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Author Topic: 2017 LA Club - Week 1  (Read 14598 times)

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Anonymous

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #15 on: May 03, 2017, 04:34:34 pm »
+3
My own attempt, not that confident after rereading but whateverrr:

Charles Slack’s letter to the editor rejects The Washington Post’s claim that the publication of ‘Go Set a Watchman’ tarnished Harper Lee’s legacy as an author who challenged the status quo, and exposed and condemned the inherent societal prejudices of her time. Instead, he praises the new release as similarly might sound nicer if you change it to: as being equally as thought provoking to Lee's first. The phrase 'as similarly thought provoking' just sounds a bit odd thought provoking as Lee’s first.

The Trumbull resident,however, prefaces this assertion with an establishment 'by establishing the literary merit' might sound smoother of the literary merit of Lee’s work. Suggesting that her first novel was “beloved” by many, and still is “more than a half-century” after, audiences are positioned to deduce that literary merit must at least factor into why there is such deep admiration of her work that has even been able to persist through ages of changing literary preferences. This is a little clunky. Perhaps you could be more succinct. Also, you'd be better to start this clause with 'Slack positions audiences to...' When you start it with audiences, it seems as though you're saying that the audiences have made the suggestion, not Slack. Slack’s use of hyperbole in claiming that her work has created “the greatest movies of all time” further reinforces this. Exaggerating such movies’ quality as almost legendary and mythical in transcending time, this I would omit the this and the comma. It's unclear what the 'this' is referring to. If you want to keep the 'this,' I'd change it to: The exaggeration of .... (then we know it's the exaggeration you're talking about) serves to present Lee’s work as equally or greater so as they led to such movies.

In underscoring Lee’s ability to create quality literature, Slack then rebuffs assertions that ‘Go Set a Watchman’ mars her image as an author who spoke out against societal norms. Immediately though 'though' is too informal. Perhaps change to however. , Are you missing a word here? Maybe, the positioning positioning of this argument after establishing her abilities already inclines audiences to accept this assertion; it is as if they are positioned to generalize that all of Lee’s works, including ‘Go Set A Watchman’, embody her great literary ability to question inherent prejudices of society. Nevertheless, the Trumbull resident furthers his assertion by citing ‘Go Set a Watchman’s’ ability to spark “impassioned conversations”. The word “impassioned” connotes a sense of unrestrained emotion, and serves to allude to the provocative I'm not sure if provocative is the right word here. Maybe captivating or enthralling. nature of Lee’s highly praised original work. Thus, an association is drawn between the two novels, conveying that both are similarly thought provoking and challenging of their respective time periods challenge their respective time periods sounds nicer . Slack however then acknowledges that it is “lesser” so, hence acknowledging of an omit of an. Just say: acknowledging opposing viewpoints. opposing viewpoint to present himself as diplomatic and logical and therefore his assertion as similarly so. Seeing Slack’s argument as founded on logical thinking, audiences are hence positioned to more likely accept it. This last part is a bit generic. You could add some extra details to give it some zing.

On the whole, this is a good analysis. Just watch out for your expression. Sometimes the clunkiness/inarticulate nature of your sentences detract from your actual analysis.  :)



clarke54321

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #16 on: May 03, 2017, 04:49:12 pm »
+4
Sorry must be extra-tired or something. I forgot to tick the box twice..........  :-\
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Gogo14

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #17 on: May 06, 2017, 11:06:02 pm »
+4
I wrote this up before looking at the other essays. Thanks x10 to whoever corrects my essay!!!

Charles Slack argues that despite the publication of To set a watchman, Harper Lee’s legacy still remains preserved. Slack claims that Lee “continues to move millions of new readers each year”, suggesting that her popularity is unwavering. By mentioning that “Hollywood… translat[ed] the book into one of the greatest movies of all time”, slack invites the readers to measure the success of Harper Lee’s novels to be so extensive that Hollywood, a distinguished movie capital, has produced a successful movie about it. As such, bringing the novels into context with Hollywood and movie production, the readership is positioned to perceive the novel as significantly influential. Furthermore, Slack exaggerates the extent of Lee’s legacy by describing her literature to be “beloved by readers”, “move millions of new readers”,”shatter[ing] sales records” and is “one of the most beloved works of American literature”. This constant emphasis on her success establishes an admirable, appreciative tone that evokes awe in readers for the success of Harper Lee. Also, the fact that Lee allegedly still has such a profound influence on the literature world “more than half a half-century after publication” demonstrates to the audience that the success of Harper Lee is unquavering, thus lingering to be a legacy. Slack then reinforces his argument by suggesting to readers with opposing views to consider why other “writers [are] hoping to experience the same tragedy”. Tragedy is satirically labled in this article to denote success, and Slack manipulates this in a humorous manner to position the audience to view that Lee’s literature success is long lived and her influence is not a tragedy, but an ambition.
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zhen

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #18 on: May 06, 2017, 11:38:47 pm »
+5
I wrote this up before looking at the other essays. Thanks x10 to whoever corrects my essay!!!

