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Author Topic: Can someone provide feedback on my Nine Days text response?  (Read 4987 times)  Share 

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RB04

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Can someone provide feedback on my Nine Days text response?
« on: October 19, 2019, 05:06:43 pm »
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Despite their experiences of loss, the characters find ways to make life meaningful. Discuss.

In 'Nine Days' by Toni Jordan, many characters find a way to make life meaningful despite experiencing loss. After the death of Tom, the Westaway family find ways to survive without his support. The unexpected death of Connie has a strong impact on Kip, who learns an important lesson which changes the course of his life as a result. Alec also experiences the loss of his friends, which teaches him the same lesson as his grandfather was taught years before.

The Westaway family demonstrate their strength and resilience after the untimely death of Tom Westaway. As Tom could no longer provide for the family, it was Kip who stepped up and sacrificed his education to join the workforce. Despite the sudden loss of his childhood as he is forced to leave school at such a young age, Kip finds meaning in his life as he keeps his wilful and positive attitude, taking pride in being one of the 'proper workers' and doing everything he can to help his mother. Connie also adapts quickly to her new lifestyle as, with the loss of their boarder Mrs Keith, Connie finds a job at The Argus and pursues her passion of a career in photography. This gives meaning to Connie's life as it is clearly her 'dream job' as an artistic and creative person, and felt that 'everything was going to be alright' as she had her family, this job, and had spent a night with Jack Husting. Despite the loss of her father, Connie demonstrates that she was able to find meaning in her life by appreciating everything that she had. Francis and Jean also continued to find meaning in their lives as Francis remained ambitious in becoming a lawyer and Jean saw hope in one of her sons staying in school. The Westaway family show that in spite of challenges caused by the loss of Tom, they are able to remain hopeful and find meaning in life.

Kip experiences a great loss when his beloved sister Connie passes away. This proves to be difficult for Kip who was always glad Connie would be there for him during hardships and never '[asked] anything more' about what had happened. The unexpected death of Connie teaches Kip a valuable lesson that changes how he interacted with others in his life. As the nature of the death was so sudden, Kip is shown how people he loved could disappear, and teaches him the importance of engaging with people and not letting anyone go without 'kissing them' goodbye. Through Kip's experience, Jordan sends the message to her readers that life is sacred, but it can be fragile, which is why it is critical to make the most of and appreciate every moment. It can also be seen that the death of Connie was instrumental in shaping Kip into the person he becomes when he is older, with Kip following in his sister's footsteps and becoming a photographer, which allows him to find the meaning in his life the way Connie had. Kip also becomes the 'most loving father' to his daughters, Stanzi and Charlotte, showing how Connie's caring and gentle qualities had been passed on to Kip. After the death of his sister, Kip finds meaning in his life as a father and in his new life philosophy.

In a similar way to his grandfather, Alec experiences the loss of his friends which causes him to change his attitude towards life. Like Kip, Alec was one man who felt trapped in a 'femocracy', but did not treat the women in his life as well as his grandfather did. This changed when Alec comes close to losing his own life in a tragic car accident involving his friends, which causes him to see how quickly the people he knew could disappear. This event opens Alec's eyes to the preciousness of life and causes him to find meaning in his life as he now realises the significance of family relationships. Jordan alludes that Alec goes on to appreciate his family more than he had previously, with Alec believing that as long as he had his sister Libby, he would 'never be truly alone' in the world. Alec finds meaning in his life as he is now more engaged with others around him, and learns the importance of grasping opportunities for love as a result of the loss of his friends.

Toni Jordan demonstrates through her characters that although loss comes with its challenges, there is still meaning to be found in life. The Westaway family remain hopeful about the future after the death of Tom by continuing to work hard, stick together and support each other during their time of grief. Kip and Alec in particular are taught at a young age through their personal experiences of loss that every moment in life id precious and nothing and no-one should ever be taken for granted.


I wrote this during a trial exam and got a 4/10. The marker said it needed more specific quotes and devices, I'm just not sure what kind of devices because we didn't really discuss this in class. They also said it was more of descriptive commentary than a text response, which I think it means there's too much retelling. Can someone explain this part and maybe what I can add to make it more of a text response? Any feedback or help would be greatly appreciated.
« Last Edit: October 19, 2019, 06:51:17 pm by RB04 »

yourfriendlyneighbourhoodghost

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Re: Can someone provide feedback on my Nine Days text response?
« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2019, 05:00:33 pm »
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I thought it was very very clear, so that is a good start (:

Your examples are good yes, maybe try and integrate quotes too?

What I found was that you just rewrote the prompt in the intro, and it didn't seem like you dissected and taken your own view in it as effectively as you could.

Think about what makes a life meaningful, think about what loss is, how many types of loss are explored in the text, and most importantly, challenge the prompt. So the characters actually find ways to make their life meaningful? Explore that too.

Also, my teacher always insists we have at least two author value statements in each paragraph.

What values is Jordan trying to convey through this prompt?


I hope this helps, and bear in mind I am not studying this text but giving advice from a holistic point of view.

Good luck (:
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RB04

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Re: Can someone provide feedback on my Nine Days text response?
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2019, 05:28:40 pm »
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Thank you so much. This was all really helpful advice. I really appreciate it

Good luck with your exams :)

yourfriendlyneighbourhoodghost

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Re: Can someone provide feedback on my Nine Days text response?
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2019, 04:28:14 pm »
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Thank you so much. This was all really helpful advice. I really appreciate it

Good luck with your exams :)
Thanks (: you too
2018: Studio Arts [37]
2019: English [38] Psychology [38] Vis Com [36] Software Development [40] Further Maths [35]
ATAR: 87.95 ❤️

2020-2023 Bachelor of Arts @ Unimelb