Free AOS essay Marking!

[bsdfjnlkasn]

Can you have a look at my intro please? I wrote it on the spot but I've altered it a little so that you wouldn't be frightened of how much I've managed to butcher the art of writing essays! 
Questions: "Discovery allows us to view the hidden experience as a common, human experience." (I really didn't know what to put)
The plethora of discoveries encountered when individuals endeavour to seek out the unfamiliarity that cannot be experienced in their comfort zones is an element shared by all of humanity. It is the curiosity present within all individuals which creates the desire to explore the unknown. The human experience is partly characterised by exposure to new environments and this process is propagated by a personal desire to connect with what is usually hidden. The unpredictable nature of discoveries can be emotionally and intellectually stimulating and it is this which prompts the emergence of new perceptions of the world in humans. These notions are explored in Darren Arofnovksy's film 'The Black Swan' (2010) and memoir 'Motorcycle Diaries' by Che Guevara. Both composers exhibit how discoveries connect all humans in the respect that they form part of an individual's emotional and intellectual development.

Hey again blackswan! Hopefully these comments are helpful

The plethora of discoveries encountered when individuals endeavour to seek out the unfamiliarity that cannot be experienced in their comfort zones this is sort of implied in what "unfamiliarity" means is an element (experience?) shared by all of humanity Nice thesis . It is the curiosity present within all individuals which creates the desire to explore the unknown. The human experience is partly characterised by exposure to new environments and this process is propagated by a personal desire to connect with what is usually hidden I think you could join this sentence with the previous to avoid repeating yourself at the end (i.e. where you say "this process is propagated..." because you're attributing it to curiosity again). Or you could delete the sentence about curiosity, your choice. The unpredictable nature of discoveries can be emotionally and intellectually stimulating and it is this which prompts the emergence of new perceptions of the world in humans. These notions are explored in Darren Arofnovksy's film 'The Black Swan' (2010) and memoir 'Motorcycle Diaries' by Che Guevara I think you could do more with the texts, rather than just stating that these ideas about discovery are presented in the texts, you should say how and compare the way in which this is done. Again, I think it's important to introduce your prescribed before your related so that you can connect ideas and show how they are developed by your related. Both composers exhibit how discoveries connect all humans in the respect that they form part of an individual's emotional and intellectual development.


Although commenting on the similarities is a good way of synthesising, you could make your intro more engaging by offering a perspective that isn't shared, as this will broaden your exploration of discovery.

Let me know if you have any more question

[jamonwindeyer]

Can you have a look at my intro please? I wrote it on the spot but I've altered it a little so that you wouldn't be frightened of how much I've managed to butcher the art of writing essays! 

Questions: "Discovery allows us to view the hidden experience as a common, human experience." (I really didn't know what to put)
The plethora of discoveries encountered when individuals endeavour to seek out the unfamiliarity that cannot be experienced in their comfort zones is an element shared by all of humanity. Good concept! I feel it could be simplified ever so slightly but the idea is definitely solid. It is the curiosity present within all individuals which creates the desire to explore the unknown. The human experience is partly characterised by exposure to new environments and this process is propagated by a personal desire to connect with what is usually hidden. These last two sentences (somewhat) say the same thing - You really only need one of them! The unpredictable nature of discoveries can be emotionally and intellectually stimulating and it is this which prompts the emergence of new perceptions of the world in humans. These notions are explored in Darren Arofnovksy's film 'The Black Swan' (2010) and memoir 'Motorcycle Diaries' by Che Guevara. I'd like some brief synopses of how the concept you've introduced is present in each composers work. Both composers exhibit how discoveries connect all humans in the respect that they form part of an individual's emotional and intellectual development. Good- Ensure you use the specific wording of whatever the question is in your conclusion.

I think this works well, but you should introduce the concept more quickly! Having four sentences introducing the concept is a little much - Aim to do it in two, three max, then spend the saved space introducing the texts in more detail!!

[miraxx]

Hey  ,
I'm new to AtarNotes and was a bit unsure whether anyone can posts their works here? Or is it exclusive to VIP members or something?

[justwannawish]

Hey  ,
I'm new to AtarNotes and was a bit unsure whether anyone can posts their works here? Or is it exclusive to VIP members or something?

Hi and welcome,
The free service is available for everyone  , however, you do need a certain amount of posts. Currently, because of the lead up to the HSC, it's 50 posts, which isn't that much if you contribute to forums, talk to other people, ask and answer questions, etc. Let me know if you need anything

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey  ,
I'm new to AtarNotes and was a bit unsure whether anyone can posts their works here? Or is it exclusive to VIP members or something?

You're all VIP's

But yeah, as mentioned above - We have to prioritise a little, so we offer it as a reward for people who have posted around the forums a bit!