Charles Slack argues that despite the publication of To set a watchman, Harper Lee’s legacy still remains preserved. Good sentence introducing the contention of the piece. Slack claims that Lee “continues to move millions of new readers each year”, suggesting that her popularity is unwavering I don't think this is sufficient analysis for a quote. You've just provided half a sentence analysing the quote which I don't think is enough and shows a lack of depth of analysis.By mentioning that “Hollywood… translat[ed] the book into one of the greatest movies of all time”, slack invites the readers to measure the success of Harper Lee’s novels to be so extensive that Hollywood, a distinguished movie capital, has produced a successful movie about it. As such, bringing the novels into context with Hollywood and movie production, the readership is positioned to perceive the novel as significantly influential. Some really good analysis here.  :) Furthermore, Slack exaggerates the extent of Lee’s legacy by describing her literature to be “beloved by readers”, “move millions of new readers”,”shatter[ing] sales records” and is “one of the most beloved works of American literature”. Here you're just listing quotes, which is something you don't want to do, as it just seems like you're retelling what the writer said. Also, by listing quotes you limit how much you can analyse of each quote, as it forces you to give a broad statement analysing all the quotes. This constant emphasis on her success establishes an admirable, appreciative I don't think this word is used right, since appreciative means that they are grateful for, which I don't think is an appropriate description of the writer's tone tone that evokes awe in readers for the success of Harper Lee. Also, the fact that Lee allegedly still has such a profound influence on the literature world This sentence sounds like it isn't analysing the piece, since the first part of the sentence sounds more like a fact. I think through establishing that Lee still has such a profound influence on the literature world..., Slack demonstrates to the reader.... would be a better sentence“more than half a half-century after publication” demonstrates to the audience that the success of Harper Lee is unquavering, thus lingering to be a legacy. Expression here is weird Slack then reinforces his argument by suggesting to readers with opposing views to consider why other “writers [are] hoping to experience the same tragedy”. Tragedy is satirically labled in this article to denote success, and Slack manipulates this in a humorous manner to position the audience to view that Lee’s literature success is long lived and her influence is not a tragedy, but an ambition. You haven't really mentioned how Slack manipulages the word tragedy humorously or provides sufficient evidence to support this idea.
I felt like you started really strong, but then towards the middle, the of your essay your quality dropped. Anyway, good job and keep working at it (not that I need to tell the god himself).  :)

clarke54321

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #19 on: May 07, 2017, 09:55:43 am »
+5
I wrote this up before looking at the other essays. Thanks x10 to whoever corrects my essay!!!

Charles Slack argues that despite the publication of 'To set a watchman' , Harper Lee’s legacy still remains preserved. Slack claims that Lee “continues to move millions of new readers each year”, suggesting that her popularity is unwavering I think it would be worth devoting one more sentence to this piece of evidence. If you could tease out some finer details as to why it is unwavering, it would add a lot more strength to your analysis. . By mentioning that “Hollywood… translat[ed] the book into one of the greatest movies of all time”, slack invites the readers to measure the success of Harper Lee’s novels to be so extensive that Hollywood, a distinguished movie capital, has produced a successful movie about it. As such, bringing the novels into context with Hollywood and movie production, the readership is positioned to perceive the novel as significantly influential. Good! You've stretched out the impacts of the example. Furthermore, Slack exaggerates the extent of Lee’s legacy by describing her literature to be “beloved by readers”, “move millions of new readers”,”shatter[ing] sales records” and is “one of the most beloved works of American literature”. While your examples help illustrate your point, you could make it stronger by analysing a single adjective or verb to really underscore the exaggeration of her legacy. This constant emphasis on her success establishes an admirable, appreciative tone that evokes awe in readers for the success of Harper Lee. Also, the fact that Lee allegedly still has such a profound influence on the literature world “more than half a half-century after publication” demonstrates to the audience that the success of Harper Lee is unwavering , thus lingering to be a legacy Bit of an awkward expression. I would use this clause to talk about the effect on the reader. . Slack then reinforces his argument by suggesting to readers with opposing views to consider why other “writers [are] hoping to experience the same tragedy”. Tragedy is satirically labelled in this article to denote success Might sound clearer if you said: To kindle a sense of humor in readers, Slack paradoxically implies that tragedy is a kind of success, thereby provoking/coaxing/positioning readers....... , and Slack manipulates this in a humorous manner to position the audience to view that Lee’s literature success is long lived and her influence is not a tragedy, but an ambition.

