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Author Topic: English Extension 1 Essay Marking  (Read 30548 times)

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brenden

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English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« on: March 16, 2015, 03:53:47 pm »
If you'd like your essay marked, you won't be able to post it until you make an ATAR Notes account here. Once you've done that, a little 'reply' button will come up when you're viewing threads, and you'll be able to copy and paste your essay and post it up here for us to mark!

Hey everyone!! Welcome to the Extension 1 Marking Thread. This thread is here for you to get feedback on your essays from a Band 6 student. This resource exists to help you guys make huge improvements on your essay writing... Too often, teachers just write "good" or "needs explaining" or "expand". SUPER. FRUSTRATING. This is a place to properly improve :) :) :)

Before posting, please read the essay marking rules/rationale here.

Post away, and happy studies!!  ;D ;D
« Last Edit: August 04, 2017, 08:40:08 pm by jamonwindeyer »
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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2016, 09:38:41 pm »
Hi there!

I'm doing ext 1 English and my module is on Romanticism! Here's an essay that I've written. Any feedback is helpful!

The criteria for the Essay is as follows, for a top band:

Composes a sophisticated response to the question posed, using the prescribed text and one other appropriate text in an insightful manner
Demonstrates perceptive understanding of the relationships between the texts, their context and Romantic ways of thinking
Demonstrates highly developed control of language to express complex ideas with clarity

The essay written is a generic one for the module.
Can you check to see if my arguments make sense? Where the holes are? If there are logical leaps? Ways to improve expression and flow.
Generally tips on how I can improve :)

The Romantic Movement was a time of great change that challenged the Enlightenment’s conventional ways of thinking. Underpinned by a deviation from Neo-classical rationality and societal submission to individual liberty and imaginative ideals, Mary Wollstonecraft’s revolutionary manifesto “A Vindication of the Rights of Women” (Vindication) (1792) and Percy Shelley’s incendiary ballad “The Mask of Anarchy” (Mask)(1819), both criticise repressive social and political institutions. Whilst, Wollstonecraft, in her utopic vision for society advocates for the liberation of women from the repressive patriarchy and restrictive social construct, Shelley elevates the oppressed, and promotes rebellion against tyrannical power structures. Nonetheless, both texts are testament to Romantic ways of thinking, privileging freedom of thought, change and rejection of social constraints.

In “’Vindication”, Wollstonecraft embraces Romantic individualism by challenging societal constraints imposed upon women. Her egalitarian ideals were heavily influenced by the French Revolution, which extolled values of freedom and equality, invidiously excluded to “one half of the human race”. Despite a shift in paradigms, Wollstonecraft subscribes to Enlightenment rationality, using the aphorism that “man’s pre-eminence over the brute creation” exists in “reason” and the theological assumption that the soul is unsexed, hence women like men must be capable of reason, to establish her arguments for gender equality. However, Wollstonecraft reveals the restrictive expectations imposed upon women to “gratify the senses of man” through her allusion to Milton who asserts that “women are formed for softness and sweet attractive grace”. Thus, she condemns the patriarchal society for making women “alluring mistresses than affectionate wives and rational mothers”, with the antithesis emphasising the extent to which women have been rendered incapable of rationality by society. Instead of developing “reason”, women have been “taught..that beauty is woman’s sceptre”, with the “sceptre” symbolically denoting their ironic attainment of power through the repressive feminine construct. Thus, women are mentally enslaved to “superficial graces” as the metaphoric imagery in “the mind..only seeks to adorn its prison” highlights their imprisonment to societal conventions. Literary critic, Lindsay Kohl, reaffirms Wollstonecraft’s beliefs claiming that “women were conditioned by society to perform in a weak, falsely-refined and servile manner...contributing to their loss of liberty”. As such, Wollstonecraft stresses the need for female autonomy in her authorial voice, “I do not wish them to have power over men but over themselves”, reinforcing the necessity for women to seek liberation from social constraints. By highlighting the systemic oppression of women, Wollstonecraft criticises the tyrannical edicts of establishments as impeding on individualism and autonomy.

In “Masque”, Shelly shares Wollstonecraft’s rebellious perspective, which manifests Romantic individualism in his repudiation of despotic social institutions. Written in response to the 1819 Peterloo Massacre, Shelley’s poem lambastes the British government for their murderous abuse of power on a peacefully demonstrating public. From the outset, Shelley illustrates his revulsion towards the ruling institutions, by personifying them as abstract evils “I met Murder...he had a mask like Castlereagh” in an allusion to Lord Castlereagh, a prominent political figure. This satirical attack on the government is furthered by the grotesque imagery in  “he tossed them human hearts to chew”, which illustrates their inhumanity towards the oppressed population. Ironically, “Anarchy” is allegorised as the dominant political and religious power structures, the metaphor “I am God, and King, and Law” allows Shelley to extend his criticisms to all institutions founded on physical and psychological oppression. As women in “Vindication” are enslaved into “blind obedience”, the oppressed in “Mask” are characterised by the epithet “adoring multitude” to highlight the hypocrisy of their submission to tyrannical edicts. Moreover, the personification of slavery in “slavery...for its very name has grown to an echo of your own” suggests that the masses have lost their individuality as a result their subjugation, paralleling the repression of women in “Vindication”. Whereas, Wollstonecraft condemns the societal constructs of femininity for their suppression of women’s rights, Shelley critiques predominant power institutions for their tyrannical treatment of individuals, both radical ideals sourced from the Romantic revolutionary spirit.

Although Wollstonecraft criticises the restrictive conventions of society, she concurrently advocates for reform to liberate women from social constraints. Inspired by Talleyrand’s proposal for free education, Wollstonecraft champions her National Education Reform, granting females equal education to males, which in benefitting women will benefit society. Initially, she highlights the potential for education to figuratively “strengthen the female mind by enlarging it and... end blind obedience”, suggesting that with reason, individuals are able to question societal conventions and achieve liberation. Through the metaphor of women as “the graceful ivy, clasping the oak that supported it”, she also speculates on the improvement of marital relationships making “man and wife ONE” with the capitalisation of “one” evincing the equal union of both sexes. She idealises the power of education to engender “more affectionate sisters, more faithful wives, more reasonable mothers”, as the anaphora of “more” adds emphasis to the creation of a distinctly better society with reform. Furthermore, she extends this “revolution in female manners” to political institutions, depicted through the high modality “I really think that women ought to have representatives...in government”, linking equality within the domestic sphere to the political sphere. However, her “utopian vision” is contrasted against the hyperbole “children are absolutely murdered by the ignorance of women” to emphasise the perpetual cycle of misery and ignorance grounded within the status quo, accentuating her appeal to kairos “now is the time to take action!” to expedite reform.  Ultimately, the diametrical juxtaposition of “friend” and “slave” in “women will either friend or slave of man” underscores the stipulation of reform in facilitating the liberation of women from the oppressive regimes of society. As literary critic Anne Mellor explains “Wollstonecraft advocates for the egalitarian family...the prototype of genuine democracy... in which husband and wife regard each other as equals”. Thus, by promoting equality through idyllic reform, Wollstonecraft strives for the liberation of women, unifying Romantic idealism and individualism.

