Free Original Practice Exam for English 2014

[literally lauren]

Equilibriaas:
Totally agree with Paulrus' corrections here. Your approach to the prompt can be to challenge it (especially when there are absolutes like 'never' and tricky words like 'truly') but you have to be careful to still ensure your discussion is relevant, and engages with the concept of weaknesses and resolution.

Well done Paulrus, four for you, Paulrus.
someone else upvote him so my Mean Girls reference works!

Zezima,
Apologies, Wag the Dog is the newest text so I don't have much experience with it.
Still, from what I understand of the text you can work it around to an individual level, after all, what is a country but a collection of people? The values and understanding is all done on an individual level, but can symbolise something greater. For a text to talk about a country, there must be some concept of personal representation, or at least how this affects people...?
On the other hand you could always integrate this element with your external examples if all else fails.
But I can see that was probably an unfair challenge, and one that VCAA wouldn't impose on you. Thanks for the feedback, I might put a little footnote in the OP for future reference

Vermilliona

...my level of unhingement though...

...she says, to someone who writes practice exams in her spare time
We're all mad here.

[Random_Acts_of_Kindness]

Hi Zezima.

I just want to say that this is just my opinion and that I am not that great in English, but I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with your piece.

I feel that there is a huge amount of analysis of tone and a lot of summarising the article, but I feel like you are missing the point of Language Analysis... which is to analyse the language. It seems that every second sentence is either one of the two, and even though analysing tone is great, and can make up some of the analysis, I don't think it should be the whole analysis. Also, you sometimes do state what the writer is doing, for instance:

The moment of anticipation captured by the image where the fingers of the child nears the blade of the saw creates suspense and fear in the readership with the wild and jocular facial expression of the adult in the background suggesting the consequences of this proposal.

By placing the child in the foreground and the adult in the background, the image allows Eli to suggest that it is students, not the grown-ups of the school, who are most susceptible to the haphazard consequences of the vocational studies, eliciting fear and paranoia in the readership.

However, you do not explicitly state how this helps her argument. i.e. What will the fear and paranoia causes the readership to do...?

But once again, that may be just my opinion. Perhaps wait until Lauren or some else responds before doing anything about it.

[literally lauren]

Will do!
Slight pile up of practice pieces at the moment, but I should get back to you by tonight

[AmericanBeauty]

Hello people,

This is my first language analysis piece I've done all year with exception to my terrible SAC. Whilst it is far from finished, this took me an hour to do. Will I get better with practice doing 3-4 more practice pieces because it takes a lot of time for me to flip back and forth trying to make connections. Also can you please tell me if I'm doing the right think because I am more than likely not!  (THANKS!)

P.S. This is to Literally Lauren's second exam for LA.

[Vividdreamer]

Hi Lauren,

By any chance are you going to publish a third practice exam? If so, could you please include topics from "The Thing Around Your Neck" for text response please?.

[speedy]

In this era of globalisation and interconnectivity, it is not surprising that some folk might want to escape such a scary new millennium, but how can one reject the manifold beauty of a city for the comparatively . It’s the difference between a magnificent painting that challenges and inspires you, full of whatever you chose to see, and a blank canvas claiming to be giving your eyes a “much-needed break from seeing”.

I think there's a few words missing here - it is the same on the document.

[literally lauren]

Damn, my proofreading skills are amazing.That should just be

How can one reject the manifold beauty of a city? for the comparatively

Thanks for the pick-up, speedy. I'll change both versions now. Apologies to anyone who downloaded/printed a copy already, just cross out those three words

[literally lauren]

Vividdreamer:
Will do
3rd and final Prac Exam will be out on Saturday October 25, 9:00am. Now with added sadism and an extra cruel Language Analysis

Zezima:
Corrections attached. In general:

-For anyone using the word doc. version, actually read the Task Instructions for L.A. as it gives you the gender of the author. The VCAA versions will read something like

How has the writer/speaker used written and visual language to communicate his/her point of view?

