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Author Topic: English Extension 2 Question Thread  (Read 67036 times)  Share 

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elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #75 on: April 25, 2017, 11:00:54 pm »
0
Hiya Elyse!

I have included quite a lot in my report (i have to condense it) , but was wondering what are the critical points that i must cover?

Thank you!

Hey there :)
You absolutely must be summarising and connecting the relationship between the major work as it stands now and the independent research. You must include the intended audience. How does concepts, language, and techniques come together? At some point you need to make a link to the Adv or Ext 1 course work to say how that informed or inspired your work. Focus on the idea of development: your process is likely flawed, that's real! You should talk about the way different things have influenced the work and how it has become what it is now.

Optional: Where to from here?

Obviously refer to the exact criteria your assessment task has set, but this is how I would approach it! :)
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bananna

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #76 on: April 26, 2017, 03:29:07 pm »
0
Hi,

I read The Book Thief, My Sister's Keeper and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime in preparation for my major work, but have the feeling I shouldn't include these titles in my report since they don't seem sophisticated enough for the adv/ext 1 course. Please advise.

 regards,

banana

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #77 on: April 26, 2017, 05:27:49 pm »
0
Hi,

I read The Book Thief, My Sister's Keeper and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime in preparation for my major work, but have the feeling I shouldn't include these titles in my report since they don't seem sophisticated enough for the adv/ext 1 course. Please advise.

 regards,

banana

The inspiration for your major work comes from various places - some academic, some pop culture, some spontaneous, some organic, and so on. I definitely think you should put these in your statement if they have been big influences on your work! The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night is a big West End production in London at the moment - it's a very well known and loved text! The statement is about recognising that the process isn't perfect, it's jarred and also fluent, it's chaotic but also organised - whatever the process has been for you! So I recommend putting these texts in :)
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samsclaire

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #78 on: April 27, 2017, 07:02:46 pm »
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hey! my teacher keeps telling me that my work is going off on tangents. does anyone have tips to refine 'it'?

Mary_a

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #79 on: April 27, 2017, 07:59:48 pm »
+2
Hi Elyse,

I just wanted to thank you and express my sincere gratitude to you and this website!! I got my extension 2 report back today, after the preparation, editing, drafting, researching and then rewriting and redrafting in accordance with your feedback I got 14/15 (which, with my teacher is the best you'll ever get to be honest)! If it weren't for your feedback and your help I would not have gotten anywhere near that mark!

So thank you, thank you so much to yourself, to Jamon and to AtarNotes. I really, really appreciate it!

Mary x


Hey Mary!

I perhaps don't need to, but I want to preface this by saying I was the only person in my cohort who did Ext2, I was a class of one person, so it's possible that my experience of the course is different to other peoples. Because I only have my own work to bounce off, I hope I'm giving the right advice, seeing as it's not like I could look at my peers to see their approach! But as is the case with all feed back, you decide what you want to take on :)
Spoiler
My major work examines Shakespeare’s characters Cleopatra from Antony and Cleopatra and Cordelia from King Lear through the lens of Romantic individuals Elizabeth Inchbald, William Hazlitt and Samuel Taylor Coleridge. The introduction of each character is unclear, maybe it's just because of the way it's reformatted here. Put the text's names in Italics or underlined so that we can tell apart the characters and their texts, just because it seems to be a bit jumbled and we can't have that happen so early on :) I arrived at this area of study through my readings of Joseph Ortiz’s Shakespeare and The Culture of Romanticism and Jonathan Bate’s The Romantics on Shakespeare, this allowed me to This language here makes sense, but it's not expressed in a sophisticated manner. Perhaps if you start a new sentence here, you can use nominalisation to your advantage. create an informed understanding of what Romantic critique consisted of and how it was applied to Shakespeare’s work. The focus on Shakespeare’s female characters has been quite neglected in history in literary history? critical history? Be specific here., however the new wave of feminism in the 21st century has brought Shakespeare’s female characters back to this implies that they were once at the forefront - were they? the forefront, but with a focus only on contemporary and 20th century critique. Within Romantic critique there was a concentration on Shakespeare’s women which was quite revolutionary for the era and it is imperative that this focus is revived in contemporary society I know it's small, but we've used "was" twice in this sentence. No huge deal, but being E2, expression is everything. I hope you don't think I'm being too picky, it's always easier to find faults in other people's work than your own! . Focusing on Romantic criticism offers something rich in the understanding of Shakespeare’s characters, the era’s evaluations have become quite forgotten and concentrating on this lens provides a view that informs character criticisms. The examination of the development of Romantic criticisms through different periods in the era provides various informed scopes for the evaluation of the characters. This analysis, using Romantic precepts attempts to grant validity to the female experience and representation of human characters. The journal the Shakespeare Quarterly is a peer reviewed journal, renowned for its publication of essays at the forefront of Shakespearean studies. Its concentration on scholarly essays investigating new perspectives on Shakespeare’s work provides an audience for my major work, which evaluates his characters using the Romantic lens.

