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March 29, 2024, 04:57:21 pm

Author Topic: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread  (Read 127470 times)

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jamonwindeyer

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #150 on: March 19, 2017, 08:51:05 pm »
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Hey, my question is somewhat a continuation from the last question.

We've been given 3 possible questions for the AOS essay. Each question is more or less two-fold. For example, option 1 states,
"Discovery may emerge from a deliberate course of action or it may be an unexpected outcome, taking the individual by surprise.
To what extent do the texts you have studied support this observation?"

All questions feature two halfs to it like the one above. How would I go about answering this? Apparently I choose one half of the question to discuss, and only focus on that. So what's the best way to tackle this?
Thanks!

You can definitely just pick one of the two alternatives if you think that works best - Or you can discuss both! It depends on the sort of essay you want to present ;D ultimately, it is probably easier to attack both parts if you are short on quotes/ideas. If you have solid textual knowledge and lots of quotes memorised, you may be able to focus on just one (and this would probably make your essay less messy, more direct, and thus easier to structure)!

It is ultimately a matter of personal preference though ;D

hanaacdr

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #151 on: March 19, 2017, 10:11:14 pm »
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Hey Hanaacdr! Very much a personal strategy there - Since you've been given three questions, it would be good to have at least a rough idea of how you'd respond to all of them. So at a bare minimum, perhaps memorise an essay plan for each question. That would be a Thesis, topic sentences, and what quotes go in which paragraph (or something similar to that). Basically, just a map of what your response will be, without actually writing it. That seems like the most efficient way to do it in my opinion ;D of course you might want to memorise more than that, and that is cool, you might want to give this article a read, Elyse's tips on memorising essays!

On your second question - Writing "Text by Text" is called a non-integrated response. Writing by theme is an integrated response. In general, either works and it depends on your preference, but I personally prefer integrated responses, and I do notice a slight tendency for integrated responses to be more effective than their non integrated counterparts :)

thank you so much!

Thebarman

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #152 on: March 24, 2017, 12:04:13 am »
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Hey guys, one of the three possible essay questions we'll receive in the half yearly AOS exam is "discovery can transform the individual by stimulating new ideas..."
Would I be able to talk about how discovery can lead to the creation of new ideas and perceptions regarding humanity's actions in relation to the environment? From there, I would probably discuss the inconsiderate nature of the human species.
Would I be answering the question, or derailing too far from it?
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jamonwindeyer

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #153 on: March 24, 2017, 01:22:05 am »
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Hey guys, one of the three possible essay questions we'll receive in the half yearly AOS exam is "discovery can transform the individual by stimulating new ideas..."
Would I be able to talk about how discovery can lead to the creation of new ideas and perceptions regarding humanity's actions in relation to the environment? From there, I would probably discuss the inconsiderate nature of the human species.
Would I be answering the question, or derailing too far from it?

I think considering the nature of the human species could be derailing a little, because it no longer directly concerns Discovery if you know what I mean? If you could think of a way to make Discovery directly relevant, it could definitely work, but otherwise I'd try and keep it focused on the more conceptually relevant material (as much as that can be really tough at times) :)

Thebarman

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #154 on: March 25, 2017, 11:43:35 am »
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Thanks for the feedback, Jamon! In that case, I'll try and focus on how discovery stimulates new ideas of the future (i.e. what happens next) in relation to present actions. Would that be more relevant to discovery?

One of our other essay options is about future possibilities, so this could potentially work for either question.

Thanks again!
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!”
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jamonwindeyer

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #155 on: March 25, 2017, 01:55:24 pm »
+1

Thanks for the feedback, Jamon! In that case, I'll try and focus on how discovery stimulates new ideas of the future (i.e. what happens next) in relation to present actions. Would that be more relevant to discovery?

One of our other essay options is about future possibilities, so this could potentially work for either question.

Thanks again!

That definitely works!! Not a problem at all my friend

Snew

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #156 on: March 26, 2017, 11:21:15 am »
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Hey guys! Would love to get your input on my intro for these potential half yearly questions!!  ;D I'm trying to make them adaptable as possible so any feedback is welcomed. Cheers  :)

The impact of discovery is generally associated with feelings of excitement or pleasure.
To what extent does this statement reflect the impact of discovery in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your choosing?

The impact of discovery can be met with feelings of pleasure and excitement, but can be met with equally strong feelings of displeasure, uncertainty or indifference. In either experience, the impact of discovery has the ability to be meaningful and transformative, the extent to which is ultimately determined by the willingness of an individual to embrace this process. Both William Shakespeare’s The Tempest and Ricky Gervais’ An Idiot Abroad explore the impact of discovery as a result of the physical discovery of new worlds, the way in which individuals embrace their discovery and subsequent inconsequential or meaningful transformation is made. 


Discoveries provoke new ideas and enable individuals to speculate about future possibilities.
How is this view presented in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?

Discoveries have the potential to fertilise new ideas and conceive previously unconsidered possibilities for an individual through their experience of new worlds, both of excitement and pleasure or equally strong feelings of displeasure, uncertainty or indifference. The extent of the impact of discovery is ultimately determined by the willingness of individuals to embrace this process, and their inclined desire for this process to be transformative.  The individuals in both The Tempest by William Shakespeare and Ricky Gervais’ An Idiot Abroad display varying extents of new ideas and further speculation as a result of their discoveries, and alternating subversions of previously dominant ideals.
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elysepopplewell

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #157 on: March 29, 2017, 01:15:55 am »
+1
Hey guys! Would love to get your input on my intro for these potential half yearly questions!!  ;D I'm trying to make them adaptable as possible so any feedback is welcomed. Cheers  :)


Hey Snew, I've just come back online after a weekend off, I hope this isn't too late!