I realise this name was a bit ambiguous, but I was prioritising shortness for clarity (my year 12 L.A. SAC was on an article by Elif Seriogolopolous  ) This is definitely not the sort of thing you lose marks for, but it can annoy some assessors, which is something you want to avoid.

-At times your analysis gets a bit general. Saying things like 'connotative' or 'emotive' language and then not elaborating upon which connotations or emotions won't earn you much, so specificity is always preferable.

-Structure was excellent, each paragraph had a clear focus, and you covered enough of the article, and in enough depth, for the most part. Be careful not to oversimplify the comments though. There may not be much in them, but there's still something to be said for how their contentions differ, and possible even some close analysis. Since so many in the state will be floundering around with the core text trying to write as much as possible, some fluid integration and thoughtful analysis of the comparative sections (if they're there) can really set you apart.

-Don't overdo the connotative analysis. There are ways of analysing closely without explicitly stating 'This word, with it's connotations of...' Try to vary your structure a bit, and even if this is a strength, don't to it more than ~3 times per paras of this length, as it can get a tad repetitive and you want to be going for breadth as well as depth.

-I would agree with RAK in that you need to shift your focus to the 'why' occasionally. Ends of paragraphs are the best, but not the only place to do this. Most of your connotative analysis set a good foundation, but you have to tie it all back to the writer's intent, and why he wants us to feel a certain way about a certain thing. Even if this feels redundant to state explicitly, it's that kind of understanding that the assessors need to see you demonstrate, rather than just assume you know.

-Try to get a conclusion done, even if it's only a sentence or two, it's better to try and sum up so that a cranky assessor doesn't take a mark off. Quality of analysis is the main thing though, and in that regard you've done really well here

[Rishi97]

Hey

I have completed an introduction and a body paragraph for "We don't need no SHEDucation". Could someone please read it and give me feedback so that I can continue with the rest of my analysis.

In response to the recent decision by St Jude’s Academy to allocate more funding towards vocational activities instead of education, has sparked outrage within the students as they realise the impact this will have on their future. In the newsletter “We don’t need no SHEDucation”, student Armanno Eli contends that this decision is illogical as it is involuntarily robbing students of their rights to a good education. The article is accompanied with contrasting photographs of students participating in various activities and the extra inclusion of comments from other students, add weight to Eli’s arguments.
The recent decision to allocate more funding to the vocational activities department, forms the basis of Eli’s opening as he asserts that this is unnecessary and will only have negative implications. The clever pun used in the title along with the alliteration of “reading, riting and rithmatic” used in the introductory sentences, may at first seem comical, but as Eli expands the threat of excessive vocational activities on a child’s future, readers are compelled to concede this new allocation of funding as a threat. The use of highly hyperbolic terms such as “commanding” and “get our fingers sawn off by electronic equipment”, instils a sense of fear within the minds of the parents as they recognise that the high prioritising of vocational activities, may actually be harmful to their children. This emotion is further fuelled through the inclusion of a photograph of a student using an electric saw with his fingers pointing towards the blade symbolising the hazards of excessive extra-curricular activities on innocent and studious students. The student in the background eagerly waiting for the boy to injure himself represents the notion that there are always negative impacts of certain activities and the school is quietly waiting for it to happen. Thus implying that if education is not given priority, students will be negatively impacted as they won’t be able to “fulfil necessary university prerequisites” and obtain a decent future.

Thanks
p.s. feel free to mark harshly

[Paulrus]

hey lauren, i was wondering if i could please get some feedback for a context piece. the prompt was from your first exam, which was pretty tricky
i've been experimenting with an interview structure but context still confuses me and i'm not confident with it at all, so any feedback would be absolutely amazing! thank you heaps 

‘The experience of conflict can make our previous moral systems untenable’.



This piece was originally published in ‘Der Spargel’, an internationally published German newsletter which concerns itself with politics and philosophy.