Whilst “Vindication” idealises education reform, Shelley in “Mask” advocates for revolution against prevailing authority. Shelley, influenced by the suffrage movement of 1819 Britain, urges peaceful reform amidst widespread political radicalism. Written as a prophetic vision “As I lay asleep...”,the poem invokes ideals of freedom by act of poetic imagination, illustrating Shelley’s embodiment of Romantic idealism. His uncomplicated style, contrasting Wollstonecraft’s philosophical diction, is characterised by a simple AABB rhyming scheme and quatrains, indicative of his intended audience, the uneducated oppressed masses. Thus, Shelley glorifies the prospect of revolution through the metaphor “Men of England, heirs of glory”, calling for “a great Assembly of the fearless and the free”. He utilises the fricative alliteration of “fearless” and “free” to associate the fight for liberation with ennobling qualities of courage. However, through the lexical chain in “tyrants..[will] slash, and stab, and main, and hew”, Shelley acknowledges the overwhelming abuse of power as a significant impediment to revolution. Contrasting such violence, Shelly idealises peaceful rebellion employing natural imagery “Stand ye calm and resolute like a forest close and mute” to elevate the oppressed in their refusal to violently retaliate.  Shelley’s idealistic beliefs are further developed through the extended metaphor “rise like lions after slumber...shake your chains to earth like dew”, which empowers the masses to revolt by understating the true difficulties of rebellion. In contrast to Wollstonecraft’s utopia of women living alongside their oppressors, men, Shelley’s vision creates an “us-versus-them” dichotomy with the antithesis “ye are many-they are few” spurring the oppressed classes into action. Hence, Shelly utilises his imagination, typical of Romantic idealism, in “Mask” as a vehicle to champion rebellion and facilitate change.

Ultimately, both texts embody Romantic ways of thinking, representing the paradigm shift from Enlightenment conformity and rationality to Romantic individualism and idealism. Although differing in purpose, Wollstonecraft and Shelley both promoted change by challenging restrictive conventions and empowering the oppressed to transcend social and political limitations. Thus .Answer Q
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brenden

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2016, 04:29:45 pm »
Romanticism
blimey, this takes me back to the early Lit days in uni

Composes a sophisticated response to the question posed, using the prescribed text and one other appropriate text in an insightful manner
Demonstrates perceptive understanding of the relationships between the texts, their context and Romantic ways of thinking
Demonstrates highly developed control of language to express complex ideas with clarity
Thanks for that!


Okay, great essay! See spoiler for feedback. Please ignore the horrible grammar I've used to give feedback. The irony isn't lost on me.
Unmarked essay for reference
The Romantic Movement was a time of great change that challenged the Enlightenment’s conventional ways of thinking. Underpinned by a deviation from Neo-classical rationality and societal submission to individual liberty and imaginative ideals, Mary Wollstonecraft’s revolutionary manifesto “A Vindication of the Rights of Women” (Vindication) (1792) and Percy Shelley’s incendiary ballad “The Mask of Anarchy” (Mask)(1819), both criticise repressive social and political institutions. Whilst, Wollstonecraft, in her utopic vision for society advocates for the liberation of women from the repressive patriarchy and restrictive social construct, Shelley elevates the oppressed, and promotes rebellion against tyrannical power structures. Nonetheless, both texts are testament to Romantic ways of thinking, privileging freedom of thought, change and rejection of social constraints.

In “’Vindication”, Wollstonecraft embraces Romantic individualism by challenging societal constraints imposed upon women. Her egalitarian ideals were heavily influenced by the French Revolution, which extolled values of freedom and equality, invidiously excluded to “one half of the human race”. Despite a shift in paradigms, Wollstonecraft subscribes to Enlightenment rationality, using the aphorism that “man’s pre-eminence over the brute creation” exists in “reason” and the theological assumption that the soul is unsexed, hence women like men must be capable of reason, to establish her arguments for gender equality. However, Wollstonecraft reveals the restrictive expectations imposed upon women to “gratify the senses of man” through her allusion to Milton who asserts that “women are formed for softness and sweet attractive grace”. Thus, she condemns the patriarchal society for making women “alluring mistresses than affectionate wives and rational mothers”, with the antithesis emphasising the extent to which women have been rendered incapable of rationality by society. Instead of developing “reason”, women have been “taught..that beauty is woman’s sceptre”, with the “sceptre” symbolically denoting their ironic attainment of power through the repressive feminine construct. Thus, women are mentally enslaved to “superficial graces” as the metaphoric imagery in “the mind..only seeks to adorn its prison” highlights their imprisonment to societal conventions. Literary critic, Lindsay Kohl, reaffirms Wollstonecraft’s beliefs claiming that “women were conditioned by society to perform in a weak, falsely-refined and servile manner...contributing to their loss of liberty”. As such, Wollstonecraft stresses the need for female autonomy in her authorial voice, “I do not wish them to have power over men but over themselves”, reinforcing the necessity for women to seek liberation from social constraints. By highlighting the systemic oppression of women, Wollstonecraft criticises the tyrannical edicts of establishments as impeding on individualism and autonomy.

In “Masque”, Shelly shares Wollstonecraft’s rebellious perspective, which manifests Romantic individualism in his repudiation of despotic social institutions. Written in response to the 1819 Peterloo Massacre, Shelley’s poem lambastes the British government for their murderous abuse of power on a peacefully demonstrating public. From the outset, Shelley illustrates his revulsion towards the ruling institutions, by personifying them as abstract evils “I met Murder...he had a mask like Castlereagh” in an allusion to Lord Castlereagh, a prominent political figure. This satirical attack on the government is furthered by the grotesque imagery in  “he tossed them human hearts to chew”, which illustrates their inhumanity towards the oppressed population. Ironically, “Anarchy” is allegorised as the dominant political and religious power structures, the metaphor “I am God, and King, and Law” allows Shelley to extend his criticisms to all institutions founded on physical and psychological oppression. As women in “Vindication” are enslaved into “blind obedience”, the oppressed in “Mask” are characterised by the epithet “adoring multitude” to highlight the hypocrisy of their submission to tyrannical edicts. Moreover, the personification of slavery in “slavery...for its very name has grown to an echo of your own” suggests that the masses have lost their individuality as a result their subjugation, paralleling the repression of women in “Vindication”. Whereas, Wollstonecraft condemns the societal constructs of femininity for their suppression of women’s rights, Shelley critiques predominant power institutions for their tyrannical treatment of individuals, both radical ideals sourced from the Romantic revolutionary spirit.

Although Wollstonecraft criticises the restrictive conventions of society, she concurrently advocates for reform to liberate women from social constraints. Inspired by Talleyrand’s proposal for free education, Wollstonecraft champions her National Education Reform, granting females equal education to males, which in benefitting women will benefit society. Initially, she highlights the potential for education to figuratively “strengthen the female mind by enlarging it and... end blind obedience”, suggesting that with reason, individuals are able to question societal conventions and achieve liberation. Through the metaphor of women as “the graceful ivy, clasping the oak that supported it”, she also speculates on the improvement of marital relationships making “man and wife ONE” with the capitalisation of “one” evincing the equal union of both sexes. She idealises the power of education to engender “more affectionate sisters, more faithful wives, more reasonable mothers”, as the anaphora of “more” adds emphasis to the creation of a distinctly better society with reform. Furthermore, she extends this “revolution in female manners” to political institutions, depicted through the high modality “I really think that women ought to have representatives...in government”, linking equality within the domestic sphere to the political sphere. However, her “utopian vision” is contrasted against the hyperbole “children are absolutely murdered by the ignorance of women” to emphasise the perpetual cycle of misery and ignorance grounded within the status quo, accentuating her appeal to kairos “now is the time to take action!” to expedite reform.  Ultimately, the diametrical juxtaposition of “friend” and “slave” in “women will either friend or slave of man” underscores the stipulation of reform in facilitating the liberation of women from the oppressive regimes of society. As literary critic Anne Mellor explains “Wollstonecraft advocates for the egalitarian family...the prototype of genuine democracy... in which husband and wife regard each other as equals”. Thus, by promoting equality through idyllic reform, Wollstonecraft strives for the liberation of women, unifying Romantic idealism and individualism.