Full explanation is here, if you like

[miraxx]

Hi and welcome,
The free service is available for everyone  , however, you do need a certain amount of posts. Currently, because of the lead up to the HSC, it's 50 posts, which isn't that much if you contribute to forums, talk to other people, ask and answer questions, etc. Let me know if you need anything

You're all VIP's

But yeah, as mentioned above - We have to prioritise a little, so we offer it as a reward for people who have posted around the forums a bit!

Full explanation is here, if you like

Yep, thank you to you both but don't worry I'm definitely going to be hanging out here a lot

[justwannawish]

Yep, thank you to you both but don't worry I'm definitely going to be hanging out here a lot

No problem! I used to be a quiet lurker too but commenting and helping people is a lot more fun

[blasonduo]

“I never was able to thank my father, for all I learnt from him, to tell him without his lessons, I never would have survived.” The dialogue portrays a broken link in Pi’s past, and how reconsidering these events can spark new values and perspectives in his life. Go beyond the character!

Hello! Sorry to ask this so late, but your main point about my essay was how I should expand on discovery past the character (as shown above.) But I am still currently unsure how to do this .

Could you help me and give me just a little helping hand please?

Thanks.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hello! Sorry to ask this so late, but your main point about my essay was how I should expand on discovery past the character (as shown above.) But I am still currently unsure how to do this .

Could you help me and give me just a little helping hand please?

Thanks.

Sure! So let me take that sentence:

“I never was able to thank my father, for all I learnt from him, to tell him without his lessons, I never would have survived.” The dialogue portrays a broken link in Pi’s past, and how reconsidering these events can spark new values and perspectives in his life.

And reign it a little to go beyond the character:

The use of dialogue, “I never was able to thank my father... I never would have survived,” makes the audience realise how reconsidering past events can spark new values and perspectives.

It is the tiniest change hey? And that's the thing, your essay is so close to spot on - It is just that you are discussing characters and how they discover, how they change. But that isn't important - It is how these concepts are represented to the audience, and the characters are just puppets in achieving that. Thus, focusing on the characters are unnecessary - You can take the same idea and generalise it

[justwannawish]

Hey!

Do you guys mark generic essays that can be moulded for an exam? Or should I attach a question too

Because I have 3 main themes and I've used them in previous essays and they can be moulded to most questions and was wondering whether I could post them here for feedback

[theblackswan]

Hi, thanks for the feedback! Here's another intro I've been working on. My idea is slightly complex than normal and so I've had trouble phrasing it so that if flows fluently. Feedback appreciated !  If it's good enough, I"m thinking of using it as the basis for every essay question with a little bit of adaption.

'Discoveries make us question who we are and what we believe in.'
Although it is the emotionally and intellectually stimulating nature of discoveries which urges individuals to question their current views of the world and propagates the evolution of their identities, the consequences are not always purely beneficial. The precipice of a discovery is a precarious position, as discoveries can either culminate to produce a new sense of directionality and purpose for an individual or implant enough conflicting views that ultimately erodes their identity. These unforseeable consequences of discovery are prompted through exposure and interactions with unfamiliar environments. Che Guevara's memoir 'The Motorcycle Diaires' (1953) advertises how discoveries have an inclination to be transformative for the indivdual and focuses on how multiple discoveries asserting the same notion persuades the individual to also exercise these notions. Ultimately, the discovered notion would grow in significance until it becomes a part of an individual's identity. Similarly, David Aronofvsky's film 'The Black Swan' (2010) explores the transformative nature of discoveries but instead diverges from 'The Motorcycle Diaries' to exhibit how discoveries may be so conflicting with an individual's current views that they experience a loss of identity. Both composers avidly demonstrates how two disparate paths stem from the emotional and intellectual responses of an individual.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey!

Do you guys mark generic essays that can be moulded for an exam? Or should I attach a question too

Because I have 3 main themes and I've used them in previous essays and they can be moulded to most questions and was wondering whether I could post them here for feedback

Hey guys,

Here's my generic essay for aos. What I plan to do is use two out of the three paragraphs for every question and was wondering whether you guys could work your magic on it! Will edit it if you prefer
a question to mark it agains!

We are happy to mark generics! Obviously we just won't be able to give feedback about how well it answers the question on the list!

[bun00]

heyy!
just wondering....how long does it roughly take to get an essay marked on here? and do i need 25 or 50 posts to submit one?
tks hpss

[Wales]

heyy!
just wondering....how long does it roughly take to get an essay marked on here? and do i need 25 or 50 posts to submit one?
tks hpss

50 posts all up and I'd give it a few days at least. Markers are quite busy at the moment

[bun00]

50 posts all up and I'd give it a few days at least. Markers are quite busy at the moment

ok thankyou!