Gonna get that flat 30 ATAR | 箸の日記

[chopsticks]

Lol, it's ok, I'm not involved in that much extra-curricular activities either XDDD

Awe, well I hope you apply for other scholarships
Don't ever feel down just because you feel not as highly as your peers (academically) because who knows, there's always a chance as long as you apply
< 333

[chopsticks]

2019年10月1日火曜日 - Update

I never update on a Tuesday so here it is! (Well I think so anyways)

Today morning I had bio tutoring. Going over Unit 3 and it's sooo content heavy like trying to understand everything. I feel like I've been neglecting Bio and should focus on it a lot more since I'm doing the 3/4 next year. I just need to somehow finddd the motivation

I've had Japanese tutoring last Thursday, Saturday, yesterday (Monday) and today. The days are too close together so it was hard to get homework done. Glad to say I finished both Minna no Nihongo text books! Took me hours of work and effort. I also went over Keigo a little bit, which was quite interesting. To practice for N4, every week I have a kanji quiz, grammar quiz, vocabulary quiz and listening test. I just need to practice transitive and intransitive verbs and あげます, くれます and もらいます. My teacher is awesome, I can't begin to explain it. She has been helping me quickly go through all the content and has been really encouraging the whole way through. I feel like a good teacher makes a hell of a difference for every subject

I also have an Eng essay (which I may have mentioned before) that I want to get out of the way before the holidays are over. I think Imma stay up now and do an intro and body then send it to my tutor (she likes being sent one para at a time but that ain't happening). I also have some math homework and ofc the ATAR Notes lectures coming up soon

Macrob Fun Fact: One of the biggest Macrob and Mhs hang out places is the state library (ofc because we're selective school nerds). It sucks because you can't go there without bumping into someone, which creates awkward conversation, producing despair and utter turmoil (where is my socially awkward gang)

[jkay__]

2019年10月1日火曜日 - Update

I never update on a Tuesday so here it is! (Well I think so anyways)

Today morning I had bio tutoring. Going over Unit 3 and it's sooo content heavy like trying to understand everything. I feel like I've been neglecting Bio and should focus on it a lot more since I'm doing the 3/4 next year. I just need to somehow finddd the motivation

I've had Japanese tutoring last Thursday, Saturday, yesterday (Monday) and today. The days are too close together so it was hard to get homework done. Glad to say I finished both Minna no Nihongo text books! Took me hours of work and effort. I also went over Keigo a little bit, which was quite interesting. To practice for N4, every week I have a kanji quiz, grammar quiz, vocabulary quiz and listening test. I just need to practice transitive and intransitive verbs and あげます, くれます and もらいます. My teacher is awesome, I can't begin to explain it. She has been helping me quickly go through all the content and has been really encouraging the whole way through. I feel like a good teacher makes a hell of a difference for every subject

I also have an Eng essay (which I may have mentioned before) that I want to get out of the way before the holidays are over. I think Imma stay up now and do an intro and body then send it to my tutor (she likes being sent one para at a time but that ain't happening). I also have some math homework and ofc the ATAR Notes lectures coming up soon

Macrob Fun Fact: One of the biggest Macrob and Mhs hang out places is the state library (ofc because we're selective school nerds). It sucks because you can't go there without bumping into someone, which creates awkward conversation, producing despair and utter turmoil (where is my socially awkward gang)

Bio and Jap tutoring, sounds hectic whew. Love your dedication for Jap ahaha

Yo, from personal experience I can safely advise against studying at State if you want to study efficiently or privacy AHAHAH it's really bad/hard. I used to go there to study w mates but they just kept gravitating towards the macrobs, so stopped studying w them. Can recommend u a good place if you want to grind in city next year tho, very close to state and I went there all this year

[chopsticks]

Bio and Jap tutoring, sounds hectic whew. Love your dedication for Jap ahaha

Yo, from personal experience I can safely advise against studying at State if you want to study efficiently or privacy AHAHAH it's really bad/hard. I used to go there to study w mates but they just kept gravitating towards the macrobs, so stopped studying w them. Can recommend u a good place if you want to grind in city next year tho, very close to state and I went there all this year

Hahaha thank you. I have tutors for basically all my subjects (apart from Methods because my tutor wasn't the best so I had to quit him)

Yuck, I don't like studying there either. Went there once and never again. Haha gravitating towards Macrob? And ooo what's a good place?