My initial research focussed focused* upon the form of character criticism that the Romantics delighted in. Reading essays upon Romantic criticism such as George Mosse’s The Culture of Western Europe and Arthur Kirch’s Shakespeare’s Humanism reaffirmed a clear understanding of why the Romantics revered Shakespeare, highlighting that the Romantics centred their attention upon the internal condition of individuals and the analysis of the individual’s emotions. Prior to commencing my major work, I had an understanding of Romantic philosophies and precepts, however my research made me aware of its potential relevance and application to the critique of literature. My interest in Romantic critique grew as I researched essays written in the Romantic era, such as John Keats’ The Poetical Character and Samuel Johnson’s Dedication to Shakespeare which directly interacts with Shakespeare’s characters and Romantic perspectives upon them, Johnson remarking that “Shakespeare’s excellence was not the fiction of a tale, but the representation of life; and his reputation is therefore safe till human nature shall be changed.” I also came across peer reviews of Romantic essays written by Elizabeth Inchbald, William Hazlitt and Samuel Taylor Coleridge, such as Karen Gervitz’s Elizabeth Inchbald; Shakespeare Criticism, Francesca Saggini’s The Art of Fine Drama: Inchbald’s Remarks for The British Theatre and the Aesthetic Experience of the Late Eighteenth Century Theatre-Goer, Jonathan Bate’s William Hazlitt “On Siddons, Kemble and Kean” and James Engell’s Coleridge, Johnson and Shakespeare. This piqued my interest into the development of Romantic criticism on Shakespeare, Inchbald providing a bridge between Neoclassic Criticism and Romantic understanding, Hazlitt capturing Humanist and Romantic perspectives, whilst Coleridge forming the epitome of 19th century Romantic critique. This interest caused me to explore their own essays in order to garner knowledge on their precepts and preoccupations of Shakespeare’s characters. Elizabeth Inchbald’s remarks on Shakespeare’s characters in The British Theatre provided an understanding of her observations which grant validity to the female experience within the Romantic era. Hazlitt’s Characters of Shakespeare’s Plays also focussed upon Shakespeare’s female characters as capturing women with internal machinations. Coleridge’s criticism within his letter On Shakespeare’s Characters prefigured psycho-analytical readings of literature. This research shaped my major work, creating a discussion of Shakespeare’s characters through the development of Inchbald, Hazlitt and Coleridge’s critique-which reflects different periods of Romanticism. Until this last sentence, you've just listed research without actually making the strong connections. I think we need to revise the way you've approached this. Similar to an essay, you make a point and then you link. Here, you need to make a point of your research but then link it as well to the way your major work is right now. Directly link the exact point your major work is up to now, to the research. Like, if in paragraph 3 you've espoused a marxist reading on top of romantic critical theory (hypothetical), then you would say that came from the reading of blah blah. Specifically talk about how each text influenced your work and where it did, and to what degree.

Having attained this foundational understanding I began searching for potential characters in Shakespeare’s texts. Through my readings of Inchbald, Hazlitt and Coleridge I discovered their fascination with Cleopatra from Antony and Cleopatra. Each individual had a unique lens upon Cleopatra as they represented the different periods within Romanticism. In Inchbald’s Preface to Antony and Cleopatra she focuses upon Cleopatra’s emotion and insecurities as rendering her with human qualities-a culmination of Neo-classist and Romantic critique. Hazlitt’s notion of Cleopatra’s character revolving around the dichotomy of the political, powerful queen and yet the seductive woman driven by emotion transcends Inchbald’s evaluations to provide Humanist and Romantic critique. Coleridge's note which was made for a lecture in 1818 on Antony and Cleopatra revealed his opinion that “perhaps of Shakespeare’s plays, the most wonderful is Antony and Cleopatra.” Coleridge’s evaluation of Cleopatra represents the height of Romantic critique remarking that “the sense of criminality in her passion” reveals the Romantic preoccupation that “depth and energy” within emotion renders an authentic human experience. The development of criticism on Cleopatra within the Romantic era significantly shaped my major work as it allowed me to analyse Cleopatra through a development of Romantic readings and the differing perspectives on the representation of her humanity. This formed a structure of my analysis, to focus on Cleopatra in light of each individual and create a sustained Romantic evaluation. So what did this offer that other texts couldn't? You're making the connection stronger in this one, but we need to be more evaluative now :) Was this pivotal in your work? You need to be more critical of your own research (which I know is tricky!).

