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aqple

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Re: Essay help
« Reply #135 on: August 12, 2014, 05:15:10 pm »
+1
-Overall, good work. You've addressed both written and spoken texts, which is great.

-Ethnolects would be a good paragraph to include because a main aspect of Australia is its multiculturalism.

-The word ‘butter’ is an example of both non-rhotic speech and flapping, the flapping part is the ‘tt’ and the non-rhotic is the ‘r’ at the end. What you’ve had in your essay is fine.

 -Para 1: When I say there needs to be more linking to the essay question, I mean for the points you make, what does it show about our national identity? For example, you mention that the general accent is the most popular accent, why? You need to say for example that the rise in the middle class and globalisation has influenced a merging of the three distinctive Australian accents, therefore the general accent dominates. This paragraph could be split into two because the first section about our values does not necessarily connect well with the accent section.

-Para 2: Good examples. A more recent example you could use is the PTV on-the-spot fines ad which is relatively formal, but uses the Australian colloquial term 'freeloaders' to appeal to the wider public.

-Para 3: What exactly does our tendency to adopt Americanisms reveal about our identity and attitude? Does this mean we do not appreciate our own culture? You do mention that our national identity is evolving but you do not mention what the identity is in regards to Americanisms.

-Conclusion: Short and sweet and rounds up your essay well.

Hope this was helpful  :)
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dannynips

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Re: Essay help
« Reply #136 on: August 13, 2014, 10:24:30 pm »
0

-Overall, good work. You've addressed both written and spoken texts, which is great.

-Ethnolects would be a good paragraph to include because a main aspect of Australia is its multiculturalism.

-The word ‘butter’ is an example of both non-rhotic speech and flapping, the flapping part is the ‘tt’ and the non-rhotic is the ‘r’ at the end. What you’ve had in your essay is fine.

 -Para 1: When I say there needs to be more linking to the essay question, I mean for the points you make, what does it show about our national identity? For example, you mention that the general accent is the most popular accent, why? You need to say for example that the rise in the middle class and globalisation has influenced a merging of the three distinctive Australian accents, therefore the general accent dominates. This paragraph could be split into two because the first section about our values does not necessarily connect well with the accent section.

-Para 2: Good examples. A more recent example you could use is the PTV on-the-spot fines ad which is relatively formal, but uses the Australian colloquial term 'freeloaders' to appeal to the wider public.

-Para 3: What exactly does our tendency to adopt Americanisms reveal about our identity and attitude? Does this mean we do not appreciate our own culture? You do mention that our national identity is evolving but you do not mention what the identity is in regards to Americanisms.

-Conclusion: Short and sweet and rounds up your essay well.

Hope this was helpful  :)


This was VERY HELPFUL. Thanks so much for your feedback. Very very helpful!
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dannynips

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Re: Essay help
« Reply #137 on: August 13, 2014, 10:38:32 pm »
0


Also, do you have other examples for essay like you PTV one? If love to hear them like Eddie mguires ape comments etc
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Bluegirl

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #138 on: August 20, 2014, 06:00:31 pm »
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Would anyone be able to give me feedback on my essay? It's basically my first proper one so any feedback would be  much appreciated.

Here's the essay topic
Quote
‘Your use of language sends out lots of little messages, not just about your level of education and where you come from, but about how youwould like to be perceived.’
Discuss with reference to at least two subsystems of language.
 Use the article “Add an accent and then stir” as well as the video clips from Alibrandi and My Fair Lady to respond to this topic.

Language is an expression of identity. It can reveal aspects of your age, background, socioeconomic status, identity, education and aspects of your personality. It can demonstrate how you want to be perceived by others. Swearing, taboo, racial slurs, discriminatory language, articulate speech, arrogance and different uses of language can prompt people to treat you in a certain way. Thus, intentionally and unintentionally, language use and accents can make people perceive you in a certain way; good and bad. A lot of language use and its perceptions are reliant on the context in which it is used, as well as the interlocutors involved. As Clare Kramsch says, “there is a natural connection between language and identity.”

