here true existence is intertwined with an elusive reality. Subsequently, Byron’s perplexing tone prompts the audience to query the corruptive demeanour of humankind within the natural world as civilisations consecutively and continually overlook their genuine existence with scientific and rational progression. Therefore, within the philosophical paradigm the notion of truth is presented with an inseparable linking to nature- If mankind relentlessly questions the truth of his existence, nature will undoubtedly suffer and with it humanity fails. Developing this interpretation is the visual imagery in ‘the bright sun extinguished…and the stars did wander darkling in the eternal space’ which highlights a world without order, living environments and actuality itself. Consequently, the ambiguous persona, demonstrates the literal meaning as overpowering darkness and the end of times. However, a subjacent angle indicates the self-destruction man experiences in an unrealistic pursuit of truth above pantheistic laws. As a result, Byron had conjured a world lacking in Romantic ideals, thus accentuating the human experiences need for an authentic understanding of idealism, creativity and individualism. Additionally, the amplification of contextual fears through the pathetic fallacy of weather heightened apprehensions that the destruction of the world was a celestial reckoning, “vipers, hissing but stingless…they were slain for food”. The religious iconography allows us to interpret this as a direct biblical allusion to a utopic worlds descent into suffering. Likewise, to Shelly, Byron now offers a truthful mirror of humanities concerns in a gothic representation of nature’s power above man in its sheer, corruptive force. Primarily, “The meagre by the meagre were devour'd” reinforces the selfishness of Enlightenment idealists who Byron compares to as beasts amidst animalistic imagery, yet again strengthening man’s inextricable connection to the natural world and its ominous abilities when discredited. Hence, ‘Two…of an enormous city did survive…and they were enemies’ deepens the impression of civilisations meekness to the physical. This mirrors Frankenstein’s creature as the monster desires revenge on the human community for disobeying the divine prospect of truth. Similarly, Byron’s apocalypse extends such as it warns how discounting Romantic values could destroy life as we know it. Thus, the oceanic imagery of ‘ships lay sailorless on the sea…rotting, the sails fell down piecemeal’ finalises the chaotic pandemonium initiated when man strives to rise beyond truth into the logically scientific.  Accordingly, Lord Byron’s Darkness resonates with the idea of an ignorant, industrialisation of society and its lasting connotations on the natural landscape.

Conclusively, both texts typify the core traits of Romantic thinking through their discussion of respective zeitgeist’s perception of truth when tackling the natural world vs the industrial. Whilst vastly different in their sensualisation of this notion Shelley and Byron effectively contemplate man’s existence and reliance on nature when seeking to comprehend humanities reality and individual place in the world.
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elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #67 on: June 12, 2017, 09:34:53 pm »
I know I still have a few more posts till I should be allowed to get this essay marked, I have it due on Wednesday and I would really appreciate some feedback from you guys, its sooo helpful.

I promise ill make up the posts soon, just kinda urgent bc I feel like I'm wayyyy off track on this essay in terms of the way I'm answering the question

Thanks!! :)

Hey Marcus,

I'm going to give feedback to the people who have qualified for marking first and then I'll do my best to get to you before Wednesday :) You're only 6 posts off eligibility, so you're not too far :)
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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #68 on: June 13, 2017, 12:33:47 am »
hey!
So I have a hand in extension narrative due on Wednesday and was wondering if someone could take a look at it? It's based around the red scare in America and is from the point of view of two families. Structure is probs way off and spelling and grammar is also probably a low key horror movie so please be as critical as possible!!

I'm so excited to read this - I haven't read a creative in a little while! :)
Spoiler
Red over the Hedge
[/b]


The McCarthy’s
 
Is your b[/center]athroom breeding Bolsheviks? Do you have the overwhelming urge to wake up two hours before work to “seize the means of production”?
 
Mr James McCarthy certainly did.
 
At dawn, James McCarthy would rise from his slumber and trudge to the kitchen, popping in eight slices of bread into the toaster for his family of four. Two slices each. How plentiful! How decadent! How utterly excessive.I love this. Leon and Vladimir, both too young to to understand the socio-economic implications of bread for both breakfast and lunch nagged their father about their predicament.
“Dad!” they both moaned in unison.
“What?” 
“How are we supposed to share one carrot between us for lunch and recess?” James paused for a moment to consider this.
“Rationing my dear boys, it’s a dying art!” He quickly pecked both his sons on the forehead before he hurried out the door to work. The creation of atmosphere, tone, comedy....this part is excellent.
 