   

On the Irresolution of Morality

                           

An interview with Ai Weiwei



Ai Weiwei is a Chinese artist and political activist, lauded for his obstinate resistance against his country’s oppressive Communist regime. His acerbic and vitriolic criticism of the government has brought him into constant conflict, not just from his leaders, but also amongst his contemporaries. His steadfast and uncompromising confidence in his ideals raise certain questions about the often protean nature of morality, and how our perceptions of it become easily malleable in the face of conflict.



Interviewer: First of all, I’d like to note the incredible strength you’ve shown in maintaining your beliefs, despite constant efforts to quash these ‘heretical’ ideals. What would you say is the core motivator behind your activism?



Ai Weiwei: Living in a relatively poor area of China, I’m exposed almost daily to the injustices inflicted by the government on its own people. Walking through the streets each day is like a wound that bleeds afresh, a tangible reminder of the injustices that my fellow people are suffering. That’s why I don’t see my activism as being ‘strong’, per se - I just don’t feel I could realistically justify not taking action.



Interviewer: Do you feel then that your experiences have moulded your beliefs? Does your strong sense of right and wrong stem from what you’ve seen?



Ai Weiwei: Absolutely. And in a sense, I feel like that’s why it’s so important to continuously reevaluate our moral systems and beliefs. We’re constantly confronted with new experiences and new hardships, and each challenge necessitates change. It’d be foolish to remain stagnant in the face of conflict. In the end, no belief or moral system, and by extension no institution, is beyond criticism.



Interviewer: Like that old adage, “a rolling stone gathers no moss”.



Ai Weiwei: Exactly.



Interviewer: Is morality that easily changed, though? You seem to have a view of it as being quite malleable.



Ai Weiwei: To be honest, I feel like morality is a subjective experience. I’m aware this isn’t exactly a groundbreaking idea, but I don’t believe there’s a universal idea of what morality constitutes. Our ideas of right and wrong are essentially social constructs - change the society, and the morals change with it. For example, murder is seen by all accounts as something universally reprehensible - and yet we condone and even commodify the murder of countless animals every day. The way we’ve been socialised directly influences our moral systems, and that shows why it’s so easy for our beliefs to be moulded.



Interviewer: It’s perhaps slightly ironic then that you’ve managed to maintain your beliefs, despite facing relentless pressure to recant them. Have you experienced any inhibitions? Were there any moments when you questioned whether you were doing the right thing?



Ai Weiwei: Honestly, I have to admit that there were. Particularly when I was being detained by the Chinese government in 2011, I found myself questioning my ideals. I wasn’t entirely sure that I was willing to risk my life for them – and under the ‘supervision’ of the government, death was always – and remains – a legitimate threat. I spent nearly a month under detainment as they waited for me to recant. I feel as if that experience only strengthened my morals, though. Being forced to re-evaluate my own priorities and views helped me to affirm that I’m doing what’s right. Resolving any inner qualms I had consolidated my beliefs.



Interviewer: Why do you feel that is?



Ai Weiwei: It’s only through our ideologies being challenged that we can truly be sure of them. When we’re forced to defend our moral stances, we’re forcibly made aware of their faults. And I feel like those conflicts of ideology are necessary for us to progress, not just as people, but as a society. It’s my goal to use ideas as a catalyst to evoke change within the oppressive culture of my country.



Interviewer: There’s actually a theory from a philosopher named Thomas Kuhn which echoes a similar sentiment. He thought that paradigm shifts in social progression result from clashes in ideology, beliefs, and values. In his mind, progress is never linear or continuous, but constantly shifting. These competing paradigms are irreconcilable with one another, and that’s why these ideals need to be brought into collision until a sole system of beliefs wins out, in order for society to move forward.



Ai Weiwei: That’s exactly what I mean. By having our morals challenged, we’re forced to consider whether those are tenable, and we’re able to adapt our views accordingly.

Interviewer: Thank you for your time, it’s been a very illuminating talk.



Ai Weiwei: It’s been a pleasure, thank you.



