journey to self discovery

[angrybiscuit]

Congratulations angrybiscuit!

Thanks! Congrats on completing your 3/4 exams. All the best for your 1/2 exams

CONGRATS angrybiscuit!!! Enjoy the well deserved break 

Thanks! You too

AHHH! Woohoo! Congratulations Biscuit on completing year 12 that's must be such a reliving feeling. Great to see such a positive attitude, no matter how you went. I hope you enjoy all the free time, you totally deserve.

Thank you so much! I have definitely been enjoying my free time. Not long to go for you as well

Congratulations angrybiscuit sossooososoos proud! Enjoy the break and looking forward to your next update <3

Thanks potato! Congrats on finishing bio <3 All the best for the next couple of weeks

Thanks guys Reading in my cozy chair with a hot tea nearby and a face mask on is definitely needed after these crazy weeks. Am definitely enjoying the freedom

[Bri MT]

Congrats!

Reading in my cozy chair with a hot tea nearby and a face mask on is definitely needed after these crazy weeks. Am definitely enjoying the freedom

Cosy reading with tea sounds wonderful

[Evolio]

This is extremely late but CONGRATULATIONS ANGRYBISCUIT!!  You've worked incredibly hard this year, reached the finish line and now you can take a well-deserved break!

And SAME, I have high expectations for myself about fitness so hopefully we reach those goals! All the best!

[angrybiscuit]

Evolio

This is extremely late but CONGRATULATIONS ANGRYBISCUIT!!  You've worked incredibly hard this year, reached the finish line and now you can take a well-deserved break!

And SAME, I have high expectations for myself about fitness so hopefully we reach those goals! All the best!

I am even LATER so I apologise! Thanks though <3 Same goes to you!

Bri MT

Congrats!

Cosy reading with tea sounds wonderful

I apologise for being so late! Thank you!
I had plenty of those sessions the past month

December 29th 2020
uhhh I kinda forgot about this

I said a reflection prior to results so here it is. I feel like I’m at a point in my life where ahead of me are multiple, countless roads and I have to choose one when I have no clue where to go. I’m clueless is where I’m getting at. Lost seems to be the better word. There’s so much pressure to choose the right road, I’m getting a sense from the people around me that choosing the wrong one is detrimental in some sense.

Regardless, I’ve had an unproductive but very relaxing holidays. Honestly don’t know what I’ve done for the past month but I don’t want to beat myself over not being productive. I deserve not doing anything after all.

Here is said reflection:

what I don’t regret
— putting in time to take care of myself physically and mentally
look I barely went crazy when it came to revision. 2 exams a day where I could have easily done 3-4 but I chose not to. I could have sacrificed an hour or two of sleep, the time I spent making my meals, and the hour I spend working out daily but thankfully, I chose not to.

— not quitting my job
I told myself that I would quit my job to focus on year 12 but I decided not to and powered through the year juggling work and school. Granted online learning provided flexibility that I never would have had in a normal year but I do not regret staying.

— putting in effort
self explanatory.

regrets
— letting my successes determine my happiness.
Success should not equal happiness. I have much to learn that I should not rely on my successes to be happy. I have come to realise that my successes dictated how happy I was and failures dictated my sadness. Why can’t I make mistakes and still be happy?

— letting other people’s judgements get the better of me
what’s this?? I haven’t changed at all from last year?

— hating myself
look it’s okay to be harsh on yourself but mine spiralled into self-loathing and eventually disgust. It wasn’t healthy, it affected my relationship with myself and how I perceived my self worth.

— not using the extra time from quarantine in a productive sense
I could have picked up a new language, learnt more coding, read more books, furthered my understanding of my subjects but instead rotted in my room as


disappointments
— methods. that is all
— UCAT. no explanation needed
— not spending more time with family. (I am now though!)

Right now I am suffocating. So many choices, so many options. I am 90% sure I want to attend Monash for convenience much to the disappointment of my parents and teachers. Ultimately, they are not the ones who are going to have to travel 3 hours daily.

I am going to be happy with whatever score. But all I can feel are the expectant eyes of my teachers. I have a feeling that I’ll never truly let other people’s judgments affect me.

To those expecting results tomorrow, all the best

[keltingmeith]

regrets
— letting my successes determine my happiness.
Success should not equal happiness. I have much to learn that I should not rely on my successes to be happy. I have come to realise that my successes dictated how happy I was and failures dictated my sadness. Why can’t I make mistakes and still be happy?

