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dannynips

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #150 on: October 12, 2014, 11:45:16 pm »
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Unfortunately I don't have time to go the through this essay or the above but id suggest maybe you should provide feedback for the one before yours, so that your not just all take and no give, and then that person might be so kind to provide feedback
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psyxwar

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #151 on: October 13, 2014, 08:57:07 am »
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Hi, will someone be able to give me feedback on my essay please? Thank you! Be as brutal as possible please.

Discuss the attitudes and opinions associated with ‘politically correct’ language. Is there a role for non-discriminatory language in the 21st century?

A language has many variations with ‘politically correct’ language being one of these multifarious variations. ‘Politically correct’ language is the use of language which aims to remove discrimination against politically, socially or economically disadvantaged groups. Public domains have a very important role in addressing politically correct language in a similar way that our government has. Individuals also have to know when and where to use this variety of language. With more and more social groups emerging in this 21st century, politically correct language is holding more prestige than ever.

Public domains have a very important role in upholding ‘politically correct’ language. Due to the vast amount of social groups present in these domains at a given time, it is important for the language present to remain as non-discriminatory as possible. Why is this important? An obvious link, but one I feel should be made regardlessToilets for the disabled found at premium train stations have been recently retitled to “ambulant toilets” and similarly at RMIT University, they are now known as “accessibility toilets”. This shift away from the lexeme “disabled” aims to remove the negative connotation of having an impediment associated with the disabled community. Good, recent example! Your explanation needs to be more detailed though? HOW is this achieved? You could perhaps talk about how "disability" features the prefix "dis-" which is both negative and makes it appear as if the disabled is a special group that needs catering towards; "accessibility" is more positive of a term and instead the focus is on how everyone can utilise such a faciliityIn addition, in recent years the adjective “spastic” has become so negatively connotated with offense to disabled people that ‘The Spastic Society of Victoria’ “had to change their name to ‘Scope’” (ABC, ‘Why the words matter’). In order to remove any form of discrimination to any social groups in public domainsToo strong. It doesn't 'remove any form of discrimination', all it can do is to mitigate this effect, ‘politically correct’ language is employed because it strives to be as neutral-based (?)as possible.

Politicians play an integral role to running our nation also play an integral role in creating politically accepted language in our country. This doesn't read well.Last year, immigration minister Scott Morrison instructed immigration and detention centre staffs to refer to asylum seekers as “illegals” and clients of detention centres as “detainees”, dehumanising their human status and desire to seek refuge, which forces the general public to view these asylum seekers in the same way. This is because “[g]overnment agencies…try to stipulate what languages can be used for what purpose, [and] what forms of the language are acceptable” (Fasold, et al, 2006, stimulus) through presenting to the public what kind of language is “correct” in our society and manipulating the audience to adopt this variety of language. I don't see this as particularly relevant to the essay topic. As you've defined it "Politically correct’ language is the use of language which aims to remove discrimination against politically, socially or economically disadvantaged groups". Politically correctness is not the same as language that is promoted by politicians. You could make this relevant depending on how you frame this example (for example re; the impact of discriminatory language in dehumanising) but ultimately it doesn't address the topicIn today’s society, politicians have a very important role to play in enforcing ‘politically correct’ language as they are a huge influence to our nation.

Individuals also play a part in using non-discriminatory language, however not everyone has a universal agreement in regards to the use of this language variety. Herald Sun columnist Andrew Bolt sparked controversy when, during a comment, he mentioned that the subject of concern that “she [a while Indigenous female] chooses her Aboriginal identity”. Interesting example, though the Bolt case is a bit dated; you're better off looking at 2014 stuff, especially because all the Section 18C stuff this year is relevant to thisHowever, on the contrary, some of the readers were very happy with how direct the mention of “Aboriginal” was, as opposed to covering the use of this lexeme with euphemisms. The issue is a bit hazy to me, but was it really the use of "Aboriginal" that caused the controversy? "Aboriginal" is hardly an offensive term; I thought the issue stemmed from Bolt saying that the person could not be Aboriginal because she was white?Furthermore, the use of racist language also receives many opposing views. For example, in an Asian-dense suburb in the outer region of Melbourne, it is acceptable for them to refer to themselves as “yellow” but in the presence of a non-Asian person, it is unacceptable to do so as it is not ‘politically correct’. The language used by a person can either be discriminatory or non-discriminatory depending on the person using it and the context of where it is used. Sure, but I don't think this is too relevant to the topic

Non-discriminatory language is used different people in different circumstance. Public places provide a very important platform for the use of non-discriminatory language. Politicians use politically correct language to address different ideas. How and where a person uses language undermines whether it is politically correct or incorrect. As seen, non-discriminatory language does play a very important role in our current 21st century. What of the attitudes?
Not a bad essay.

