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March 29, 2024, 03:25:36 am

Author Topic: English Language essay submission and marking  (Read 224657 times)  Share 

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lm21074

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #300 on: April 14, 2021, 10:11:54 pm »
+6
Hi there Corey!

Apologies, I only had time to look at your intro and first body paragraph. Here is my feedback! :)

Intro
I'd reword it to something like to make it a bit more concise:
This highly informal press release email promoting Meghan Trainor’s new single was written by a media outlet to consumers of the media outlet. The media outlet adopts a casually intimate (is there another word you could use to describe this (e.g. personal)? I haven’t seen the text myself, but I feel like you could be a bit more clear here – as long as you describe what you mean if you wish to discuss the tone and relate it to other bits of metalanguage and concepts in your analysis)  and authoritative tone, building rapport and creating social distance (I'd say increasing/extending here instead and possibly building rapport whilst/yet increasing social distance?) in order to persuade their audience to purchase Trainor’s single.
You've referred to register, social purpose, and elements of context here, which is great! :)

Function paragraph
This press release’s primary function The primary function of this press release is to persuade consumers to purchase Meghan Trainor’s new single as demonstrated through the use of prosodic features such as volume (l. 4, 5 & 6) (merged the sentences together) (perhaps describe the volume here. Also, if this is a written text, how is volume used? Also, how does the use of this prosodic feature help to achieve the function of the text?). The author uses attention grabbing techniques to help achieve this. Prosodic features such as volume (line 4, 5, 6). The author utilises the passive voice (perhaps give a specific example, rather than saying the whole paragraph 3) to increase social distance, by (maybe?) creating a feeling of authority in knowing what you want (I’m not entirely sure what you mean here as I haven’t seen the text – is the feeling of authority created in the audience? Does the passive voice encourage the audience to want to purchase the single? If so, how?) (all paragraph 3), which is of course, to purchase Meghan’s new single (perhaps you could reword this to: the author utilises the passive voice (e.g. “…” (l. number)), increasing social distance through (e.g. is there agentless passive? Maybe adopting a formal manner makes the advertisement less appealing to the audience? etc.) which creates a feeling of authority in knowing what you want. The use of verb-phrases (give an example and line number!) decreases the formality of the text (how?), creating rapport with the audience (how?), making what the author has to say more relatable and the audience more likely to listen (great!)

Just as an aside - when analysing - think 'what is the language feature?' (identify and give an example), 'why is it used?' (use analytical verbs here!), 'what is the effect?' (or what does it achieve? bring it back to what the paragraph is about - function). Also, I know I kinda shuffled things around a bit in your paragraphs but just wanted to emphasize that it might be helpful to focus on what you write rather than how you write.

Great job! :)
« Last Edit: April 14, 2021, 11:12:52 pm by lm21074 »
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Corey King

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #301 on: April 15, 2021, 10:47:26 am »
0
Hi there Corey!

Apologies, I only had time to look at your intro and first body paragraph. Here is my feedback! :)

Intro
I'd reword it to something like to make it a bit more concise:
This highly informal press release email promoting Meghan Trainor’s new single was written by a media outlet to consumers of the media outlet. The media outlet adopts a casually intimate (is there another word you could use to describe this (e.g. personal)? I haven’t seen the text myself, but I feel like you could be a bit more clear here – as long as you describe what you mean if you wish to discuss the tone and relate it to other bits of metalanguage and concepts in your analysis)  and authoritative tone, building rapport and creating social distance (I'd say increasing/extending here instead and possibly building rapport whilst/yet increasing social distance?) in order to persuade their audience to purchase Trainor’s single.
You've referred to register, social purpose, and elements of context here, which is great! :)

Function paragraph
This press release’s primary function The primary function of this press release is to persuade consumers to purchase Meghan Trainor’s new single as demonstrated through the use of prosodic features such as volume (l. 4, 5 & 6) (merged the sentences together) (perhaps describe the volume here. Also, if this is a written text, how is volume used? Also, how does the use of this prosodic feature help to achieve the function of the text?). The author uses attention grabbing techniques to help achieve this. Prosodic features such as volume (line 4, 5, 6). The author utilises the passive voice (perhaps give a specific example, rather than saying the whole paragraph 3) to increase social distance, by (maybe?) creating a feeling of authority in knowing what you want (I’m not entirely sure what you mean here as I haven’t seen the text – is the feeling of authority created in the audience? Does the passive voice encourage the audience to want to purchase the single? If so, how?) (all paragraph 3), which is of course, to purchase Meghan’s new single (perhaps you could reword this to: the author utilises the passive voice (e.g. “…” (l. number)), increasing social distance through (e.g. is there agentless passive? Maybe adopting a formal manner makes the advertisement less appealing to the audience? etc.) which creates a feeling of authority in knowing what you want. The use of verb-phrases (give an example and line number!) decreases the formality of the text (how?), creating rapport with the audience (how?), making what the author has to say more relatable and the audience more likely to listen (great!)

Just as an aside - when analysing - think 'what is the language feature?' (identify and give an example), 'why is it used?' (use analytical verbs here!), 'what is the effect?' (or what does it achieve? bring it back to what the paragraph is about - function). Also, I know I kinda shuffled things around a bit in your paragraphs but just wanted to emphasize that it might be helpful to focus on what you write rather than how you write.

Great job! :)

Thank you for the great feedback! :)
Just a question, I'm not quite sure what you mean by "it's more important to focus on what you write rather than how you write" and how that related to the corrections you made:

lm21074

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #302 on: April 15, 2021, 04:42:56 pm »
+3
Thank you for the great feedback! :)
Just a question, I'm not quite sure what you mean by "it's more important to focus on what you write rather than how you write" and how that related to the corrections you made:
Sorry I didn't word that very well! I meant as a general tip, when reworking your writing, it can be helpful to focus on fleshing out your ideas as a priority, and the conciseness and expression can come second.

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Corey King

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #303 on: April 16, 2021, 08:28:10 pm »
0
Sorry I didn't word that very well! I meant as a general tip, when reworking your writing, it can be helpful to focus on fleshing out your ideas as a priority, and the conciseness and expression can come second.

Hey there :)
I ran into a problem today around the context element of the thematic based approach to writing an AC. The problem being: do I have to cover all elements of context? If so, thats a lot to cover :P

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lm21074

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #304 on: April 16, 2021, 09:27:12 pm »
+7
Hey!

You don't have to cover every single aspect of both situational and cultural context in your introduction.

I'd recommend including three things in the intro:
- Register
- Social purpose
- Context (you can use the mnemonic FARMS (field, audience, relationships between participants, mode and setting) to remember these elements - they're the ones that capture the essence of the text).

In your body paragraphs, you can analyze as many contextual features as you like, but the number you do is often dependent on the essay prompt and what evidence you choose to support your central argument.