In terms of lexicology, language choice can reveal a lot about a person’s identity and how they want to be perceived. The use of articulate formal language can convey a high level of education, articulation, knowledge, an upper class and intelligence. An example of this is when Josie Alibrandi from Looking for Alibrandi uses formal speech to express herself at the “Have a Say Day”. Jacob, however, uses humour and slang to engage the audience using informal speech. Despite being powerfully perceived by the audience (and not the judges), it identifies him as a public-school student, lower-class and more inferior than Josie. However, both are powerful in different ways and appeal to different groups in the audiences. In this clip, Josie has overt power and prestige due to using Standard English while Jacob has covert prestige, appealing to the minority group. Brendan Black says “When communicating with friends and family, vernacular language is more appropriate.” This is demonstrated through Jacob’s speech which was aimed at the students and his friends in the audience, thus being more powerful to them than the panel of judges.
Benjamin Lee Whorf said "language shapes the way we think, and determines what we think about". This perfectly demonstrates the way that language use can change what people think about you and how they perceive you. Other lexemes that can make people perceive you as lower class and inferior include using racial slurs, discriminatory language, expletives and politically incorrect language that damages others’ face. If an individual uses expletives, the person may want to be perceived as cool or angry; whether this is intentional or not.

Relating to phonetics and phonology, accents are a major expression of who you are. A broad accent, for example, may demonstrate that a person is from a lower-class, uneducated, ‘bogan-like’ and inferior. Henry Higgins from My Fair Lady says "The moment an Englishman speaks, it absolutely classifies him.” Eliza Doolittle’s accent, for example, gives the perception that she is lower-class, uneducated and shunned by many people who come across her. However, despite the way she is treated and how she speaks, she doesn't want to be treated as inferior as and less important than those of the upper class who have Received Pronunciation varieties. This conveys that an accent can indicate where a person is from due to regional variations in dialects and accents. It also argues with the statement that your language use demonstrates to people the way you want to be perceived. Some people’s language is unintentional and out of habit.

Another example of accent expressing who you are is the high-rising intonation characteristic of Australian speech; it identifies you as Australian. As Bill Hunter said, “Very few women use broad Australian accents, probably because it is associated with Australian masculinity.” This infers that women don’t use a broad accent because they don’t want to be perceived as masculine and unfeminine. Many aspects of gender variation occur due to how they want to be perceived. Women pay more compliments, ask more questions, make more effort to include others in the conversation and are more likely to use formal language. This shows that women tend to want to be perceived as more polite, respectful and generous than men due to stereotypes.

When individuals use certain lexemes, messages are sent out. They can be direct, indirect, using euphemisms and dysphemism, irony, metaphor, simile and other stylistic devices. Connotations are conveyed and they can be positive and negative. Each has different effects. These messages do convey the person you are through your attitudes, morals, beliefs, personality and the way you treat people and the way you want to be perceived. For example, if someone continually uses metaphors or sarcasm, they may want to be perceived as humorous, funny and down to earth.

Language expresses you, identifies you, conveys messages about you and makes you an individual. Depending on the context, these messages can be intentional, such as to build rapport, or accidental such as in a moment of anger and expletives are used. However, despite the various uses of language, it may not deliberately express the way you want to be perceived. Laurie Bauer: says, “What is called beauty in a language is more accurately seen as the prestige of its speakers.” This prestige differs between every individual due to their own language and life.




aqple

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #139 on: August 20, 2014, 06:45:28 pm »
+4
Would anyone be able to give me feedback on my essay? It's basically my first proper one so any feedback would be  much appreciated.

Here's the essay topic
Language is an expression of identity. It can reveal aspects of your age, background, socioeconomic status, identity, education and aspects of your personality. It can demonstrate how you want to be perceived by others. Swearing, taboo, racial slurs, discriminatory language, articulate speech, arrogance Too much listing, definitely avoid it. Examiners don't like it, it's lazy and different uses of language can prompt people to treat you Try to use 'speaker', or 'one' instead of a personal pronoun in a certain way. Thus, intentionally and unintentionally, language use and accents can make people perceive you in a certain way; good and bad Incorrect usage of the semi colon. A lot of language use I would argue ALL language use and its perceptions are reliant on the context in which it is used, as well as the interlocutors involved. As Clare Kramsch says, “there is a natural connection between language and identity.” This is not a complete sentence