Spoiler
The impact of discovery is generally associated with feelings of excitement or pleasure.
To what extent does this statement reflect the impact of discovery in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your choosing?

The impact of discovery can be met with feelings of pleasure and excitement, but can be met with equally strong feelings of displeasure, uncertainty or indifference. Absolutely love this... Very balanced. Opens you up to a lot of conversation. In either experience, the impact of discovery has the ability to be meaningful and transformative, the extent to which is ultimately determined by the willingness of an individual to embrace this process. Both William Shakespeare’s The Tempest and Ricky Gervais’ An Idiot Abroad explore the impact of discovery as a result of the physical discovery of new worlds, the way in which individuals embrace their discovery and subsequent inconsequential or meaningful transformation is made.  Great!

Discoveries provoke new ideas and enable individuals to speculate about future possibilities.
How is this view presented in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?

Discoveries have the potential to fertilise new ideas and conceive previously unconsidered possibilities for an individual through their experience of new worlds, both of excitement and pleasure or equally strong feelings of displeasure, uncertainty or indifference. This one is a little too long and I started to get lost around "conceive previously unconsidered possibilities." I read that bit twice just to make sure it was correct, which is fine, but the sentence continues and it gets a little lost. Perhaps end the sentence there, and start the next sentence with something like, "experiences of new worlds...indifference may trigger such speculations." This way you're using the variation of speculate, as the question suggests? Of course you can find your own wording, but I think the first sentence is too long, but it contains great ideas. The extent of the impact of discovery is ultimately determined by the willingness of individuals to embrace this process, and their inclined desire for this process to be transformative. I like that this is coming through in both of your essays, I'd expect to see it as a nice argument in the body paragraphs! The individuals in both The Tempest by William Shakespeare and Ricky Gervais’ An Idiot Abroad display varying extents of new ideas and further speculation as a result of their discoveries, and alternating subversions of previously dominant ideals.

Love both of these, you've definitely got this sailing down the right route. Beware of long sentences that detract from the ideas. If your sentence is more complicated than your ideas, then it isn't worth it!

Keep up the great work... :)
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Snew

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #158 on: March 29, 2017, 11:05:56 am »
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Quote
Hey Snew, I've just come back online after a weekend off, I hope this isn't too late!

How can we blame you?!  ;) I hope your having an amazing time in Venice, I did a student exchange to Colorado for six months which was amazing but man.... Europe, so jealous  :P

Quote
Love both of these, you've definitely got this sailing down the right route. Beware of long sentences that detract from the ideas. If your sentence is more complicated than your ideas, then it isn't worth it!

Thankyou! Your input with english is so appreciated, I have a teacher who refuses to mark any essays so even just knowing I'm on the right track helps me to chill :) so thankful for ATAR Notes!!!

Mod Edit: Added quote marks ;D
« Last Edit: March 29, 2017, 11:57:47 am by jamonwindeyer »
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elysepopplewell

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #159 on: March 30, 2017, 12:08:09 am »
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How can we blame you?!  ;) I hope your having an amazing time in Venice, I did a student exchange to Colorado for six months which was amazing but man.... Europe, so jealous  :P

Thankyou! Your input with english is so appreciated, I have a teacher who refuses to mark any essays so even just knowing I'm on the right track helps me to chill :) so thankful for ATAR Notes!!!

Mod Edit: Added quote marks ;D

Colorado? That's amazing! I'd love to know more about that.

I'm sorry your teacher doesn't mark essays, but I'm glad we can bridge that gap! Always happy to help snew :)
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bellerina

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #160 on: June 12, 2017, 04:59:10 pm »
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Having slight trouble writing the creative for discovery... i had written one previously, but, i didnt really like it. I'm struggling with trying to get ideas as for another AOS creative! Help  :(
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elysepopplewell

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #161 on: June 12, 2017, 07:21:55 pm »
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Having slight trouble writing the creative for discovery... i had written one previously, but, i didnt really like it. I'm struggling with trying to get ideas as for another AOS creative! Help  :(

Hey Ballerina! I've written a guide for creative writing here which you might find helpful. It's also the thread where you should direct your creative writing questions :) Have a read through and if you're still in a rut just post back on that thread with any ideas you have and I'll happily tease them out with you :)
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DalvinT

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #162 on: June 15, 2017, 07:37:51 pm »
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Hey! I just want to check with you guys of my interpretation of an AOS essay question my teacher gave us.

"To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering."

Refer to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your choosing
[/i]
[/i]
So what I think the question is asking us to response to is how effective our texts show this emotional (explorations of emotions??) and intellectual (gaining/renewing new knowledge and perceptions) response due to discovering. Is that right?

I tried to write a thesis statement for it as well:
 Discoveries can be an unexcepted and challenging experience, yet an exciting one that can lead to an intense and meaningful emotional and intellectual response. Through these responses evoked by a planned or unplanned discovery, it may allow one to venture into new worlds and stimulate new ideas that offer new understandings and perception of the self and world.

Thanks in advance!! :)
« Last Edit: June 15, 2017, 07:40:08 pm by DalvinT »
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adelaidecruz

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #163 on: July 04, 2017, 10:31:25 am »
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Hey guys, would anyone be willing to check my thesis statement for this question?
 "To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering?"

The process of discovery involves an inclination to repress established ways of thinking in order to embrace new outlooks. Its extent and ability in confronting intrinsic values and beliefs is determined by the willingness to embrace the process and the connections made with places and people. This growth is stimulated by evocative disclosures, both deliberate and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion and intellect.

THANK YOU!
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SuperSymmetry

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Re: Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
« Reply #164 on: July 04, 2017, 05:10:58 pm »
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Hello, can someone please tell me what this question is asking ?

The process and consequences of discovery are complex and challenging; especially when they are contingent on the mindset of the individual.

Thank you.