Hope this helps :)

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Harrycc3000

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #305 on: April 29, 2021, 04:05:24 pm »
+1
Hi guys,
Just discovered this thread which gives free feedback on essays (amazing!) and would like to get some use out of it.
I've got a SAC coming up that includes an AC on a formal text and an essay on formal language so I wrote up this AC on Whitlam's eulogy from Kirsten Foxes Exam Guide (Section B Text 4) (I don't want to type up the whole transcript of the eulogy here right now but if you want to just tell me.) Would appreciate any feedback!

Here it is:
Pearson pays respects to former Australian prime minister Gough Whitlam in this spoken, relatively formal eulogy, which takes place at Sydney Town Hall in front of a live audience with many other audience members listening in via radio broadcast. Pearson discusses topics relating to the semantic field of government which helps Pearson’s speech fulfill its commemorative function. In terms of social purpose, Pearson’s speech aims to reduce social distance with audience members, promote social harmony and appeal to the Whitlam’s family’s positive face needs.

The speeches various functions and social purposes are fulfilled via a variety of stylistic features. Pearson begins his speech by using the adverbial ‘without this old man’ (1). His use of unelevated lexemes to describe Whitlam de-emphasises Whitlam’s formal title as former prime minister of Australia which reduces social distance between Pearson and the audience. Repetition is applied on the noun phrase ‘old man’ throughout the text (lines 12, 29) which further reinforces Whitlam’s identity as a normal person that was established by the opening adverbial. Towards the end of the speech, Pearson mentions Whitlam’s various contributions and achievements as prime minister by employing listing ‘the Trade Practices Act, Cutting tariff protections….. for the territories’ (67-92). This fulfills the text’s commemorative function by clearly acknowledging the many accomplishments in Whitlam’s career but also appeals to the Whitlam family’s positive face needs by demonstrating how valuable Whitlam was to Pearson himself, and also the many Australians and audience members (who clapped and applauded in response to Pearson’s listing of his accomplishments.). Pearson utilises the inclusive possessive determiner ‘our’ (2) when describing indigenous people in the noun phrase ‘the land and human rights of our people’ (2) to collectively acknowledge that the aboriginal community is something that is relevant and important to all Australians and audience members listening to the eulogy, enabling Pearson to promote social harmony within the speech. Finally, Pearson uses stress on the verb ‘change’ (54) to emphasise the impact Whitlam had on the Australian economy, allowing him to intensify the importance of Whitlam’s contributions and therefore commemorate him appropriately.

The situational and cultural context are important in influencing the contents of the speech. Pearson’s use of the collocated noun phrase ‘traditional owners’ (33) to describe the aboriginal community acknowledges them as the original owners of Australian land and reflects the cultural contextual sentiment that Australia has with respecting the rights of aboriginals within Australia, and culturally appeals to especially, audience members that are a part of the aboriginal community. Specific noun phrases such as ‘Trade Practices Act’ (67), ‘Family Law Act’ (70) and proper nouns like ‘Medibank’ (66) describe policies that were passed specifically in Australia, requiring inference from the audience to understand what is being said in the speech, thereby reflecting the predominantly Australian audience listening to Whitlam’s eulogy. Furthermore, the use of compound complex sentences such as ‘Assessments of those three… government in Australia’ (41) demonstrates that this speech is a prepared speech and reflects the highly important and formal context at which Whitlam’s eulogy takes place. Non fluency features are rare, and repetition of recalling (35,37) is only used when his speech has been drowned out by the noise of the audience.

Various linguistic features are used to maintain coherence within the text. Pearson’s speech follows a logical order by beginning his speech with his contribution to the aboriginal community, then how governments after Whitlam’s have been highly uncooperative and partisan and finally the many policies and accomplishments Whitlam has passed that has defined his political legacy. This clear sequencing of ideas allows audience members to follow his speech more easily, making the speech more coherent. Substitution such as of the hypernymic noun ‘country’ (54) with the hyponymic proper noun ‘Australia’ (55) reduces lexical density of Pearson’s speech by avoiding unnecessary repetition of ‘country’ (54), which additionally cohesively ties his speech together. Further cohesive ties are created in the temporal adverbial ’38 years later’ (58) which links the ideas of Whitlam’s contributions to Australia, timewise, to how we think of him now. By allowing the text to connect more fluidly, Pearson creates a clear, cohesive structure that makes his speech more coherent. Complex repetition of the rhetorical interrogative sentence ‘What …. Anyway?’ (64, 95) increases the ease at which his reference to the ‘Life of Brian’ can be recognised by using it to introduce and conclude the topic of Whitlam’s various passed bills and acts. By interweaving this reference throughout the text, he is able to make the last part of the speech more cohesive and therefore understandable.

Several factors contribute to the text’s relatively formal register. Parallelism ‘Only those ….. evil’ (8), ‘Only those ….. importance’ (10) not only creates a sense of rhythm to fluidly discuss the impacts of discrimination on people but also reduces the sense of spontaneity of the speech, which contributes to the formal register of the text. Jargonistic lexemes within the field of government such as ‘legislation’ (32), ‘Act’  (31, 75,11) and ‘conscription’ (79) specifically clarify policies Whitlam was involved in, its government-conventional use of language thereby raising the register of the text. Furthermore, the use of elevated lexemes such as the adjectives ‘vociferous’ (44) and ‘chrysalis’ (57) emphasise the gravitas of Whitlam’s presence in the Australian political scene, fulfilling the text’s commemorative function and maintaining the formality at which he addresses the audience. Moreover, planned pauses like in line 56 ‘finally emerged (..) … butterfly’ increase the suspense to which Australia’s development is described, heightening the gravitas and therefore importance to which the context of the speech is made.
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wingdings2791

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #306 on: May 02, 2021, 04:37:09 pm »
+5
Hello Harrycc3000, this is looking like a great response! Here's a few things I might suggest:

Intro
This is good as you've covered mode, register, context, audience, social purpose and also touched on function and some more detailed analysis (comment on semantic fields). However, beginning your discussion with Pearson's aim makes this intro slightly less direct; it may be better to make the text itself the subject of this sentence (something like 'The text is a spoken, relatively formal eulogy delivered by Pearson to pay respects to former Australian PM Gough Whitlam') so that assessors/teachers immediately recognise that you're talking about the text.
P1
The speeches various functions and social purposes are fulfilled via a variety of stylistic features.
I think it's the right idea to use your topic sentence to state that stylistic features support textual functions and social purposes; however, 'stylistic features', 'various functions', and 'social purposes' are all very generic terms that don't relate to particular language features and aren't specific to the text. You go into repetition, lexical choice, and prosody mostly in this paragraph, so a bit more specification eg. 'Inclusive lexical choices, prosody, and syntactic patterning support the commemorative function of the text and fulfill the social purposes of promoting in-group membership and supporting positive face' could be a clearer starting line. Also lets you sprinkle in some metalanguage :)

Repetition is applied on the noun phrase ‘old man’ throughout the text (lines 12, 29)
Great discussion with thorough links to social purpose. You could also add that this repetition supports cohesion and therefore acts as an engagement strategy (keeping the audience actively listening and supporting the text's expressive function)