— letting other people’s judgements get the better of me
what’s this?? I haven’t changed at all from last year?

— hating myself
look it’s okay to be harsh on yourself but mine spiralled into self-loathing and eventually disgust. It wasn’t healthy, it affected my relationship with myself and how I perceived my self worth.

— not using the extra time from quarantine in a productive sense
I could have picked up a new language, learnt more coding, read more books, furthered my understanding of my subjects but instead rotted in my room as

I almost feel you're being too hard on yourself. I think it's kinda normal to rely on victories to help keep you in good spirits. Healthy? No, particularly if you go through a period where life keeps kicking you to the curb, but it's not about being happy despite not having victories - it's about redefining success, and realising that even if you have the potential to change the world, some days just getting out of bed is worth celebrating. It definitely feels unfair to regret letting failures make you feel sad.

Same with your inability to "effectively" use quarantine - sometimes, your success criteria is just getting out of bed and doing something to keep you happy. It's okay if that's enough - you've got a whole life in front of you to think about learning coding, trying to learn a new language, etc. etc. Not like you'd get particularly good at any of those in just 2 weeks anyway, or even a month, anyway.

Also, if someone says they don't let what others say get to them, they're lying. Maybe they're pretty good at it, but everyone falters, and there will always be times where even they're bothered by what someone says.

[angrybiscuit]

keltingmeith

I almost feel you're being too hard on yourself. I think it's kinda normal to rely on victories to help keep you in good spirits. Healthy? No, particularly if you go through a period where life keeps kicking you to the curb, but it's not about being happy despite not having victories - it's about redefining success, and realising that even if you have the potential to change the world, some days just getting out of bed is worth celebrating. It definitely feels unfair to regret letting failures make you feel sad.

Same with your inability to "effectively" use quarantine - sometimes, your success criteria is just getting out of bed and doing something to keep you happy. It's okay if that's enough - you've got a whole life in front of you to think about learning coding, trying to learn a new language, etc. etc. Not like you'd get particularly good at any of those in just 2 weeks anyway, or even a month, anyway.

Also, if someone says they don't let what others say get to them, they're lying. Maybe they're pretty good at it, but everyone falters, and there will always be times where even they're bothered by what someone says.

Thank you for your profound words. I am defining success unrealistically and I am indeed making unrealistic expectations of myself. I definitely feel as though I am punishing myself for doing the bare minimum.

You are absolutely correct though, simply doing "nothing" kept me sane and happy during the lockdown and that was enough.

Again, thank you for putting things in perspective

January 1st 2021

I have finally digested Wednesday’s happenings and have finally had time to sit down and write something coherent. My results are nothing short of incredible— almost improbable. My ATAR is surprisingly high. I think this is attributed to the COVID special considerations thing as my school *apparently* was affected pretty badly.

Anyways, onto my results.

Predictions (scaled):

Chemistry
Specialist
Methods
Psychology
Biology
...
...
...
English (duh)

Actual:

Specialist
Chemistry
Methods
Psychology
Biology
English

Goals:
English: 35
Psychology: 40
Biology: 38
Methods: 35
Specialist: 30

Actual:

Spoiler

(redacted)

We all know how much I despise English. So seeing that study score almost made my eyes pop out of my sockets. How in the world did I get that score? I feel almost undeserving of it after years of hating it.

I surpassed my expectations with bio and psych. But that did not stop me from feeling the slightest bit of disappointment. Deep inside, I really wanted one of them to surpass my chemistry study score as I truly enjoyed them. But nonetheless, they would have had minor effects on my ATAR and it is just vanity at that point. These became my bottom two which was totally unexpected but fate had other ideas.

My maths are another story. Sure, my english ss was improbable in my eyes but my maths study scores blew me away. How on earth did I manage a 40+ for methods? Having messed up one whole question in exam 2 and practically lost 15+ marks in exam 1 I am absolutely speechless. Specialist was my most i n c o r r e c t prediction yet. At the start of my 1/2 specialist studies, I thought a raw 30 was inconceivable but I pulled off a 43. If you ask me even I am clueless. This scaled to 50+ which to me was unfathomable. This single-handedly carried my ATAR.

I don’t want to come off vain but I truly am proud of myself. I attained an ATAR of 99+ much to my school's delight. This coupled with my SEAS will no doubt open many doors for me.