This is a good analysis. You've picked out examples, which clearly illustrate your points. If you can tease out your evidence to a greater extent, it will really strengthen your work!
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Anonymous

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #20 on: May 08, 2017, 01:50:46 pm »
+4
Due to a recent death of the author Harper Lee, Washington post has created an opinion piece labelling the sequel to ‘how to kill a mocking bird’ as a tragedy. The audience of this piece are readers who have read ‘how to kill a mocking jay,’ and fans of Harper Lee.  The piece’s contention is that the sequel , ‘Go set a watch man’ will tarnish the ‘beloved’ classic and the legacy of Lee. Charles Slack responds to this claim with a letter to the editor. Slack’s contention is that the sequel does not a tarnish Harper’s or the sequel’s legacy. He supports this contention by associating the success of the sequel, and the perceptions of the audience towards his contention.

The author of the opinion piece’s use of describing why the sequel was created is used to belittle the authenticity of the sequel. The author does this by the use of strong and sophisted language such as ‘foisted’ and ‘akin’ in order to sound more knowledgeable. This is to make the audience believe that what the author is saying is educated and therefore right. The author uses the ethos of the audience,  by claiming the tarnishing of Lee’s reputation was at fault because of the sequel, and claiming that the sequel was created by the public’s eagerness. This is to discredit the the authenticity of the sequel and position the reader to believe that the sequel is a completely different interpretation to the sequel.  Charles Slack however uses logos by associating the success of the sequel to discredit the author’s view that the sequel tarnishes the legacy of Lee. This is done by Lee pointing out the rows of the lines queuing for the sequel. Lee further diminishes the author’s claim through the use of logos. He does this by poinitng that out that ‘history will place Go set a watchman in its proper context, and how to kill a mocking jay will hold it’s position as one of the most beloved works of American literature.’ By doing this, it dispels fear from the audience that the sequel will somehow clash with Lee’s legacy.

TheCommando

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #21 on: May 08, 2017, 01:52:48 pm »
+2
^^^^
That was mine
Tf the quick reply stuff didnt have the tick button so it automatically made mine anonymous...... your account is anonymous anyway plus its randoms who your interacting with, and the more things what u can find what you did wrong the better

Anonymous

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #22 on: May 08, 2017, 04:06:54 pm »
+3
Due to a recent death of the author Harper Lee, Washington post has created an opinion piece labelling the sequel to ‘how to kill a mocking bird’ as a tragedy. The audience of this piece are readers who have read ‘how to kill a mocking jay,’ and fans of Harper Lee.  The piece’s contention is that the sequel , ‘Go set a watch man’ will tarnish the ‘beloved’ classic and the legacy of Lee. Charles Slack responds to this claim with a letter to the editor. Slack’s contention is that the sequel does not a tarnish Harper’s or the sequel’s legacy. He supports this contention by associating the success of the sequel, and the perceptions of the audience towards his contention.gets good in the last 2 sentences, but you could cut down and condense the content earlier

The author of the opinion piece’s use of describing why the sequel was created is used to belittle the authenticity of the sequel. expressionThe author does this by the use of strong and sophisted language such as ‘foisted’ and ‘akin’ in order to sound more knowledgeable. This is to make the audience believe that what the author is saying is educated and therefore right. nice quoting, but go further and say why the audience would be inclined to be persuaded by an educated author. Also specify what educated entails (e.g. apparent harper lee fan)The author uses the ethos of the audience,  by claiming the tarnishing of Lee’s reputation was at fault because of the sequel, and claiming that the sequel was created by the public’s eagerness. add some quotes to show thisThis is to discredit the the authenticity of the sequel and position the reader to believe that the sequel is a completely different interpretation to the sequel. authenticity is an odd word choice, is the author really saying this?Charles Slack however uses logos by associating the success of the sequel to discredit the author’s view that the sequel tarnishes the legacy of Lee. ]good analysis]This is done by Lee pointing out the rows of the lines queuing for the sequel. Lee further diminishes the author’s claim through the use of logos. Lee is dead. I think you mistyped?He does this by poinitng that out that ‘history will place Go set a watchman in its proper context, and how to kill a mocking jay will hold it’s position as one of the most beloved works of American literature.’ By doing this, it dispels fear from the audience that the sequel will somehow clash with Lee’s legacy.more analysis here would be good, you're leading into a good point