In terms of lexicology, language Lexical choice can reveal a lot about a person’s identity and how they want to be perceived. The use of articulate formal language can convey a high level of education, articulation You already mention that it is articulate, knowledge, an upper class and intelligence. Again, try to avoid extensive listing in essays An example of this is when Josie Alibrandi from Looking for Alibrandi uses formal speech to express herself Too vague, the assessor would not understand at the “Have a Say Day”. Jacob, however on the other hand, uses humour and slang to engage the audience using informal speech Reword this, you have used 'use' twice. Despite being powerfully perceived ??? by the audience (and not the judges), it identifies him as a public-school student, lower-class and more inferior than Josie. However, both are powerful in different ways and appeal to different groups in the audiences. In this clip, Josie has overt power and prestige due to using Standard English while Jacob has covert prestige, appealing to the minority group. Brendan Black says “When communicating with friends and family, vernacular language is more appropriate.” Not a complete sentence, you have to link the quote with your own commentary This is demonstrated through Jacob’s speech which was aimed at the students and his friends in the audience, thus being more powerful Try 'appealing' or 'relatable' to them than the panel of judges.
Benjamin Lee Whorf said "language shapes the way we think, and determines what we think about" Again, not a complete sentence!!! This perfectly demonstrates the way that language use can change what people think about you and how they perceive you Avoid tautology, think about you and perceive you pretty much mean the same thing. Other lexemes that can make people perceive you as lower class and inferior include using racial slurs, discriminatory language, expletives and politically incorrect language that damages others’ face Ahhhhh! Please avoid listing like this! Haha. If an individual uses expletives, the person may want to be perceived as cool or angry; whether this is intentional or not Don't use the semi colon.

Relating to phonetics and phonology, accents are a major expression of who you are. A broad accent, for example, may demonstrate that a person is from a lower-class, uneducated, ‘bogan-like’ and inferior. Henry Higgins from My Fair Lady says "The moment an Englishman speaks, it absolutely classifies him.” Incomplete sentence Eliza Doolittle’s accent, for example, gives the perception that she is lower-class, uneducated and shunned by many people who come across her. However, despite the way she is treated and how she speaks, she doesn't want to be treated as inferior as and less important than those of the upper class who have Received Pronunciation varieties. This conveys that an accent can indicate where a person is from due to regional variations in dialects and accents. You need to elaborate more here, why do accents mark one's identity? You could talk about the stereotypes that are associated with certain accents and how embedded they are among society It also argues with the statement that your language use demonstrates to people the way you want to be perceived. Some people’s language is unintentional and out of habit. Yes but what point are you trying to make? With every point you make, you must elaborate in order to strengthen your essay

Another example of accent expressing who you are is the high-rising intonation characteristic of Australian speech; it identifies you as Australian. As Bill Hunter said, “Very few women use broad Australian accents, probably because it is associated with Australian masculinity.” Great use of quotes but again, attach the quote with something like 'in other words...' or 'highlighting...' so it doesn't look like you've just shoved a quote in the middle of your essay This infers that women don’t use a broad accent because they don’t want to be perceived as masculine and unfeminine. Many aspects of gender variation occur due to how they want to be perceived. Women pay more compliments, ask more questions, make more effort to include others in the conversation and are more likely to use formal language. This shows that women tend to want to be perceived as more polite, respectful and generous than men due to stereotypes. You should elaborate on self identity, and social expectations

When individuals use certain lexemes, messages are sent out. They can be direct, indirect, using euphemisms and dysphemism, irony, metaphor, simile and other stylistic devices You probably get the point but don't list!!!. Connotations are conveyed and they can be positive and negative. Each has different effects Avoid these incomplete sentences in essays, you need to use Standard English. These messages do convey the person you are through your attitudes, morals, beliefs, personality and the way you treat people and the way you want to be perceived. For example, if someone continually uses metaphors or sarcasm, they may want to be perceived as humorous, funny and down to earth. Too general. Back up the points you make rather than just stating them

Language expresses you, identifies you, conveys messages about you and makes you an individual. Depending on the context, these messages can be intentional, such as to build rapport, or accidental such as in a moment of anger This was not in your essay, your conclusion should only sum up what you've written and expletives are used. However, despite the various uses of language, it may not deliberately express the way you want to be perceived. Laurie Bauer: says, “What is called beauty in a language is more accurately seen as the prestige of its speakers.” This prestige differs between every individual due to their own language and life.

Good start. Try to use contemporary real life examples in Australia. Do not list, it is considered lazy and it gets your essay nowhere. Avoid incomplete sentences - you've used a number of great quotes without elaborating on them, this looks like you've just randomly placed a quote in your essay. Hope this is helpful  :)
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Bluegirl

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #140 on: August 20, 2014, 07:01:07 pm »
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Good start. Try to use contemporary real life examples in Australia. Do not list, it is considered lazy and it gets your essay nowhere. Avoid incomplete sentences - you've used a number of great quotes without elaborating on them, this looks like you've just randomly placed a quote in your essay. Hope this is helpful  :)

Thankyou for the taking the time out to look at it! Very helpful advice :)

Instead of listing, what would I do instead to get my ideas across?

How do I collect relevant examples?
« Last Edit: August 20, 2014, 07:04:52 pm by Bluegirl »

aqple

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #141 on: August 20, 2014, 07:29:58 pm »
+2
Thankyou for the taking the time out to look at it! Very helpful advice :)

Instead of listing, what would I do instead to get my ideas across?