[aqple]

In response to the recent decision by St Jude’s Academy to allocate more funding towards vocational activities instead of education They aren't replacing education with vocational activities, has sparked outrage within the students as they realise the impact this will have on their future Read this opening sentence out loud, it doesn't make sense. The 'response' is the newsletter, yet you do not mention this? . In the newsletter “We don’t need no SHEDucation”, student Armanno Eli contends that this decision is illogical as it is involuntarily robbing students of their rights to a good education They aren't robbing rights, instead, he argues that the decision hinders the efficiency and practicality of the school education system. The article is accompanied with contrasting photographs of students participating in various activities and the extra inclusion Avoid tautology, 'extra' and 'inclusion' mean the same thing, you want to try to be succinct of comments from other students, add weight to Eli’s arguments Actually, one of those comments opposes the writer. Intro needs a bit of readjusting. I think you should mention the audience and Armanno's tone.

The recent decision to allocate more funding to the vocational activities department, forms the basis of Eli’s opening as he asserts that this is unnecessary and will only have negative implications. I think this should be in your intro! The clever pun Explain the pun, don't mention something without examples used in the title along with the alliteration of “reading, riting and rithmatic” used in the introductory sentences, may at first seem comical Why? Is is to engage? To include? , but as Eli expands the threat of excessive vocational activities on a child’s future Not necessarily, it's not threatening, readers are compelled to concede this new allocation of funding as a threat Not a threat, but rather, a hindrance? . The use of highly hyperbolic terms such as “commanding” It would be wise to include/explain the context of which this is used and “get our fingers sawn off by electronic equipment”, instils a sense of fear within the minds of the parents as they recognise that the high prioritising of vocational activities, may actually be harmful to their children I wouldn't use 'harmful', the writer says 'get our fingers sawn off' to highlight that vocational activities are not suitable for everyone. This emotion is further fuelled through the inclusion of a photograph of a student using an electric saw with his fingers pointing towards the blade, symbolising the hazards of excessive extra-curricular activities on innocent and studious students Again, not a 'hazard', the writer is not trying to appeal to safety. The student in the background eagerly waiting for the boy to injure himself represents the notion that there are always negative impacts of certain activities and the school is quietly waiting for it to happen Interesting interpretation, don't make assumptions that the school is 'waiting for it to happen', because they're not. Instead, they are uninformed about the potential negative affects of their proposal on the quality of education given to students. Thus implying that if education is not given priority, students will be negatively impacted as they won’t be able to “fulfil necessary university prerequisites” and obtain a decent future Hmm, the writer acknowledges that 'balance is important' and addresses the benefits of the 'vocational learning', so this argument is jumping to conclusions. You use the quote 'fulfil necessary university prerequisites' incorrectly, as the writer does not say this - in the article, he uses it to address academics who also need 'variation' and 'balance' .

Overall, you're on the right track. You tend to jump to conclusions and make sweeping statements that do not show close analysis. I think you should go back and read and annotate the article carefully. Then you will be able to write a comprehensive and detailed analysis. Hope this helps!

[Isobelr]

Could someone please take a look at my LA (it's from the second practice exam by the way)? It's not amazing quality, I have a lot of trouble with this part of the exam, so a mark out of 10 would be really helpful. Just a warning though, the quality really deteriorates as it goes on, as I wrote it in an hour :/
And by the way, thank you so much Lauren for these wonderful exams, they have been incredibly helpful, and also written amazingly!


With the advent of the industrialisation of cities, increasing numbers of people are facing the decision of whether to reside in the city or rural areas. Accordingly, author Liz Bates has written a blog Post, appearing in an online journal entitled “New Horizons,” in which she contends that city dwelling is far superior to that in the country. In doing so, she utilizes her role as an individual who has lived in both the city and country, this then enabling her to present a perceivably informed and experienced orientation opinion, which readers are likely to assume is based on solid evidence. This is further by her use of a conversational tone, through the utilisation of first and second person pronouns “I” and “you” respectively, which establishes a rapport between the reader and author. This allows Bates to appear both pleasant and helpful, which readers are likely to subconsciously assume to signify that the arguments are based on a desire to assist. This in turn increases their susceptibility of accepting such arguments. Indeed, this is relevant for the audience, who are presumably already living in the city, or which are considering a move to the city, as they have accessed a blog based on city culture.