[chopsticks]

2019年10月3日木曜日 - Update (more like rant)

After spending some time thinking, I realized I no longer want to continue Bio and do the 3/4. Why? Here are my problems with Bio


1. I don't really like science subjects. Yes, that's right (sorry for those who love science, I'm just really bad at it lol)

2. Unit 4 Bio seems difficult and I don't think I will enjoy it. Evolution? I much prefer the content in Unit 3.

3. It doesn't scale much. Yes, I know some people say scaling doesn't matter but in my case, since I'm not as strong in Bio, I will need to put extra effort in it to have a higher study score. This might mean neglecting my other subjects and it's not very rewarding. If I end up getting a 42, it will go to a 43.

4. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT enjoy pracs. I'm not a hands on person at all, nor do I like applying what I "learnt" from the prac into an assessment.

5. I cannot do application styled questions. This is the main point here. It absolutely sucks, I know my content inside and out yet I do so poorly on my test. I am that one kid that answers all of the teacher's questions correctly and goes home to practice yet when the results come, it doesn't look all that pretty. I can't seem to use common sense and apply my knowledge to unfamiliar, real life scenarios (which Bio seems to love to throw at us). I also struggle to express my answers and give the markers exactly what they're looking for.


Anyways, I'm a bit upset about this. I studied not only 1/2 but also 3/4 and I was dead serious about doing it next year. I guess the knowledge will come about to be useful in Med but now I'm torn between what I want to do as my second 3/4 next year (I really want to do two 3/4's so I only have four for Year 12).

Sorry for the rant, especially to science and Bio lovers. I really wish I could be more passionate and optimistic towards this but I really don't enjoy it that much
I have decided on a few different 3/4 subjects I may want to replace Bio with but it will be a lot of pressure to do well since I've prepared so much for this subject only for it to backfire

[zuijinde]

Yo, from personal experience I can safely advise against studying at State if you want to study efficiently or privacy AHAHAH it's really bad/hard. I used to go there to study w mates but they just kept gravitating towards the macrobs, so stopped studying w them.

Can confirm. Was ditched multiple times by my MHS mates because they wanted to hang out with the Macrobs...
I had a mate that only 'tutored' this one Macrobbian and no one else. Oh the memes were glorious

After spending some time thinking, I realized I no longer want to continue Bio and do the 3/4. Why? Here are my problems with Bio

1. I don't really like science subjects. Yes, that's right (sorry for those who love science, I'm just really bad at it lol)

2. Unit 4 Bio seems difficult and I don't think I will enjoy it. Evolution? I much prefer the content in Unit 3.

3. It doesn't scale much. Yes, I know some people say scaling doesn't matter but in my case, since I'm not as strong in Bio, I will need to put extra effort in it to have a higher study score. This might mean neglecting my other subjects and it's not very rewarding. If I end up getting a 42, it will go to a 43.

4. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT enjoy pracs. I'm not a hands on person at all, nor do I like applying what I "learnt" from the prac into an assessment.

5. I cannot do application styled questions. This is the main point here. It absolutely sucks, I know my content inside and out yet I do so poorly on my test. I am that one kid that answers all of the teacher's questions correctly and goes home to practice yet when the results come, it doesn't look all that pretty. I can't seem to use common sense and apply my knowledge to unfamiliar, real life scenarios (which Bio seems to love to throw at us). I also struggle to express my answers and give the markers exactly what they're looking for.


Anyways, I'm a bit upset about this. I studied not only 1/2 but also 3/4 and I was dead serious about doing it next year. I guess the knowledge will come about to be useful in Med but now I'm torn between what I want to do as my second 3/4 next year (I really want to do two 3/4's so I only have four for Year 12).

Sorry for the rant, especially to science and Bio lovers. I really wish I could be more passionate and optimistic towards this but I really don't enjoy it that much
I have decided on a few different 3/4 subjects I may want to replace Bio with but it will be a lot of pressure to do well since I've prepared so much for this subject only for it to backfire

Biology is an extremely heavy topic, so I don't blame you for not wanting to continue it (evolution is actually terrible lol). It's best if you actually do subjects you enjoy, so definitely try to think of subjects you'll think you'll do well. I don't really recommend you do subjects that require prior knowledge from unit 1/2 and jump straight to 3/4 as there are fundamental learnt from 1/2 that will significantly help you (though, a bit hypocritical as I did accounting in 1/2 and switched to chem in 3/4, which is heavily reliant on 1/2 knowledge).