A few quick things:

- It's too short. 600 words is pretty short, especially if it was written un-timed but even if it was written under exam conditions you could probably hit 700-800 at least. Quality>Quantity, true, but I feel like you're limiting yourself in what you can discuss and the complexity of your discussion if it's this short.

- I don't feel like you've addressed the essay topic particularly well. The topic is about attitudes surrounding PC language, as well as its role in contemporary Australian society. You've addressed its role in the first paragraph, and kind of addressed attitudes in your third paragraph by looking at how the one comment can be perceived from different perspectives, but ultimately I feel like there's a lot you more you could've addressed. Attitudes towards political correctness itself for example -- you're basically contending that "political correctness is good" without offering an alternative viewpoint or perspective on the issue. While it is perfectly fine to agree with an essay topic, in a topic that like this that actually wants you to talk about attitudes it is definitely better to look at both sides of the coin.

- Interesting examples, which is good.

But really, just make sure you understand what the topic is arguing and that every single point you bring up is relevant and has a purpose in developing your argumentation.
« Last Edit: October 13, 2014, 08:59:02 am by psyxwar »
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lzxnl

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #152 on: October 13, 2014, 05:30:03 pm »
+3
Because I'm bored, I'll mark one essay. This isn't going to happen normally so don't hope for it.
Be as brutal as possible? You're going to regret saying that :P

Hi, will someone be able to give me feedback on my essay please? Thank you! Be as brutal as possible please.

Discuss the attitudes and opinions associated with ‘politically correct’ language. Is there a role for non-discriminatory language in the 21st century?

A language has many variations with ‘politically correct’ language being one of these multifarious variations. ‘Politically correct’ language is the use of language which aims to remove discrimination against politically, socially or economically disadvantaged groups. Public domains have a very important role in addressing politically correct language in a similar way that our government has you haven't mentioned what the government does, so what 'similar way' are you talking about?. Individuals also have to know when and where to use this variety of language. With more and more social groups emerging in this 21st century, politically correct language is holding more prestige than ever.  You're being vague. I don't see how you've built your introduction up to your contention

Public domains have a very important role in upholding ‘politically correct’ language. Due to the vast amount of social groups present in these domains at a given time, it is important for the language present to remain as non-discriminatory as possible to avoid offence? To make you appear polite? To make you appear 'with the times'? Why is it important? Be clearer . Toilets for the disabled found at premium train stations have been recently retitled renamed? to “ambulant toilets” and similarly at RMIT University, they are now known as “accessibility toilets”. This shift away from the lexeme “disabled” aims to remove the negative connotation of having an impediment associated with the disabled community how does it do that? It does that by replacing the word with one with neutral connotations, and really what it's doing is shifting attention away from someone's disability . In addition, in recent years the adjective “spastic” has become so negatively connotated with offense to disabled people that ‘The Spastic Society of Victoria’ “had to change their name to ‘Scope’” (ABC, ‘Why the words matter’). In order to remove any form of discrimination to any social groups in public domains, ‘politically correct’ language is employed because it strives to be as neutral-based as possible. so, you haven't really analysed exactly how PC language works. You've touched upon it, but you need to explicitly mention how PC language is better

Politicians that play an integral role to running our nation also play an integral role in creating politically accepted language in our country. Last year, immigration minister Scott Morrison instructed immigration and detention centre staffs to refer to asylum seekers as “illegals” and clients of detention centres as “detainees”, dehumanising their human status and desire to seek refuge, which forces the general public to view these asylum seekers in the same way Really? Because the general public is naive enough to believe everything the media says? It's more it encourages people to share these views . This is because “[g]overnment agencies…try to stipulate what languages can be used for what purpose, [and] what forms of the language are acceptable” (Fasold, et al, 2006, stimulus) through presenting to the public what kind of language is “correct” in our society and manipulating the audience to adopt this variety of language. In today’s society, politicians have a very important role to play in enforcing ‘politically correct’ language as they are a huge influence to our nation. OK, this paragraph really didn't have enough content. You need at least another example or two here. I also don't like your quote. For starters, who is Fasold? I think that quote is better suited to political language, which isn't politically correct language

Individuals also play a part in using non-discriminatory language, however not everyone has a universal agreement in regards to the use of this language variety. Herald Sun columnist Andrew Bolt sparked controversy when, during a comment, he mentioned that the subject of concern that “she [a while Indigenous female] chooses her Aboriginal identity”. You've jumped a bit into examples here However, on the contrary, some of the readers were very happy with how direct the mention of “Aboriginal” was, as opposed to covering the use of this lexeme with euphemisms. Furthermore, the use of racist language also receives many opposing views. For example, in an Asian-dense suburb in the outer region of Melbourne, it is acceptable for them to refer to themselves as “yellow” but in the presence of a non-Asian person, it is unacceptable to do so as it is not ‘politically correct’. The language used by a person can either be discriminatory or non-discriminatory depending on the person using it and the context of where it is used. Again, not enough content here. I'm not sure what point you're trying to make either as I really don't think Asians would find that offensive. I am one.