Bates firstly alludes to the idea that the city provides inhabitants with a far more sophisticated way to live. This is established firstly through the juxtaposition between “city slicker” and “country bumpkin;” the negative connotations of the description of rural inhabitants evoking assumptions regarding individuals who are uncivilised and uneducated, whereas the phrase “city slicker” alludes to individuals who are cultured and sophisticated. This subtle juxtaposition between the two establishes the identity of city dwellers to be far more desirable; audience members who may be looking to move to the city likely to subconsciously viewing the city in a favourable light, an assumption carried throughout the text. Indeed, this concept is furthered through the idea that the country is situated “away from civilisation” and is highlighted by the image of two sheep, symbolising the country, and the skyscrapers, portraying the city. The use of a close up angle in the country representation is utilised to illustrate the desolate nature of the country, whereas the long shot angle depicts the expansive symbolism of “civilisation” which the other is clearly lacking. All in all, city dwellers who have never ventured to the country are likely to assume this as being an accurate contrast, thereby positioning such readers to value their perceivably superior life in the city and diminishing any desire to relocate.

Similarly, Bates argues that city life facilitates a favourable balance of “peace” and excitement. This is used by the author in the beginning of the blog to detract from the most popular attractions of the country, its peaceful nature, thereby increasing the readers’ openness to Bates’ proceeding arguments. The use of sibilance in “surprisingly peaceful” evokes feelings of serenity which the audience are likely to subconsciously associate with the act of residing in the city. Similarly, this is furthered by the use of ellipses in “but still…peaceful;” the drawn out manner in which readers are inclined to read the phrase, which again positions the audience to associate such tranquillity with the city. However, Bates also presents the dichotomy between the serenity of the city, combined with that of its potential for “hustle and bustle;” this is designed to avoid an alienation of audience members who prefer one characteristic of the other. This is idea is established through the images; the monochrome representation of the country contrasts with that of the vividly colourful and busy city, thus positioning readers to view the city as a possibility for excitement.

Moreover, Bates also suggests that the country’s vast desolate nature is not resourceful, thereby detracting from its viability as a place of residence. This is achieved through the employment of adjectives such as “empty” and “wasted potential” pertaining to rural areas. This would likely elicit an indignant response in city readers who are too forced to live in a “cramped apartment,” thereby establishing a sense of subconscious animosity towards rural inhabitants which diminishes a desire to relocate. Moreover, Bates’ description of her stay in the country as a “brief stint” alludes to the idea that it was the result of a bout of ill-thinking, and that its consequences were so terrible that it was kept “brief.” This provides a subtle hint to the readers who may be considering to do the same, and because Bates has insinuated that such an idea is likely to end in failure, so too will the readers. Indeed, this advice is further through Bates’ role as a person who has resided in both the country and in the city; readers are likely to value her opinion as being substantiated through fact, and are thus more inclined to accept her opinion.

Furthermore, Bates refers to city dwellers as being individuals who “band together” and “help one another.” Through using this argument preceding the others, Bates is aiming to debunk any remaining “stereotypes” which remain, for those residing in the country and considering a move of residence. Moreover, this argument is supported through the use of an anecdote regarding her grandmother’s “heart attack”. The shocking nature of  the story, combined with the inference that rural residents would have had to “wait hours for assistance” evokes a sense of danger in relation to residing in the country. This is especially effective for those who have never ventured to the country, as the hyperbole of “hours” is likely to be interpreted as truth, the benefits of country dwelling therefore detracted from.

To conclude, Bates utilises a cliché in “thick as thieves” and the inclusive “we” to reinforce the sense of unity and familiarity that purportedly characterised the city. This is used to leaver the readers with the idea that an entire city is able to constitute a “home,” those that already live there left with a sense of belonging which furthers its appeal, as well as enticing country residents who are likely considering a change of residence.

[Yacoubb]

Hey

I have completed an introduction and a body paragraph for "We don't need no SHEDucation". Could someone please read it and give me feedback so that I can continue with the rest of my analysis.

