AOS Discovery Creative

[leila754]

Hi,

I'm fairly new to the forums but I was just wondering if I could have some feedback on my intended creative writing piece. I have been working on this progressively but I am not sure if it is too implicit in its reference to the rubric, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[theyam]

Hi,

I'm fairly new to the forums but I was just wondering if I could have some feedback on my intended creative writing piece. I have been working on this progressively but I am not sure if it is too implicit in its reference to the rubric, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Hello
You can just post it here and someone one the forums will probably reply soon

[armtistic]

Hi,

I'm fairly new to the forums but I was just wondering if I could have some feedback on my intended creative writing piece. I have been working on this progressively but I am not sure if it is too implicit in its reference to the rubric, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

The imagery is well done, but starting at the paragraph that begins "Snapping himself out of the haze..." you seem to have a lot of weird tense shifts like in "Reaching his final mailbox, it rests on its side burdened by the weight of papers, yellowing under the tincture of the sun. Believing the compound should be empty, footsteps echo sharply." and "On the patio sits an empty flower pot, cracked and unadorned, surrounded by fragments of cracked earthenware. Pale cedar planks hindered the sights of the compound. " and "Reaching deep into his pocket he grabbed the coin the woman had slipped him. He handed the merchant his coin and in return the merchant missing a front tooth, smiles handing him a sweet honey roll filled with pockets of qashta. "
A few other grammatical/syntax errors that I'm sure a teacher could iron out.

I like this a lot, "realising his fate was no longer written in paper."

As for the reference to the syllabus, I don't think it's too implicit, however, maybe make the earthware symbolic of something more than just earthware so you can link it better to spiritual/emotional/intellectual discovery, maybe through a simile or extending this sentence "The paper boy turned the ceramic vase over and over, his eyes following the engravings, enchanted, tracing the lines/paths of (fate/ his future/ whatever)". Otherwise, the story seems fairly adaptable e.g. if the question is on rediscovery you might mention that his grandma used to have intricate vases and he used to spend hours finding X or Y in the intricate designs.

This isn't really an in-depth response, for that you need to meet some sort of post limits and you'll get feedback from the more experienced markers here.

[leila754]

Thank you