How do I collect relevant examples?

Instead of listing, make a point and support it with an example and/or commentary. It's just that you list a range of things without having meaning to them. So, use examples and explain. Have a read of the high-scoring responses on the past examination reports to get a better idea.

Examples can be taken from anywhere! For accents, you could use well-known Australian people, so some footy player who has a Broad accent and Judy Davis or Quentin Bryce who have Cultivated accents and what this reflects about the person's identity (age, background). Have you seen any of Chris Lilley's mockumentaries? For example, Daniel from We Can Be Heroes has a Broad accent which can be attributed to coming from a rural area, Ja'mie King as a teenager uses the High Rising Terminal, Jonah Hill uses covert prestige, etc. So you can use anyone from television, films, media, etc, incorporating them in your essay will strengthen it. Why do politicians choose to use formal or informal language? Find examples, such as Chief of the Defence Force, Air Chief Marshal Binskin, using highly formal language to address a soldier who died last month in Afghanistan, but he used 'mate' to demonstrate his Australian identity. Good luck!
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joecantwell

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Mark My ESSAY
« Reply #142 on: August 25, 2014, 06:42:35 pm »
0
Any Type of Feedback would be great

Australian English cannot be described as a truly homogenous language.Discuss in relation to cultural and linguistic diversity in contemporary Australia.

Australian English is not able to be described as one form of language.This is due to cultural and language diversity in contemoratory Australian which leads to language variation in Australian English.Migrant ethnolects allow for diversity and aboriginal English is of common use in the Australian vencular.As well as this American English and other international ethnolects are leading to conformity due to the nature and power they have over Australian English.

Migrant ethnolects are common in Australian English and give it diversity.Migrant ethnolects hold covert prestige due to it reflecting their linguistic and cultural identity as well as showing evidence of assimilation into English speaking society.The covert prestige they hold outlines them as a migrant ethnolect and creates identity that reflects there cultural ties.In the Greek migrant ethnolect there are various distinctive features such as the omissions of the auxiliary verb which separate the vernacular of the greeks language use which sculpts a distinct identity for them.The movie Wog Boy added ‘Ethnic diversity and richness to a society’(Prompt 1) due to the the use of migrant greek ethnolect used in a Australian English context.This increased the popularity of migrant ethnolects such as the greek ethnolect in Australian English which leads to more language variation in modern society.This variation of Australian English leads to it not being able to be described as one whole form of language due to the constant variation.The article by Inga Ting called ‘Talk of the Town’ discuss that in countries that Australia is extremely multicultural.In this article there was talk about the ‘shift to multiculturalism’ (Ting 2014) which was a turning point for the Australian English vernacular and cementing it as a multi culture language and non homogeneous.

Aboriginal Australian English is off common use in the Australian vernacular.The Ethnolect of aboriginal Australian English is used predominantly by the Australian Aboriginal uses is commonly used in a variety of context and creating another form of Australian language.The ‘Quit’ campaign is an example of the Aboriginal English being used in contemporary media.The Quit campaign uses aboriginal English throughout to reduce social distance with the audience which are aboriginal smokers.Examples of how aboriginal English is used to reduce social distance as well as enhancing mutual intelligibility include the slogan they used which is ‘smoking, no good aye’ (Australian Gov, Quit campaign 2013).There are also many borrowed expressions that are relevant in  Australian English which destroys the standard of Australian English which turns it into a multi linguistic language.Borrowed expressions are largely driven by need and include cultural terms, an example of a commonly used borrowed expression is boomerang.Culturally significant expressions such as these identifies individuals as Australian due to Australian being a diverse country and ‘we are the words we use’(Prompt 4).Aboriginal english is used commonly media means which leads it do being a form of Australian English which there are already are various forms.

American English and other international ethnolects are used in Australian language in a common bases and blends in with Australian English features.‘Australian English..Embraces all of these various dictational types’ (Macquarie university 2006) and this leads to conformity.Iggy Azalea was put under security by Ben Tarwick-Smith in a article he wrote about her using ‘linguistic theft’ (Smith 2014) to broaden her audience and grow her popularity to a greater extent.These uses of conformity of the powerful American English are common in modern society to enhance group member ship, such as Iggy Azalea did when using American Language in her music.This incentives to conform to American English means it will be a common feature in Australian English leading it to being non-Homogenous.Teen speck is common in Australian English and adds diversity to the more standard Australian English.Puberty Blues is a popularity Australian T.V show and teen speck is very common among the characters.In puberty blues there are frequent  use of colloquialisms which are common in teen speck such as ‘mole’(puberty blues 2013).The variety of Australian English as well as conforming to international dialects leads to varying forms of Australian English.