In response to the recent decision by St Jude’s Academy to allocate more funding towards vocational activities instead of education, has sparked outrage within the students as they realise the impact this will have on their future. In the newsletter “We don’t need no SHEDucation”, student Armanno Eli contends that this decision is illogical as it is involuntarily robbing students of their rights to a good education. The article is accompanied with contrasting photographs of students participating in various activities and the extra inclusion of comments from other students, add weight to Eli’s arguments.
The recent decision to allocate more funding to the vocational activities department, forms the basis of Eli’s opening as he asserts that this is unnecessary and will only have negative implications. The clever pun used in the title along with the alliteration of “reading, riting and rithmatic” used in the introductory sentences, may at first seem comical, but as Eli expands the threat of excessive vocational activities on a child’s future, readers are compelled to concede this new allocation of funding as a threat. The use of highly hyperbolic terms such as “commanding” and “get our fingers sawn off by electronic equipment”, instils a sense of fear within the minds of the parents as they recognise that the high prioritising of vocational activities, may actually be harmful to their children. This emotion is further fuelled through the inclusion of a photograph of a student using an electric saw with his fingers pointing towards the blade symbolising the hazards of excessive extra-curricular activities on innocent and studious students. The student in the background eagerly waiting for the boy to injure himself represents the notion that there are always negative impacts of certain activities and the school is quietly waiting for it to happen. Thus implying that if education is not given priority, students will be negatively impacted as they won’t be able to “fulfil necessary university prerequisites” and obtain a decent future.

Thanks
p.s. feel free to mark harshly

I haven't read the piece under analysis but perhaps I can help with your analysis and ensuring you've sufficiently covered that.

In response to the recent decision by St Jude’s Academy to allocate more funding towards vocational activities instead of education, has sparked outrage within the students as they realise the impact this will have on their future.Perhaps reword this - I think it would be better off on the terms of something like: The recent decision to increase funding towards vocational activites rather than education, has been met with much contraversy as of late. In the newsletter “We don’t need no SHEDucation”, student Armanno Eli contends that this decision is illogical as it is involuntarily robbing withdrawing? something less colloquial herestudents of their rights to a good propereducation. The article is accompanied with bycontrasting photographs of students participating in various activities and the extra inclusion of comments from other students, add weight to Eli’s arguments.

Rewritten:
The recent decision to increase funding towards vocational studies rather than education, has been met with much contraversy as of late. In the newsletter, 'We don't need SHEDucation', student Armanno Eli contends that this decision is illogical, as it is involuntarily withdrawing from students the right to proper education. The article is accompanied by contrasting photographs of students participationg in various activites, as well as additional comments from other students with a vast array of arguments in regards to this funding project.

The recent decision to allocate more funding to the vocational activities department, forms the basis of Eli’s opening as he asserts that this is unnecessary and will only have negative implicationshow?. The clever pun used in the title along with the alliteration of “reading, riting and rithmatic” used in the introductory sentences, may at first seem comical, but as Eli expands the threat of excessive vocational activities on a child’s future, readers are compelled to concede this new allocation of funding as a threat.I don't think you've addressed how the pun OR the alliteration affect the reader. You have to show a link between the technique & the effect on the reader. The use of highly hyperbolic terms phrasessuch as “commanding” and “get our fingers sawn off by electronic equipment”, instils a sense of fear within the minds of the parents as they recognise that the high prioritising of vocational activities, may actually be harmful to their childrenPerfect!. This emotion is further fuelled through the inclusion of a photograph of a student using an electric saw with his fingers pointing towards the blade symbolising the hazards of excessive extra-curricular activities on innocent and studious students. The student in the background eagerly waiting for the boy to injure himself represents the notion that there are always negative impacts of certain activities and the school is quietly waiting for it to happenReally? Isn't this a bit far fetched - I'd probably say something along the lines of the boy awaiting his friend to injure himself enunciates the imminence of an injury occuring through such vocational activites, rendering viewers more likely to protest against such harmful funding.. Thus implying that if education is not given priority, students will be negatively impacted as they won’t be able to “fulfil necessary university prerequisites” and obtain a decent future. wait what? That last bit is misplaced.. youve jumped from the hazardous nature of the vocational studies, straight to how this implies something about university procedures. Perhaps mention how students will be negatively affected. You don't really need to mention the bit about implications regarding the prioritising of education.