[sarangiya]

hello !!! love your journal (especially the title as soon as I saw it I had to read lol)

so awesome to see you're so passionate about Japanese and striving for your goals. Also fully appreciate that you're into k-media?? what to call it? and looking into med!!! Very relatable bahahaha

I felt obliged to leave a few thoughts lmao
• don't fret about biology !! idk about Monash or whatever but at UNSW med they had catchup modules for people who hadn't done bio. And look, I'm not proud of it, but I didn't even do them. Nonetheless I haven't been kicked out. You can just pick it up. Don't worry! Reading your rationalisation though, med does have a ton of pracs (some of which are absolute shit), relies on real-life application by nature and though it pains me to say so, the exams and essays do not end. It's not a big deal. Just be aware that you might have to tolerate some of the stuff you don't like !
• you'll get N4!!!!!!! to be using Japanese like you do at the moment you have the most important factor in success: passion!! My advice is literally just use Japanese everyday as much as you can. Set your Facebook language to Japanese. Watch anime (lmao). Tell your parents about how WhOa the Japanese word for journal is 日記 which means "day" + "speak + self"!!!yOoOo.
• bubble tea at school is mad. make sure you drive your parents broke before you have to begin paying for it yourself (jk)
• what are you thinking as a replacement for bio? If I were you I'd probably consider psych (kinda sciencey ish but way more interesting and literally the single most useful subject I did lol) or maybe further?? Looking forward to see what you choose
•

Awe, well I hope you apply for other scholarships
Don't ever feel down just because you feel not as highly as your peers (academically) because who knows, there's always a chance as long as you apply
< 333

Extremely true!!!! Also to aspiringantelope, I feel your pain. I did jack in high school, held no leadership positions, and even now I only do ExTrACuRRiculArs because I want to meet people and god knows the opposite was true in hs. Literally don't worry about that stuff. Just do whatever you want. Make yourself happy because that's the most important. The caveat of course is that, by the same logic, if you feel a something somewhere in you wanting to try something out... do it! Don't dog yourself.

Sorry for crashing your journal. It's great! Absolute BEST of luck for everything coming your way. I'll be reading from time to time !! Xox

[chopsticks]

Can confirm. Was ditched multiple times by my MHS mates because they wanted to hang out with the Macrobs...
I had a mate that only 'tutored' this one Macrobbian and no one else. Oh the memes were glorious
Biology is an extremely heavy topic, so I don't blame you for not wanting to continue it (evolution is actually terrible lol). It's best if you actually do subjects you enjoy, so definitely try to think of subjects you'll think you'll do well. I don't really recommend you do subjects that require prior knowledge from unit 1/2 and jump straight to 3/4 as there are fundamental learnt from 1/2 that will significantly help you (though, a bit hypocritical as I did accounting in 1/2 and switched to chem in 3/4, which is heavily reliant on 1/2 knowledge).

Oh your mate sounds quite umm scandalous XD
Well, I'm still thinking about what I should do (nothing that is reliant on the 1/2); I think I'm gonna go crazy at the next ATAR Notes lecture and go on a shopping spree buying every single study guide I see
Switching into Chem 3/4 from accounting? That's awesome

[chopsticks]

hello !!! love your journal (especially the title as soon as I saw it I had to read lol)

so awesome to see you're so passionate about Japanese and striving for your goals. Also fully appreciate that you're into k-media?? what to call it? and looking into med!!! Very relatable bahahaha

