Creative Writing, English Extension Feedback? , Thank you!!

[Nicky00217]

Hey! Would love if anyone is able to give some feedback on my creative piece which I have written under the English Extension 1 rubric "worlds of upheaval" influenced by the text Frankenstein. Thanks in advance, i really appreciate it!

[meerae]

Hey! Would love if anyone is able to give some feedback on my creative piece which I have written under the English Extension 1 rubric "worlds of upheaval" influenced by the text Frankenstein. Thanks in advance, i really appreciate it!

Hey, Nicky00217!
Welcome to the forums!

I had a read through and I was captivated throughout, your writing has that sense of 'flair' all the English teachers talk about which is necessary for a band 6 creative piece. I felt that you made notes where improvements must be made by highlighting and I agree with you there, otherwise, I think there was one part where the perspective change didn't flow as nicely as the rest, I believe it was when the year changed to 2098.

Overall, it was an amazing piece!

Hope this helps!
meerae

[Nicky00217]

Hey!
Thank you so much for your feedback, I actually sent you a pm just because i don't know how to navigate this forum very well yet but then wasn't too sure if it actually sent! Anyways i just wanted to clarify whether there was anything specific that didn't feel quite right about the 2098 section or if there was anything you'd recommend me changing. Thanks so much!!

[meerae]

Hey!
Thank you so much for your feedback, I actually sent you a pm just because i don't know how to navigate this forum very well yet but then wasn't too sure if it actually sent! Anyways i just wanted to clarify whether there was anything specific that didn't feel quite right about the 2098 section or if there was anything you'd recommend me changing. Thanks so much!!

Hey!

I saw this before the PM, so ill answer here. From memory, it didn't flow as nicely into the story, as the rest of the transitions, it took me a while to realise the perspective changed and I had to reread it a couple times to actually figure it out.

Hope this helps!
meerae

[KHarris]

Hey, sorry for the late reply!
I know you've already gotten advice, but I like the concept of the story and the way it's presented. It's pretty intriguing and the marker definitely won't be bored when reading it. You've also demonstrated a wide vocabulary and skillful manipulation of sentences. The only suggestions I have is to maybe try and make the conclusion stronger, as it feels a little flat currently. Other than that, it's really good!