Non-discriminatory language is used different people in different circumstance. Public places provide a very important platform for the use of non-discriminatory language. Politicians use politically correct language to address different ideas. How and where a person uses language undermines whether it is politically correct or incorrect undermines!? You mean 'determines'? . As seen, non-discriminatory language does play a very important role in our current 21st century.



You've presented an understanding of the subject material in this essay. However, there are (at least) the following flaws:
1. More content would greatly strengthen this response
2. Your phrasing is a little awkward at times
3. I feel you've misinterpreted the question. It's not 'who is using this language and how they are using it'; rather, it's 'what does PC language do, what are its objectives and what's wrong with it?' There are well-publicised instances of 'PC gone mad' when people feel PC language is a ridiculous violation of someone's freedom of speech by being unreasonable, and sometimes PC is offensive
4. You haven't really touched on discriminatory language enough I feel. You only mention racism and you've touched upon discrimination against disabled people, but you don't go deep enough into detail. What is the problem with calling people 'Aboriginal'? Indeed, what's wrong with calling Adam Goodes an 'ape' from last year? You need to analyse exactly why such language is offensive and why people get around it. In other words, you haven't established the need for non-discriminatory language very well here.

I'm no expert on giving marks, but it'd be hard to give a 10/15 for this essay.

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psyxwar

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #153 on: October 13, 2014, 05:48:05 pm »
+1
Thought I might revive this thread. Below is a commentary, text used is from VCAA 2001 (http://www.vcaa.vic.edu.au/Documents/exams/englishlanguage/englang2001.pdf), I did the Section 2 text.

Feel free to absolutely rip it to shreds, don't worry about my feelings :D I feel like my writing goes out the window when I have to write it timed and it ends up being shallow and repetitive...

On that note 2014 ELers post up your stuff and we can all mark eachother's work so we can all improve :D.

Section B - VCAA 2001 Commentary (Section 2, Text 3)
Wordcount: 703 words Time: 45 min

The text is a transcript of an extract from an ABC radio commentary of the Men's 400 Freestyle Swimming Race at the Sydney Olympics on 16 September 2000. There are three interlocutors: A, B and M. A and B are regular sports commentators on ABC radio, whilst M is an expert guest commentator who is also a swimmer. Being a radio commentary, the text's function is referential in describing the race as it happens and this is exemplified through the predominant use of the present tense throughout.  A is the dominant interlocutor in the text, delivering the bulk of the commentary, while B and M play a more supportive role. The audience is likely to be comprised of Australian swimming fans, and the text's register is relatively informal.

The text's social purpose in describing the race as it happens is reflected by the language used. The present tense permeates the whole transcript, and this coupled with the active voice helps immerse the audience in the race, making them feel as if they are there watching the race themselves. This is exemplified when A says "Rosolino is in second place" (10);  here the use of the present tense verb "is" captures a sense of currency, helping keep the audience on the edge of their seat. Parataxis is also frequently used by A, for example in lines 25-28 "Coman is in third, and..., and there's a terrific battle for the minor placings'. [240 words, end of page 1] This paratactic style both is indicative of its unplanned nature, but also enables A to effectively describe what is happening in the race as it happens with little effort - more information can easily be threaded on simply through adding another coordinating conjunction.

The context of the text is also reflected by the text's stylistic features. The use of the surnames of the athletes to refer to them requires inference to understand, with proper nouns such as "Rosolino" (10), "Hacket" (11), and "Coman" (28) used without elaboration. This is reflective of the target audience of swimming fans, who are expected to know who these athletes are. Furthermore, the use of the hypocorism "Thorpie" (2) by B highlights that the commentators are Australian; "Thorpie" is an Australian nickname for the swimmer, and this illuminates the identity of the commentators. Furthermore, use of swimming jargon such as "sprinting" (3) reflects the expertise of the commentators regarding swimming, and in relation to the audience, is able to convey what is happening concisely and accurately through relying on inference.