Whilst “Vindication” idealises education reform, Shelley in “Mask” advocates for revolution against prevailing authority. Shelley, influenced by the suffrage movement of 1819 Britain, urges peaceful reform amidst widespread political radicalism. Written as a prophetic vision “As I lay asleep...”,the poem invokes ideals of freedom by act of poetic imagination, illustrating Shelley’s embodiment of Romantic idealism. His uncomplicated style, contrasting Wollstonecraft’s philosophical diction, is characterised by a simple AABB rhyming scheme and quatrains, indicative of his intended audience, the uneducated oppressed masses. Thus, Shelley glorifies the prospect of revolution through the metaphor “Men of England, heirs of glory”, calling for “a great Assembly of the fearless and the free”. He utilises the fricative alliteration of “fearless” and “free” to associate the fight for liberation with ennobling qualities of courage. However, through the lexical chain in “tyrants..[will] slash, and stab, and main, and hew”, Shelley acknowledges the overwhelming abuse of power as a significant impediment to revolution. Contrasting such violence, Shelly idealises peaceful rebellion employing natural imagery “Stand ye calm and resolute like a forest close and mute” to elevate the oppressed in their refusal to violently retaliate.  Shelley’s idealistic beliefs are further developed through the extended metaphor “rise like lions after slumber...shake your chains to earth like dew”, which empowers the masses to revolt by understating the true difficulties of rebellion. In contrast to Wollstonecraft’s utopia of women living alongside their oppressors, men, Shelley’s vision creates an “us-versus-them” dichotomy with the antithesis “ye are many-they are few” spurring the oppressed classes into action. Hence, Shelly utilises his imagination, typical of Romantic idealism, in “Mask” as a vehicle to champion rebellion and facilitate change.

Ultimately, both texts embody Romantic ways of thinking, representing the paradigm shift from Enlightenment conformity and rationality to Romantic individualism and idealism. Although differing in purpose, Wollstonecraft and Shelley both promoted change by challenging restrictive conventions and empowering the oppressed to transcend social and political limitations.

Marked essay
The Romantic Movement was a time of great change that challenged the Enlightenment’s conventional ways of thinking I personally preferred to open essays with more specificity just because I liked the sound better. Some bs like this: "Propelled by the conventionality of the Enlightenment, Romanticism places a premium on the intensity of art bla bla bla bla". Two clause sentence, a little bit more specific, which makes it, imo, a little bt more interesting to read. (Obviously if you made the first sentence a bit longer you'd have to edit the second sentence to flow but as it is I think your first sentence could be improved BASED ON MY PERSONAL STYLISTIC PREFERENCES . Underpinned by a deviation from Neo-classical rationality and societal submission to individual liberty and imaginative ideals I like this clause because you're one word away from being over the top, but I think you escape that label and toe the line perfectly, Mary Wollstonecraft’s revolutionary manifesto “A Vindication of the Rights of Women” (Vindication) (1792) and Percy Shelley’s incendiary ballad “The Mask of Anarchy” (Mask)(1819), both criticise repressive social and political institutionsreally nicely written sentence. . Whilst, Wollstonecraft, I'm not sold on this, make the rest of the sentence prior to 'Shelley' a bit odd to read in her utopic vision for society advocates for the liberation of women from the repressive patriarchy and restrictive social construct notice the way you've structured this sentence, that last bit could grammatically read "the restrictive social construct" (you've just make the sentence conjunctive so the "the" is further away from 'restrictive social construct'. But what restrictive social construct are you talking about? Patriarchy is more than a restrictive social construct. As we know, it's a social system predicated on a social construct of gender than entails many sorts of social restrictions. So your grammar could be fixed up a bit here , Shelley elevates the oppressed, and promotes rebellion against tyrannical power structures. Nonetheless, both texts are testament to Romantic ways of thinking, privileging freedom of thought, change and rejection of social constraints.
Really digging the way you're using author verbs (i.e., Shelley elevates) - really setting up your sentences. Really well written introduction in flow/style terms, I like it a lot. Content is also there, it's not baseless writing by any means, so I think you've done a good job at dealing with substantial content in a stylistically pleasant way.

In “’Vindication”, Wollstonecraft embraces Romantic individualism by challenging societal constraints imposed upon women Great sentence. Not too much, not too little. "Just right". . Her egalitarian ideals were heavily influenced by the French Revolution, which extolled values of freedom and equality, invidiously excluded to “one half of the human race” Excluded to one half of the human race is odd. My feedback here very well be because I haven't read the quoted text, but if you're saying that freedom and equality are only offered to rich people (which I think is what you're saying), then "excluded to half" is an odd way to say it. Excluded from half might make more sense if it were excluded from poor people, but excluded to half would make more sense if it were like, "restricted to half". HOWEVER i might be misinterpreting. . Despite a shift in paradigms, Wollstonecraft subscribes to Enlightenment rationality, using the aphorism that “man’s pre-eminence over the brute creation” exists in “reason” and the theological assumption that the soul is unsexed, hence women like men must be capable of reason, to establish her arguments for gender equality a tough sentence grammatically well handled, good job. However, Wollstonecraft reveals the restrictive expectations imposed upon women to “gratify the senses of man” through her allusion to Milton who asserts that “women are formed for softness and sweet attractive grace”. Flows really well, but I'm not sure that 'reveals' is the best verb to use for this sentence's meaning. I.e., that sentence after 'however', I'm not 100% sure on what you want it to do for you Thus, she condemns the patriarchal society for making women “alluring mistresses than affectionate wives and rational mothers”, with the antithesis emphasising the extent to which women have been rendered incapable of rationality by society. Instead of developing “reason”, women have been “taught..that beauty is woman’s sceptre”, with the “sceptre” symbolically denoting their ironic attainment of power through the repressive feminine construct feel as if your grammar/style/flow wavered slightly in the past couple of sentences, going from 'essentially perfect' to 'a slight wobble'.. Thus, women are mentally enslaved to “superficial graces” as the metaphoric imagery in “the mind..only seeks to adorn its prison” highlights their imprisonment to societal conventions. Literary critic, Lindsay Kohl, reaffirms Wollstonecraft’s beliefs claiming that “women were conditioned by society to perform in a weak, falsely-refined and servile manner...contributing to their loss of liberty”. As such, Wollstonecraft stresses the need for female autonomy in her authorial voice, “I do not wish them to have power over men but over themselves”, reinforcing the necessity for women to seek liberation from social constraints. By highlighting the systemic oppression of women, Wollstonecraft criticises the tyrannical edicts of establishments as impeding on individualism and autonomy.Love the last few sentences of this paragraph, wraps it up super well.

In “Masque”, Shelly shares Wollstonecraft’s rebellious perspective, which manifests Romantic individualism in his repudiation of despotic social institutions feel as if the 'big words' in this sentence detract from its greatness as a sentence instead of adding to it. Sometimes minimalist writing can be good, especially when you're using a  'magnificent' flow - letting the reader have some rest can make your essay sing when it does come time for the magnificent parts.. Written in response to the 1819 Peterloo Massacre, Shelley’s poem lambastes the British government for their murderous abuse of power on a peacefully demonstrating public. From the outset, Shelley illustrates his revulsion towards the ruling institutions, by personifying them as abstract evils “I met Murder...he had a mask like Castlereagh” in an allusion to Lord Castlereagh, a prominent political figure.  You could end the sentence after 'evils' and have a better integrated quote propped up by another sentence rather than have this somewhat awkwardly tacked onto the end........ great analysis tho This satirical attack on the government is furthered by the grotesque imagery in  “he tossed them human hearts to chew”, which illustrates their inhumanity towards the oppressed population. Ironically, “Anarchy” is allegorised as the dominant political and religious power structures, the metaphor “I am God, and King, and Law” allows Shelley to extend his criticisms to all institutions founded on physical and psychological oppression. As women in “Vindication” are enslaved into “blind obedience”, the oppressed in “Mask” are characterised by the epithet “adoring multitude” to highlight the hypocrisy of their submission to tyrannical edicts. Moreover, the personification of slavery in “slavery...for its very name has grown to an echo of your own” suggests that the masses have lost their individuality as a result [of] their subjugation, paralleling the repression of women in “Vindication”. Whereas, Wollstonecraft condemns the societal constructs of femininity for their suppression of women’s rights, Shelley critiques predominant power institutions for their tyrannical treatment of individuals, both radical ideals sourced from the Romantic revolutionary spirit. Pretty mint paragraph tbh.