This fulfills the text’s commemorative function by clearly acknowledging the many accomplishments in Whitlam’s career but also appeals to the Whitlam family’s positive face needs by demonstrating how valuable Whitlam was to Pearson himself, and also the many Australians and audience members (who clapped and applauded in response to Pearson’s listing of his accomplishments.)
This is a good point but it's quite a difficult sentence to read. Also, when arguing that Pearson personally valued Whitlam, you may need to explain further (as the listed actions all pertain to Whitlam's governmental actions affecting Australia rather than anything personal with Pearson, so you might need to relate this to Pearson being Australian or Aboriginal). Also, listing is a form of syntactic patterning that aids cohesion, so you could add that in for extra metalanguage points. Similarly, you could also label your discussion of 'our' in line 2 as a strategy for promoting in-group membership just to make it extra clear to teachers.
P2
This is a much better topic sentence, making explicit reference to situational/cultural context and connecting it to the speech. It could be made a little clearer if you specified what you meant by 'contents' though- lexical choices ('traditional owners' discussion)? Syntax (sentence structures)? Spoken discourse (minimal non-fluency)?

Non fluency features are rare, and repetition of recalling (35,37) is only used when his speech has been drowned out by the noise of the audience.
A good point but this feels slightly abrupt immediately following the syntax discussion without an explicit link to the nature of the text. Perhaps just repeating your previous point about the scripted, non-spontaneous nature of text in relation to the minimal non-fluency would help.
P3
Various linguistic features are used to maintain coherence within the text.
Again, this topic sentence could be made a bit more specific by briefly indicating what type of linguistic features you are going to discuss. Even without detailed specification, you could say 'cohesive devices and logical ordering are used to maintain coherence within the text' for more precision, allowing teachers to instantly understand the topic/contents of the paragraph without even having to read further.

Otherwise, this is an excellent discussion. All I'd suggest otherwise is maybe to add some line numbers for reference when discussing logical ordering to give the argument some extra evidence and reinforcement. With the discussion of reference to Life of Brian through the quote 'what did the Romans [...]', you could also tie that in with cultural context; the target audience being Australians who are likely aware of this piece of media and will therefore infer a connection and understand the reference (otherwise, it might have the potential to compromise coherence if the audience was mostly unaware of Life of Brian).
P4
Several factors contribute to the text’s relatively formal register.
Once again, it might help to change the generic term 'several factors' to the specific features discussed in this paragraph- syntactic patterning/parallelism, jargonistic lexemes. Aside from the topic sentence, this a great discussion but could be added to with some more metalanguage eg. 'semantic field' instead of 'field' (helps to score some additional easy marks) and perhaps even a link to the taboo of death (gravitas of the situation). Although this paragraph is intended to center around the factors contributing to formality in this text, I think the whole AC could be made more cohesive and coherent (;)) by linking register to the social purpose on top of the function. Perhaps mention the demonstration of respect and promotion of social harmony as well.
Overall, this is looking like quite a strong AC with plenty of breadth and quite detailed analyses. In future, perhaps avoid generic phrases like 'several factors', 'various functions' etc. in your topic sentences, and specify a few subsystems or features so teachers know what's coming straight away. Additionally, you could also link back to overarching purpose and social purpose more often, as well as pay more attention to using metalinguistic terms. Also, take this advice with a grain of salt, as I'm also just a 3/4 student right now and so not everything will be totally reliable. All the best for your SAC! : )
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Harrycc3000

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #307 on: May 02, 2021, 07:48:35 pm »
+1
Hello Harrycc3000, this is looking like a great response! Here's a few things I might suggest:

Intro
This is good as you've covered mode, register, context, audience, social purpose and also touched on function and some more detailed analysis (comment on semantic fields). However, beginning your discussion with Pearson's aim makes this intro slightly less direct; it may be better to make the text itself the subject of this sentence (something like 'The text is a spoken, relatively formal eulogy delivered by Pearson to pay respects to former Australian PM Gough Whitlam') so that assessors/teachers immediately recognise that you're talking about the text.
P1
I think it's the right idea to use your topic sentence to state that stylistic features support textual functions and social purposes; however, 'stylistic features', 'various functions', and 'social purposes' are all very generic terms that don't relate to particular language features and aren't specific to the text. You go into repetition, lexical choice, and prosody mostly in this paragraph, so a bit more specification eg. 'Inclusive lexical choices, prosody, and syntactic patterning support the commemorative function of the text and fulfill the social purposes of promoting in-group membership and supporting positive face' could be a clearer starting line. Also lets you sprinkle in some metalanguage :)
Great discussion with thorough links to social purpose. You could also add that this repetition supports cohesion and therefore acts as an engagement strategy (keeping the audience actively listening and supporting the text's expressive function)
This is a good point but it's quite a difficult sentence to read. Also, when arguing that Pearson personally valued Whitlam, you may need to explain further (as the listed actions all pertain to Whitlam's governmental actions affecting Australia rather than anything personal with Pearson, so you might need to relate this to Pearson being Australian or Aboriginal). Also, listing is a form of syntactic patterning that aids cohesion, so you could add that in for extra metalanguage points. Similarly, you could also label your discussion of 'our' in line 2 as a strategy for promoting in-group membership just to make it extra clear to teachers.
P2
This is a much better topic sentence, making explicit reference to situational/cultural context and connecting it to the speech. It could be made a little clearer if you specified what you meant by 'contents' though- lexical choices ('traditional owners' discussion)? Syntax (sentence structures)? Spoken discourse (minimal non-fluency)?
A good point but this feels slightly abrupt immediately following the syntax discussion without an explicit link to the nature of the text. Perhaps just repeating your previous point about the scripted, non-spontaneous nature of text in relation to the minimal non-fluency would help.
P3
Again, this topic sentence could be made a bit more specific by briefly indicating what type of linguistic features you are going to discuss. Even without detailed specification, you could say 'cohesive devices and logical ordering are used to maintain coherence within the text' for more precision, allowing teachers to instantly understand the topic/contents of the paragraph without even having to read further.