My knowledge of Hermione from The Winter’s Tale greatly assisted in my choice to contrast Cleopatra with Hermione, still using the Romantic individual’s criticisms. Hermione and Cleopatra were both queens and had similar roles within their respective monarchs, however there was a stark contrast in personality, Hermione being quite reserved and Cleopatra a vivacious, vibrant character. Phyllis Rackin’s Shakespeare and Women and Juliet Dusinberre’s Shakespeare and The Nature of Women provided significant insight into the analysis of Hermione. However, despite my extensive research, I came to a realisation that Hermione did not represent a character which embodied Romantic fascination and that Romanticism instead focused on the character of Cordelia form King Lear. This realisation led to a change of route in my major work as I chose a different character in order to render an authentic Romantic reading of Shakespeare’s female characters. Unfortunately, this decision was made very late in the term and impacted upon my ability to extensively research Cordelia. Nice! Good critical thinking. I am aware, however, that King Lear was an incredibly popular play and has sustained its popularity into the 21st century. My knowledge that the Romantics revered Cordelia was supported by the alteration of King Lear’s ending in the 19th century, the Romantics deciding that Cordelia should not die because they believed such a wonderful and moral character did not deserve that ending. Therefore, the direction of my major work changed, however this ensures that it does reflect Romantic evaluations and criticisms of Shakespeare’s characters in order to create an authentic major work.

I chose to write a critical response as the form of my major work because this was the most effective instrument for the analysis which I desired to undertake. Despite having initially explored writing essays in the style of Elizabeth Inchbald, my final decision to utilise a traditional, objective, formal tone was determined by the strongly academic context of my response, particularly in my application of Romantic criticism. Beautiful! Very good! I was influenced in my decision of this structure by Joseph Addison’s On the Essay Form and Richard Amacher’s The Essay, which highlighted that a complex subject matter mandated an academic approach. Great! Furthermore, because the intended purpose of my response was investigative, I chose to write in third person. As my investigation progressed, I decided to structure my essay into sections to encapsulate the various criticisms of the Romantic individuals and their representations of the different periods of Romanticism for each female character. This structure not only provides different analyses per section of the humanity in each character but also allows a clear progression of Romantic critique and ideas. Your best paragraph...you are so critical and evaluative here, making direct links between different people/works and your own work.

My intended purpose, that is, the examination of Shakespeare’s female characters Cleopatra and Cordelia through the lens of Romantic critique from the individuals of Elizabeth Inchbald, William Hazlitt and Samuel Taylor Coleridge has been clearly shaped by the aforementioned area of investigation in Romantic criticisms of literature, particularly Shakespeare’s work. Long sentence girlfriend! I'd split it into two sentences, the first saying "The research of blah blah and blah has clearly shaped my major work. The evolution of my purpose has come to a point where it now clearly is: *say intention*" Something like this, split them up :) Autonomous investigation has played an integral role in the major work progress and has furthered my conceptual development in numerous areas as well as inspiring the form and nature of my essay.

I think you've done a great job, and the E2 report is difficult because you really need to use every single word strongly. Every word has to have a meaning and an intention - and you've got some great examples of that, but there are some parts where analysis is required to make a stronger account. I've pointed out the parts where I think you've done an excellent job of being critical of the process - hopefully it all makes sense to you! Again, take it all with a grain of salt, but I hope this gives you a step in the right direction :)
Hey!
I did the HSC last year (2017) and my 10 units were English Advanced, English Extension 1, English Extension 2, Legal Studies, Maths and Studies of Religion 2. I achieved my ATAR aim of over 90!

I loved tutoring and running essay writing workshops (privately and at InFlow Education) so much that I decided to study a Bachelor of Secondary Education, majoring in English and minoring in Maths!

If you're thinking about tutoring, let me know x

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #80 on: April 28, 2017, 06:45:08 am »
+1
hey! my teacher keeps telling me that my work is going off on tangents. does anyone have tips to refine 'it'?

Hey there! Is your work your major work or your reflection statement/report? If it's the major - is it a creative? essay? film? Let me know and I can try and help accordingly!

Hi Elyse,

I just wanted to thank you and express my sincere gratitude to you and this website!! I got my extension 2 report back today, after the preparation, editing, drafting, researching and then rewriting and redrafting in accordance with your feedback I got 14/15 (which, with my teacher is the best you'll ever get to be honest)! If it weren't for your feedback and your help I would not have gotten anywhere near that mark!

So thank you, thank you so much to yourself, to Jamon and to AtarNotes. I really, really appreciate it!

Mary x



Mary I'm so thrilled to hear this! I love it when hard working students get the marks they deserve. You edited your work to perfection. So happy for you! Thanks for being around :)
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bananna

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #81 on: April 28, 2017, 11:02:16 pm »
0
Hi Elyse!

Was wondering if you could check my report and especially comment on whether I need more information regarding the texts/novels I have mentioned. Also, my teacher insists on us including links to both adv and ext 1, so I have to work in the ext 1 part right now, deleting some bits without compromising the quality. Do you think the subheadings make it easier to read/follow or should I remove them? Thank you so much :)

Spoiler

My major work is a short story consisting of four parallel plots to explore the concept of nationalism and xenophobia in Australia. It specifically looks at the impact of these concepts on refugees. My aim is to encourage my audience to formulate conscious political opinions and change hostile perceptions of refugees. My major work is set primarily in a detention center and contains accounts of 4 polarised characters highly involved in the refugee situation—a young Syrian refugee, an older Sri Lankan refugee, a photographer and a bureaucrat. The inclusion of multiple characters in a tandem-narrative structure reinforces their vastly different reactions to the effects of detention. For example, one refugee embraces hope in exchange for emotional freedom, whilst the other resists, longing to be back home. This structure builds upon my concept by attempting a holistic representation of this complex condition. As part of my investigation, I have read widely into the physical, as well as psychological impacts of detention centers and the effects of diaspora. I have also consulted writing manuals as well as the works of authors—Jodi Picoult, Mark Haddon and James Joyce, to construct an authentic narrative voice that conveys insights into this aspect of the human condition.