Although Wollstonecraft criticises the restrictive conventions of society, she concurrently advocates for reform to liberate women from social constraints. Inspired by Talleyrand’s proposal for free education, Wollstonecraft champions her National Education Reform, granting females equal education to males, which in benefitting women will benefit society a weak end to a strong sentence.. Initially, she highlights the potential for education to figuratively “strengthen the female mind by enlarging it and... end blind obedience”, suggesting that with reason, individuals are able to question societal conventions and achieve liberation. Through the metaphor of women as “the graceful ivy, clasping the oak that supported it”, she also speculates on the improvement of marital relationships making “man and wife ONE” with the capitalisation of “one” evincing the equal union of both sexes. She idealises the power of education to engender “more affectionate sisters, more faithful wives, more reasonable mothers”, as the anaphora of “more” adds emphasis to the creation of a distinctly better society with reform. Furthermore, she extends this “revolution in female manners” to political institutions, depicted through the high modality “I really think that women ought to have representatives...in government”, linking equality within the domestic sphere to the political sphere. However, her “utopian vision” is contrasted against the hyperbole “children are absolutely murdered by the ignorance of women” to emphasise the perpetual cycle of misery and ignorance grounded within the status quo, accentuating her appeal to kairos “now is the time to take action!” to expedite reform.  Ultimately, the diametrical juxtaposition of “friend” and “slave” in “women will either friend or slave of man” underscores the stipulation of reform in facilitating the liberation of women from the oppressive regimes of society. As literary critic Anne Mellor explains “Wollstonecraft advocates for the egalitarian family...the prototype of genuine democracy... in which husband and wife regard each other as equals”. Thus, by promoting equality through idyllic reform, Wollstonecraft strives for the liberation of women, unifying Romantic idealism and individualism.

Whilst “Vindication” idealises education reform, Shelley in “Mask” advocates for revolution against prevailing authority. Shelley, influenced by the suffrage movement of 1819 Britain, urges peaceful reform amidst widespread political radicalism. Written as a prophetic vision “As I lay asleep...”,the poem invokes ideals of freedom by act of poetic imagination, illustrating Shelley’s embodiment of Romantic idealism. His uncomplicated style, contrasting Wollstonecraft’s philosophical diction, is characterised by a simple AABB rhyming scheme and quatrains, indicative of his intended audience, the uneducated oppressed masses. Thus, Shelley glorifies the prospect of revolution through the metaphor “Men of England, heirs of glory”, calling for “a great Assembly of the fearless and the free”. He utilises the fricative alliteration of “fearless” and “free” to associate the fight for liberation with ennobling qualities of courage. However, through the lexical chain in “tyrants..[will] slash, and stab, and main, and hew”, Shelley acknowledges the overwhelming abuse of power as a significant impediment to revolution. Contrasting such violence, Shelly idealises peaceful rebellion employing natural imagery “Stand ye calm and resolute like a forest close and mute” to elevate the oppressed in their refusal to violently retaliate.  Shelley’s idealistic beliefs are further developed through the extended metaphor “rise like lions after slumber...shake your chains to earth like dew”, which empowers the masses to revolt by understating the true difficulties of rebellion. In contrast to Wollstonecraft’s utopia of women living alongside their oppressors, men, Shelley’s vision creates an “us-versus-them” dichotomy with the antithesis “ye are many-they are few” spurring the oppressed classes into action. Hence, Shelly utilises his imagination, typical of Romantic idealism, in “Mask” as a vehicle to champion rebellion and facilitate change.

Ultimately, both texts embody Romantic ways of thinking, representing the paradigm shift from Enlightenment conformity and rationality to Romantic individualism and idealism. Although differing in purpose, Wollstonecraft and Shelley both promoted change by challenging restrictive conventions and empowering the oppressed to transcend social and political limitations.

Pretty good fucking essay, really.

I think one thing for you to be wary of is making sure you don't go "over the top". You're saying a LOT of things, with lots of adjectives and clauses. Be mindful that you don't suffocate the reader. I'm not saying that you have. In this essay, I think you were really good, it not toeing the line a bit. Just be mindful that you don't go 'extra' in future essays. Potentially, you could integrate some more 'lull' sentences, or even just more stylistic variation between sentence...but that would be getting really picky. I wish I did the HSC so I could have a better feeling of what this was work in terms of an actual mark, but I can definitely say that the essay is written to an extremely high standard.

In criteria terms...

The response is definitely sophisticated and insightful.
Certainly a perceptive understanding.
Certainly a great control of language - potentially bordering on becoming unclear - but definitely a great job on expressing complex ideas

Great work. You're clearly really talented - keep it up!
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Spencerr

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2016, 06:12:15 pm »
Thank you so much :) I'll be sure to edit this some more and post back up again!
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brenden

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2016, 06:13:36 pm »
Thank you so much :) I'll be sure to edit this some more and post back up again!
I look forward to it! Are you taking Extension 2 as well? :)
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Spencerr

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2016, 04:47:04 pm »
Unfortunately, no because I'm absolutely horrid at creative writing   :'(
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brenden

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2016, 04:48:14 pm »
Unfortunately, no because I'm absolutely horrid at creative writing   :'(
Aaaaah I see - fair enough. It's definitely very, very different
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caninesandy

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #7 on: March 23, 2016, 04:22:05 pm »
Hello!
I was wondering whether you could please check my essay...it is due tomorrow (:O) so if you could even just read over it and give your general opinion would be AWESOME but if you can't then no worries :D
I really feel kind of lost in writing this essay...agh..... Could you please check if my writing flows and is structured properly and whether my argument makes sense at all haha :D thank you!!! I love this website, so helpful and everyone is so friendly :)

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you He will not fail you or forsake you."

cxmplete

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2016, 09:58:08 pm »
Hey, i know this isn't an essay but i have a creative writing piece that is due tomorrow that is related to Gothic horror and i'm not sure whether its good enough or not. it would be awesome if you could give me feedback on the story.
« Last Edit: March 23, 2016, 10:11:46 pm by cxmplete »

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2016, 10:51:39 am »
Hello!
I was wondering whether you could please check my essay...it is due tomorrow (:O) so if you could even just read over it and give your general opinion would be AWESOME but if you can't then no worries :D
I really feel kind of lost in writing this essay...agh..... Could you please check if my writing flows and is structured properly and whether my argument makes sense at all haha :D thank you!!! I love this website, so helpful and everyone is so friendly :)

Hey there! I'm really sorry that we couldn't get to your essay before it was due. If you ever again wanted to get some cramming feedback in, try (I know, when you're cramming it is hard) to get the essay in a few days early, even if it isn't 100% complete. This way, we can at least edit what you have while you work on the ending.

Would you like to receive feedback now, even though it is submitted? Or, would you rather wait a little bit until your teacher has given it feedback, your adjust the essay accordingly, then send it to us?

I would happily mark it today, but I just want to check with you seeing as it is submitted now and I don't want you to panic if I point out something that can be improved.

Let me know :) Again, sorry that we couldn't get to you in that short time. We try to be quick on replies but it isn't always faesible to be marked in the same day as posting. Thank you for posting though, I'm honoured that in your time of last minute cramming you thought of us :')
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caninesandy

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2016, 01:35:26 pm »
Hello Elyse,
No problem haha I really should STOP PROCRASTINATING....
It would be awesome if you could mark my essay. Thank you for being so considerate  ;D
I have attached my essay which I ended up submitted which is slightly different than my previous one. I was reading over the posts about how to write an Ext 1 essay and am really confused about how to write integrated essays...do you have any tips? :)
Thank you so much for your help and patience, I really appreciate it.  :D
Sincerely,
Sara

Here are the marking criteria from my teacher
Band A - Possible Marks: 21-25
Demonstrates with flair and insight an understand of how Romantic ways of thinking are reflected in texts through:
 - A sophisticated evaluation of the statement
 - A sophisticated. substantial exploration of all texts and their interrelationship supporting a clear thesis.
 - A sophisticated, sustained critical response, displaying highly developed control of language and the conventions of critical discourse to express complex ideas with clarity and originality.