The turn taking of the piece reflects its text type as a sports commentary. Speaker A is dominant throughout and this is perhaps indicative of him being the senior sports commentator. [206 words, end of page 2] B plays a supportive role, for example after A says "he goes through in forty five o nine" (21), B adds "two seconds under the world record" (22), providing some additional information to the reader in helping them appreciate just how well Ian Thorpe was swimming. Speaker M, as the expert guest commentator, does not speak often. He does give his opinion on how Ian Thorpe is going in line 5-7 after being prompted by B via a direct interrogative "Is he Mark?". This shows M's expertise in the field of swimming, because B is clarifying his interpretation with M. A employs the rising intonation frequently to hold the floor, for example "but now Ian Thorpe" (16) and this coupled with an extensive use of parataxis signals to the other interlocutors he still intends to speak. There is only one instance of overlap in the whole text in lines 64-65, which is due to a timing error as evidenced by A stopping and letting B finish, This is evidence of a cooperative discourse .

The prosody of the commentators reflects their emotions and excitement. B employs emphatic stress in line 1 "this is inc^redible" which emphasises the adjective "incredible" and hence conveys how amazing Ian Thorpe's performance is. A's increase in volume in lines 32 "<F what a sensational swimmer he is F>" shows his excitement over Thorpe's inevitable victory and his emotional investment into the race [236 words, end of page 3]. This is perhaps done to enthuse listeners and to make them more engaged in the race knowing it is nearing its climax .

Noooo mr lznxl pls mark mine too :'(
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dannynips

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #154 on: October 13, 2014, 06:02:27 pm »
+1

Thought I might revive this thread. Below is a commentary, text used is from VCAA 2001 (http://www.vcaa.vic.edu.au/Documents/exams/englishlanguage/englang2001.pdf), I did the Section 2 text.

Feel free to absolutely rip it to shreds, don't worry about my feelings :D I feel like my writing goes out the window when I have to write it timed and it ends up being shallow and repetitive...

On that note 2014 ELers post up your stuff and we can all mark eachother's work so we can all improve :D.

Section B - VCAA 2001 Commentary (Section 2, Text 3)
Wordcount: 703 words Time: 45 min

The text is a transcript of an extract from an ABC radio commentary of the Men's 400 Freestyle Swimming Race at the Sydney Olympics on 16 September 2000. There are three interlocutors: A, B and M. A and B are regular sports commentators on ABC radio, whilst M is an expert guest commentator who is also a swimmer. Being a radio commentary, the text's function is referential in describing the race as it happens and this is exemplified through the predominant use of the present tense throughout.  A is the dominant interlocutor in the text, delivering the bulk of the commentary, while B and M play a more supportive role. The audience is likely to be comprised of Australian swimming fans, and the text's register is relatively informal.

The text's social purpose in describing the race as it happens is reflected by the language used. The present tense permeates the whole transcript, and this coupled with the active voice helps immerse the audience in the race, making them feel as if they are there watching the race themselves. This is exemplified when A says "Rosolino is in second place" (10);  here the use of the present tense verb "is" captures a sense of currency, helping keep the audience on the edge of their seat. Parataxis is also frequently used by A, for example in lines 25-28 "Coman is in third, and..., and there's a terrific battle for the minor placings'. [240 words, end of page 1] This paratactic style both is indicative of its unplanned nature, but also enables A to effectively describe what is happening in the race as it happens with little effort - more information can easily be threaded on simply through adding another coordinating conjunction.

The context of the text is also reflected by the text's stylistic features. The use of the surnames of the athletes to refer to them requires inference to understand, with proper nouns such as "Rosolino" (10), "Hacket" (11), and "Coman" (28) used without elaboration. This is reflective of the target audience of swimming fans, who are expected to know who these athletes are. Furthermore, the use of the hypocorism "Thorpie" (2) by B highlights that the commentators are Australian; "Thorpie" is an Australian nickname for the swimmer, and this illuminates the identity of the commentators. Furthermore, use of swimming jargon such as "sprinting" (3) reflects the expertise of the commentators regarding swimming, and in relation to the audience, is able to convey what is happening concisely and accurately through relying on inference.

