Compose a piece of original imaginative writing significantly incorporating ONE of these four images, exploring the idea of how discoveries can lead to new values or stimulate new ideas. In a sea of white skin, pearl blue eyes and sandy blonde hair, my almond dark eyes and chocolate-brown skin always stood out.
Haha - That's a gorgeous opener. I love the simple but intriguing ones like this.
I lived a life of divided portions -my Bengali sanskaar like one jigsaw piece, my Aussie upbringing another. Both pieces oddly shaped in their curves yet neither piece evenly fit any part of the other…
I try to make them fit together, only to crush their edges…
Clever use of the stimulus here. It is bordering on being a tad too obvious, but I wouldn't identify it is as an issue The Aussie flag fluttered above us every morning as I stood straight and proudly sung the national anthem, inhaling unity and patriotism with my mates. Waking up to the spray of the Pacific in my face as I surfed the long East Coast and the taste of aussie beef Nicole and I sent sizzling into the air off our barbecue on Sunday arvos were the best.
A few wording issues there - Can't quite follow that sentence. the waves was a casual pastime and Sunday arvo barbies with my closest gal Nicole was the best. But the moment I met a Bengali, the waves of my Aussie culture rippled away and I reconnected with my traditional heritage, finding entertainment in the gossip of our Bollywood movies and enjoying a conversation over garam chai and spicy ghugni. And that’s just the problem. Both jigsaw pieces fitted into either side of me.
But the two never seemed to blend together.
Really beautiful use of the extended metaphor here to communicate your concepts here.I’ve lived in Australia all my seventeen years but I feel so displaced. Here seemed all the pieces, yet still I was incomplete.
A little cheesy - Up to this point you've used a little more subtlety to communicate your ideas. Just having it said like this seems a little off. I needed to think this over, to know myself properly before I can feel confident to handle the world. I retreated to the basement, my “solitude place” that doubled as my little Natya Dance Theatre of my own design. Years ago, I used to dance Bharatnatyam before I decided to pack away my Bengali belongings -my allegiance to my life here. Yet, when I recalled my practices for the Arangetram now, I still felt an excited mixture of fluttering butterflies perfecting the on-off audible rhythmic footwork steps so my ghungroos chinked in sync.
Opening the oak door, a glimmering ball of light blurred in the corner of my eye.. It lay on top of an old bedside table. Oh…I saw my ghungroos! I scooped the dance anklets and admired their cultural beauty, little brass bells enveloping a sheet of maroon fabric, handcrafted by artisans from Kolkata. Ghungroos are a mandatory component of every Bharatanatyam dance practice.
You are doing a good job maintaining the understanding of an Australian audience - But the word choice still makes the multicultural elements clear. It's a great balance! When I learnt Bharatanatyam, I was so fascinated by the sweet melodies of its little bells that echoed from each tap. Though dusty and time-worn, they continued to exude vigour, energy...
And identity.
You've used this 'sentence by itself' technique a few times. I love the technique, but when you use it multiple times it loses impact. I'd ditch this sentence.
My body ached to dance once more. I tied one ghungroo onto my right and then the other, the left.
I'd like a little more description of this moment, I think there is potential to really flesh out the connection to culture! Coaxing my ring finger to bend perpendicular to my palm whilst keeping my hand and fingers flat, I held the sturdy Tripataka mudra and then steadied myself in the Nattadavu position.
For a moment I could feel myself on a sunny Bondi coast, raising my chin up above the crashing waves that struggles to force me into the turbulence of the sand.. Shutting my eyes and taking a deep breath, I similarly settled into the shallows within me. Having to appear composed under the pressure of stage performances helped me learn self-control.
The Tripataka hasta denotes fire, a feeling of excitement that grew larger in me with each passing moment, ready to erupt into a thrilling show of dance. I let myself feel the beats of my ghungroos, chinking and reverberating joy and wonder. My fingers fluttered high up, arms outstretched to the sky, in the manner a bird so gracefully soars when her foot slips off a branch, in spite of the dangers of falling that lay ahead. Twirling around and around, my binary conflict seemed to unfurl like a rosebud in spring bloom, the bell sounds embracing me and each step falling like second nature, the ringing enveloping my ears and immersing my mind in the beat...
Really beautiful image you are creating here. I love that you've accompanied it with longer sentences as well - Very powerful adjustment in your voice that reenforces the significance of the moment for the character.
Cham. Cham. Cham.
Dancing was a haven, a cocoon where I could let go of the outside world. In Bharatanatyam, it didn’t matter what piece of the jigsaw was my allegiance, Bharatanatyam embraced all of me, letting my ability align in the dignified movements I was blessed with.
CLANG! In my haste, I hadn’t even tied the ghungroos properly. The ghungroos fell off.
But I smile, because something else had taken its place… Those jigsaw pieces… seemed to have fit in somewhere.
The missing link to the puzzle was rediscovered.
Maybe the pieces were never meant to fit together.
Maybe I was the missing link between them all along.
A little too blatant with the extended metaphor here - Try not to force it too much. It should feel very natural to the reader and this feels a little forced.
With a few deft movements the Ghungroos were back on my ankles and I was swept away. Whether I was lost in the rhythm of my dance or coursing down the faces of the waves I surfed, I was never to know. The same cool air swirled through my hair and the same twisting toes kept me from losing my balance and poise.
Beautiful final integration of the two worlds here.
Perhaps, just perhaps, both jigsaw pieces could be a part of me.
And who am I to leave a puzzle incomplete?