Band B - Possible Marks: 16-20
Demonstrates with insight an understanding of how Romantic ways of thinking are reflected in texts through:
 - A substantial evaluation of the statement
 - A substantial exploration of all texts and their interrelationship, supporting a clear thesis.
 - A sound, sustained critical response, displaying effective control of language and the conventions of critical discourse to express complex ideas with clarity.

Band C - Possible Marks: 11 - 15
Demonstrates sound understanding of how Romantic ways of thinking are reflected in texts through:
 - A sound evaluation of the statement
 - A sound exploration of all texts and their interrelationship, supporting a clear thesis.
 - A sustained critical response, displaying highly developed control of language and the conventions of critical discourse.

I am kind of hoping I am not below a band C but if you would like to check out the other criteria please let me know :D Thank you!
« Last Edit: March 24, 2016, 01:52:48 pm by caninesandy »
"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you He will not fail you or forsake you."

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2016, 02:10:36 pm »
Hey, i know this isn't an essay but i have a creative writing piece that is due tomorrow that is related to Gothic horror and i'm not sure whether its good enough or not. it would be awesome if you could give me feedback on the story.

Hey there! I'm really sorry that I didn't get to your essay last night. Usually the expected time for essay marking is about 2 days, just so you know for the future! So, if you are ever in the position again, just keep that in mind so that we can do our best to make sure you get important feedback!

Did you still want feedback now, or would you prefer to wait? I'm happy to give it an edit, but I want to check with you in case you'd rather wait, just in case I point something out and then you cringe because it has already been submitted  :P

Let me know what you want! :)

Again, greatest apologies!
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zeynepkorkmaz

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #12 on: March 24, 2016, 03:00:12 pm »
Hi!

I'm doing ext 1 English and my module is on Romanticism. I have written an essay but not too confident in it. Your feedback would be much appreciated!
Criteria for the Essay:
- Composes a sophisticated response to the question posed, using the prescribed text and one other appropriate text in an insightful manner
- Demonstrates perceptive understanding of the relationships between the texts, their context and Romantic ways of thinking
- Demonstrates highly developed control of language to express complex ideas with clarity
The essay is a generic one for the module: the quote was "Scientific, religious, and philosophical paradigms have shaped and are reflected in the literature of the Romantic Period."
Can you check to see if my arguments make sense? What I can improve on and fix? If there are logical leaps? Ways to improve expression and flow.
Generally tips on how I can improve :)


Romanticism is further emphasised through scientific, religious and philosophical paradigms. Significant influences that are reflected in the literature of the Romantic Period is scientific, religious and philosophical paradigms. Romanticism captures and represents a sublime moment or experience, which can be further distinguished through scientific and religious elements. Mary Shelley’s novel “Frankenstein”, David Caspar Friedrich painting “The Abbey in the Oakwood”,Coleridge's poem “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” and Lord Byron's poem “She walks in Beauty” contains elements of Romanticism but also captures emphasises on religious, philosophical and  scientific paradigms.

The link between nature and man, is reflected through Romanticism with characteristics of religious paradigms. “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” contains natural and religious symbolism, which coincide with one another to represent a connection with man and nature. The most significant role in this poem is the revelation of religious, apocalyptic and natural symbolism, which dominates the purpose of this poem. The symbolism of the “albatross” that is hung around the Mariner’s neck is religious allusion to the crucifix of Jesus, this is apparent when Coleridge writes“Instead of the cross, the albatross about my neck was hung”. Furthermore, the “cross” in “cross-bow” also alludes to the murder of Jesus Christ, which logically alludes the natural link of the albatross as a symbol for Christ. The reader is can depict that the Polar Spirit “loved the bird that loved the man who shot him with his bow.” Coleridge links man, nature and religion here in an analogy, symbolising the link between the love of God who loved his son, and His son who loved the men that killed him. Thus, the biblical and religious symbolism found in this Romantic poem mainly reflects the religious apocalypse that deals with the Mariner’s revelation that good will triumph over evil, and his acceptance of all nature as God’s creation.

Similarly,  David Caspar Friedrich painting “The Abbey in the Oakwood” distinguishes a link between nature and man that is reflected through literature of the of Romantic Period with religious paradigms. Friedrich was a very religious person and wanted to create a religious feeling through landscapes. Dualism, especially appears in his landscapes, with the body and the soul, the earthly and the spiritual side is present as one in this painting to distinguish a connection between man and nature in a Romantic artwork, in addition with religious allusions. In this painting, he represents man in the foreground and the divine in the background. The abbeys door is a symbol of man moving on into the afterlife or leaving the darkness of the natural earthly life behind, to the divine paradise. The visionary gleam of the heavenly realm is completely detached from the earthly regions, which are still sunk in darkness. Thus, this bleak landscape can translate to the religious and natural connection with man and nature, where nature is eternal, but what man creates is transient; as the abbey and the tombs have become damaged with time, but the moon continues to appear after so many years. The brightness of the sky symbolises the only optimistic thing in this bleak landscape. The snow here, symbolises winter, which embodies the Christian idea of resurrection. Hence, this Romantic painting is shaped by religious paradigms, which portray a connection between man and nature.

Scientific paradigms makes apparent its revelation in Romantic literature. It is through discovering scientific paradigms in Romantic texts that the a connection between nature and science is revealed.
The idea of scientific conception of knowledge, finding the "truth" through math and evidence, allows individuals to examine characteristics of scientific paradigms in Romantic texts. In the Romantic novel, “Frankenstein”, Mary Shelley, depicts Victor Frankenstein's role as the character of Enlightenment, having scientific morals. Drawing him out of nature, Victor learned the Enlightenment or scientific way of thinking, thus Shelley demonstrates a connection between science, man and nature. Victor tries to develop his idea that he makes a creature throughout the science, and articulate the role of man playing God. For instance, Victor says, “As a child, I had not been content with the results promised by the modern professors of natural science…. the steps of the knowledge along the paths of time, and exchanged the discoveries of recent enquirers for the dreams of modern natural philosophy.” Through the short recount of Victor’s experience as a child and the hyperbole on the words “discoveries” and “knowledge”, the reader is able to comprehend that while Victor is growing up, he is learning many scientific influences. Furthermore, while Victor is distinguished as a character with qualities of the scientific paradigm and the Enlightenment period, in contrast to this, the creature or monster he creates is self-evident of Romanticism and nature, thus Shelley distinguishes a connection between man, science and nature. Similar to this notion, Mary Dwyer in her article “Mary Shelley and the Romantic Imagination” states that “… it (Romanticism) celebrates emotional depth, artistic endeavour, creative-self-expression and individuality”. Thus, the first person narration distinguishes that his discovery to make the creature is definitely influenced by science. Therefore, it is through further evaluation of Romanticism that individuals are able to gain a profound insight to how scientific paradigms have shaped Romantic texts, to reveal a connection between man and science.

In contrast, “She walks in Beauty” by Lord Byron helps the reader to understand how romantic and neoclassical elements both complement and contradict one another. “She walks in beauty” has a close inclination to nature. “She walks in beauty, like the night Of cloudless climes and starry skies;” This line can be seen to celebrate the beauty of the woman, furthermore with a closer examination it also focuses on nature, comparing the woman to the night and stars in the sky. The importance of nature in these lines is emphasised by the alliteration,“cloudless climes and starry skies” making it a major focus. Throughout the poem Byron continues to compare the beauty of the woman to nature, how, “her aspects and her eyes... mellowed to …the tender light which heaven to gaudy day denies”, this section's idea is emphasised by the metrical inversion of the iambic tetrameter. Thus, the unknown woman in the poem is the embodiment of nature holding many natural qualities idealised by Romantics and Byron could be seen to be expressing his love of nature through his admiration for the unnamed woman. “She walks in beauty” is a Romantic poem that reflects the Romantic period through its reference to nature found in the description of the women. McGann states that “Romanticism is thoroughly intertwined with nature and that the attitudes toward nature that are common in the Western world today emerged mostly during the Romantic period.” Hence, it is through the close examination of Romantic literature that individuals are able to gain an insight to how both neoclassical and romantic paradigms complement but also contradict one another.