The turn taking of the piece reflects its text type as a sports commentary. Speaker A is dominant throughout and this is perhaps indicative of him being the senior sports commentator. [206 words, end of page 2] B plays a supportive role, for example after A says "he goes through in forty five o nine" (21), B adds "two seconds under the world record" (22), providing some additional information to the reader in helping them appreciate just how well Ian Thorpe was swimming. Speaker M, as the expert guest commentator, does not speak often. He does give his opinion on how Ian Thorpe is going in line 5-7 after being prompted by B via a direct interrogative "Is he Mark?". This shows M's expertise in the field of swimming, because B is clarifying his interpretation with M. A employs the rising intonation frequently to hold the floor, for example "but now Ian Thorpe" (16) and this coupled with an extensive use of parataxis signals to the other interlocutors he still intends to speak. There is only one instance of overlap in the whole text in lines 64-65, which is due to a timing error as evidenced by A stopping and letting B finish, This is evidence of a cooperative discourse .

The prosody of the commentators reflects their emotions and excitement. B employs emphatic stress in line 1 "this is inc^redible" which emphasises the adjective "incredible" and hence conveys how amazing Ian Thorpe's performance is. A's increase in volume in lines 32 "<F what a sensational swimmer he is F>" shows his excitement over Thorpe's inevitable victory and his emotional investment into the race [236 words, end of page 3]. This is perhaps done to enthuse listeners and to make them more engaged in the race knowing it is nearing its climax .




I had a read and I only get about 12 or 11 for my own language analyses but i thought your commentary was good. especially the syntax paragraph (present tense plus parataxis to aid referential function). Good use of meta language throughout. I'm not sure how to provide helpful feedback, but I would have talked about the sarcastic "are you sure it's not a hundred and seventeen thousand" comment referring to the incredible uproar made from the 17000 viewing the spectacle.
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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #155 on: October 13, 2014, 06:14:31 pm »
+4
Section B - VCAA 2001 Commentary (Section 2, Text 3)]
Wordcount: 703 words Time: 45 min

The text is a transcript of an extract from an ABC radio commentary of the Men's 400 Freestyle Swimming Race at the Sydney Olympics on 16 September 2000. There are three interlocutors: A, B and M. A and B are regular sports commentators on ABC radio Include their purpose e.g. to describe the race for listeners, whilst M is an expert guest commentator who is also a swimmer What is his purpose? e.g. to provide for casual insight...to fill in between breaks or silences...etc. Being a radio commentary, the text's function is referential in describing the race as it happens and this is exemplified through the predominant use of the present tense throughout.  A is the dominant interlocutor in the text, delivering the bulk of the commentary, while B and M play a more supportive role B is the secondary commentator whereas M may play the more supportive role. The audience is likely to be comprised of Australian swimming fans, and the text's register is relatively informal.

The text's social purpose in describing the race as it happens is reflected by the language used. Expression here could improve... e.g. The social purpose of the commentary is to describe the live race for listeners and this is reflected through the language use.The present tense permeates the whole transcript, and this coupled with the active voice helps immerse the audience in the race, making them feel as if they are there watching the race themselves. This is exemplified when A says "Rosolino is in second place" (10);  here the use of the present tense verb "is" captures a sense of currency Wrong word, perhaps you could say it reflects the live commentary purpose, helping keep the audience on the edge of their seat This idiom might be too informal...being critical here haha, perhaps say it ensures the audience is engaged which keeps them from changing the radio. Parataxis is also frequently used by A, for example in lines 25-28 "Coman is in third, and..., and there's a terrific battle for the minor placings'. [240 words, end of page 1] This paratactic style both is indicative of its the unplanned nature of the commentary, but and also enables A to effectively describe what is happening in the race as it happens with little effort unfolds- more information can easily/simply be threaded on simply through adding another coordinating conjunction.

The context of the text is also reflected by the text's stylistic features Try not to use 'text' twice in one sentence, especially with 'context'. The use of the surnames of the athletes to refer to them requires inference to understand Improve expression e.g. Referring to the athletes by their surnames..., with proper nouns such as "Rosolino" (10), "Hacket" (11), and "Coman" (28) used without elaboration Perhaps explain this e.g. This inference would be easily identified by listeners who are aware of the commentator's use of vocatives to refer to the swimmers. This is reflective of the target audience of swimming fans, who are expected to know who these athletes are. Furthermore, the use of the hypocorism "Thorpie" (2) by B highlights that the commentators are Australian; "Thorpie" is an Australian nickname for the swimmer, and this illuminates the identity of the commentators It also reflects the name that Australia has admirably given to Ian Thorpe, therefore it is used in place of Thorpe by the commentators because it is more easily identifiable by listeners. Furthermore, use of swimming jargon such as "sprinting" (3) reflects the expertise of the commentators regarding swimming, and in relation to the audience, is able to convey what is happening concisely and accurately through relying on inference.

