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Author Topic: 2019 AA Club - Week 11  (Read 2718 times)

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MissSmiley

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2019 AA Club - Week 11
« on: July 08, 2019, 08:01:57 am »
+2
Hi everyone  :)
Let's get some practicing happening with AA, there weren't any responses for the last two weeks! If you're practicing, please feel free to share your piece here as some feedback always helps!
We're comparing letters to the editor this time (on same issue):


Background:
Quote
The public is criticising Labor’s marquee free TAFE scheme. TAFE is perhaps unprepared for the influx of students.

Education: When the TAFE option is to retire from teaching

My husband was a TAFE teacher for 30 years. He has two degrees, one in education. Over the years TAFE has required its teachers to do additional qualifications, some being Recognition of Prior Learning. Last year staff were informed another update was needed, and no RPL. He had been involved in curriculum development in an area where there was a shortage of qualified staff. This time he chose to retire and six months later has not been able to be replaced. He was not the only teacher to refuse another update of their qualifications.

Anne Maki, Alphington

Image for this letter: https://imgur.com/kshP5rB

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This is the result of casualisation

One of the reasons that the students now flooding to free TAFE courses are having a less than satisfactory experience is the impact of the casual employment of staff.

The past 15 to 20 years has seen the replacement of permanent staff mostly with a vested interest in the courses they teach, with sessional (casual) teachers mostly employed at the last minute.

These sessional teachers are only paid for the hours they teach, have not in the main been involved in the curriculum development of the materials they teach, are not given any opportunity to shape or critique this curriculum and often work across a number of TAFE institutes in an attempt to cobble together a reasonable weekly wage. It's a jump in and teach this now situation. Pastoral care for entering students? You're kidding.

Ewa Haire, Moonee Ponds
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Source - https://www.theage.com.au/national/victoria/harsh-lesson-from-rushed-tafe-scheme-20190705-p524ix.html
Date - 4th July 2019

Make sure you're analysing the structural elements of their pieces as well! i.e. argument construction and development! They both have different ways they construct and then write their letters!

Practice makes perfect!  :)

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caffinatedloz

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Re: 2019 AA Club - Week 11
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2019, 09:14:21 pm »
0
Hey! So sorry this is such a silly question, but how do you go about constructing an argument analysis where you compare pieces? I'm in Year 10 and it's something we haven't tackled yet.

MissSmiley

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Re: 2019 AA Club - Week 11
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2019, 03:17:49 pm »
+2
Hey! So sorry this is such a silly question, but how do you go about constructing an argument analysis where you compare pieces? I'm in Year 10 and it's something we haven't tackled yet.
Hi Laura!
It's not a silly question!  :)

So the way I liked to structure my piece for comparison was the cumulative approach. This is how you want your paragraphs to look like:
let's say text A = longer piece (usually an opinion piece or editorial in the exam) ; text B = shorter text (usually a letter or a set of comments) and text C = image. Then:

1. Introduction
2. Analysis of text A
3. Analysis of text B via comparison/contrast to text A
4. Analysis of text C via comparison/contrast to text A and B
5. Conclusion

Having said this though, you should definitely integrate the analysis for your visual into your analysis of the other texts. So by all means, you can weave that in throughout your piece, not just in your second last para.

Hope this helps!  :)

2017 : Further Maths [38]
2018 : English [45] ;English Language [43] ; Food Studies [47] ;French [33] ;Legal Studies [39]
VCE ATAR : 98.10
2019 - 2023 : Bachelor of Laws (Honours) and Bachelor of Arts at Monash University

I'm selling a huge electronic copy of  VCE English essays and resources document (with essays that have teacher feedback and marks) for $10. Feel free to PM me for details!

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Re: 2019 AA Club - Week 11
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2019, 08:23:42 am »
0
Hope this helps!  :)

Thank you so much Miss Smiley!

---------------------------------------------
The free TAFE scheme being put forward by the Labour government is being heavily criticised by the public and the media. The poor experiences that are being progressively reported by students in TAFE courses can be linked to the inexperience and lack of care of the casual staff members increasingly being employed. In Anne Maki’s letter to the editor, “When the TAFE option is to retire from teaching,” she uses an anecdote to explore the reasons that many experienced staff members are choosing to retire young. She uses a reasonable tone to persuade a politicly invested audience of her beliefs. Ewa Haire’s letter to the editor, “This is the result of casualisation,” she adopts a frustrated tone to explore the poor experiences that TAFE is giving students. The political cartoon furthers this point.