What you need to do is make sure that within your analysis, you include an example of the linguistic technique, and how this technique specifically affects the audience. E.g. you mentioned that a pun is used in the headline. How does that pun specifically effect the reader? You could say :

The play on the term 'writing' in the alliterative headline, through the use of the word 'riting', is intended to draw the parallel between writing as a task belonging to education and the formation of customs. Thus, Eli attempts to instil readers with the essence of preserving writing as they would a custom, which can be achieved through protesting against the additional funding of vocational studies.

Sorry I haven't read the piece and am not fully aware of what it's about, but that's how I'd go about editting your piece. You're analysing, but not showing the link between the technique, the effect AND how it affects the reader. A hollistic approach should also be taken - will the alliterative headline resonate within the reader's mind, and so as a result enable them to constantly reconsider 'X'?

Hope this helps, and please remember, I'm also in year 12, so I'm no expert.
Good luck Rishi! Keep going

[Yacoubb]

Could someone please take a look at my LA (it's from the second practice exam by the way)? It's not amazing quality, I have a lot of trouble with this part of the exam, so a mark out of 10 would be really helpful. Just a warning though, the quality really deteriorates as it goes on, as I wrote it in an hour :/
And by the way, thank you so much Lauren for these wonderful exams, they have been incredibly helpful, and also written amazingly!


With the advent of the industrialisation of cities, increasing numbers of people are facing the decision of whether to reside in the city or rural areas. Accordingly, author Liz Bates has written a blog Post, appearing in an online journal entitled “New Horizons,” in which she contends that city dwelling is far superior to that in the country. In doing so, she utilizes her role as an individual who has lived in both the city and country, this then enabling her to present a perceivably informed and experienced orientation opinion, which readers are likely to assume is based on solid evidence. This is further by her use of a conversational tone, through the utilisation of first and second person pronouns “I” and “you” respectively, which establishes a rapport between the reader and author. This allows Bates to appear both pleasant and helpful, which readers are likely to subconsciously assume to signify that the arguments are based on a desire to assist. This in turn increases their susceptibility of accepting such arguments. Indeed, this is relevant for the audience, who are presumably already living in the city, or which are considering a move to the city, as they have accessed a blog based on city culture.

Bates firstly alludes to the idea that the city provides inhabitants with a far more sophisticated way to live. This is established firstly through the juxtaposition between “city slicker” and “country bumpkin;” the negative connotations of the description of rural inhabitants evoking assumptions regarding individuals who are uncivilised and uneducated, whereas the phrase “city slicker” alludes to individuals who are cultured and sophisticated. This subtle juxtaposition between the two establishes the identity of city dwellers to be far more desirable; audience members who may be looking to move to the city likely to subconsciously viewing the city in a favourable light, an assumption carried throughout the text. Indeed, this concept is furthered through the idea that the country is situated “away from civilisation” and is highlighted by the image of two sheep, symbolising the country, and the skyscrapers, portraying the city. The use of a close up angle in the country representation is utilised to illustrate the desolate nature of the country, whereas the long shot angle depicts the expansive symbolism of “civilisation” which the other is clearly lacking. All in all, city dwellers who have never ventured to the country are likely to assume this as being an accurate contrast, thereby positioning such readers to value their perceivably superior life in the city and diminishing any desire to relocate.