The turn taking of the piece reflects its text type as a sports commentary. Speaker A is dominant throughout and this is perhaps indicative of him being the senior sports commentator. [206 words, end of page 2] B plays a supportive role, for example after A says "he goes through in forty five o nine" (21), B adds "two seconds under the world record" (22), providing some additional information to the reader listener in helping them appreciate just how well Ian Thorpe was swimming This additional info provides for insight and interesting info so the radio commentary gains credibility. Speaker M, as the expert guest commentator, does not speak often Use linguistic terms, e.g. is not involved in the discourse. He does give his opinion on how Ian Thorpe is going in line 5-7 after being prompted by B via a direct interrogative "Is he Mark?". This shows M's expertise in the field of swimming, because B is clarifying his interpretation with M. A employs the rising intonation frequently to hold the floor, for example "but now Ian Thorpe" (16) and this coupled with an extensive use of parataxis signals to the other interlocutors he still intends to speak. There is only one instance of overlap in the whole text in lines 64-65, which is due to a timing error as evidenced by A stopping and letting B finish, This is evidence of a cooperative discourse .It demonstrates a cooperative discourse that must flow well for the convenience of listeners.

The prosody of the commentators reflects their emotions and excitement Too vague...perhaps talk about how prosodic features are important as it effectively communicates with the listeners. B employs emphatic stress in line 1 "this is inc^redible" which emphasises the adjective "incredible" and hence conveys how amazing This sounds so informal haha, maybe say that it puts emphasis or use the nominalised noun 'amazement' e.g. conveys his amazement of Ian Thorpe's performance Ian Thorpe's performance is. A's increase in volume in lines 32 "<F what a sensational swimmer he is F>" shows his excitement over Thorpe's inevitable victory and his emotional investment into the race [236 words, end of page 3]. This is perhaps done to enthuse listeners and to make them more engaged in the race knowing it is nearing its climax Connect this to the purpose e.g. it allows listeners to visualise what is happening .

Good effort for 45 minutes under timed conditions. There are some aspects to your introduction that you do not discuss in your analysis, for example, how is the text informal? Prosody is very important in this text, so I would have focused more on that, rather than maybe the stylistic features.
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dannynips

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #156 on: October 13, 2014, 06:24:25 pm »
0


Do you think you could assess my essay? i really like the way you give feedback and am learning from your feedback to others so thanks!

here is my essy: - 55 mins 795 words -- also if you could provide a ballpark marking for it thatd be awesome (i know its hard to do and doesnt matter if youre way off or anything but just wanna know)

TOPIC: What does Australian English look and sound like today, and how does it reflect our identity as a nation?
[STIMULUS SHOULD BE ATTACHED]

Australian English is a major variety of English used across Australia, containing many distinct linguistic features making it look and sound unique to other Englishes. It serves as a fundamental token of the Australian national identity and is forever adapting to reflect this ever-changing notion. The Australian accent is arguably our most salient feature which has undergone great change and is an important bearer of history in regards to our identity. Australia’s use of slang and taboo language contribute to manifesting the national identity. The multiculturalism of Australia has bred many ethnolect varieties enriching the perceived Australian identity. Language use in Australia has adapted and currently is indubitably an important medium to express the modern Australian identity.

The Australian English vernacular reflects the history of the nation and the values that are instilled in Australians. The abstract noun ‘mateship’ or the common noun ‘larrikin’ are examples of distinctly Australian lexis which reflect the self-perception of the Australian identity as they value solidarity and comradery (mateship) and actually endorse boisterousness and cheekiness within a good hearted person (the modern idea of a larrikin). Instead of adopting the rhotic emphasis on /r/ that Americans are characterised by, Australians have continued to pronounce words like butter as /bʌtə/ showing the Australian perception of being laid back, easy going and unwilling to conform to American pronunciation.  The broad Australian accent is internationally recognised as being iconically Australian, despite it only being spoken by the minority today. The accent veered up the continuum towards the more prestigious cultivated accent late 19th century as an inflow of British immigrants arrived and the Received Pronunciation became prominent. Then during the First World War, in order to distinguish Australians from the British the accent moved away from cultivated towards broad again which played a significant part in developing the Australian identity. The general accent is the middle ground and is the most popular accent spoken nowadays in Australia by roughly 80 per cent of the population. This accent is as Bruce Moore describes it, our “bearer of history” and maintains our identity by still sounding undeniably Australian but avoids the negative stigma often associated with the broad accent.