Otherwise, this is an excellent discussion. All I'd suggest otherwise is maybe to add some line numbers for reference when discussing logical ordering to give the argument some extra evidence and reinforcement. With the discussion of reference to Life of Brian through the quote 'what did the Romans [...]', you could also tie that in with cultural context; the target audience being Australians who are likely aware of this piece of media and will therefore infer a connection and understand the reference (otherwise, it might have the potential to compromise coherence if the audience was mostly unaware of Life of Brian).
P4
Once again, it might help to change the generic term 'several factors' to the specific features discussed in this paragraph- syntactic patterning/parallelism, jargonistic lexemes. Aside from the topic sentence, this a great discussion but could be added to with some more metalanguage eg. 'semantic field' instead of 'field' (helps to score some additional easy marks) and perhaps even a link to the taboo of death (gravitas of the situation). Although this paragraph is intended to center around the factors contributing to formality in this text, I think the whole AC could be made more cohesive and coherent (;)) by linking register to the social purpose on top of the function. Perhaps mention the demonstration of respect and promotion of social harmony as well.
Overall, this is looking like quite a strong AC with plenty of breadth and quite detailed analyses. In future, perhaps avoid generic phrases like 'several factors', 'various functions' etc. in your topic sentences, and specify a few subsystems or features so teachers know what's coming straight away. Additionally, you could also link back to overarching purpose and social purpose more often, as well as pay more attention to using metalinguistic terms. Also, take this advice with a grain of salt, as I'm also just a 3/4 student right now and so not everything will be totally reliable. All the best for your SAC! : )
Thanks so much for the feedback! :)
Yeah I get you with the topic sentences I almost just do that for gags now lmao but I should definitely start being more specific in topic  sentences. Also, thanks for pointing out about being cohesive with the ACs because I feel like the paragraphs are a bit isolated, so incorporating different ideas throughout the whole text a little to each of the paragraphs is really good advice. What's a bit scary is the timing, an Essay and AC in one sitting is borderline a practice exam and idk if I'm ready for that lol but thanks for those pieces of feedback.
VCE 2020: Biology [50]
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wingdings2791

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #308 on: June 10, 2021, 05:09:03 pm »
0
Hi everyone,
I'm just looking for some feedback on this practice essay for my upcoming SAC. It's for U3 AOS2 so there's an exclusive focus on formal language (no deep discussion/analysis of informality allowed). Thanks so much in advance, here it is:

How has formal language been shaped by the need to be careful when communicating with others? Refer to at least two subsystems in your response.

Formal language is a powerful tool but only when used carefully to avoid negative social outcomes. As formal language is used for both inclusivity and exclusivity, users of formality must be careful to ensure the contextual appropriateness of their language choices to avoid unintentionally harming social dynamics. To reflect the shift of contemporary Australian society towards egalitarianism, formal language is increasingly being used to maximise communicative efficiency, reduce potential for manipulation, and to oppose discrimination.

Formal language increases efficiency and precision in communication in appropriate contexts, allowing users to carefully ensure clarity and coherence. As the codified nature of standard language maximises accessibility to all members of society, the use of codified language in the public sphere leads to greatest ease of understanding and reflects contextual appropriateness. For example, a 2021 government statement notifying the public of a new lockdown uses standard, precise lexemes, such as ‘variant’ instead of the polysemic synonym ‘kind’, minimising room for misinterpretation and supporting coherence. By using common, codified language choices that minimise lexical ambiguity, formal language functions as a maximally inclusive and accessible mode of communication. Contrastingly, highly elevated, jargonistic language can also support information exchange and coherence but has the potential for use as a tool for misinformation and obfuscation. Within specialist in-groups, field-specific jargon such as ‘idiopathic’ and ‘sub-therapeutic’ allow for the rapid efficient reference to specific concepts without compromising coherence or precision, supporting clarification and understanding. The contextually appropriate introduction of jargon to the public domain can also support information exchange and promote societal unification. For example, the widespread use of the jargonistic initialism ‘COVID-19’ to denote ‘coronavirus disease 2019’ in the public sphere maximises communicative efficiency by allowing convenient reference to a specific disease without compromising coherence or precision. Through the introduction of this medical jargon within the contextually relevant semantic field of the pandemic, formal language unifies society by acting as a medium that aims to include the public in access to directly impactful knowledge. Additionally, the frozen register of legal documentation necessitates the precision conferred by formal language. In commitment to a sworn testimony, the phrase ‘the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth’ uses the adjectival modification ‘whole’ and the noun phrase ‘nothing but the truth’, maximising precision by the addressing and mandating the truthfulness of all information to be given by witnesses. However, the specification of ongoing participation through use of the present tense verb ‘is’ in the Queensland legislation ‘persons who is a participant [of outlaw gangs]’ excludes individuals who have previously participated in outlaw gangs, allowing for the exploitation of the frozen nature of legal texts. This ambiguity demonstrates the need for carefulness in achieving a balance between concision and precision in formal language.

The potential for formal language to manipulate, obfuscate, and spread bias promotes linguistic strategies for social unification against the divisive effects of inappropriate formality. Inconsistency in the conventional level of formality for everyday contexts can result in discrimination and manipulation. For example, the conventional use of the Latinate, jargonistic term ‘homosexual’ in non-scientific contexts as a noun denoting a gay person whilst the taxonomcial name ‘Homo sapiens’ to denote people is perceived as inappropriately jargonistic demonstrates an inconsistency in the preferred register for interaction. The targeted employment of medical jargon to describe gay communities dehumanises and otherises LGBT individuals and perpetuates the historical treatment of homosexuality as a mental illness. In order to promote inclusivity, contemporary Australian society has replaced ‘homosexual’ with the formal, non-jargonistic lexeme ‘gay’ in everyday use, decreasing the objectifying, manipulative effect of ‘homosexual’ as an inappropriately jargonistic label. The normalisation of explicit, conversation reference to gayness also help to destigmatise homosexuality, dismantle the social taboo around sexuality, and prevent the traditional epitomisation of gay people as their sexuality. Additionally, the use and presentation of connoted language as neutral description manipulates and encourages prejudice, inciting discrimination and division. The use of adjectives such as ‘hysterical’ and ‘feisty’ only to describe women contextually implies the inherent femininity of frivolous emotion or assertiveness, manipulating users and audiences into belief that the unrelated factor of gender influences the validity of emotional expression. By using biased language to represent objective reality, society accepts a biased interpretation of reality as dogma, creating social divides and perpetuating widespread manipulation and discrimination. In order to combat the spread of prejudice ingrained by codified lexemes that substantiate and normalise bias, the rendrance of terms such as ‘hysterical’, ‘homosexual’, and ‘feisty’ as no longer appropriate undermines the potential for formal language to be used to perpetuate subjectivity as truth, therefore achieving social harmony by employing caution with potential linguistic tools for manipulation and division.

Whilst formal language can be used to discriminate and divide, inclusive language through political correctness demonstrate societal efforts to carefully avoid offence and marginalisation. The use of standard, politically correct language encourages positive change in attitudes towards traditionally marginalised social and cultural groups. As linguist David Crystal describes, language is inseparable from ‘the sociological issues around it’. For example, the employment of person-first language in ‘persons with disabilities’ and ‘persons who are homeless’ specify a social group or attribute using prepositional phrases encourages the perception of members in these social groups as individuals with identities independent from their condition or situation. By using these politically correct alternatives rather than nominalised constructions such as ‘the disabled’ and ‘the homeless’, formal language encourages empathy and understanding towards disadvantageous conditions rather than epitomising social groups as their shared characteristics. Additionally, the move towards gender-neutral language aims to diminish male-centric attitudes in society, dismantling the linguistic perpetuation of sexism. The use of the masculine suffix ‘man’ to nominalise a profession, such as in ‘policeman’ or ‘businessman’, promotes the discriminatory notion that only men can undertake these jobs, leading to the difference in perception of capabilities based on gender. Politically correct, gender-neutral alternatives such as ‘police officer’ and ‘businessperson’ avoid connotations unrelated to the described professions, detaching the inherently masculine perception of certain professions, promoting social harmony by lessening sexism. The increased use of gender-neutral language also reflects the increasing acceptance of individuals with non-binary gender identities in contemporary Australia. By normalising ‘police officer’ as a hypernymic term rather than the masculine and feminine variants ‘policeman’ and ‘policewoman’, formal language dismantles the false gender dichotomy established by gendered language. By removing gendered language from the contemporary Australian vocabulary, politically correct language achieves greater inclusion, promoting social harmony and establishing solidarity. Similarly, the antiquation of historically discriminatory language, such as the lexeme ‘fairy’ as a derogatory, hypernymic label for LGBT individuals, also avoids the perpetuation of archaic, discriminatory attitudes to traditionally ostracised in-groups, promoting inclusivity.