Purpose and Audience
          My purpose stems from the belief that most people’s information and understanding of the refugee situation comes from politicians, bureaucrats and media outlets and not from the actual refugees themselves. My intended audience is young adults in Australia who may not have enough information to form their own conscious political opinion of the refugee crises or young adults who want to learn about the prevailing humanitarian crisis of their generation. I believe my form enhances this purpose, providing my audience with multiple perspectives of the processes and people involved in lives of refugees.

Progress since Viva Voce
          Since the viva voce, the development of my major work was focused on the content and substance of the words on the page. Composing drafts helped me solidify my goals and enabled me to perceive my improved writing technique. To date, I have written first drafts for all four perspectives, and am in the process of concreting the point of view that will be conveyed—first, second, or third and writing it respectively. Depicting the refugee accounts in first person forces the audience to look at the world from a different perspective. By doing so, the reader is able to take on the refugees’ perspective as his own and to understand the their struggle and outlook on life. In contrast, I want to create distance between the bureaucrat and audience, reflecting his hard-headedness, hence my deliberate choice of third person. Inspired by Italo Calvino’s If on a Winters Night a Traveler (1979), I have decided to use second person for the photographer’s accounts. Pictures and photographs tend to talk directly to an individual—which is exactly what second person does. For someone who lives life through a lens, to use second person, seems to me, the most natural and the only logical choice. Although I have researched the issue extensively and drawn inspiration from multiple sources, I find myself constantly learning new things. Since this topic controversial, the debate constantly grows and evolves. I am also in the process of improving the complication and climax. I initially wrote each perspective separately (in block form) to allow myself a sense of direction and focus while writing, and to easily track changes. However, this approach had its disadvantages, as I wrote all four characters inadvertently in the same writing style—it was not until I juxtaposed their perspectives had I realised my mistake. This realisation led me to the decision to use truncated sentence solely for the bureaucrat to reflect his sternness, and longer sentences for the Sri Lankan refugee to mirror stream-of-consciousness.

Progress: Reflection
          I encountered difficulty deciding in which point of view I should portray to my audience. To resolve this, I invested time into further investigation and I decided to start writing to inspire my creativity and thought. This is the reason I decided to do the tandem narrative—my research showed me that there wasn’t any one correct idea about the refugee situation—the issue is too complicated to only have one correct view. At that moment, I thought I was wasting time, however retrospectively, I know this was the right decision to make, as the English Extension Two major work is built upon experimentation. Nonetheless, I believe with every writing session, I am gradually achieving my purpose. Although flawed at times, I believe my progress to date is significant.

Research: Effects of Detention
          My research into multicultural assimilation, Australian law, and the effects of detention has had a direct impact on the underlying themes of my major work. The International Detention Coalition 2012 report Captured Children details the physical, psychological and psychosocial impacts of detention. This report illustrated a number of refugees showed “sleep and appetite disturbance, symptoms of post-traumatic stress, psychosomatic symptoms…” This information provided me insight into the disturbing number of long-term conditions individuals, including children, face in detention; my concept allowed me to embed this into my Major Work. My Sri Lankan character shows symptoms of disturbed sleep and Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome, waking from nightmares and experiencing flashbacks triggered by any loud noise resembling gunshots. Another 2012 study, Asylum Seeker Health and Wellbeing, commissioned by St. Vincent’s Health Australia, describes a common ideology held by Australians towards asylum seekers and refugees is “they are violating our sovereignty”. My bureaucrat, who does not feel refugees are of any use to the Australian economy or society, has adopted this mindset. Thus, research into the effects of detention on vulnerable individuals has strengthened my understanding of the complexity of the situation and my concept has allowed me to convey this research in my major work.

Research: Novels
           My understanding of a child’s voice comes from reading the works of Jodi Picoult [My Sister’s Keeper (2004)], Markus Zusak [The Book Thief (2005)] and Mark Haddon [The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime (2003)]. Their writing emphasise the singular, yet unique nature of the child’s voice as well as help me understand the tandem structure better. Also, reading these works enables me to apprehend my intended audience, because these authors were able to reach young adults. Furthermore, John Marsden’s Everything I Know About Writing inspired me to undertake a ‘circular ending’ for my short story. Marsden details his favourite endings as “the ones where I get a sense of life continuing: that the story is merely an important episode out of a life, but much has happened before the story begins and more will happen after it ends.” I adapted this form into my own work because I want to manifest the small-scale, yet significant, acceptance of my bureaucrat character from the start to the finish. Yet, the little change is also reflective of the refugee process and intake at this time (2017), illuminating that until there is a change in peoples’ outlook, the story will never truly end.