Australian English is a non-homogenous language due to the forms of language that exist in the Australian English language.With the cultural diversity that is added by migrant ethnolects as well as aboriginal English there are many forms of the langage.The use of teen speck leads to variety in Australian English as well as conforming to more powerful language such as American English leads to many forms of the language.


joecantwell

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #143 on: August 25, 2014, 06:49:34 pm »
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Any Type of Feedback would be great And maybe even a mark out of 20 would be awesome

Australian English cannot be described as a truly homogenous language.Discuss in relation to cultural and linguistic diversity in contemporary Australia.

Australian English is not able to be described as one form of language.This is due to cultural and language diversity in contemoratory Australian which leads to language variation in Australian English.Migrant ethnolects allow for diversity and aboriginal English is of common use in the Australian vencular.As well as this American English and other international ethnolects are leading to conformity due to the nature and power they have over Australian English.

Migrant ethnolects are common in Australian English and give it diversity.Migrant ethnolects hold covert prestige due to it reflecting their linguistic and cultural identity as well as showing evidence of assimilation into English speaking society.The covert prestige they hold outlines them as a migrant ethnolect and creates identity that reflects there cultural ties.In the Greek migrant ethnolect there are various distinctive features such as the omissions of the auxiliary verb which separate the vernacular of the greeks language use which sculpts a distinct identity for them.The movie Wog Boy added ‘Ethnic diversity and richness to a society’(Prompt 1) due to the the use of migrant greek ethnolect used in a Australian English context.This increased the popularity of migrant ethnolects such as the greek ethnolect in Australian English which leads to more language variation in modern society.This variation of Australian English leads to it not being able to be described as one whole form of language due to the constant variation.The article by Inga Ting called ‘Talk of the Town’ discuss that in countries that Australia is extremely multicultural.In this article there was talk about the ‘shift to multiculturalism’ (Ting 2014) which was a turning point for the Australian English vernacular and cementing it as a multi culture language and non homogeneous.

Aboriginal Australian English is off common use in the Australian vernacular.The Ethnolect of aboriginal Australian English is used predominantly by the Australian Aboriginal uses is commonly used in a variety of context and creating another form of Australian language.The ‘Quit’ campaign is an example of the Aboriginal English being used in contemporary media.The Quit campaign uses aboriginal English throughout to reduce social distance with the audience which are aboriginal smokers.Examples of how aboriginal English is used to reduce social distance as well as enhancing mutual intelligibility include the slogan they used which is ‘smoking, no good aye’ (Australian Gov, Quit campaign 2013).There are also many borrowed expressions that are relevant in  Australian English which destroys the standard of Australian English which turns it into a multi linguistic language.Borrowed expressions are largely driven by need and include cultural terms, an example of a commonly used borrowed expression is boomerang.Culturally significant expressions such as these identifies individuals as Australian due to Australian being a diverse country and ‘we are the words we use’(Prompt 4).Aboriginal english is used commonly media means which leads it do being a form of Australian English which there are already are various forms.

American English and other international ethnolects are used in Australian language in a common bases and blends in with Australian English features.‘Australian English..Embraces all of these various dictational types’ (Macquarie university 2006) and this leads to conformity.Iggy Azalea was put under security by Ben Tarwick-Smith in a article he wrote about her using ‘linguistic theft’ (Smith 2014) to broaden her audience and grow her popularity to a greater extent.These uses of conformity of the powerful American English are common in modern society to enhance group member ship, such as Iggy Azalea did when using American Language in her music.This incentives to conform to American English means it will be a common feature in Australian English leading it to being non-Homogenous.Teen speck is common in Australian English and adds diversity to the more standard Australian English.Puberty Blues is a popularity Australian T.V show and teen speck is very common among the characters.In puberty blues there are frequent  use of colloquialisms which are common in teen speck such as ‘mole’(puberty blues 2013).The variety of Australian English as well as conforming to international dialects leads to varying forms of Australian English.

Australian English is a non-homogenous language due to the forms of language that exist in the Australian English language.With the cultural diversity that is added by migrant ethnolects as well as aboriginal English there are many forms of the langage.The use of teen speck leads to variety in Australian English as well as conforming to more powerful language such as American English leads to many forms of the language.

lolface

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Re: Mark My ESSAY
« Reply #144 on: August 25, 2014, 08:39:10 pm »
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What year level are you in?
:)

joecantwell

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Re: Mark My ESSAY
« Reply #145 on: August 25, 2014, 10:28:10 pm »
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What year level are you in?