The Johnsons
Anthony and Jacqueline Johnson were dipping in discussion at the kitchen table. Anthony was tapping the linoleum floor in haste, anxious for Jacqueline's reply. She would open her mouth in a succession of “ah’s” and “ums”, simultaneously shifting her weight between each elbow.
“Are you sure honey?” she said, directing her gaze straight towards him.
“It’s beyond doubt. Linden and Dwight said his kids came to school with a carrot between them. It’s chronic I tell you, chronic.” Anthony rubbed his palm against his face,
“Maybe we should give it time, it’s quite a serious accusation to make, don’t you think sweetheart?”
“I’m telling you Jackie, that family is sick” He stood up from the table defiantly.
 “I will protect our children.”
 
The McCarthy’s
“Falin’s Panel Beater’s” was a shed on the corner of Liberty Lane; James McCarthy’s place of employment.  There was an irrevocable sense of fellowship amongst the workers who slaved away in the liminal space amongst suburban Washington that seemed to glorify the beauty of work. Every aspect of this place reminded James of how he was just a pawn in another man’s game. Everything from the grimy air that seemed to slick over his skin whenever he walked into the premise to the mould spores that took refuge in the back room fridge. The foreman promised to have it check out but hasn’t gotten around to it. Typical. Regardless of the hardships, James relished in the comfort of his comrades when push came to shove. Every so often, he would help out one of his fellow workers finish up their quota of cars for the day.
“So how’s the family?” Billy was one of James's closest colleagues.
“Not too bad my friend, and yours?” The both of them we’re wiping down either side of a salvaged camaro.
“Yeah they're doing okay.” He stood up briefly and wiped the remainder of the polish from off his hands with the tattered grease cloth.
“We’re thinking of having a barbeque after the boy’s soccer game. We better see your face there after all you did for the boys this season!” James chuckled as Billy came around and patted his shoulder in gratitude. It was this feeling of camaraderie that he relished in whenever he came to the shed. It was a dog eat dog world that he lived in but whenever he came to his place of labour, he knew that he was looked after. At the end of his shift, he grabbed his rucksack from the back room and left his shift feeling accomplished. You still paint a wonderful picture here, but I think of the first three paragraphs this is the one that doesn't grab me as much. I'm still following the story so it's fine, I can appreciate this paragraph. But I think it's worth me telling you where my interest rises and falls because that's important for you to know as a writer.
 
The Johnson’s
The tinge of dusk had washed over the fringes of Lincoln Street. What an incredible description - so simple yet so stark. Anthony was busy finishing up the last of the plates which the family had eaten brunch on sounds a bit awkward - maybe: "up the last of the plates the family used for brunch" and noticed by chance the repulsiveness of the overgrown hedges. Peering outside the window he looked over at either side of his neighbor's yards and saw the clean and clipped shrubs which lined the outside of their humble abodes.. Walking out into the yard, he immediately began to rectify the issue that was the lush vegetation that swallowed his front yard. He began to open the trimmers when the sound of a beaten up Chevy truck filled the vicinity of the neighbourhood. It was James McCarthy. Hurrying out of his truck, he run up the cobblestone steps to his home before double taking. His eyes lasered the hedges that ran across the parameter of his home. Walking promptly to the tray of his chevy, he took out what appeared to be a curved contraption. He swung it behind his back and looked both ways, briefly making eye contact with James before entering his garden bed.
“Shit!” Anthony muttered underneath his breath, grappling the branches of his sugar maple tree and take he took? refuge in it’s lowest canopy I could be wrong - but is canopy not the highest level of the trees? The one with mostly leaves and not much branches?. He squinted his eyes to focus on his neighbour. McCarthy swung the contraption side to side, the greenery falling like butter being cut by a hot knife. It was then he saw it. What an idiot he thought to himself. How could he have missed it? The gleam of the sickle was undeniable. This was the final straw. It was beyond questionable now. Anthony marched over into the kitchen and grabbed his telephone, hammering the buttons to call the police. Jacqueline was preparing the pot-roast for later this evening.
“What are you doing honey?” She look at him in confusion
“I’m taking care of that situation” He pointed abruptly to across the road and tucked his phone between his head and shoulders. maybe just one shoulder?
“But how-”
“Jacquline” He stared directly into her face. She knew that there was no convincing him otherwise.
“Better yet..” He finished his sentence quickly and put down the receiver.
“We go over We are going over?* to the house right now, and if we see anything even more compromising than what we have already seen, we’re alerting the authorities”
He grabbed Jacqueline's hand and pulled her out of the house. They walked across the road and paced across garden bed of the McCarthy residence. They stood briefly at the door and then looked at each other for a second. He raised his hand and went to knock when the door swung open.
“Thank you so much for your contributions, Mr McCarthy. You know, In this day and age, it’s so nice to see young men like yourself thinking about the good of society instead of this horrid “everyman for himself” mentality. The people of the Red Cross pass on their best wishes to you and your fa--.” James looked over at both Anthony and Jacqueline. Both of their mouths hung open in shock and disbelief. They could not have known the horrifying truth.
“Anthony, Jacquie, what brings you over at this time of day” He chuckled at them both and the Red Cross officer.
“Would you like to make a donation today? The officer raised the burlap sack that jingled with loose change.
“There will be none of that today Sir.” Anthony turned and put his arm around Jacquline, looking back at James” <<Accidental quotation mark?