Link to Advanced Course
          Furthermore, James Joyce’s short story Eveline (1904) uses flashbacks scattered throughout the piece to clearly outline the relationship between the young woman and her past. This technique allows the reader insight into the shifting characterisation in the mind of the protagonist. I have used this compositional device as inspiration for my Sri Lankan refugee as he recalls “Her eyes were transfixed on the distant seas and her cheeks stained with dried tears. I shook my head, “amma”, I called. No response.” I feel this technique effective as I am able to depict the common psychosomatic symptoms experienced by many refugees. Thus, the reading of other short stories has widely impacted the development of my major work.

Intent on Further Investigation
          At this particular moment in time, I believe the most effective way forward is to continue writing and focus on depicting realistic characters to my audience. I have found along the way that my intended form often devotes too much attention to the larger concept and not enough to individual characterisation. To resolve this, I believe simple storylines pertaining to few main themes can provide a strong foundation for a unified thematic whole. I believe by continually writing and experimenting, I can create a unique short story that young Australians can engage with. Furthermore, I intend to read Nelson Mandela’s A Long Walk to Freedom (1994) to perceive the feelings and emotions in someone wrongly persecuted and incarcerated.


In conclusion, my major work has been influenced by my research into the construction of a short story, popular young adult fiction, and childrens’ voice in narrative. My theoretical research into the effects of detention on refugees and asylum seekers has allowed me to explore my concept in greater depth, and thus create authentic characters that are affected by the detention conditions and create characters that the reader is able to identify with. Further, my research into the forms and features of short stories has enabled me to implement complex techniques in my major work that ultimately deepen the audience’s connection with the text.

« Last Edit: April 28, 2017, 11:05:28 pm by bananna »

Mary_a

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #82 on: April 29, 2017, 10:10:34 am »
+1
Hey Elyse,

Thank you :) And I think I'll be sticking around for a very long time!

Mary x


Mary I'm so thrilled to hear this! I love it when hard working students get the marks they deserve. You edited your work to perfection. So happy for you! Thanks for being around :)
Hey!
I did the HSC last year (2017) and my 10 units were English Advanced, English Extension 1, English Extension 2, Legal Studies, Maths and Studies of Religion 2. I achieved my ATAR aim of over 90!

I loved tutoring and running essay writing workshops (privately and at InFlow Education) so much that I decided to study a Bachelor of Secondary Education, majoring in English and minoring in Maths!

If you're thinking about tutoring, let me know x

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #83 on: April 30, 2017, 10:35:16 am »
+1
Hi Elyse!

Was wondering if you could check my report and especially comment on whether I need more information regarding the texts/novels I have mentioned. Also, my teacher insists on us including links to both adv and ext 1, so I have to work in the ext 1 part right now, deleting some bits without compromising the quality. Do you think the subheadings make it easier to read/follow or should I remove them? Thank you so much :)

Hey bananna, just dropping in to say I haven't forgotten, I've just left this one until I have the time to sit and properly focus on it, which will be later today (Italian time though, so maybe in the unheavenly hours of Monday morning for you). But will be back to you shortly! :)
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bananna

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #84 on: April 30, 2017, 10:29:30 pm »
0
Hey bananna, just dropping in to say I haven't forgotten, I've just left this one until I have the time to sit and properly focus on it, which will be later today (Italian time though, so maybe in the unheavenly hours of Monday morning for you). But will be back to you shortly! :)

Thank you!
And, I wrote this paragraph, but removed it because my tutor said it doesnt add much to my piece and I needed to cut down.
Wanted your opinion of it :)

Furthermore, in her novel My Sister’s Keeper (2004), Jodi Picoult presents a complex, contentious issue from the perspective of seven characters with distinctive voice and mannerisms, giving the reader a more holistic version of events and realistic characters to identify with. This inspired me to convey my issue from four different perspectives, focusing on the experience of refugees and how it looks to an outside observer. Markus Zusak’s The Book Thief (2005) reminded me of the power of literature in “Without words, the Führer was nothing.” This inspired me to consider the strength in literature and make every word mean something. These two fictional pieces helped me decide on my tandem structure to create a realistic depiction of the refugee experience. In addition, I read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime (2003) by Mark Haddon to assist me in creating an authentic, believable child’s voice.

thanks :)

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #85 on: May 01, 2017, 08:29:58 am »
+1
Hey bananna, just dropping in to say I haven't forgotten, I've just left this one until I have the time to sit and properly focus on it, which will be later today (Italian time though, so maybe in the unheavenly hours of Monday morning for you). But will be back to you shortly! :)

Annnnd it's midnight here in Italy, didn't quite get to the "afternoon" thanks to unforeseen circumstances :P