I felt obliged to leave a few thoughts lmao
• don't fret about biology !! idk about Monash or whatever but at UNSW med they had catchup modules for people who hadn't done bio. And look, I'm not proud of it, but I didn't even do them. Nonetheless I haven't been kicked out. You can just pick it up. Don't worry! Reading your rationalisation though, med does have a ton of pracs (some of which are absolute shit), relies on real-life application by nature and though it pains me to say so, the exams and essays do not end. It's not a big deal. Just be aware that you might have to tolerate some of the stuff you don't like !
• you'll get N4!!!!!!! to be using Japanese like you do at the moment you have the most important factor in success: passion!! My advice is literally just use Japanese everyday as much as you can. Set your Facebook language to Japanese. Watch anime (lmao). Tell your parents about how WhOa the Japanese word for journal is 日記 which means "day" + "speak + self"!!!yOoOo.
• bubble tea at school is mad. make sure you drive your parents broke before you have to begin paying for it yourself (jk)
• what are you thinking as a replacement for bio? If I were you I'd probably consider psych (kinda sciencey ish but way more interesting and literally the single most useful subject I did lol) or maybe further?? Looking forward to see what you choose
• Extremely true!!!! Also to aspiringantelope, I feel your pain. I did jack in high school, held no leadership positions, and even now I only do ExTrACuRRiculArs because I want to meet people and god knows the opposite was true in hs. Literally don't worry about that stuff. Just do whatever you want. Make yourself happy because that's the most important. The caveat of course is that, by the same logic, if you feel a something somewhere in you wanting to try something out... do it! Don't dog yourself.

Sorry for crashing your journal. It's great! Absolute BEST of luck for everything coming your way. I'll be reading from time to time !! Xox

HAHA YES! I saw your name and I already knew we would get along

Oh no, the pracs eat me alive and I'm lucky I always have friends who enjoy pracs and do most of the prac component while I write down notes and help answering the questions (I sure hope med doesn't have lots of individual prac assignments)

And thank you for the Jap advice! It's also rare but refreshing to see someone doing extra-curricular stuff to meet knew people

The subjects I'm planning on doing are either English 3/4, Psych 3/4, Accounting 3/4, Philosophy 3/4 or History 3/4. I mostly want to do English but the 1/2 is compulsory in my school before the 3/4. However, I found out one girl got offered Lit 3/4 in Year 11? Also, I literally cannot do a 3/4 for any of my other subjects in Year 11. Chem also requires 1/2, so does Lit, so does Spesh and I can't do Japanese 3/4 just because I started this year. I am hoping I can negotiate with the teachers and do English but Psych is a back up (Psych worries me because it's a science subject so something I'm trying to avoid. I am interested in it but not passionate about it unlike English; I was also interested in Bio but didn't score very well up until now)

Thanks for all the sweet comments! I really appreciate it

Also I scrolled down and looked at your signature but a raw 50 for Japanese plus premier's award?! What? I look up to you and I feel sooo inspired hahaha
Are you ever planning on starting tutoring for it?

[sarangiya]

HAHA YES! I saw your name and I already knew we would get along

Oh no, the pracs eat me alive and I'm lucky I always have friends who enjoy pracs and do most of the prac component while I write down notes and help answering the questions (I sure hope med doesn't have lots of individual prac assignments)

Hahahahah literally me! I'm not really super keen on participating either so I shirk the responsibilities if I can. But, I hate to tell you (but it's better you know now!) that nine times out of ten there's too much prac work to just piggyback. I can only talk about my experience, but we don't do prac "assignments", although we do have a practical exam!!! Which necessitates knowing the ins and outs of not just one prac, but every prac you've done for the entire year! (We usually have 2+ a week!) But hey! You're answering questions, and that might actually help you more! Sounds like you might have to develop a *cough*fake*cough* appreciation of practical work but if you're understanding what's going on, there's no need to stress

And thank you for the Jap advice! It's also rare but refreshing to see someone doing extra-curricular stuff to meet knew people

There's more to life than your CV! Hahahaha

The subjects I'm planning on doing are either English 3/4, Psych 3/4, Accounting 3/4, Philosophy 3/4 or History 3/4. I mostly want to do English but the 1/2 is compulsory in my school before the 3/4. However, I found out one girl got offered Lit 3/4 in Year 11? Also, I literally cannot do a 3/4 for any of my other subjects in Year 11. Chem also requires 1/2, so does Lit, so does Spesh and I can't do Japanese 3/4 just because I started this year. I am hoping I can negotiate with the teachers and do English but Psych is a back up (Psych worries me because it's a science subject so something I'm trying to avoid. I am interested in it but not passionate about it unlike English; I was also interested in Bio but didn't score very well up until now)

If you're passionate about English, that sounds like a solid investment. Don't give up on negotiation! It's your life, after all. Best of luck making a decision. I think whatever you do, it will be an exciting and valuable experience

Thanks for all the sweet comments! I really appreciate it

Also I scrolled down and looked at your signature but a raw 50 for Japanese plus premier's award?! What? I look up to you and I feel sooo inspired hahaha
Are you ever planning on starting tutoring for it?