 Religious and Romantic philosophy are expressed within Romantic literature. Coleridge's poem “Frost at Midnight” has a distinct portrayal of the contrast between religious and philosophical values of Romanticism, but also of the Enlightenment. During the Romantic period, worship and prayer was considered as a communal affair. “Frost at Midnight” contrasts with this attitude by revealing Coleridge’s individualistic alternate Romantic spirituality. This is reflected in “Frost at Midnight” by Coleridge’s “solitude, which suits abstruser musings,” which demonstrates the  developing individual spirituality outside of quintessential frameworks. Coleridge’s alternative spirituality is further demonstrated through the personification of the burnt matter, an “idling Spirit,” which is joined together with an unnatural “fluttering stranger” who takes on a godlike aspect within the poem. This reflects the worship of the “great city” in favour of a nonreligious spirituality found within nature.  Thus, demonstrating how Coleridge’s poem “Frost at Midnight” has been shaped by the Romantic rejection of mainstream religion during the Romantic period. Additionally, “Frost at Midnight” also reflects the significant philosophic thinkers of the Romantic era, as portrayed by the poem’s evaluation of the role of imagination. Coleridge’s dreaming “with unclosed lids” enables the reader to perceive “things to come.” This reveals underlying elements of Immanuel Kant’s philosophy of Idealism, which suggested that imagination fundamentally shapes reality. Furthermore, Coleridge rejects the influence of institutionalised education, as is portrayed by the symbolic association of his school with a prison, “I gazed upon the bars.” This feature reflects the philosophy of the French thinker Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who was considered to be the philosophical father of the Romantic Movement and who famously stated “man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains.” Therefore, “Frost at Midnight” has clearly been shaped to communicate Coleridge’s struggle with mainstream religion and the philosophic paradigms of the Romantic ancestors.

In a similar way, philosophical and especially Religious paradigm are made evident throughout “Frankenstein”. “Frankenstein” contains a great deal of biblical symbolism and religious allusion, particularly the theme of the outcast and the story of creation. The creature is bitter and dejected after being turned away from human civilization, much the same way that Adam in the story of “Adam and Eve” in the Bible, was turned out of the Garden of Eden. This is made apparent when the monster says “Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay to mould me Man, did I solicit thee from darkness to promote me?”, in a similar way, these lines a revealed in the story of ‘Adam and Eve” when Adam expresses his sorrows. The monster accepts himself as a tragic figure, comparing himself to both Adam and Satan. Like Adam, he is shunned by his creator, though he strives to be good. These rhetorical questions epitomize the monster’s ill will toward Victor for abandoning him in a world relentlessly hostile to him and foist responsibility for his ugliness and eventual evil upon Victor. There is also a sense in which Frankenstein himself may be compared to Satan in that he defies God and commits a profound blasphemy by attempting to usurp God's power as the creator of life. Victor says “I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open; it breathed hard, and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs”; this elaborate description demonstrates to the reader the mysterious and exotic wonders of nature as a representation of the natural and unnatural, and the ability to ‘play God’. In this way, Romantic texts are emphasised with elements of philosophical and Romantic periods. In addition, references to Prometheus, who in Greek and Roman mythology and philosophy is named as the creator of humanity and who also defied the gods by teaching humans a number of important crafts. This shows the reader that Mary Shelley is not presenting her story in exclusively Christian religious allusions but also Greek philosophy. “Frankenstein” can be compared with Prometheus in the way in which he steals fire by harnessing the power of lightning to animate his monster. But, like Prometheus, he also defies the supreme being and continues to pursue knowledge, this symbolised by fire, until it has fatal consequences. Victor states “Such were the professor's words—rather let me say such the words of the fate—enounced to destroy me.”Hence, illustrating to the reader a clear parallel with Frankenstein's crimes against nature. As revealed in “Mary  Shelley and the Romantic Imagination” Dwyer explains that “creative imagination can be applied not only to the creation and meditation of art, but also to the consideration of Nature, and that like Mary Shelley, we must learn how to wake with flowers in our hands”. Therefore, there is an inextricable link between man and nature to religious and philosophical paradigms, that have shaped and are reflected in the literature of the Romantic Period. 

Significant influences that are reflected in the literature of the Romantic Period is scientific, religious and philosophical paradigms. Romanticism is further emphasised through scientific, religious and philosophical paradigms. Romanticism captures and represents a sublime moment or experience, which can be further distinguished through scientific, philosophical and religious elements. Mary Shelley’s novel “Frankenstein”, David Caspar Friedrich painting “The Abbey in the Oakwood”,Coleridge's poem “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” and Lord Byron's poem “She walks in Beauty” contains elements of Romanticism but also captures emphasises on philosophical, religious and scientific paradigms.

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #13 on: March 24, 2016, 04:00:27 pm »
Hello Elyse,
No problem haha I really should STOP PROCRASTINATING....
It would be awesome if you could mark my essay. Thank you for being so considerate  ;D
I have attached my essay which I ended up submitted which is slightly different than my previous one. I was reading over the posts about how to write an Ext 1 essay and am really confused about how to write integrated essays...do you have any tips? :)
Thank you so much for your help and patience, I really appreciate it.  :D
Sincerely,
Sara

Here are the marking criteria from my teacher
Band A - Possible Marks: 21-25
Demonstrates with flair and insight an understand of how Romantic ways of thinking are reflected in texts through:
 - A sophisticated evaluation of the statement
 - A sophisticated. substantial exploration of all texts and their interrelationship supporting a clear thesis.
 - A sophisticated, sustained critical response, displaying highly developed control of language and the conventions of critical discourse to express complex ideas with clarity and originality.

Band B - Possible Marks: 16-20
Demonstrates with insight an understanding of how Romantic ways of thinking are reflected in texts through:
 - A substantial evaluation of the statement
 - A substantial exploration of all texts and their interrelationship, supporting a clear thesis.
 - A sound, sustained critical response, displaying effective control of language and the conventions of critical discourse to express complex ideas with clarity.

Band C - Possible Marks: 11 - 15
Demonstrates sound understanding of how Romantic ways of thinking are reflected in texts through:
 - A sound evaluation of the statement
 - A sound exploration of all texts and their interrelationship, supporting a clear thesis.
 - A sustained critical response, displaying highly developed control of language and the conventions of critical discourse.

I am kind of hoping I am not below a band C but if you would like to check out the other criteria please let me know :D Thank you!

Thanks for posting the criteria! Just a quick disclaimed, I didn't study Romanticism, I studied After the Bomb. It is still a Ways of Thinking essay, but just know that there may be jargon or conventions that I'm not familiar with :)
Original essay:
Spoiler
Romantic ways of thinking can be best understood when a range of Romantic texts are examined and the interrelationship of these texts is explored.

Following the Enlightenment age of science and rationality, Romanticism arose constituting differing ways of thinking and attempts at understanding the world and one's place in it. The opposition occurred as a rebellion to the Enlightenment and spawned from events such as the French Revolution. People began to favour subjectivity, individualism and idealism over strict, rigid laws of society. To best understand these ways of thinking Romantic texts should be examined and their interrelationships explored. In Essay VII - On the Ignorance of the Learned (Essay VII) within Table Talk: Essays on Men and Manners (1822) by William Hazlitt, Edmund Burke’s book A Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of our ideas and the Sublime and the Beautiful (Enquiry) (1757) and Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s poem This Lime-tree Bower my Prison (LBP) (1797) the importance of nature and the individual, the notion of the sublime and the importance of imagination can be witnessed, revealing an interrelationship of ideas and beliefs through texts.