In Maki’s letter she employs a combination of evidence and anecdote to highlight the way that the experienced staff members are being lost to the industry. She opens, “My husband was a TAFE teacher for 30 years,” which builds her credibility to the audience and aids in their understanding if her piece. Maki goes on to explain the qualifications her husband has previously obtained, “He has two degrees, one in education,” which positions the audience to see how he was a highly qualified and valuable staff member. As her letter progresses Maki furthers her point about the loss that his class experienced when he “refused another update of qualifications,” eliciting feelings of sympathy and understanding from the reader.

Utilising a variety of emotive language, Haire makes her annoyance clear, while contending that the increased employment of casuals illustrates that the experiences of students are no longer the top priority. She begins by highlighting the way that permanent TAFE staff, “with a vested interest in the courses they teach,” are progressively being replaced by sessional teachers. This elicits annoyance from the reader. In “When the TAFE option is to retire from teaching,” Maki constructed her argument by building her credibility and attempting to gain sympathy from the reader whereas Haire attempts to elicit frustration and irritation from her audience the whole way through. Haire furthers her point by highlights the way that casual staff must, “attempt to cobble together a reasonable weekly wage,” and how this leads to a decrease in teaching quality. This further frustrates Haire’s audience of TAFE affiliates and those with strong political interest. The article finished with, “Pastoral care for entering students? You're kidding.” Questioning is uses to highlight the points Haire has already made and directs the focus of her audience to her key value, the wellbeing of students. This differs from Maki’s article, in which she did not address the situations of either the casual staff or the students.

Third paragraph addressing the image which I’m not really sure how to write.

Conclusion… once again not sure.

caffinatedloz

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Re: 2019 AA Club - Week 11
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2019, 08:24:29 am »
0
Hi Laura!
It's not a silly question!  :)

Hope this helps!  :)

Thank you so much Miss Smiley!

---------------------------------------------
The free TAFE scheme being put forward by the Labour government is being heavily criticised by the public and the media. The poor experiences that are being progressively reported by students in TAFE courses can be linked to the inexperience and lack of care of the casual staff members increasingly being employed. In Anne Maki’s letter to the editor, “When the TAFE option is to retire from teaching,” she uses an anecdote to explore the reasons that many experienced staff members are choosing to retire young. She uses a reasonable tone to persuade a politicly invested audience of her beliefs. Ewa Haire’s letter to the editor, “This is the result of casualisation,” she adopts a frustrated tone to explore the poor experiences that TAFE is giving students. The political cartoon furthers this point.

In Maki’s letter she employs a combination of evidence and anecdote to highlight the way that the experienced staff members are being lost to the industry. She opens, “My husband was a TAFE teacher for 30 years,” which builds her credibility to the audience and aids in their understanding if her piece. Maki goes on to explain the qualifications her husband has previously obtained, “He has two degrees, one in education,” which positions the audience to see how he was a highly qualified and valuable staff member. As her letter progresses Maki furthers her point about the loss that his class experienced when he “refused another update of qualifications,” eliciting feelings of sympathy and understanding from the reader.

Utilising a variety of emotive language, Haire makes her annoyance clear, while contending that the increased employment of casuals illustrates that the experiences of students are no longer the top priority. She begins by highlighting the way that permanent TAFE staff, “with a vested interest in the courses they teach,” are progressively being replaced by sessional teachers. This elicits annoyance from the reader. In “When the TAFE option is to retire from teaching,” Maki constructed her argument by building her credibility and attempting to gain sympathy from the reader whereas Haire attempts to elicit frustration and irritation from her audience the whole way through. Haire furthers her point by highlights the way that casual staff must, “attempt to cobble together a reasonable weekly wage,” and how this leads to a decrease in teaching quality. This further frustrates Haire’s audience of TAFE affiliates and those with strong political interest. The article finished with, “Pastoral care for entering students? You're kidding.” Questioning is uses to highlight the points Haire has already made and directs the focus of her audience to her key value, the wellbeing of students. This differs from Maki’s article, in which she did not address the situations of either the casual staff or the students.

Third paragraph addressing the image which I’m not really sure how to write.

Conclusion… once again not sure.

MissSmiley

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Re: 2019 AA Club - Week 11
« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2019, 09:29:03 am »
0
Thank you so much Miss Smiley!