Hahahahah you're welcome and thanks!
I actually get asked this a lot and honestly, I don't really know. My biggest concern was that as a non-native speaker, I can't bring myself to correct someone's pronunciation or something without really feeling like a hypocrite! The other problem is that I'm not sure how well I can 'teach', considering that I owe most of my success to A) having a good memory, B) working hard and C) having a passion for language, rather than to some method or strategy. Maybe I'm taking it too seriously? In any case, I haven't been tutoring!! hahahah

Best of luck!!

[kjistsehrtot]

2019年10月3日木曜日 - Update (more like rant)

After spending some time thinking, I realized I no longer want to continue Bio and do the 3/4. Why? Here are my problems with Bio


1. I don't really like science subjects. Yes, that's right (sorry for those who love science, I'm just really bad at it lol)

2. Unit 4 Bio seems difficult and I don't think I will enjoy it. Evolution? I much prefer the content in Unit 3.

3. It doesn't scale much. Yes, I know some people say scaling doesn't matter but in my case, since I'm not as strong in Bio, I will need to put extra effort in it to have a higher study score. This might mean neglecting my other subjects and it's not very rewarding. If I end up getting a 42, it will go to a 43.

4. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT enjoy pracs. I'm not a hands on person at all, nor do I like applying what I "learnt" from the prac into an assessment.

5. I cannot do application styled questions. This is the main point here. It absolutely sucks, I know my content inside and out yet I do so poorly on my test. I am that one kid that answers all of the teacher's questions correctly and goes home to practice yet when the results come, it doesn't look all that pretty. I can't seem to use common sense and apply my knowledge to unfamiliar, real life scenarios (which Bio seems to love to throw at us). I also struggle to express my answers and give the markers exactly what they're looking for.


Anyways, I'm a bit upset about this. I studied not only 1/2 but also 3/4 and I was dead serious about doing it next year. I guess the knowledge will come about to be useful in Med but now I'm torn between what I want to do as my second 3/4 next year (I really want to do two 3/4's so I only have four for Year 12).

Sorry for the rant, especially to science and Bio lovers. I really wish I could be more passionate and optimistic towards this but I really don't enjoy it that much
I have decided on a few different 3/4 subjects I may want to replace Bio with but it will be a lot of pressure to do well since I've prepared so much for this subject only for it to backfire

honestly i didnt think youd be able to cope with bio 3/4 but i assumed youd plough through it, since youre the type of person wholl do anything to get to their goal once theyre committed. good on you tho for realising you dont really want to do it. whatll you do in place of it?

edit: sounded a bit mean ;-;

[chopsticks]

Hahahahah literally me! I'm not really super keen on participating either so I shirk the responsibilities if I can. But, I hate to tell you (but it's better you know now!) that nine times out of ten there's too much prac work to just piggyback. I can only talk about my experience, but we don't do prac "assignments", although we do have a practical exam!!! Which necessitates knowing the ins and outs of not just one prac, but every prac you've done for the entire year! (We usually have 2+ a week!) But hey! You're answering questions, and that might actually help you more! Sounds like you might have to develop a *cough*fake*cough* appreciation of practical work but if you're understanding what's going on, there's no need to stress :)There's more to life than your CV! HahahahaIf you're passionate about English, that sounds like a solid investment. Don't give up on negotiation! It's your life, after all. Best of luck making a decision. I think whatever you do, it will be an exciting and valuable experience :)Hahahahah you're welcome and thanks!
I actually get asked this a lot and honestly, I don't really know. My biggest concern was that as a non-native speaker, I can't bring myself to correct someone's pronunciation or something without really feeling like a hypocrite! The other problem is that I'm not sure how well I can 'teach', considering that I owe most of my success to A) having a good memory, B) working hard and C) having a passion for language, rather than to some method or strategy. Maybe I'm taking it too seriously? In any case, I haven't been tutoring!! hahahah

Best of luck!!