The importance of the individual is a fundamental concept within romanticism, emphasising personal understanding and exploration. Exploration is not merely of the world but, in its action and thus of consequence, of oneself and one’s purpose. Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s poem LBP investigates this idea, however, furthers it through the sole means of exploring nature, the only earthly entity which may free or complete man. Coleridge weighs great importance upon nature through his deep and extensive descriptions of its ‘magnific[ance]’, infact he equates it to ‘Heaven’ and personifies it with the capabilities to make one ‘wise and pure’. Coleridge juxtaposes his descriptive spiels against his ‘[loss of]/ Beauties and feelings,’ from not being within nature. This hyperbolic statement represents Coleridge’s restlessness without proper ‘nature’ immersion. He feels satisfied only when he is within nature, untouched by man’s ‘evil’ and constricting societal hand. Coleridge also utilises iambic pentameter to express his internal thoughts. When describing nature he mainly uses ten syllable lines indicating euphoria and balance, while when without nature he uses eleven, displaying his emotional distraught. Furthermore, in the beginning of stanza three Coleridge uses only tree syllables, enhancing his intense spiritual and emotional discovery.

This similar theme of man’s imperfection in understanding himself and the world can be seen through William Hazlitt’s Essay VII. Hazlitt writes about man’s thirst for knowledge and learning in an attempt to heighten one’s social status. He expresses they should be exploring nature to ‘[put] him out’, formulating a sense of terror and awe - the sublime.  This would consequently help improve understanding of one’s individuality through realising their powerlessness against the omniscient nature. He thoroughly denounces anyone attempting to understand the world through books and science as they ‘shrink[] from the fatigue of thought’. He successfully expresses this through his critiquing tone of negative descriptions, contrasting against the paradigms of the Enlightenment’s structural, rational and scientific research. This influences the audience, persuading them into adopting Hazlitt’s opinions. His opening sentence, ‘The description of persons who have the fewest ideas of all others are mere authors and readers’,  uses very strong and affirmative diction which asserts the audience immediately into Hazlitt’s opinion and the essay’s general theme. Hazlitt also writes in abrupt, brief and concise sentences, reflecting the vigor and directness of his views. In Burke’s Enquiry he correspondingly reflects Hazlitt’s view of the insufficiency of man’s attempts to understand themselves without exploring nature. In the Preface he ends writing the ‘severer sciences’ as ‘something illiberal.’ This clearly shows opposition to man’s scientific approach. Further through the book Burke emphasises on ‘beauty’, ‘passion’, and the ‘sublime’. The ways of thinking are extremely familiar in each text, compiling and extending towards better understanding of Romantic thoughts and perceptions.

Through exploring texts, understanding of the Romantic idea of the the sublime, an important component in the Romantic way of thinking, can be enhanced. One text which specifically emphasises upon this idea is Burke’s Enquiry. In Part I, Section VII, Burke defines the sublime to be the ‘productive of the strongest emotion which the mind is capable of feeling.’ He names this emotion to be a convolution of pain, terror and astonishment. This feeling goes beyond rational understanding and experience but into vivid feeling and personal interpretation. Burke also explains how the sublime is linked to intense feelings of delight. In LBP Coleridge experiences the sublime in the third stanza when he is utterly astonished by nature noting ‘A delight/comes sudden on my heart’. This mirrors the impact of the sublime from Enquiry as it comments on the ‘delight’ and the strong emotional impact on his ‘heart’, a symbol for true raw feeling. Burke uses examples to help convey his meaning of the sublime, such as in ‘The Effects of Tragedy’ justifying audience's desire to watch tragedies to reasons of the sublime. Burke’s first person approach in expressing his views helps to create a close relationship between the author and the reader. Consequently, audiences may better connect and understand Burke’s ideas on a more personal level, thus persuading them. This conversational-like approach to approaching audiences is mirrored in LBF, a conversational poem. The sublime shows changes in paradigm from Enlightenment with rational thought, to Romanticism with strong emotional interpretation. Therefore, The examination of texts and their interrelationships provide better insight into Romantic ways of thinking.

As previously mentioned the matter of the individual is very important in Romanticism and this is further extended through emphasis on the imagination. In LBF the reader is introduced to Coleridge in an extremely distressed; isolated and imprisoned by a ‘lime-tree brower’ from greater nature. However, in stanza three Coleridge begins with ‘A delight/ Comes sudden on my heart’, starkly contrasted against the Coleridge’s initial emotions. He suddenly notices all of the natural beauties of the lime-tree bower. He realises ‘That Nature ne'er deserts the wise and pure’. Resultantly, Coleridge utilises his imagination to discover beauties in objects he had never once considered. This idea is assisted through Coleridge’s personal theories on the imagination in which two exist: the primary and secondary imagination. LBP initially reflects the primary imagination, "the living power and the prime agent of human perception" (Biographia Literaria, Chapter 13), as he describes the nature walk his friends journey. Then, the third stanza begins the secondary imagination, the faculty that a poet has "to idealize and unify" (Biographia Literaria, Chapter 13), where Coleridge realises the spiritual presence nature omits to ‘lift the soul’. The is especially emphasised through the symbolism of the ‘rook’ linking Coleridge and his friend, Charles Lamb, together regardless of their distance apart.  Therefore, the imagination is important for fulfillment. This idea is also expressed in Hazlitt’s Essay VII writing ‘nor can they submit their imaginations so servilely to the trammels of strict scholastic discipline’. Here he uses an example of two men, Gary and Collins, who have developed a ‘wayward disposition’ due to strict educational and social expectations. However, they refuse to lose their imagination. This highlights the importance of the imagination and its primal instinct and component within mankind. Additionally, Hazlitt describes ‘the most brilliant specimens’ to be ones with vivid imaginations. Consequently, the interrelationship between Romantic texts on the idea of the importance of imagination provides better understanding into Romantic ways of thinking.

Ultimately, through the examination and exploration of the interrelationships of a range of Romantic texts Romantic ways of thinking can be best understood. The A Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of our ideas and the Sublime and the Beautiful of Edmund Burke, the Essay VII - On the Ignorance of the Learned in the collection Table Talk: Essays on Men and Manners by William Hazlitt and Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s poem This Lime-tree Bower my Prison are a testament to this through their overlapping of ideas, such as the importance the individual, especially when in nature; the notion of the sublime and the importance of imagination. The texts also use numerous literary techniques, such as conversational style, to reflect these ideas and impact upon audiences. Romantic texts powerful influence affected the many realms of literature during its time.


With my annotations:
Spoiler
Romantic ways of thinking can be best understood when a range of Romantic texts are examined and the interrelationship of these texts is explored.

Following the Enlightenment age of science and rationality, Romanticism arose constituting differing ways of thinking and attempts at understanding the world and one's place in it. Love that you've already mentioned the ways of thinking.The opposition occurred as a rebellion to the Enlightenment and spawned from events such as the French Revolution. (The opposition? Not quite sure what you mean by this?)People began to favour subjectivity, individualism and idealism over strict, rigid laws of society. To best understand these ways of thinking, (comma) Romantic texts should be examined and their interrelationships explored. In Essay VII - On the Ignorance of the Learned (Essay VII) within Table Talk: Essays on Men and Manners (1822) by William Hazlitt, Edmund Burke’s book A Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of our ideas and the Sublime and the Beautiful (Enquiry) (1757) and Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s poem This Lime-tree Bower my Prison (LBP) (1797) the importance of nature and the individual, the notion of the sublime and the importance of imagination can be witnessed, revealing an interrelationship of ideas and beliefs through texts. It is difficult to deal with four texts in an introduction - trust me I know! I found that breaking them into pairs made them easily to deal with in that I could identify specific ways of thinking in each, still in the intro! This is your choice, though.