Year 12

lolface

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Re: Mark My ESSAY
« Reply #146 on: August 26, 2014, 04:17:28 pm »
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oh ok then never mind.
:)

bubblybubbles

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #147 on: September 03, 2014, 06:57:13 pm »
+2
Any Type of Feedback would be great And maybe even a mark out of 20 would be awesome

Australian English cannot be described as a truly homogenous language.Discuss in relation to cultural and linguistic diversity in contemporary Australia.

Australian English is not able to be described as one form of language (The terminology here sounds a little bit odd - maybe try and reword this).This is due to cultural and language diversity in contemoratory (Contemporary) Australian (society?) which leads to language variation in Australian English. Migrant ethnolects allow for diversity and aboriginal (Aboriginal) English is of common use in the Australian vencular (vernacular).As well as this American English and other international ethnolects  are leading to conformity due to the nature and power they have over Australian English (What are you trying to say here? The meaning is not clear).

Migrant ethnolects are common in Australian English and give it diversity.Migrant ethnolects hold covert prestige due to it reflecting their linguistic and cultural identity as well as showing evidence of assimilation into English speaking society.The covert prestige they hold outlines them as a migrant ethnolect (Reword - meaning very vague) and creates identity that reflects there cultural ties.In the Greek migrant ethnolect (the correct term should be Greek-Australian Ethnolect, as her language encompasses both features from Greek and Australian English) there are various distinctive features such as the omissions of the auxiliary verb which separate the vernacular of the greeks (Greek's) language use which sculpts a distinct identity for them (Good point, but need to back it up with examples, and say WHY this reflects the Greek identity - is it because there are no auxiliary verbs in Greek?) .The movie Wog Boy added ‘Ethnic diversity and richness to a society’(Prompt 1) due to the the use of migrant greek ethnolect used in a Australian English context (I know you are trying to incorporate the prompts into your essay, but the prompt here doesn't really support your contention)  .This increased the popularity of migrant ethnolects such as the greek ethnolect in Australian English which leads to more language variation in modern society.This variation of Australian English leads to it not being able to be described as one whole form of language due to the constant variation.The article by Inga Ting called ‘Talk of the Town’ discuss that in countries that Australia is extremely multicultural.In this article there was talk about the ‘shift to multiculturalism’ (Ting 2014) which was a turning point for the Australian English vernacular and cementing it as a multi culture language and non homogeneous.

Aboriginal Australian English is off common use in the Australian vernacular.The Ethnolect of aboriginal Australian English is used predominantly by the Australian Aboriginal uses is commonly used in a variety of context and creating another form of Australian language.The ‘Quit’ campaign is an example of the Aboriginal English being used in contemporary media.The Quit campaign uses aboriginal English throughout to reduce social distance with the audience which are aboriginal smokers.Examples of how aboriginal English is used to reduce social distance (why does this campaign need to reduce social distance between it and Indigenous Australians? Is it because that the campaign is directed at them? Are they trying to appeal to Indigenous Australians?) as well as enhancing mutual intelligibility include the slogan they used which is ‘smoking, no good aye’ (Australian Gov, Quit campaign 2013) (Good use of example).There are also many borrowed expressions that are relevant in  Australian English which destroys the standard of Australian English which turns it into a multi linguistic language.Borrowed expressions are largely driven by need and include cultural terms, an example of a commonly used borrowed expression is boomerang.Culturally significant expressions such as these identifies individuals as Australian due to Australian being a diverse country and ‘we are the words we use’(Prompt 4).Aboriginal english is used commonly media means which leads it do being a form of Australian English which there are already are various forms.

American English and other international ethnolects are used in Australian language in a common bases and blends in with Australian English features.‘Australian English..Embraces all of these various dictational types’ (Macquarie university 2006) and this leads to conformity (conformity to what?). Iggy Azalea was put under security by Ben Tarwick-Smith in a article he wrote about her using ‘linguistic theft’ (Smith 2014) to broaden her audience and grow her popularity to a greater extent.These uses of conformity of the powerful American English are common in modern society to enhance group member ship, such as Iggy Azalea did when using American Language in her music.This incentives to conform to American English means it will be a common feature in Australian English leading it to being non-Homogenous.Teen speck (speak) is common in Australian English and adds diversity to the more standard Australian English.Puberty Blues is a popularity Australian T.V show and teen speck is very common among the characters (How does Teenspeak related to Americanism of Australian English? You indicated in your topic sentence that you are talking about American English in Australia, so it should be ONLY about that, unless you can slot Teenspeak under Americanism of Australian English).In puberty blues there are frequent  use of colloquialisms which are common in teen speck such as ‘mole’(puberty blues 2013).The variety of Australian English as well as conforming to international dialects leads to varying forms of Australian English.