Similarly, Bates argues that city life facilitates a favourable balance of “peace” and excitement. This is used by the author in the beginning of the blog to detract from the most popular attractions of the country, its peaceful nature, thereby increasing the readers’ openness to Bates’ proceeding arguments. The use of sibilance in “surprisingly peaceful” evokes feelings of serenity which the audience are likely to subconsciously associate with the act of residing in the city. Similarly, this is furthered by the use of ellipses in “but still…peaceful;” the drawn out manner in which readers are inclined to read the phrase, which again positions the audience to associate such tranquillity with the city. However, Bates also presents the dichotomy between the serenity of the city, combined with that of its potential for “hustle and bustle;” this is designed to avoid an alienation of audience members who prefer one characteristic of the other. This is idea is established through the images; the monochrome representation of the country contrasts with that of the vividly colourful and busy city, thus positioning readers to view the city as a possibility for excitement.

Moreover, Bates also suggests that the country’s vast desolate nature is not resourceful, thereby detracting from its viability as a place of residence. This is achieved through the employment of adjectives such as “empty” and “wasted potential” pertaining to rural areas. This would likely elicit an indignant response in city readers who are too forced to live in a “cramped apartment,” thereby establishing a sense of subconscious animosity towards rural inhabitants which diminishes a desire to relocate. Moreover, Bates’ description of her stay in the country as a “brief stint” alludes to the idea that it was the result of a bout of ill-thinking, and that its consequences were so terrible that it was kept “brief.” This provides a subtle hint to the readers who may be considering to do the same, and because Bates has insinuated that such an idea is likely to end in failure, so too will the readers. Indeed, this advice is further through Bates’ role as a person who has resided in both the country and in the city; readers are likely to value her opinion as being substantiated through fact, and are thus more inclined to accept her opinion.

Furthermore, Bates refers to city dwellers as being individuals who “band together” and “help one another.” Through using this argument preceding the others, Bates is aiming to debunk any remaining “stereotypes” which remain, for those residing in the country and considering a move of residence. Moreover, this argument is supported through the use of an anecdote regarding her grandmother’s “heart attack”. The shocking nature of  the story, combined with the inference that rural residents would have had to “wait hours for assistance” evokes a sense of danger in relation to residing in the country. This is especially effective for those who have never ventured to the country, as the hyperbole of “hours” is likely to be interpreted as truth, the benefits of country dwelling therefore detracted from.

To conclude, Bates utilises a cliché in “thick as thieves” and the inclusive “we” to reinforce the sense of unity and familiarity that purportedly characterised the city. This is used to leaver the readers with the idea that an entire city is able to constitute a “home,” those that already live there left with a sense of belonging which furthers its appeal, as well as enticing country residents who are likely considering a change of residence.

For now, I'll just do your introduction:

With the advent of the industrialisation of cities, an increasing numbers of people are have recently been facing the decision of whether to reside in the city or rural areas. Accordingly, author Liz Bates has written a blog Post, appearing in an online journal entitled “New Horizons,” in which she contends that city dwelling is far superior to that in the country. In doing so, she utilizes her role as an individual who has lived in both the city and country, this then enabling her to present a perceivably informed and experienced orientation opinion, which readers are likely to assume is based on solid evidence. This is further by her use of a conversational tone, through the utilisation of first and second person pronouns “I” and “you” respectively, which establishes a rapport between the reader and author. This allows Bates to appear both pleasant and helpful, which readers are likely to subconsciously assume to signify that the arguments are based on a desire to assist. This in turn increases their susceptibility of accepting such arguments. Good analysis. But not for your introduction. You could analyse this in your first body paragraph, and it'll be great analysis discussing how at the outset, the writer establishes her credentials in the hope of readers crediting her argument, etc. Omit this from your introductions because no analysis is necessary.Indeed, this is relevant for the audience, who are presumably already living in the city, or which are considering a move to the city, as they have accessed a blog based on city culture. I try and incorporate audience & tone into the same sentence. You could say: Adopting a conversational tone, Bates intends to appeal to an audience of individuals residing within the city, or who are skeptical regarding the location of their residence - just something along those lines.

Keep any analysis for your body paragraphs

[AmericanBeauty]

Hi Lauren,

For the second exam (I think) I completed a text response for The War Poems. If you could please take a look at it I would appreciate it!