The importance of the individual is a fundamental concept within romanticism, emphasising personal understanding and exploration. Exploration is not merely of the world but, in its action and thus of consequence, of oneself and one’s purpose. Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s poem LBP investigates this idea, however, furthers it through the sole means of exploring nature, the only earthly entity which may free or complete man. Coleridge weighs great importance upon nature through his deep and extensive descriptions of its ‘magnific[ance]’, infact he equates it to ‘Heaven’ and personifies it with the capabilities to make one ‘wise and pure’. Coleridge juxtaposes his descriptive spiels against his ‘[loss of]/ Beauties and feelings,’ from not being within nature. This hyperbolic statement represents Coleridge’s restlessness without proper ‘nature’ immersion. He feels satisfied only when he is within nature, untouched by man’s ‘evil’ and constricting societal hand. Coleridge also utilises iambic pentameter to express his internal thoughts. When describing nature he mainly uses ten syllable lines indicating euphoria and balance, while when without nature he uses eleven, displaying his emotional distraught. Furthermore, in the beginning of stanza three Coleridge uses only tree three? syllables, enhancing his intense spiritual and emotional discovery. So far, so good! I mean, you've given some intro into the ways of thinking, then dived right into the text, no major issues here! However, the explicit mentioning of ways of thinking does drop off towards the end a little bit. Make sure that this is consistent!

This similar theme of man’s imperfection in understanding himself and the world can be seen through William Hazlitt’s Essay VII. Hazlitt writes about man’s thirst for knowledge and learning in an attempt to heighten one’s social status. He expresses they should be exploring nature to ‘[put] him out’, formulating a sense of terror and awe - the sublime.  This would consequently help improve understanding of one’s individuality through realising their powerlessness against the omniscient nature. He thoroughly denounces anyone attempting to understand the world through books and science as they ‘shrink[] from the fatigue of thought’. He successfully expresses this through his critiquing tone of negative descriptions, contrasting against the paradigms of the Enlightenment’s structural, rational and scientific research. Loved this sentence!!!This influences the audience, persuading them into adopting Hazlitt’s opinions. His opening sentence, ‘The description of persons who have the fewest ideas of all others are mere authors and readers’,  uses very strong and affirmative diction which asserts the audience immediately into Hazlitt’s opinion and the essay’s general theme. Hazlitt also writes in abrupt, brief and concise sentences, reflecting the vigor and directness of his views. In Burke’s Enquiry he correspondingly reflects Hazlitt’s view of the insufficiency of man’s attempts to understand themselves without exploring nature. In the Preface he ends writing the ‘severer sciences’ as ‘something illiberal.’ This clearly shows opposition to man’s scientific approach. Further through the book Burke emphasises on ‘beauty’, ‘passion’, and the ‘sublime’. The ways of thinking are extremely familiar in each text, compiling and extending towards better understanding of Romantic thoughts and perceptions. This is a really good tie in here. This brings it back to Romanticism, the texts, the ways of thinking. Bravo!

Through exploring texts, understanding of the Romantic idea of the the sublime, an important component in the Romantic way of thinking, can be enhanced. One text which specifically emphasises upon this idea is Burke’s Enquiry. In Part I, Section VII, Burke defines the sublime to be the ‘productive of the strongest emotion which the mind is capable of feeling.’ He names this emotion to be a convolution of pain, terror and astonishment. This feeling goes beyond rational understanding and experience but into vivid feeling and personal interpretation. Burke also explains how the sublime is linked to intense feelings of delight. In LBP Coleridge experiences the sublime in the third stanza when he is utterly astonished by nature noting ‘A delight/comes sudden on my heart’. This mirrors the impact of the sublime from Enquiry as it comments on the ‘delight’ and the strong emotional impact on his ‘heart’, a symbol for true raw feeling. Burke uses examples to help convey his meaning of the sublime, such as in ‘The Effects of Tragedy’ justifying audience's desire to watch tragedies to reasons of the sublime. Burke’s first person approach in expressing his views helps to create a close relationship between the author and the reader. Consequently, audiences may better connect and understand Burke’s ideas on a more personal level, thus persuading them. This conversational-like approach to approaching audiences is mirrored in LBF, a conversational poem. The sublime shows changes in paradigm from Enlightenment with rational thought, to Romanticism with strong emotional interpretation. Therefore, The examination of texts and their interrelationships provide better insight into Romantic ways of thinking. Yas, you've done it again! A great link!

As previously mentioned the matter of the individual is very important (This bit here sounds a little less sophisticated to me. It is a combination of "previously mentioned" and "very important." Instead of very important, I would try imperative, vital, prominent, significant... in Romanticism and this is further extended through emphasis on the imagination. In LBF the reader is introduced to Coleridge in an extremely distressed; isolated and imprisoned by a ‘lime-tree brower’ from greater nature. However, in stanza three Coleridge begins with ‘A delight/ Comes sudden on my heart’, starkly contrasted against the Coleridge’s initial emotions. He suddenly notices all of the natural beauties of the lime-tree bower. He realises ‘That Nature ne'er deserts the wise and pure’. Resultantly, Coleridge utilises his imagination to discover beauties in objects he had never once considered. This idea is assisted through Coleridge’s personal theories on the imagination in which two exist: the primary and secondary imagination. LBP initially reflects the primary imagination, "the living power and the prime agent of human perception" (Biographia Literaria, Chapter 13), as he describes the nature walk his friends journey. Then, the third stanza begins the secondary imagination, the faculty that a poet has "to idealize and unify" (Biographia Literaria, Chapter 13), where Coleridge realises the spiritual presence nature omits to ‘lift the soul’. The is especially emphasised through the symbolism of the ‘rook’ linking Coleridge and his friend, Charles Lamb, together regardless of their distance apart.  Therefore, the imagination is important for fulfillment. This idea is also expressed in Hazlitt’s Essay VII writing ‘nor can they submit their imaginations so servilely to the trammels of strict scholastic discipline’. Here he uses an example of two men, Gary and Collins, who have developed a ‘wayward disposition’ due to strict educational and social expectations. However, they refuse to lose their imagination. This highlights the importance of the imagination and its primal instinct and component within mankind. Additionally, Hazlitt describes ‘the most brilliant specimens’ to be ones with vivid imaginations. Consequently, the interrelationship between Romantic texts on the idea of the importance of imagination provides better understanding into Romantic ways of thinking.

I think the next step for your essay, up until this point, is to start making little comments at the end or start of each sentence that link the texts. For example, "Similarly observed in ****, Hazlitt describes...." This kind of thing makes an essay integrated, even if a paragraph deals with one text at a time explicitly. You are SO on the right track here!

Ultimately, through the examination and exploration of the interrelationships of a range of Romantic texts Romantic ways of thinking can be best understood. The A Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of our ideas and the Sublime and the Beautiful of Edmund Burke, the Essay VII - On the Ignorance of the Learned in the collection Table Talk: Essays on Men and Manners by William Hazlitt and Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s poem This Lime-tree Bower my Prison are a testament to this through their overlapping of ideas, such as the importance the individual, especially when in nature; the notion of the sublime and the importance of imagination. I think the problem with this sentence is that your texts have such long names, they are all in the one, and then you have four clauses/phrases attached to the end. I think you should split it up just so it is more easily digested :)The texts also use numerous literary techniques, such as conversational style, to reflect these ideas and impact upon audiences. Romantic texts powerful influence affected the many realms of literature during its time.



So, your essay is awesome, you don't need to stress! I would think that the feedback from your teacher comes from a Romantic perspective. Because, structurally this works. Are you looking for a thoroughly integrated essay, is that what you are after? Because, this is well done. With the above mentioned tweaks, it becomes even stronger. But, in order to achieve an essay where you alternatively deal with two texts concurrently in each paragraph, you will need a major structure re-evaluation. I know this because I had to with my own! All year I stayed well away from integrated essays until just before the HSC I'm like nope, if I want the top marks, I need to sort my stuff out! So I sat down, changed ORTs, literally overhauled everything I had! You already have elements of integration, so don't sweat!

You should be proud of this!
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Jimmy Barnes

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Re: English Extension 1 Essay Marking
« Reply #14 on: June 10, 2016, 01:35:18 pm »
I am currently doing a speech based assignment for extension 1 as one of the requirements for the HSC is assessing speaking or something along those lines. Would you be able to glance over my script and tell me if there are any areas that are unclear?

I understand that most classes do after the bomb but my class chose to do a comedy genre study so no in-depth information is really necessary, but any tips that could help improve my structure and coherence as a whole would be greatly appreciated
« Last Edit: June 10, 2016, 01:36:49 pm by Jimmy Barnes »
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