An underlying aspect of Australian English is the inventive and spontaneous use of colloquial language particularly in regards to swearing allowing us to invoke humour and reflect our values of informality and mateship. Australians take pride and show morphological innovation in their use of diminutives such as ‘servo’ for service station and the more taboo word formations such as ‘shit-faced’ for drunk. Dave Hughes demonstrated this bold sense of humour in last year’s Melbourne Comedy Festival when he employed the innovative expletive ‘whoop-de-fucking-do’. Our fondness for such colloquial usage transcends our counterparts in British and American English, which demonstrates the Australian identity and how easy-going and laid-back we are in the way we see humour from irreverent language.  One only has to look at the plethora of idioms used in Australian English to sense our colloquial and humorous personalities. At a recent funeral I attended, the idiomatic expression “even though he’s carked it, he’s still here with us,” was used, showing that even in the most formal and sincere of contexts this characteristic of Australian English is present and playful colloquial language is therefore  an innate characteristic of our identity.

Australia has developed becoming increasingly multicultural morphing our national identity to an egalitarian society. Waves of immigration entering Australia late in the 20th century brought many different cultures and ethnolects into Australian English. These ethnolects have entrenched themselves into Australian society deriving many of their linguistic features from the speaker’s first language. One example is the South Asian ethnolect which is characterised by the monophthongisation of the phonemes [oʊ] and [eɪ] to [ɔ:] and [e:] respectively, given that the South Asian languages are devoid of diphthongs. These differences mark group boundaries and symbolise identity by differentiating them from other English varieties. As a nation, the numerous accents and ethnolects present help shape the Australian identity as diverse and welcoming of other cultures. Many film-makers fail to recognise how Australian English looks and sounds today and continue to display Australia with the one iconic Australian accent. However, the modern egalitarian identity has been recognised by the Australian community and pleas for a wider array of accents to be represented have been seen. This strongly demonstrates how the large abundance of varieties in Australian English reflects the diverse and multicultural identity of the nation.

Australian English contains its own distinct look and sound. Its unique look regarding lexis, taboo language and idioms reflect the united, relaxed and humorous nature of the Australian identity. The iconic sound of the Australian accent and the myriad of ethnolects hold the essence of Australian history and construct the egalitarian national identity.


THANK YOU :)
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aqple

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #157 on: October 13, 2014, 06:28:23 pm »
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I would be happy to, I'll have a good look tomorrow okay?  :)
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dannynips

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #158 on: October 13, 2014, 07:49:40 pm »
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I would be happy to, I'll have a good look tomorrow okay?  :)

Yeah no worries. Thanks
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psyxwar

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #159 on: October 13, 2014, 08:09:52 pm »
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Good effort for 45 minutes under timed conditions. There are some aspects to your introduction that you do not discuss in your analysis, for example, how is the text informal? Prosody is very important in this text, so I would have focused more on that, rather than maybe the stylistic features.
Thanks aqple <3 will defs keep the feedback in mind
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aqple

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #160 on: October 14, 2014, 05:26:46 pm »
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TOPIC: What does Australian English look and sound like today, and how does it reflect our identity as a nation?
[STIMULUS SHOULD BE ATTACHED]

Australian English is a major variety of English used across Australia, containing many distinct linguistic features making it look and sound unique to other Englishes. It serves as a fundamental token of the Australian national identity and is forever adapting to reflect this ever-changing notion. Great, maybe explain this in terms of how we see ourselves and the identity we desire to promote. The Australian accent is arguably our most salient feature which has undergone great change and is an important bearer of history in regards to our identity. Australia’s use of slang and taboo language contribute to manifesting the national identity Perhaps be more specific, e.g. displays attitudes and character. The multiculturalism of Australia has bred many ethnolect varieties enriching the perceived Australian identity. Language use in Australia has adapted and currently is indubitably an important medium to express the modern Australian identity. Strong introduction.

The Australian English vernacular reflects the history of the nation and the values that are instilled in Australians. The abstract noun ‘mateship’ or the common noun ‘larrikin’ are examples of distinctly Australian lexis which reflect the self-perception of the Australian identity as they value solidarity and comradery (mateship) and actually endorse boisterousness and cheekiness within a good hearted person (the modern idea of a larrikin) How does this reflect our attitudes? E.g. laid-back, friendly. Instead of adopting the rhotic emphasis on /r/ that Americans are characterised by, Australians have continued to pronounce words like butter as /bʌtə/ showing the Australian perception of being laid back, easy going and unwilling to conform to American pronunciation You could discuss how regardless of the increasing influence of Americanisms, e.g. using the words 'dude' and 'buddy' instead of 'mate', we still keep our uniquely Australian accent.  The broad Australian accent is internationally recognised as being iconically Australian, despite it only being spoken by the minority today. The accent veered up the continuum towards the more prestigious cultivated accent late 19th century as an inflow of British immigrants arrived and the Received Pronunciation became prominent. Then during the First World War, in order to distinguish Australians from the British the accent moved away from cultivated towards broad again which played a significant part in developing the Australian identity. The general accent is the middle ground and is the most popular accent spoken nowadays in Australia by roughly 80 per cent of the population. What would strengthen your response here would be to give examples of public figures who have these accents. This accent is as Bruce Moore describes it, our “bearer of history” and maintains our identity by still sounding undeniably Australian but avoids the negative stigma often associated with the broad accent. The general accent is widely accepted as the standard, you could discuss attitudes - such as avoiding the broad accent because it is 'low-class' and the cultivated because it is seen as 'snobby' and what this says about our identity. And perhaps use media examples to back up your claims, e.g. Columnist Gary Nunn declared that the convergence of the accents is due to 'the rise of the Australian middle class', while linguist Rob Pensalfini puts the blame on globalisation.