Thank you!
And, I wrote this paragraph, but removed it because my tutor said it doesnt add much to my piece and I needed to cut down.
Wanted your opinion of it :)

thanks :)
My thoughts are in the spoiler :)

Spoiler
My major work is a short story consisting of four parallel plots to explore the concepts of nationalism and xenophobia in Australia. It specifically looks at the impact of these concepts on doesn't really flow - perhaps, "looks at the way refugees are influenced by these two concepts." refugees. My aim is to encourage my audience to formulate conscious political opinions and change hostile perceptions of refugees. Beautiful!My major work is set primarily in a detention center centre* and contains accounts of 4 four* (numbers until ten are written alphabetically not numerically) polarised characters highly involved in the refugee situation—a young Syrian refugee, an older Sri Lankan refugee, a photographer and a bureaucrat. The inclusion of multiple characters in a tandem-narrative structure reinforces their vastly different reactions to the effects of detention. For example, one refugee embraces hope in exchange for emotional freedom, whilst the other resists, longing to be back home. This structure builds upon my concept by attempting a holistic representation of this complex condition. As part of my investigation, I have read widely into the physical, as well as psychological impacts of detention centers and the effects of diaspora. I have also consulted writing manuals as well as the works of authors—Jodi Picoult, Mark Haddon and James Joyce, to construct an authentic narrative voice that conveys insights into this aspect of the human condition. This was really easy to read, I loved it. Your purpose is very clear, I understand it completely thanks to such a beautiful introduction to it all.


Purpose and Audience

          My purpose stems from the belief that most people’s information and understanding of the refugee situation comes from politicians, bureaucrats and media outlets and not from the actual refugees themselves. My intended audience is young adults in Australia who may not have enough do you think it's that they don't have enough information - or is it more accurately, you think they don't have information given from all sources? Their information is one sided? Because you've acknowledged there is info that people receive, but you want to challenge that with a new perspective. information to form their own conscious political opinion of the refugee crises or young adults who want to learn about the prevailing humanitarian crisis of their generation. I believe my form enhances this purpose, providing my audience with multiple perspectives of the processes and people involved in lives of refugees. Great!

Progress since Viva Voce
          Since the viva voce, the development of my major work was focused on the content and substance of the words on the page. Composing drafts helped me solidify my goals and enabled me to perceive my improved writing technique. To date, I have written first drafts for all four perspectives, and am in the process of concreting the point of view that will be conveyed—first, second, or third and writing it respectively. Depicting the refugee accounts in first person forces the audience to look at the world from a different perspective. By doing so, the reader is able to take on the refugees’ perspective as his own and to understand the their struggle and outlook on life. In contrast, I want to create distance between the bureaucrat and audience, reflecting his hard-headedness, hence my deliberate choice of third person. Inspired by Italo Calvino’s If on a Winters Night a Traveler (1979), I have decided to use second person for the photographer’s accounts. Pictures and photographs tend to talk directly to an individual—which is exactly what second person does. For someone who lives life through a lens, to use second person, seems to me, the most natural and the only logical choice. Although I have researched the issue extensively and drawn inspiration from multiple sources, I find myself constantly learning new things. Since this topic is controversial, I'd say, "Given the controversial nature of the topic" in order to increase formality and fluidity here. the debate constantly grows and evolves. I am also in the process of improving the complication and climax. I initially wrote each perspective separately (in block form) to allow myself a sense of direction and focus while writing, and to easily track changes. However, this approach had its disadvantages, as I wrote all four characters inadvertently in the same writing style—it was not until I juxtaposed their perspectives had I realised my mistake. Love this part - it's really important you recognise this! This realisation led me to the decision to use truncated sentence solely for the bureaucrat to reflect his sternness, and longer sentences for the Sri Lankan refugee to mirror stream-of-consciousness. Lovely! Really important that you've included this, I think! It shows you're critical of both your work but also your process.

Progress: Reflection
          I encountered difficulty deciding in which point of view I should portray to my audience. To resolve this, I invested time into further investigation and I decided to start writing to inspire my creativity and thought. This is the reason I decided to do the tandem narrative—my research showed me that there wasn’t any one correct idea about the refugee situation—the issue is too complicated to only have one correct view. At that moment, I thought I was wasting time, however retrospectively, I know this was the right decision to make, as the English Extension Two major work is built upon experimentation. There's a lot of commas in this sentence! I'd re-word it to avoid this. Nonetheless, I believe with every writing session, I am gradually achieving my purpose. Although flawed at times, I believe my progress to date is significant.