Is it enough for my dream course? Unfortunately no. I did not get an interview offer due to my abysmal UCAT score. A wave of sadness hit me once more, as though my 2 years of effort went all down the drain due to a 2-hour aptitude test. It’s almost funny. I am now leaning towards science/comp sci or commerce/comp sci. The prospect of not being able to do undergrad medicine stung of course, but I will not dwell on it. I have lived far too long in self-contempt.

My career advisers also look at me strangely when I want to enter a course in which the ATAR required is 75 and 88 respectively (with Monash guarantee). It does make me feel as though my effort to obtain the highest ATAR I can wasn’t necessary… even wasted energy. But you know what, what I have achieved is beyond my imagining. My ATAR might not have been needed for my courses but it showed me what I was capable of if I put in the effort and hard work.

I am genuinely happy, albeit confused and overwhelmed at times with my preferences, but truly happy.

Congrats all for getting through 2020. May 2021 bring us more fond memories

[ashmi]

Hey angrybiscuit!🥰

First of all CONGRATULATIONS!! Those are some amazing scores and I'm so proud of you for doing your absolute best. You got through VCE and was able to show yourself what you were capable of.

I am so happy for you and to me, you are one of the many inspirations on AN. If there is one thing that this journal has shown, it's your determination and will to never give up. Keep pursuing your dreams/goals and wherever you decide to go, we will always be here to support you. Once again, congratulations girl and good luck for 2021! I'm looking forward to hearing some amazing things from you in the future!!!

On a side note, I'm pretty sure with your SEAS and ATAR you may be able to get a scholarship somewhere?

[Chocolatemilkshake]

CONGRATULATIONS angrybiscuit! A RAW 43 in spec is absolutely incredible, I'm in awe. That. Is. Amazing.

A massive pat on the back for English, methods and that 99+ ATAR. I'm so happy for you and your attitude towards your future study is very inspiring. I can't wait to see what you do in the future, wherever you head I'm sure you'll continue to do fantastic things

[eloisegrace]

Congratulations angrybiscuit!

Those scores and that ATAR are amazing I wish you the very best for your future studies in 2021

methods score buddies hahaha

[Geoo]

Congrats Biscuit that's amazing, i'm so happy for you!

Your inspiring journal has been an absolute pleasure to read, and i'm so happy that you've been able to achieve what you have. Those scores and that atar are certainly impressive, and 100% deserved. Your strive and motivation has shone through with every post you've made and it's all paid off in the end. Congratulations again on your scores, hope you had a great new year and i'm looking forward to seeing where you go in the future.

[ArtyDreams]

CONGRATULATIONS!


Your achievements are so amazing and you should be extremely proud of yourself! (Especially that spec score.....it’s beautiful 🤩)

I’ve loved following your journal this year, best wishes for 2021!

[whys]

A massive, massive congratulations on your exceptional ATAR angrybiscuit!! You’ve worked so hard this year and it all payed off. That English study score is amazing, I’m so proud and happy for you!! After a year of loathing the subject, we made it through to the end. Not to mention, all your other scores were incredible too!

All the best for the future! I understand you may be feeling disappointed about not receiving an interview, but there are always non-standard and post-graduate options if you feel like you want to pursue medicine later on. You are such a determined person, I am sure you will get to wherever you want to be in life.

Once again, congratulations!!

[homeworkisapotato]

Congratulations angrybiscuit!!! I'm so happy and proud for you and I know you will go above and beyond after high school. Your journal has been a delight to read and I truly hope you are proud too!!

Are you planning to start a uni journal?

[Evolio]

A massive CONGRATS on your results angrybiscuit! Those scores are phenomenal!! I could only dream!

You've worked so hard and it's all paid off!

All the best for the future!! I know you're going to continue to achieve so much!!

[angrybiscuit]

ashmi

Hey angrybiscuit!🥰

First of all CONGRATULATIONS!! Those are some amazing scores and I'm so proud of you for doing your absolute best. You got through VCE and was able to show yourself what you were capable of.

I am so happy for you and to me, you are one of the many inspirations on AN. If there is one thing that this journal has shown, it's your determination and will to never give up. Keep pursuing your dreams/goals and wherever you decide to go, we will always be here to support you. Once again, congratulations girl and good luck for 2021! I'm looking forward to hearing some amazing things from you in the future!!!

On a side note, I'm pretty sure with your SEAS and ATAR you may be able to get a scholarship somewhere?

ASH,
I am so touched to hear these words  I'm so grateful to have someone like you who always pushes me and supports me.

Thank you so much ash, I can't wait to see what's next in store for you.