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re playing at” James furrowed his brow confusion and watched as the Johnsons walked away. Immediately once inside their home, he knew what to do. With one hand on the bench, he tapped impatiently waiting for the response on the other side of the receiver.
“Hello, welcome to Suspicious Activities Agency. To report crime press 1. To report a missing person 2. To report Communist activity press 3.”
I was immediately engaged by your use of language to portray to different yet similar scenes between the two house holds. I think your use of names is really clever as it adds another level to your work. The ending can be improved, I think. It definitely shows ways of thinking, so you tick that box, but as it came to the end I thought it was quite an anticlimax in terms of story structure. We stopped flipping between the houses so often, we had the opportunity to get comfortable, whereas when it was flipping between the families it emulated that "on edge" vibe that the situation shows. I just wanted a little more intensity towards the end, I think. And I don't think it's your plot that lets you down, but rather the structure. Do you think it's possible to extend flipping between the characters a bit more towards the end? Maybe this isn't the solution, but just a suggestion. You definitely have a whole lot of ways of thinking here, some properly explored and others just touched on enough to show you understand the era well. But, I'd love to see a little more intensity to grip me. At the start I was so enthused, but it did wear off throughout. What do you think?
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maria1999

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #69 on: June 13, 2017, 05:54:08 pm »
I'm so excited to read this - I haven't read a creative in a little while! :)
Yes, I see exactly where your coming from! I'll definitely try and switch it up a bit as I did think the start was dynamic but the end a little stagnant. I really struggle with creatives so I do appreciate the feedback so much Elyse!! Thank you!!
« Last Edit: June 16, 2017, 06:50:01 am by elysepopplewell »

marcusgrahamm

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #70 on: June 13, 2017, 07:05:08 pm »
Totally understandable @elysepopplewell, I reached the target of 45 posts hopefully you can have a look at it when you get a free chance.

Thanks so much,
Marcus!
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elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #71 on: June 15, 2017, 02:26:56 am »
Totally understandable @elysepopplewell, I reached the target of 45 posts hopefully you can have a look at it when you get a free chance.

Thanks so much,
Marcus!

I'm really sorry I couldn't get to this in time Marcus. Would you still like feedback on it or will that make you anxious because you've already submitted? I'll happily mark it for you if that's what you'd like :)
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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #72 on: June 16, 2017, 09:59:23 am »
Yes I would like to get it marked still !

Thanks.
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herb123

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #73 on: June 16, 2017, 11:13:13 am »
Hey are there any markers on here who specialise in Genre: Science Fiction?

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #74 on: June 17, 2017, 01:37:43 am »
Hey are there any markers on here who specialise in Genre: Science Fiction?
Hey herb123! I'm sorry I can't say there is. In saying this, I have read a bit of science fiction (I live for Margaret Atwood...although she says she doesn't class as SF), and in preliminary I studied dystopian texts. If you think I can help at all I happily will :)
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