Research: Effects of Detention
          My research into multicultural assimilation, Australian law, and the effects of detention comma here or else it reads differently (I was puzzled for a bit) has had a direct impact on the underlying themes of my major work. The International Detention Coalition 2012 report Captured Children details the physical, psychological and psychosocial impacts of detention. This report illustrated a number of refugees showed “sleep and appetite disturbance, symptoms of post-traumatic stress, psychosomatic symptoms…” This information provided me insight into the disturbing number of long-term conditions individuals, including children, face in detention; my concept allowed me to embed this It's just a wording thing - but I don't know what your concept did to allow this? Did the concept allow this? It's just about wording, but I don't entirely know what you mean by this part. into my Major Work. My Sri Lankan character shows symptoms of disturbed sleep and Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome, waking from nightmares and experiencing flashbacks triggered by any loud noise resembling gunshots. Another 2012 study, Asylum Seeker Health and Wellbeing, commissioned by St. Vincent’s Health Australia, describes a common ideology held by Australians towards asylum seekers and refugees is “they are violating our sovereignty”. My bureaucrat, who does not feel refugees are of any use to the Australian economy or society, has adopted this mindset. Thus, research into the effects of detention on vulnerable individuals has strengthened my understanding of the complexity of the situation and my concept has allowed me to convey this research in my major work. Again, you created your concept - your concept doesn't allow anything. You explore the concept, it isn't the gate keeper for exploration. Perhaps it is better to say, "and by exploring my concepts of nationalism and xenophobia in my major work, I can embed the gains of my research." Also,
 I like how you always bring it back to your text. That's very important.


Research: Novels
           My understanding of a child’s voice comes from reading the works of Jodi Picoult [My Sister’s Keeper (2004)], Markus Zusak [The Book Thief (2005)] and Mark Haddon [The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime (2003)]. Yay you used this text! Also it's a major West End production at the moment so if you need more on it you might be able to explore that online. Their writing emphasises the singular, yet unique nature of the child’s voice as well as helping me to understand the tandem structure better. Also, reading these works enables me to apprehend my intended audience, because these authors were able to reach young adults. Furthermore, John Marsden’s Everything I Know About Writing inspired me to undertake a ‘circular ending’ for my short story. Literally love this text Marsden details his favourite endings as “the ones where I get a sense of life continuing: that the story is merely an important episode out of a life, but much has happened before the story begins and more will happen after it ends.” I adapted this form into my own work because I want to manifest the small-scale, yet significant, acceptance of my bureaucrat character from the start to the finish. Yet, the little change is also reflective of the refugee process and intake at this time (2017), illuminating that until there is a change in peoples’ outlook, the story will never truly end.
Furthermore, in her novel My Sister’s Keeper (2004), Jodi Picoult presents a complex, contentious issue from the perspective of seven characters with distinctive voice and mannerisms, giving the reader a more holistic version of events and realistic characters to identify with. This inspired me to convey my issue from four different perspectives, focusing on the experience of refugees and how it looks to an outside observer. Markus Zusak’s The Book Thief (2005) reminded me of the power of literature in “Without words, the Führer was nothing.” This inspired me to consider the strength in literature and make every word mean something. These two fictional pieces helped me decide on my tandem structure to create a realistic depiction of the refugee experience. In addition, I read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime (2003) by Mark Haddon to assist me in creating an authentic, believable child’s voice. I'm not sure where you want to slide this paragraph in, but I think all of the ideas you express are really important. Perhaps the weakest is the Book Thief's analysis, just because it doesn't talk about plot structure. It might be better to put this in a beginning or ending spot as a summary of your inspo?
 Otherwise I'd leave it out of this part.


Link to Advanced Course
          Furthermore, James Joyce’s short story Eveline (1904) uses flashbacks scattered throughout the piece to clearly outline the relationship between the young woman and her past. This technique allows the reader insight into the shifting characterisation in the mind of the protagonist. I have used this compositional device as inspiration for my Sri Lankan refugee as he recalls “Her eyes were transfixed on the distant seas and her cheeks stained with dried tears. I shook my head, “amma”, I called. No response.” I feel this technique is effective as I am able to depict the common psychosomatic symptoms experienced by many refugees. Thus,  Perhaps "evidently" is stronger because you put forward that you've shown evidence, you remind the marker! the reading of other short stories has widely impacted the development of my major work.

Intent on Further Investigation
          At this particular moment in time, I believe the most effective way forward is to continue writing and focus on depicting realistic characters to my audience. I have found along the way that my intended form often devotes too much attention to the larger concept and not enough to individual characterisation. To resolve this, I believe simple storylines pertaining to few main themes can provide a strong foundation for a unified thematic whole. I believe that (I think...this reads better with "that" but I'm not sure if it's grammatically needed. by continually writing and experimenting, I can create a unique short story that young Australians can engage with. Furthermore, I intend to read Nelson Mandela’s A Long Walk to Freedom (1994) to perceive the feelings and emotions in someone wrongly persecuted and incarcerated.


In conclusion, my major work has been influenced by my research into the construction of a short story, popular young adult fiction, and childrens’ voice in narrative. My theoretical research into the effects of detention on refugees and asylum seekers has allowed me to explore my concept in greater depth, and thus create authentic characters that are affected by the detention conditions and create characters that the reader is able to identify with. Further, my research into the forms and features of short stories has enabled me to implement complex techniques in my major work that ultimately deepen the audience’s connection with the text.