The potential for formal language to unite, otherise, clarify, and obfuscate renders formality a powerful and versatile linguistic tool for communication. The constant change in the use of formal language in the modern context reflects the constant change in social attitudes and structures. In order to respect the need for efficient communication, fair and objective language, as well as non-discriminatory social attitudes, users of formal language in contemporary Australian society must carefully consider their use of formality to ensure a positive outcome rather than a divisive impact.
« Last Edit: June 10, 2021, 05:18:21 pm by wingdings2791 »
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ella234

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #309 on: June 13, 2021, 09:19:46 pm »
+1
Hey everyone!
I have a sac for an AC on formal language coming up soon   :'(
This is a practice AC that I have written on the Statement From The Acting Premier, https://www.premier.vic.gov.au/statement-acting-premier-1  (sorry I couldn't be bothered with line numbers)
Any feedback will be greatly appreciated :)


The Statement From the Acting Premier, James Merlino, was published on the Premier of Victoria’s website on 27th May 2021 announcing Victoria’s seven day lockdown. Written in Standard Australian English, Merlino employs a mostly formal register to persuade all Victorians to abide by the new restrictions and to encourage them to get vaccinated. Through the semantic field of pandemics and COVID-19, Merlino establishes expertise in this domain as well as authority as a member of the government.

Merlino’s Statement has both an informative and persuasive nature established through semantic patterning. Metaphors are used to provide a clear image about the severity of COVID; they allow Merlino to create a determined tone that persuades Victorians to get vaccinated, for example: ‘stop this thing in its tracks’ and ‘vaccination is our only real ticket out of this pandemic’. Syntactic patterning also aids Merlino’s rhetoric; parallelism paired with the conditional tense ‘if’ evident in ‘If we make the wrong choice now, if we wait too long, if we hesitate too much, this thing will get away from us’ creates emphasis that wrong decisions made by Victorians will have a terrible outcome. In doing so, Merlino sets an authoritative tone that will resonate with readers so they are more likely to abide by the lockdown restrictions. Similarly, the parallelism ‘more infectious, more quickly’ not only creates lexical balance, but also shows M’s expertise in the field of COVID by providing a simple yet effective description of the transmission rate of the virus’s new variant. When providing large amounts of information about the restrictions, Merlino lists hyponyms of ‘shops’ as seen in ‘supermarkets, food stores, bottle shops, banks, petrol stations…’ to provide clarification about the types of businesses open for trading in a concise manner. Pronouns also serve various purposes within the statement; third person plural pronouns ‘we’ and ‘our’ establish a united front as M makes decisions as a collective with the government, showing his authority. In comparison, second person pronouns ‘you’ and ‘your’ show that the statement is directed to Victorians, thus persuading them to follow the restrictions.

The text has a mostly formal register that is consistent with its nature as a Statement from the Premier. To show professionalism and expertise, Merlino uses jargon in the fields of viruses and pandemics, such as ‘mutating’, ‘B1.617.1 variant’, ‘first ring’ ‘serial interval’ and ‘infectious’. By including these terms, M shows that he is knowledgeable about the virus, hence giving credibility to the restrictions put in place. Modal verbs paired with the active voice in the phrase, ‘if we can end that sooner, we will’, reflect the government’s obligation and dedication to getting the spread of the virus under control, hence providing reassurance to Victorians and maintaining a professional image. The agentless passive voice is also evident in ‘Advice on who can open… will be made available online’ where the agent (the government) is omitted as this information is implied, thus supporting the formal register as unnecessary information is not included. Simple declarative sentences are abundant throughout the statement; they convey concise and set information that is consistent with Merlino’s formal and definite tone, as seen in ‘Single person bubbles will also be allowed.’ In comparison, the imperative ‘If someone you love is eligible, make a plan together’ instructs Victorians to get their vaccination by threatening their negative face needs, reflecting the government’s authority. Furthermore, Merlino pleads with Victorians while maintaining a professional and formal mannerism by pairing the politeness marker ‘please’ with the imperative ‘please do it’ to highlight the need for vaccinations.

The coherence of Merlino’s statement is enhanced by the structural and formatting elements across the text. The key heading ‘Statement From the Acting Premier’ is bolded and in large typography to attract readers to the page, as well as to provide context for the rest of the text. The statement follows a logical order that is coherent to readers; the topic of the spread of the virus is discussed, which is then followed by the outline of the restrictions. There are many cohesive and grammatical ties within the text that aid cohesion. The anaphoric reference ‘we’re seeing not only how contagious it is but how contagious it is too’ where the subject pronoun ‘it’ refers back to the ‘B1.716.1 variant’ to reduce unnecessary repetition. Cohesion is also supported through dashes which are used to link and emphasise important information about the virus ‘It’s clear - more than ever - that this virus is not going away’. Similarly, coordinating conjunctions such as ‘and’ and ‘but’ are evident in ‘And in just 24 hours, the number of cases has doubled’ and ‘but if we can end that sooner, we will’ provide links to additional information in a cohesive manner.

wingdings2791

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #310 on: June 17, 2021, 02:59:07 pm »
+2
Hey Ella, here are my tips (I mean, my tutor's tips that I copied xd). Hope you'll find it useful : )

Intro
Great intro. I can see that you’ve acknowledged the situational context (date, author, online mode), function, register, and social purpose pretty succinctly. Just to make things extra extra clear, I’d still recommend running through each and every element of CRAMPS (context, register, audience, mode, purpose, social purpose)- in this case, who is the target audience (be more specific than Victorians)? Anything deducible about the cultural context? Written or spoken (obvious but better to be specific) mode? That will help the assessors gain an understanding right away and also help you get a really clear mental picture of the text, which could make your writing easier. No harm sneaking in a little extra metalanguage either :)
P1
Metaphors are used to provide a clear image about the severity of COVID; they allow Merlino to create a determined tone that persuades Victorians to get vaccinated, for example: ‘stop this thing in its tracks’ and ‘vaccination is our only real ticket out of this pandemic’.
Good mentioning the use of metaphors- you could also throw in that ‘stop this thing in its tracks’ is an example of personification. To enhance this discussion, maybe relate metaphor use more to its broader social purpose and role in informing the audience- how exactly does ‘ticket out of this pandemic’ emphasise the severity of COVID-19? What suggests the tone of determination in these metaphors? How does this metaphor create a different effect to plain, objective language?