Australian English is a non-homogenous language due to the forms of language that exist in the Australian English language.With the cultural diversity that is added by migrant ethnolects as well as aboriginal English there are many forms of the langage.The use of teen speck leads to variety in Australian English as well as conforming to more powerful language such as American English leads to many forms of the language.

I like some of the examples you used, and the directions you are heading with your paragraphs, those things, well done
You need to remember to have examples for EVERY piece of argument you give, even if its just something like 'Greek-Australian English speakers often omit auxiliary verbs', it is important for you to give an example of this like 'I would go tonight' (Standard Australian English), vs 'I go tonight (ethnolect) --> It is important to make that comparison between standard Aus English and the ethnolect and account for their differences

First paragraph, I wasn't really sure what point you were trying to make with the movie as evidence. The easiest way to go about the first paragraph is probably just focussing on the lexical, syntactic or semantic differences between ethnolects and SAE and saying why its different and how ethnolect speakers choose to speak that way (retaining culture, representing cultural identity, strengthening ties with their fellow ethnolect speakers, etc)

An way to link Teenspeak and American English in your third paragraph is to say that American media has infiltrated the entertainment world, and appeals to Australian youth --> this leads to Australian youth borrowing a lot of Americanised lexis and slang and hence Australian Teenspeak is becoming Americanised --> variation in Australian English.

Anyhow I hope my comments make sense :) don't worry you are doing great and there is still a while until the exam - you can do it!
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psyxwar

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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #148 on: October 11, 2014, 05:53:25 pm »
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Thought I might revive this thread. Below is a commentary, text used is from VCAA 2001 (http://www.vcaa.vic.edu.au/Documents/exams/englishlanguage/englang2001.pdf), I did the Section 2 text.

Feel free to absolutely rip it to shreds, don't worry about my feelings :D I feel like my writing goes out the window when I have to write it timed and it ends up being shallow and repetitive...

On that note 2014 ELers post up your stuff and we can all mark eachother's work so we can all improve :D.

Section B - VCAA 2001 Commentary (Section 2, Text 3)
Wordcount: 703 words Time: 45 min

The text is a transcript of an extract from an ABC radio commentary of the Men's 400 Freestyle Swimming Race at the Sydney Olympics on 16 September 2000. There are three interlocutors: A, B and M. A and B are regular sports commentators on ABC radio, whilst M is an expert guest commentator who is also a swimmer. Being a radio commentary, the text's function is referential in describing the race as it happens and this is exemplified through the predominant use of the present tense throughout.  A is the dominant interlocutor in the text, delivering the bulk of the commentary, while B and M play a more supportive role. The audience is likely to be comprised of Australian swimming fans, and the text's register is relatively informal.

The text's social purpose in describing the race as it happens is reflected by the language used. The present tense permeates the whole transcript, and this coupled with the active voice helps immerse the audience in the race, making them feel as if they are there watching the race themselves. This is exemplified when A says "Rosolino is in second place" (10);  here the use of the present tense verb "is" captures a sense of currency, helping keep the audience on the edge of their seat. Parataxis is also frequently used by A, for example in lines 25-28 "Coman is in third, and..., and there's a terrific battle for the minor placings'. [240 words, end of page 1] This paratactic style both is indicative of its unplanned nature, but also enables A to effectively describe what is happening in the race as it happens with little effort - more information can easily be threaded on simply through adding another coordinating conjunction.

The context of the text is also reflected by the text's stylistic features. The use of the surnames of the athletes to refer to them requires inference to understand, with proper nouns such as "Rosolino" (10), "Hacket" (11), and "Coman" (28) used without elaboration. This is reflective of the target audience of swimming fans, who are expected to know who these athletes are. Furthermore, the use of the hypocorism "Thorpie" (2) by B highlights that the commentators are Australian; "Thorpie" is an Australian nickname for the swimmer, and this illuminates the identity of the commentators. Furthermore, use of swimming jargon such as "sprinting" (3) reflects the expertise of the commentators regarding swimming, and in relation to the audience, is able to convey what is happening concisely and accurately through relying on inference.