I think the way you link back to the major work all the time is the strongest aspect of your analysis. It really shows- and it's especially strong when you discuss the structure of the work. I think that's your strongest part of the essay. I think you need to adjust the way you discuss all of the texts in terms of the new paragraph. I don't know where you want it to sit so I just threw it in there, but it might be good to weave some of those ideas into existing paragraphs rather than just created a new one with exactly those things in it. You've talked about concept, the process, the major work, the research into form, into plot, and into emotion. I don't see many more things they could expect of you in your statement! I'm interested to know more about the Mandela text - not that you've read it yet, but when it is in your reflection statement at the very end, I'd give that some room if it is as influential as I hope it is for your text! It looks interesting because you've made the connection between two different experiences of persecution.

This is a great report! You should be proud :)
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brokenboxes

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #86 on: May 10, 2017, 10:30:09 am »
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Hey there,
I'm looking for some help, and since I know that this is the place to come for that, I'm here! :)
I have my Ext 2 Report due later this term and our teacher gave us an outline of what to include:
- Introduction
- Details of research undertaken. This should be specific. Expand on three or four significant pieces and their contribution to the development of your MW.
- Details of the meetings and feedback with all of your mentors
- Conclusions
But I really want something more detailed than this follow, are there any or subheadings or pointers of where I should write what like "must include points", that you can give me? Also how much do I write for each of the points above? The word limit is 1500 and I have no idea where I should allocate the words.

Thank you so much for your help!

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #87 on: May 15, 2017, 05:52:20 pm »
+1
Hey there,
I'm looking for some help, and since I know that this is the place to come for that, I'm here! :)
I have my Ext 2 Report due later this term and our teacher gave us an outline of what to include:
- Introduction
- Details of research undertaken. This should be specific. Expand on three or four significant pieces and their contribution to the development of your MW.
- Details of the meetings and feedback with all of your mentors
- Conclusions
But I really want something more detailed than this follow, are there any or subheadings or pointers of where I should write what like "must include points", that you can give me? Also how much do I write for each of the points above? The word limit is 1500 and I have no idea where I should allocate the words.

Thank you so much for your help!


Hey brokenboxes! Welcome to the forums! I hope you find it to be very helpful here. Sorry for the delayed response, I've had a busy few days with Uni. Here is the advice I've given to other students on this topic:

Hey Mary! Glad to have a fellow Ext2er around!

I have a few suggestions for this, some you may have already undertaken:
-Have a look at the marking guidelines for the Reflection Statement. You can see that here. The report is essentially a mini reflection statement in a lot of ways, the report is a way of preparing you for the reflection statement that's yet to come. See it as a polished draft, if you will! So looking at the guidelines for the reflection statement's marking will be useful for understanding the standard they expect.
-Also, have a look at the requirements of the reflection statement as this has a little checklist in there. It shouldn't really raise anything new, but I found it comforting to look at when I created my report so that I knew I had covered everything.
-If you're not sure about the language you're using, the structure...the ideas even, have a look at the State Library's collection of exemplar Reflection Statements here. Admittedly, when I first looked at these I felt like anything I had produced was ridiculously inadequate. Know that there are many ways of expressing things, but you might find some inspiration about what marker's respond well to by checking this out!
-Remember to recognise that the process of research and writing is flawed. You won't seem disorganised if you admit to changing your concept, or anything like that. The raw process of researching and writing is calculated, organic, stressful, creative, and disciplined all at once. You don't just have to draw on organised research, you can admit to organic evolution of your concepts if that is appropriate to your work.
-Don't be afraid to quote sections of your work to show exactly where your ideas have manifested in your major work!

Good luck...drop back any time :)

As for how much you write for each - it's up to you! In Advanced English, I can often suggest how much to spend on an intro, how much to spend on a body paragraph, etc. And to an extent I could do that here, but it wouldn't really be coming from a place of authority, simply because you have so much freedom with this part! You can choose to use subheadings and divide your word count equally, but I personally bounced between different ideas. If you have the time, or if you would like, I've uploaded my own creative as well as my own reflection statement and you can download them for free here. I think the best thing for you to do is to look at the report criteria, but also look at the reflection statement criteria - because essentially that is what you're aiming for in the end, so start moving in that direction when it comes to being meticulous with grammar, considering the progress of your work, and so on!

Hopefully this gives you a hand :)
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marcusgrahamm

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #88 on: May 27, 2017, 11:05:57 am »
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I am doing a critical response into the changing archetype of vampirism in fiction.

Ive completed my major work, but I just want to know how to make the thesis explicitly appear in the introductory phase without being to direct and non-original.

So how do I strategically weave this idea into my introduction ??

Thanks
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Jess.martinuzzo

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Re: English Extension 2 Question Thread
« Reply #89 on: May 27, 2017, 12:23:28 pm »
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Hi Elyse!

I was wondering if there is anywhere that I can post my extension 2 major work for marking, like you have for advanced and extension 1? I'd really love it if you could have a quick look over it, however I am a bit concerned about posting it directly on the forum (for plagiarism reasons :( ).

Thanks!

Jess