Syntactic patterning also aids Merlino’s rhetoric; parallelism paired with the conditional tense ‘if’ evident in ‘If we make the wrong choice now, if we wait too long, if we hesitate too much, this thing will get away from us’ creates emphasis that wrong decisions made by Victorians will have a terrible outcome. In doing so, Merlino sets an authoritative tone that will resonate with readers so they are more likely to abide by the lockdown restrictions.
This is a great discussion of syntax- I think it could be made stronger if you labelled ‘if we [...]’ as conditional clauses and emphasised how Merlino has placed these conditional clauses before the main clause. A great phrase to use for this analysis is ‘cause-effect relationship’ or ‘adjacency pair’- this could serve as a great link between the use of ‘if’ clauses and Merlino emphasising the terrible outcome of wrong decisions (Merlino also reminds the audience of their agency in somewhat determining the outcome- by doing the right thing and following restrictions).

Parallelism discussion is looking brilliant, as is the rest of this paragraph. You might include some direct links to register/accessibility (‘more infectious, ‘more quickly’), coherence/precision (hyponyms), and establishing expertise (pronouns). Otherwise, looking in great shape.
P2
The text has a mostly formal register that is consistent with its nature as a Statement from the Premier.
We get the general idea of the paragraph from this topic sentence but it would be more specific to move your mentions of professionalism and expertise to the first sentence. That way, assessors will immediately know that you’re discussing social purpose in this paragraph. For example, tweaking it to be ‘the mostly formal register of the text establishes the expertise and reinforces the authority of the Premier’ might be a bit clearer.

‘mutating’, ‘B1.617.1 variant’, ‘first ring’ ‘serial interval’ and ‘infectious’
That’s an absolutely phenomenal list of jargon examples- usually only around two to three are expected from what I know, but the more the better!

All of this analysis is quite insightful and has got great depth- but you could benefit further by being more specific, locking down your examples to your arguments. In your modal verbs discussion, specify which modal verbs you’re talking about and what purpose they fulfil- for example, ‘will’ indicating certainty/promise to action. Your discussion of simple declarative sentences could also be strengthened by talking about the use of agentless passive- placing the emphasis of the sentence only on the important information (not mentioning the agent, which is both inferrable and not the focus)
P3
Great topic sentence, I immediately get a sense of what the paragraph is about and your justification. I’m seeing some good precision in your arguments and evidence- you could use the phrase ‘reducing lexical density’ as well to add in some extra metalanguage. In the dashes discussion, perhaps tie their use back to dashes being a form of punctuation/formatting choice. These dashes also support coherence by visually separating the intensifying modifier ‘more than ever’ from the remainder of the sentence (acting much like pausing during speech) in order not to detract from the crux of information. With coordinating conjunctions, mention how the use of ‘and’ at the start of sentences in ‘And yet [...]’ ‘And in just [...]’ is non-standard (functions as a discourse marker/cohesive tie like in spoken language).
General
Overall, this is a really really good piece of writing. I know the advice I’m giving is obviously quite demanding, especially when you’ve got only 50 minutes (more of the ideal, perfect AC if you had all the time in the world). You’ve covered the function/social purpose and backed up your points extensively, and your discussions have both breadth and depth. A main few things to watch out for might be:
  • Make sure to be absolutely specific and lock down all your examples- better to have fewer and be totally clear about how/why examples are relevant to your arguments
  • You could expand your discussion on the audience a bit more- what features of the text are designed to specifically appeal to the target audience?
  • Be sure to sprinkle in metalanguage whenever you can (you don’t necessarily need more but assessors love when you establish your Eng Lang expertise :D)
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ella234

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #311 on: July 05, 2021, 01:39:27 pm »
+1
Thank you so much for the tips! I found them really helpful  :)

teags0906

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #312 on: August 30, 2021, 06:16:37 pm »
+1
Hi,

I was wondering if someone would be able to give me feedback on my AC. This is the first ever AC that I have written. I used the subsystems approach. The AC is written in relation to Shakespeare's sonnet 144. If you would could please give me feedback, that would be great. Thank you.

Text:
Original Version
Two loves I have, of comfort and despair,
Which, like two spirits, do suggest me still;
The better angel is a man right fair,
The worser spirit a woman colored ill.
To win me soon to hell, my female evil
Tempteth my better angel from my side,
And would corrupt my saint to be a devil,
Wooing his purity with her foul pride.
And whether that my angel be turned fiend
Suspect I may, but not directly tell;
But being both from me both to each friend,
I guess one angel in another’s hell.
Yet this shall I ne'er know, but live in doubt,
Till my bad angel fire my good one out.

Sonnet No. 144 is a poetic sonnet thought to have been written by William Shakepsear during the 1500s or early 1600s. Sonnet No. 144 was published in the Passionate Pilgrim along with Sonnet No. 138. It was most likely written to entertain the reader about the narrator who has been trapped in a love triangle and by making the audience sad about the narrator’s anxieties about losing both of his lovers. The text also aims to entertain the audience about how hard it is for the narrator to choose between his two lovers, one that is good and one that is bad. A secondary function of this text is for Shakepsear to express his thoughts about polygamy relationships as well as having worries about being left alone and broking up from his lovers. The poem tries to explore the feelings involved worrying that they may be left alone as neither of them will want him and having no one in his life any more. With the usage of a sad and upset tone, Shakespeare has been able to build rapport with the reader by relating the experience of feeling alone when you believe everyone has ditched you and you believe your lover is in love with someone else. The text also employs a conflicted tone as the narrator is experiencing a lot of trouble deciding whether they should be with his male lover or his female lover. This conflict is clearly demonstrated at the beginning of the text where the narrator is comparing his two lovers to help him decide. However, by the conclusion of the text, the narrator has to make a decision about which lover he is going to choose. This text has also used a formal register, which also enables Shakespeare to negotiate social taboos about polygamy relationships and having multiple partners at once.

The phonetics in Shakespeare’s Sonnet 144 adheres to the standard patterning characteristics of a sonnet and helps illustrate to the audience the struggle of having two lovers and having fears of being left alone. The repetition of the constant, ‘s,’ creates the alliteration, ‘spirits, do suggest me still,’  (2) which draws the audience's attention to how the narrator’s lovers are always suggesting to them to do things and how both of them are very important in the narrator’s life. This also reflects that the narrator will have no idea of what to do with their life if their lovers left them. The consonance of the approximant, ‘r,’ in, ‘better,’ (3) and, ‘worser,’ (4), focuses the reader’s attention on how the narrator’s lovers are different and how the narrator perceives his male lover as being better than his female lover. The repetition of the fricative, ‘v,’ in ‘evil,’ (5) and, ‘devil,’ (7) creates a rhyming scheme that entertains the reader by illustrating how the narrator is having a lot of trouble deciding between their two lovers. The assonance established by the repetition of the monophthong vowel ‘a’ sound in, ‘angel,’ (6) and, ‘another’s,’ (12), draws the audience’s attention to how the narrator believes that his lovers are going to leave him for each other and they have a lot of anxieties about this, which helps build rapport with the reader as they also would have most likely experienced worries about being left by their lover.