Overall, Good Job! There were some expression errors and some sentences which could be better rephrased. There was some really deep analysis going on, but you need to just put in an extra sentence or two to explain why the impact will position the reader to agree with the author and how it contributes to the authors contention. Also try not to use pathos,logos and ethos explicitly in your analysis- got rekt by my teacher for doing it.

I'm not a "guaranteed raw 50english god" like Zhen, so keep in mind that my advice might have loopholes or not be accurag

clarke54321

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #23 on: May 08, 2017, 05:56:20 pm »
+3
Due to a recent death of the author Harper Lee, Washington post has created published an opinion piece labelling the sequel to ‘how to kill a mocking bird’ as a tragedy. The audience of this piece are readers who have read ‘how to kill a mocking jay,’ and fans of Harper Lee Your reference to the audience is a bit too definite. Perhaps, are likely to have an interest in the works of Harper Lee. If you can, try and be more subtle when referring to audience. .  The piece’s Speak in terms of the author. So Ron Charles. A way to add more zing to introducing the contention, try and put an adjective before it. Eg. fervently or ardently contends.   contention is that the sequel , ‘Go set a watch man’ will tarnish the ‘beloved’ classic and the legacy of Lee. Charles Slack responds to this claim with a letter to the editor. Slack’s contention is that the sequel does not a tarnish Harper’s or the sequel’s legacy. Try and bring these sentences together. For example, in his letter to the editor, Charles Slack contends....' He supports this contention by associating the success of the sequel, and the perceptions of the audience towards his contention. Try not to bring arguments into your introduction. It is merely a structural feature. Therefore, you just want to state the main things like, tone, audience, contention.

The author of the opinion piece’s Start using Slack's name immediately use of describing why the sequel was created is used to belittle the authenticity of the sequel. The author does this by the use of strong and sophisted language such as ‘foisted’ and ‘akin’ in order to sound more knowledgeable. Once more, try and bring these sentences together. It will improve your articulation. For example, 'Through the use of strong and seemingly sophisticated language, like X and Y, Slack endeavours to belittle the authenticity of the sequel. Also, try and provide a little more context when dropping in quotes. This is to make the audience believe that what the author is saying is educated and therefore right This is too generic. Provide more detail as to how this language makes the writer appear. This will be easier to do if you provide more context for the quotes provided. The author uses the ethos Don't refer to pathos, logos or ethos explicitly in your analysis. Just use these umbrellas to help you classify the different parts of the analysis. of the audience,  by claiming the tarnishing of Lee’s reputation was at fault because of the sequel, and claiming that the sequel was created by the public’s eagerness Use quotes from the piece if you are referring to evidence . This is to discredit the authenticity of the sequel and position the reader to believe that the sequel is a completely different interpretation to the sequel. I'm not too sure what your trying to say here.   Charles Slack however uses logos Omit this reference. Also, I don't think your upcoming evidence relates to pathos. Pathos relates to emotion of the reader. How does Lee's evidence regarding the long queue of people relate to the feelings or readers? by associating the success of the sequel to discredit the author’s view that the sequel tarnishes the legacy of Lee. This is done by Lee pointing out the rows of the lines queuing for the sequel Again, evidence needs to come directly from the article . Lee further diminishes the author’s claim through the use of logos Omit . He does this by poinitng out that ‘history will place Go set a watchman in its proper context, and how to kill a mocking jay will hold it’s position as one of the most beloved works of American literature.’ The main example of logos is coming from history's ability to set the sequel in its proper place. I think you need to be more explicit with this. You've kind of glossed over this example too much. By doing this, it dispels fear from the audience that the sequel will somehow clash with Lee’s legacy.