Oh no, I think I'm gonna die in med, hopefully something will change by then and I will start "liking pracs"
Thanks for the awesome advice though and naw, I think people would appreciate your tutoring either way; it just depends on whether you have an interest in the first place

I'm the same type of person, people have asked me "how are you so good at Japanese" (by that they mean how did I improve so fast) and to that I didn't really know how to respond apart from learning languages quickly due to good memory, having the passion and working hard, so same case here

And thanks for the advice on English! Hopefully I will get it

Also I was gonna ask, how are you personally finding med? Is it fun or not so much?

[chopsticks]

honestly i didnt think youd be able to cope with bio 3/4 but i assumed youd plough through it. good on you tho for not wanting to continue with it next year otherwise youre literally asking to die. what are you gonna do in place of bio?

Not really, I definitely would've been able to cope with it since content heavy subjects don't matter as I can memorize things quite well
It's more so the application side of things that I'm not good at. To be honest, I think I would've been fine now that I look back at it since my tutor expected me to get 100%

Bio didn't have much pressure either. I just didn't study it properly from the beginning and as a result, lost confidence and interest. I also don't really like the content (especially the deadly pracs) and doing two English's is more helpful for me anyways

I wouldn't have died if I continued it next year lol. English, imo, is more work since you have to constantly write whilst developing new ideas. Personally, that's a lot harder for me as I am a perfectionist and take ages to make my essay the best so doing it under timed conditions will be far more challenging. It will undoubtedly be difficult for me to juggle that with Lit 1/2 but oh well, I like English anyways so that'd help

[sarangiya]

Oh no, I think I'm gonna die in med, hopefully something will change by then and I will start "liking pracs"
Thanks for the awesome advice though and naw, I think people would appreciate your tutoring either way; it just depends on whether you have an interest in the first place

Haha nah you won't!! The pracs aren't everything either, don't worry about it.
Good point! It's not really something I'm super interested in doing so maybe it isn't for me right now.

I'm the same type of person, people have asked me "how are you so good at Japanese" (by that they mean how did I improve so fast) and to that I didn't really know how to respond apart from learning languages quickly due to good memory, having the passion and working hard, so same case here

And thanks for the advice on English! Hopefully I will get it

Also I was gonna ask, how are you personally finding med? Is it fun or not so much?

I love med!!!! It has been amazing course so far. Like I can't lie to you, it's kind of like school. When I'm going to lectures or doing assignments, it's a drag. The feeling of waking up in the morning and thinking ugh I don't want to go to school today doesn't change. But when I finish a unit and look back on it, go to speaker nights with doctors who are engaging and have interesting work, talk to patients, or learn something weirdly interesting, it makes me feel so grateful and inspired. I've met both people who don't find our course inspiring at all, and people who literally draw anatomical diagrams for fun. I have no regrets about the degree so I can confidently recommend you give it a go. Chances are you'll love it, and even if you don't, you will have had a once in a lifetime experience.
If you have any specific questions always feel free to DM me!

Also, I just want to commend your attitude throughout your posts. It's really easy to get sucked into feeling or speaking the same way others do because you want to connect with them. It takes a lot of integrity and self awareness to disagree with others and express your true self. Legend!!

Good luck xx

[chopsticks]

Haha nah you won't!! The pracs aren't everything either, don't worry about it.
I love med!!!! It has been amazing course so far. Like I can't lie to you, it's kind of like school. When I'm going to lectures or doing assignments, it's a drag. The feeling of waking up in the morning and thinking ugh I don't want to go to school today doesn't change. But when I finish a unit and look back on it, go to speaker nights with doctors who are engaging and have interesting work, talk to patients, or learn something weirdly interesting, it makes me feel so grateful and inspired. I've met both people who don't find our course inspiring at all, and people who literally draw anatomical diagrams for fun. I have no regrets about the degree so I can confidently recommend you give it a go. Chances are you'll love it, and even if you don't, you will have had a once in a lifetime experience.

Ahh tysm for the insight! It's really great to see you're actually passionate about it and not just doing it because it's a course sought out by many! So much respect for that (and thanks for being the sweetest)

Also, I just want to commend your attitude throughout your posts. It's really easy to get sucked into feeling or speaking the same way others do because you want to connect with them. It takes a lot of integrity and self awareness to disagree with others and express your true self. Legend!!

Aww, thank you! It wasn't anything special, I was just trying to be as honest as possible
But still, that means so much to me :' )