The lexicology and morphology employed in this text aims to assist the function of this text to be an expressive exploration of the feelings generated by having to decide between two lovers and having worries of being left alone by both of them, which is demonstrated by the semantic fields of multiple partners, good and bad people as well as losing a lover. Examples include the plural noun, ‘loves,’ (1), the noun phrase, ‘worser spirit,’ (4) and the simple present tense archaism, ‘tempteth,’ (6), which aids the cohesion of the text. Hyponymy is displayed in the development of the semantic field of good and bad people through the nouns, ‘spirits,’ (2, 4), ‘angel,’ (3, 6, 9, 12, 14), ‘saint,’ (7), and, ‘devil,’ (7), which ensures that there is a focus on how one lover is good and pure, while the other lovers is bad and evil like a devil. The hyponymy used in this sonnet also demonstrates why the narrator has two lovers as they both have very different personalities and play different roles in the narrator’s life. The modified lexical noun phrases such as, ‘better angel,’ (3,6), ‘good one,’ (14), ‘worser spirit,’ (4) and ‘bad angel,’ (14), highlights how the narrator is worried that the bad angel will cause his better angel to leave him and he will be left alone by himself, which is something that numerous individuals would be able to relate to. The sonnet also has used the inflectional comparative morpheme, ‘-er,’ in the adjectives, ‘better,’ (3) and, ‘worser,’ (4) to illustrate to the reader how the narrator believes that one of their lovers is much better than the other and that they are suffering from a lot of anxiety due to the worser lover taking the better angel from their side. Another lexical feature is the repetition of the first person pronoun, ‘I,’ (1, 10, 12, 13) as well as the repetition of the possessive adjective, ‘my,’ (5, 6, 7, 9, 14). This repetition of the pronouns indicates to the audience how the narrator feels possessive over their lovers and how they are worried about what will happen if their lovers are taken away from him. As there is a lack of proper noun reference in the sonnet, this ensures that the situation between the two lovers and worries about being left alone can be adapted to any lovers. Lexis such as, ‘tempteth,’ (6) and, ‘purity,’ (8) are technical lexemes, which ensures that a formal poetic tone is maintained throughout Shakespeare’s sonnet 144.

The syntax employed in this sonnet is typical for a text where the clauses and phrases are arranged to create a rhyming scheme and to establish the rhythmic qualities of a poem. The final two lines of this sonnet are a single complex-compound declarative sentence that uses both subordinating and coordinating conjunctions to link various thoughts the narrator has together. The subordinating conjunction, ‘yet,’ (13) has been used to demonstrate that, while the narrator does believe that his bad lover is taking their good lover away from their side this is something that they will never know. This is followed by the coordinating conjunction, ‘but,’ (13), which illustrates that they never want to know and they would much rather live in doubt instead of knowing what has happened to their good angel to help ease some of their worries. The inclusion of the other subordinating conjunction, ‘till,’ (14), indicates that they will live in doubt until their bad lover is no longer corrupting their good lover and the good lover is returned bad to their side, so the narrator would not be alone any more and they would not be worried about their good lover anymore. The preposition phrase, ‘in doubt,’ (13), which provides additional information about how the narrator will live. The verb phrases, ‘never know,’ (13), ‘iive,’ (13) and, ‘fire,’ (14) are all constructed in the simple present tense to demonstrate how the narrator is currently dealing with these problems and how the do not want to know what is happening to their male lover right as this moment until something changes between him and his female lover. This emphasises the narrator’s current worries of being left alone if their good lover was to be taken away from them by their bad angel. The subordinating conjunction, ‘till,’ (14) displays that the narrator's anxieties about his male lover will continue until they are released from their female lover. This final couplet has also been used to complete the rhyming scheme of sonnet 144.

Semantic patterning has been demonstrated in sonnet 144 to stimulate the senses and heighten the reader's emotions, while they read this sonnet. In sonnet 144, the narrator's lovers have been described using the oxymoron, ‘comfort and despair,’ (1) to further illustrate to the audience how different the two are and how the narrator responds very differently to both of them. This oxymoron also entertains the audience by depicting how the narrator is conflicted about which lover to choose as they are stuck in a love triangle and he needs to choose one of them. The lovers are also further described with the usage of the simile, ‘like two spirits,’ (2) to display how both of them, ‘suggest.’ (2) to the narrator to participate in things with them and demonstrates that the narrator is in a relationship with two vastly different people and that they both have an important role in his life as, ‘spirits,’ (2). Lexical ambiguity has also been used a repeatedly throughout the text by the usage of the lexis, ‘spirits,’ (2,4), ‘angel,’ (3, 6, 9, 12, 14), ‘saint,’ (7), ‘hell,’ (5, 12) and, ‘devil.’ (7). The first possible meaning of these lexemes could have been that the narrator was exhibiting the differences between his two lovers and that one was good, while the other was bad and the bad angel or lover would have caused them to suffer a lot in their life as their good angel would have been taken away from them. A secondary meaning could be that the narrator has two spirits inside of them that acts as their self conscience. Therefore, this would be demonstrating that the narrator is going to end up dead in, ‘hell,’ (5, 12) as their good conscience has been corrupted by their bad conscience and they have been making too many bad decisions, which has resulted in them being dead, This portrays a more religious meaning of this lexis, which provides the text with an increased formality. The employment of figurative language in sonnet 144 enhances the reader’s appreciation of poetry and the stylistic choices of the writer.

wingdings2791

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #313 on: September 05, 2021, 04:11:10 pm »
+2
Hello arcsac, here are my thoughts after reading your essay. It's a really good piece of writing and I hope this might lend another perspective :)

Intro
While used by only one third of the Australian population, the Broad Australian accent is one that is internationally recognised. The elongation of vowel sounds, absence of a strong /r/ phoneme and the use of high rising terminal are some of the features that distinguish an Australian amongst a crowd.
This is certainly true; Broadness is the brand that covers these most distinctively Australian phonological traits to international audiences. However, this topic sentence simply states a fact about the Broad accent that assessors already know. While you might want to mention/re-establish relevant facts, it does take more digging for examiners to find your actual contention.