Good job. You've understood the piece well and the varying perspectives of the writers. In terms of your actual analysis, I think you need to be more articulate. That is, don't move on from evidence too quickly or explanations too earlier. If you do this, the reader is left trying to infer what you meant. Further, make sure that your evidence comes from the original piece! Keep practising, your insights are really good!
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Anonymous

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #24 on: May 08, 2017, 06:17:15 pm »
+1
Hey, I don't have an essay, but I have a really urgent question coz I have my sac this Wednesday.
I just want to know approx. how many pieces of evidence you need to include in 1 body paragraph. Coz for all the stuff in one of my body paragraphs, I'll either need more evidence or more explanation.
Thank-you!
-j

Anonymous

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #25 on: May 08, 2017, 06:27:29 pm »
+2
Hey, I don't have an essay, but I have a really urgent question coz I have my sac this Wednesday.
I just want to know approx. how many pieces of evidence you need to include in 1 body paragraph. Coz for all the stuff in one of my body paragraphs, I'll either need more evidence or more explanation.
Thank-you!
-j

There is no set number of quotes for each body paragraph. But as a general rule of thumb, I aim to have no more than two sentences without quotes. You should be covering enough of the article so that you are embedding quotes frequently. That is, you don't want to be stuck on the same piece of evidence for multiple sentences.

I'm not an expert, as I am also in year 12. Could someone please correct me if I am wrong. 

clarke54321

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #26 on: May 08, 2017, 06:28:37 pm »
+4
Sorry the above comment is mine ^^  >:( Damn anonymous box!
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HopefulLawStudent

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #27 on: May 08, 2017, 07:01:34 pm »
+4
More feedback of all other pieces will be forthcoming (eventually). Keep up the responses, guys!!

Charles Slack's letter to the editor "The 'tragedy' of Harper Lee" satirically condemns the notion that Harper Lee's story is tragic, contending that a myriad of writers would be envious of her situation. Slack accentuates that Harper's novel is "beloved by readers", which connotes admiration and respect, hence embellishing Harper's life whilst simultaneously portraying Harper as a person who is respected by society. Through this, Slack prompts the reader to view Harper as a a successful individual, hence reinforcing the idea that her life was not full of tragedy, but success. Slack progresses his argument by attacking the opposition through by underscoring that Lee's "lesser work" beware: quoting without analysis; basically what you're doing is flagging missed opportunities for analysis which isn't ideal.has "inspire[d] new and impassioned conversations about literature and race"have you analysed this quote??, hence foregrounding the idea that this book which was deemed to have tarnished Lee's reputation, was in fact an influential novel. In doing this, Slack completely denounces the opposition's claims that the novel "Go Set a Watchman" has tarnished Lee's reputation. Furthermore, this also positions the reader to perceive these claims that Lee's life was a tragedy as ridiculous, as he stresses that even in her "lesser work" she still achieved numerous successes. Minor detail considering the fact that this isn't a full-blown analysis but remember when paragraphing in your LA, one idea/sub-argument per paragraph so realistically you wouldn't talk about the whole "Lee's life = tragedy = ridiculous" idea in this para as well as "denounces opposition's claims" idea within the same BP because I feel that they're distinct enough that they would warrant two separate BPs
« Last Edit: May 08, 2017, 07:04:33 pm by HopefulLawStudent »

Anonymous

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #28 on: May 08, 2017, 09:13:44 pm »
+2
Thank-you so much clarke54321 for your rule of thumb! >_<
-j

TheCommando

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Re: 2017 LA Club - Week 1
« Reply #29 on: May 09, 2017, 09:55:43 am »
+1

Overall, Good Job! There were some expression errors and some sentences which could be better rephrased. There was some really deep analysis going on, but you need to just put in an extra sentence or two to explain why the impact will position the reader to agree with the author and how it contributes to the authors contention. Also try not to use pathos,logos and ethos explicitly in your analysis- got rekt by my teacher for doing it.

I'm not a "guaranteed raw 50english god" like Zhen, so keep in mind that my advice might have loopholes or not be accurag
It was my first attempt to use logos ethos and stuff
I was told its important to use it as you peice will sound much better
Thank you!

Hey, for the first paragraph how and why would i condense the first section of it? I did it to introduce the context, the authors and the contention
Im not sure what u mean by the feedback where u said expression
Why is it wrong and how would i improve it

Mod Edit: Post merge :)
« Last Edit: May 09, 2017, 10:23:14 am by jamonwindeyer »