---------------------------------------------
Recently, the free TAFE scheme being put forward by the Labour government is being heavily criticised by the public and the media. The poor experiences that are being progressively reported by students in TAFE courses can be linked to the inexperience and lack of care of the casual staff members increasingly being employed. This could go in your paras as this is one of the arguments. So good job in identifying this, but doesn't go in the intro! In Anne Maki’s letter to the editor, “When the TAFE option is to retire from teaching,” she uses an anecdote in the intro you don't mention any devices used by the author to explore the reasons that many experienced staff members are choosing to retire young. She uses a reasonable tone to persuade a politically invested audience great identification of audience, but just reword it to 'members in the audience who take an interest in the political ramifications of the TAFE proposal.' of her beliefs. Ewa Haire’s letter to the editor, “This is the result of casualisation,” she adopts a frustrated tone to explore the poor experiences that TAFE is giving students perhaps instead of repeating this, you could say 'she outlines the inconveniences of the TAFE option to teachers working for TAFE' Just to vary up the writing of different contentions!. The political cartoon furthers this point.--> a vocab verb for you: corroborates. So 'the political cartoon corroborates the writers' viewpoints and their disapproval of TAFE.'

In Maki’s letter she employs a combination of evidence and anecdote to highlight the way that the experienced staff members are being lost to what do you mean? the industry. From the outset, she opens, “My husband was a TAFE teacher for 30 years,” which builds her credibility to the audience and aids in their understanding if her piece. great job for analysing structural features! But flesh out her effect a bit more --> she aims to personalise the inconvenient effects of TAFE and in this way, readers are more likely to sympathise with her husband. Maki goes on to explain the qualifications her husband has previously obtained, “He has two degrees, one in education,” which positions the audience to see how he was a highly qualified and valuable staff member. great analysis, but you've gotta constantly link it back to her contention. As her letter progresses Maki furthers her point about the loss that his class experienced when he “refused another update of qualifications,” eliciting feelings of sympathy and understanding from the reader. but you have to say what does his refusal imply about his level of dissatisfaction or something like that. And then analyse the reader effect going on from that.

Have a comparative start to a topic sentence where you say how their contentions are similar in terms of...Utilising a variety of emotive language, Haire makes her annoyance clear, while contending that the increased employment of casuals illustrates that the experiences of students are no longer the top priority. She begins by highlighting the way that permanent TAFE staff, “with a vested interest in the courses they teach,” are progressively being replaced by sessional teachers. This elicits annoyance from the reader. be a bit more specific in outlining what subgroup in the readership. So perhaps current teachers, previous teachers, teachers-to-be In “When the TAFE option is to retire from teaching,” Maki constructed her argument by building her credibility and attempting to gain sympathy from the reader whereas Haire attempts to elicit frustration and irritation from her audience the whole way throughthroughout the piece.Excellent comparison of structure! Well done! :) Haire furthers her point by highlights the way that casual staff must, “attempt to cobble together a reasonable weekly wage,” and how this leads to a decrease in teaching quality. This further frustrates change up your writing a bit so instead of saying frustrates every time, try analysing what the readers are likely to do as a result of feeling frustrated. Also, it's a great idea to have some synonyms ready for some common tone words like frustrated. Haire’s audience of TAFE affiliates and those with what do you mean? strong political interest. The article finished with, “Pastoral care for entering students? You're kidding.” Questioning is uses to highlight the points Haire has already made and directs the focus of her audience to her key value, the wellbeing of students. yep, so going on from this, you could say how Haire ends with a notion of incredulity about TAFE being no closer to providing "pastoral care" - this term having connotations of a community being constantly supported both emotionally and academically. This differs from Maki’s article, in which she did not address the situations of either the casual staff or the students.

Third paragraph addressing the image which I’m not really sure how to write.

Conclusion… once again not sure.
Hi Laura,

Here are some fantastic resources on AN for visual analysis and how to write effective reader effect analysis (the second link you'll find how to write conclusions as well!)

https://atarnotes.com/forum/index.php?topic=165209.0
https://atarnotes.com/note/analysing-argument-essay-template/

But you're going great considering you're only in Year 10! You're definitely capturing the feel of the texts and even analysing the structural writing choices of the authors which is excellent!
Just try and build on the effect on reader next time! So make your point about how your piece of evidence adds to the writer's contention and then analyse how this would make the reader feel and then what action would they be likely to take as a result of reading that line in the text or the connotations of a word or phrase for example.

Hope this helps!  :)


2017 : Further Maths [38]
2018 : English [45] ;English Language [43] ; Food Studies [47] ;French [33] ;Legal Studies [39]
VCE ATAR : 98.10
2019 - 2023 : Bachelor of Laws (Honours) and Bachelor of Arts at Monash University

I'm selling a huge electronic copy of  VCE English essays and resources document (with essays that have teacher feedback and marks) for $10. Feel free to PM me for details!

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Re: 2019 AA Club - Week 11
« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2019, 11:35:23 am »
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Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your feedback and the resources linked. Will definitely be using them a lot. ;D

caffinatedloz

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Re: 2019 AA Club - Week 11
« Reply #7 on: July 15, 2019, 11:46:02 am »
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Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your feedback and the resources linked. Will definitely be using them a lot.  ;D