This sentence would work well as a topic sentence:
While the accent is inarguably crucial to the Australian identity, the Australian vernacular comprising the linguistic innovation of its people and their tolerance to non-Standard forms of English represent a core part of the identity.
This sentence nicely summarises your points of discussion, although it could possibly do with a bit of abbreviation. A tip from my tutor: try to avoid language that could seem opinion-based, such as 'inarguably': simply 'crucial' often conveys enough emphasis for Eng Lang. Additionally, you could also label 'lingusitic innovation' and 'tolerance to non-Standard forms of English' as descriptivism, compacting this sentence considerably and elaborating later on (doesn't hurt to sneak in some extra metalanguage too!). Otherwise, this is a very ideal contention that gives plenty of room for different discussions; very solid. :)

Ultimately, cultural values are the most significant component of the Australian identity. Hate speech dismantles the pillars associated with egalitarianism and multiculturalism. While this discriminatory language persists in modern day society, the Australian identity will continue to be under threat.
Also an interesting point for discussion, but may need a little more contextualisation. Which cultural values, or (if you're speaking more broadly... see what I did there) what unique importance does culture hold in Australian identity? Why is it particularly significant to the Australian persona? Also, it might be a good idea not to use figurative language, such as 'pillars'- I once used this in exactly the same context and it's apparently not ideal for VCAA. Good specification of egalitarianism and multiculturalism though, this sets up good identity arguments.

It sounds like your connection of discriminatory language with Australian identity/cultural values falls more naturally under general social harmony and solidarity. Perhaps it would help to expand this point to social cohesion; it would likely make incorporating metalanguage easier and be more coherent to assessors. Otherwise, great introduction :)
P1
The Australian accent is the most outright and obvious characteristic of the Australian identity. As it is so well-defined, the accent has the ability to showcase national identity to outsiders.
Great opening! This establishes the accent discussion and connects it to the prompt perfectly. To reinforce, you could maybe even add that accents aren't a conscious language choice (and so Australians all take on some form of Australian accent, whether they are aware of it or not). Also that phonology is a basic component of all speech- spoken language and accent can't exist independently. These are only afterthoughts that might strengthen your argument but aren't at all necessary.

/noh/ like /nɜr/
Great example (I'll need to steal that!). You could also take the opportunity to sprinkle in some metalanguage by referring to this as vowel reduction to a schwa.

for grounds of mockery, a clear distinction must be made from the norm.
I think understand what you're saying: people who are mocked must have a distinctive trait that sets them apart from the average person, providing material for mockery? It might be good to be a little more specific and fully explain this point for assessors. Otherwise, the connection to your argument that this mockery indicates international awareness of Broad Australian phonology is easy to see.
The remainder of this paragraph is great- you've explained in full, referred to group identity (although it might be a bit risky to use a single piece of metalanguage as a linguist quote), and linked back to your contention. Just mention establishing solidarity, in-group membership, and defining the in-group/out-group through language to secure those metalanguage points. Otherwise, a solid first paragraph.
P2
face-threatening and discriminatory adjective “povo”, a shortening for ‘poverty stricken’, allowing him to linguistically demonstrate his Australian identity through his larrikinism.
Excellent! I'd just like to remind you to exploit the opportunity for metalanguage a little more: some more explanation of the relationship between larrikinism, poverty, and Australian identity would help to strengthen this example. What are the features of larrikinism and what social attitudes and prestige do they attach to dysphemism and taboo? A mention of profanity is also a less nuanced, more overt identifier of Australian English (might be good to just label expletives as 'profane' for easy marks). Also, you could perhaps mention that poverty is usually a social taboo (this demonstrates the openness around taboo in larrikin culture) but otherwise your next sentence seems to sum this argument up nicely!

The name of the sauce is a dysphemism, arguably incorporated to reduce its taboo in contemporary Australia.
This sentence is a little vague for two reasons: firstly, no explanation of how the sauce name is dysphemistic (although it may be obvious) secondly, the name 'arguably' being used to reduce the impact of taboo. It might be good to fully elaborate on how 'shit the bed' potentially dips into taboo- you could describe 'shit' as a profane, overt reference to defecation (a social taboo). Additionally, you could link the text's persuasive function (promoting the sauce) to the rise of descriptivism in Australia; the reference to taboo in the mainstream alone doesn't necessarily mean widespread descriptivism (could be used just to attract attention, to shock, to disrupt social harmony). However, the use of profanity to encourage mainstream audiences to view a product positively and endorse it does definitely mean descriptivism.

The adjectival phrase, “far queue” is a word play, alluding to “fuck you” in spoken discourse. Hill’s disguise of profanity adheres to the societal norms surrounding the situational context of the Parliament House, while simultaneously allowing him to more effectively communicate his anger and frustration. This usage enables Hill to express his national identity, demonstrating tall poppy syndrome and his laid-backness.
This is a really good discussion; the explanation of social purpose and context is great. It might however be beneficial to point out the phonological similarity between 'far queue' and 'fuck you' (more metalanguage too). Otherwise, really good :)
P3
However, the most significant threat to the Australian identity, which cannot be eliminated by the superficiality of an accent, is the use of hate speech. While the accent and our unique lexicon allow for international repute, while racist and sexist discourse persist, the Australian identity will continue to be compromised due to the neglection of the cultural values of egalitarianism and multiculturalism.
Interesting point but you may need to clarify some more. With the 'superficiality of an accent', a more solidly worded argument could describe how threats to social harmony posed by divisive/discriminatory language cannot be overcome by the establishing national identity and strengthening in-group membership with an Australian accent. However, your elaboration on how discrimination threatens Australian culture is really good and definitely makes it clear how there can be threats to Australian identity despite still using the accent.

‘Missy’ likens substandard performance with femininity, thereby imposing sexist connotations which regard women as less than in terms of their sporting capabilities. As explained by Elizabeth A. Johnson, “Whether unconsciously or not, sexist language undermines the human equality of women”. The vocative diminishes women’s achievement in sport and ultimately reinforces the traditional and conservative stereotype that AFL is a sport reserved for men.
Phenomenal writing! This is really good.

In July 2021, a fan from a rival team posted on Twitter, “Now there’s something for Blacky Ryder to be depressed about.” The negative connotations due to the historical and on-going racial abuse towards Indigenous Australians contextualise the vocative “Blacky Ryder” as extremely offensive. In this instance, the publisher, while presenting this post in an attempt to generate laughter, is aware of their harmful actions due to the blatant racism seen from the non-Standard vocative “Blacky”, directly insinuating that his skin colour  characteristic of the joke.
The last sentence seems to have a bit of a typo- perhaps fix this one up. Both examples in this paragraph are pretty strong, but could be made even better by linking to positive face needs and social harmony (for those extra metalanguage points) :)
Overall
Really strong essay arcsac. Your range of examples is really good and all the arguments are logical and solid. The only thing I would recommend would be to explain any main contentions further, as well as to try incorporate some more metalanguage (especially to do with social purpose and anything that will let you mention the less commonly discussed subsystems eg. phonology). I know time is a huge factor in essay-writing, so considering time pressure, I think you've got both breadth and depth. Keep it up! :)
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shanika.rego

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #314 on: October 29, 2021, 08:27:32 am »
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hey guys just finished english language 2021 and about to delete stuff but i thought id post some essays and resources just in-case anyone else needs it.