The turn taking of the piece reflects its text type as a sports commentary. Speaker A is dominant throughout and this is perhaps indicative of him being the senior sports commentator. [206 words, end of page 2] B plays a supportive role, for example after A says "he goes through in forty five o nine" (21), B adds "two seconds under the world record" (22), providing some additional information to the reader in helping them appreciate just how well Ian Thorpe was swimming. Speaker M, as the expert guest commentator, does not speak often. He does give his opinion on how Ian Thorpe is going in line 5-7 after being prompted by B via a direct interrogative "Is he Mark?". This shows M's expertise in the field of swimming, because B is clarifying his interpretation with M. A employs the rising intonation frequently to hold the floor, for example "but now Ian Thorpe" (16) and this coupled with an extensive use of parataxis signals to the other interlocutors he still intends to speak. There is only one instance of overlap in the whole text in lines 64-65, which is due to a timing error as evidenced by A stopping and letting B finish, This is evidence of a cooperative discourse .

The prosody of the commentators reflects their emotions and excitement. B employs emphatic stress in line 1 "this is inc^redible" which emphasises the adjective "incredible" and hence conveys how amazing Ian Thorpe's performance is. A's increase in volume in lines 32 "<F what a sensational swimmer he is F>" shows his excitement over Thorpe's inevitable victory and his emotional investment into the race [236 words, end of page 3]. This is perhaps done to enthuse listeners and to make them more engaged in the race knowing it is nearing its climax .
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Re: English Language essay submission and marking
« Reply #149 on: October 12, 2014, 11:43:36 pm »
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Hi, will someone be able to give me feedback on my essay please? Thank you! Be as brutal as possible please.

Discuss the attitudes and opinions associated with ‘politically correct’ language. Is there a role for non-discriminatory language in the 21st century?

A language has many variations with ‘politically correct’ language being one of these multifarious variations. ‘Politically correct’ language is the use of language which aims to remove discrimination against politically, socially or economically disadvantaged groups. Public domains have a very important role in addressing politically correct language in a similar way that our government has. Individuals also have to know when and where to use this variety of language. With more and more social groups emerging in this 21st century, politically correct language is holding more prestige than ever.

Public domains have a very important role in upholding ‘politically correct’ language. Due to the vast amount of social groups present in these domains at a given time, it is important for the language present to remain as non-discriminatory as possible. Toilets for the disabled found at premium train stations have been recently retitled to “ambulant toilets” and similarly at RMIT University, they are now known as “accessibility toilets”. This shift away from the lexeme “disabled” aims to remove the negative connotation of having an impediment associated with the disabled community. In addition, in recent years the adjective “spastic” has become so negatively connotated with offense to disabled people that ‘The Spastic Society of Victoria’ “had to change their name to ‘Scope’” (ABC, ‘Why the words matter’). In order to remove any form of discrimination to any social groups in public domains, ‘politically correct’ language is employed because it strives to be as neutral-based as possible.

Politicians play an integral role to running our nation also play an integral role in creating politically accepted language in our country. Last year, immigration minister Scott Morrison instructed immigration and detention centre staffs to refer to asylum seekers as “illegals” and clients of detention centres as “detainees”, dehumanising their human status and desire to seek refuge, which forces the general public to view these asylum seekers in the same way. This is because “[g]overnment agencies…try to stipulate what languages can be used for what purpose, [and] what forms of the language are acceptable” (Fasold, et al, 2006, stimulus) through presenting to the public what kind of language is “correct” in our society and manipulating the audience to adopt this variety of language. In today’s society, politicians have a very important role to play in enforcing ‘politically correct’ language as they are a huge influence to our nation.

Individuals also play a part in using non-discriminatory language, however not everyone has a universal agreement in regards to the use of this language variety. Herald Sun columnist Andrew Bolt sparked controversy when, during a comment, he mentioned that the subject of concern that “she [a while Indigenous female] chooses her Aboriginal identity”. However, on the contrary, some of the readers were very happy with how direct the mention of “Aboriginal” was, as opposed to covering the use of this lexeme with euphemisms. Furthermore, the use of racist language also receives many opposing views. For example, in an Asian-dense suburb in the outer region of Melbourne, it is acceptable for them to refer to themselves as “yellow” but in the presence of a non-Asian person, it is unacceptable to do so as it is not ‘politically correct’. The language used by a person can either be discriminatory or non-discriminatory depending on the person using it and the context of where it is used.

Non-discriminatory language is used different people in different circumstance. Public places provide a very important platform for the use of non-discriminatory language. Politicians use politically correct language to address different ideas. How and where a person uses language undermines whether it is politically correct or incorrect. As seen, non-discriminatory language does play a very important role in our current 21st century.
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