Chocolatemilkshake

CONGRATULATIONS angrybiscuit! A RAW 43 in spec is absolutely incredible, I'm in awe. That. Is. Amazing.

A massive pat on the back for English, methods and that 99+ ATAR. I'm so happy for you and your attitude towards your future study is very inspiring. I can't wait to see what you do in the future, wherever you head I'm sure you'll continue to do fantastic things

AHHH ty!! Even now, I still CANNOT fathom it.

Thanks so much for your words and likewise, congrats on all your hard work being paid off.

eloisegrace

Congratulations angrybiscuit!

Those scores and that ATAR are amazing I wish you the very best for your future studies in 2021

methods score buddies hahaha

Ty el! Right back at you with your maths study scores!

Haha yes! I have no idea how in the world I got that 

Geoo

Congrats Biscuit that's amazing, i'm so happy for you!

Your inspiring journal has been an absolute pleasure to read, and i'm so happy that you've been able to achieve what you have. Those scores and that atar are certainly impressive, and 100% deserved. Your strive and motivation has shone through with every post you've made and it's all paid off in the end. Congratulations again on your scores, hope you had a great new year and i'm looking forward to seeing where you go in the future.

Geoo,
Thank you so much! Likewise, I was SO happy seeing your results, knowing that they've surpassed your expectations.

Keep in touch I can't wait to see where this takes you also.

ArtyDreams

CONGRATULATIONS!


Your achievements are so amazing and you should be extremely proud of yourself! (Especially that spec score.....it’s beautiful 🤩)

I’ve loved following your journal this year, best wishes for 2021!

Arty,
thank you so much! Congrats to you as well, getting through year 12 in such a tumultuous year!
I can't where to see where you head off to next

whys

A massive, massive congratulations on your exceptional ATAR angrybiscuit!! You’ve worked so hard this year and it all payed off. That English study score is amazing, I’m so proud and happy for you!! After a year of loathing the subject, we made it through to the end. Not to mention, all your other scores were incredible too!

All the best for the future! I understand you may be feeling disappointed about not receiving an interview, but there are always non-standard and post-graduate options if you feel like you want to pursue medicine later on. You are such a determined person, I am sure you will get to wherever you want to be in life.

Once again, congratulations!!

Whys,
I can't believe we've made it through English!! No more bloody text response or argument analysis EVER.

Thanks for your words! All the best for whatever's next and beyond

homeworkisapotato

Congratulations angrybiscuit!!! I'm so happy and proud for you and I know you will go above and beyond after high school. Your journal has been a delight to read and I truly hope you are proud too!!

Are you planning to start a uni journal?

Potato,
THANK YOU! I'm glad you've stuck with me through this year, it's been a pleasure <3

Hopefully, I will have one! Provided that my responsibilities are not too overwhelming

Evolio

A massive CONGRATS on your results angrybiscuit! Those scores are phenomenal!! I could only dream!

You've worked so hard and it's all paid off!

All the best for the future!! I know you're going to continue to achieve so much!!

Evolio,
Thank you so much! Congrats to you also, for getting through this year with tenacity. Whatever your results may be, you should be proud of yourself.. I sure am!

Likewise, all the best for whatever's next <3

January 13th 2021
Had to stop myself from accidentally writing '2020'. Even online, I still feel as though I am stuck in 2020.

Thank you guys for the overwhelming support and love.

Life has taken me full force once more. I missed the busyness of year 12 and I got it back as the new year hit off. Despite being a casual, my hours reflect that of a full-timer at the moment and when I am not at work I am reading or off to the gym. So I’ve learned how to take care of myself again, like using moisturisers, self-care and all that jazz so that says something because even as a young child, I never bothered to look after myself.

I want to get back into programming and make a small game before my holidays end. I also want to get back to “rote” learning the keyboard. Sooner or later, I’m sure to get these done.

I got my statement of results back, you know out of interest. Made me feel some regret, some pride too. Like how I got 9 for my argument analysis, but 7 for the comparative. I never liked my pairing, now it made me cement my hatred. These filled my mind with if only’s. If only I had done this, if only i had done that blah blah. The saying is true, there will always be regret no matter the outcome of VCE.

13 days late but here are my new years resolutions
- Become more strong physically (and mentally)
- Recover from disordered eating and improve my relationship with food
- recover from body dysmorphia and learn self-love
- Spend more time with family
- Recognise my shortcomings, for example, my fiery temper and irritability and work towards reducing them

This is my second last entry of this journal. Isn't time funny? I cannot believe that we're already up to this point