An underlying aspect of Australian English is the inventive and spontaneous use of colloquial language particularly in regards to swearing, allowing us to invoke humour and reflect our values of informality and mateship. Australians take pride and show morphological innovation in their use of diminutives such as ‘servo’ for service station and the more taboo word formations such as ‘shit-faced’ for drunk. Dave Hughes demonstrated this bold sense of humour in last year’s Melbourne Comedy Festival when he employed the innovative expletive ‘whoop-de-fucking-do’. Our fondness for such colloquial usage transcends our counterparts in British and American English, which demonstrates the Australian identity and how easy-going and laid-back we are in the way we see humour from irreverent language.  One only has to look at the plethora of idioms used in Australian English to sense our colloquial and humorous personalities. At a recent funeral I attended, the idiomatic expression “even though he’s carked it, he’s still here with us,” was used, showing that even in the most formal and sincere of contexts this characteristic of Australian English is present, therefore and playful colloquial language is therefore an innate characteristic of our identity. You're personal anecdote blends in well, it doesn't seem forced. A good academic reference you could use is Professor Roly Sussex who suggested Australia's tendency to use dysphemism is attributed to our general 'laid-back' quality to social behaviour. You could even discuss how despite the rise in political correctness and sensitivity towards offending others, we still continue to swear more so than other nations. Recent media examples such as Eddie McGuire's 'c-bomb' on live television was shrugged off my the public, demonstrating our identity.

Australia has developed becoming become increasingly multicultural, morphing our national identity to an egalitarian society Improve express e.g. ...reinforcing the egalitarian attitude of our national identity. Waves of immigration entering Australia late in the 20th century brought many different cultures and ethnolects into Australian English. These ethnolects have entrenched themselves into Australian society, deriving many of their linguistic features from the speaker’s first language. One example is the South Asian ethnolect which is characterised by the monophthongisation of the phonemes [oʊ] and [eɪ] to [ɔ:] and [e:] respectively, given that the South Asian languages are devoid of diphthongs Can you give an example of anyone who speaks this way?. These differences mark group boundaries and symbolise identity by differentiating them from other English varieties. As a nation, the numerous accents and ethnolects present help shape the Australian identity as diverse and welcoming of other cultures. Many film-makers fail to recognise how Australian English looks and sounds today and continue to display Australia with the one iconic Australian accent. However, the modern egalitarian identity has been recognised by the Australian community and pleas for a wider array of accents to be represented have been seen. This strongly demonstrates how the large abundance of varieties in Australian English reflects the diverse and multicultural identity of the nation.

Australian English contains its own distinct look and sound. Its unique look regarding lexis, taboo language and idioms reflect the united, relaxed and humorous nature of the Australian identity. The iconic sound of the Australian accent and the myriad of ethnolects hold the essence of Australian history and construct the egalitarian national identity.

Nice work. You consistently refer back to national identity. I would give this essay 12-13/15.
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dannynips

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #161 on: October 14, 2014, 05:28:26 pm »
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Nice work. You consistently refer back to national identity. I would give this essay 12-13/15.

Okay thanks heaps for that
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dannynips

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #162 on: October 14, 2014, 05:29:23 pm »
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Nice work. You consistently refer back to national identity. I would give this essay 12-13/15.

Btw  my teacher (who highly dislikes me) gave me a 10 for this essay :(

(It was a SAC)
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aqple

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #163 on: October 14, 2014, 05:35:04 pm »
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Btw  my teacher (who highly dislikes me) gave me a 10 for this essay :(

(It was a SAC)

Did you write exactly the above essay in your SAC?
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dannynips

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #164 on: October 14, 2014, 05:35:45 pm »
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Word for word. Full stop for full stop
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