[2016 LA Club] Week 20

[literally lauren]

note: I plan on getting through any pieces currently unmarked by tomorrow; apologies to those who've had to wait. Also, remember that I'll be inclined to give extra feedback to those who are doing so for others - marking is just as useful as writing a piece yourself (and tbh it's quicker and makes for more efficient improvement anyways) so please to jump in and offer comments when you can!

It's our 20 week anniversary, so I brought you something special...

Here's a piece from The Daily Telegraph about the nature of Year 12, just in case your lives didn't feel VCE-centric enough right now! There's also two comments responding to the main piece; deal with all three texts, or just focus on one if you prefer.

Note that VCAA would never give you anything with references to something as specific as The Hunger Games because that'd split the state between those who had read the books/ seen the films - and that'd be a bit cruel. So if you want to say something about that parallel, you can, but I just found the title amusing, so you can just concentrate on the language within the piece.

Year 12: Welcome to the Hunger Games

School days used to be traditionally lauded as the best days of our lives — but those in Year 12 preparing for their final examinations feel more like they’re in a relentless competition that only the strongest can survive.

I’ve worked in education all my career and my daughter is doing her HSC this year. When I talk to teens about how they feel about their final years of schooling, I can’t help but think something, somewhere, has gone terribly wrong.

There are teens who tell me they often think about dropping out — not only of school, but of life. Others who tell me they ask to be excused in class so they can lock themselves in the school toilets and cry. There are those who were made to give up sports and hobbies they loved (one girl was made to sell her beloved horse) so they’d have more time to spend on studying.

For now, I’ll hug my daughter often. Try to be patient when she procrastinates for days watching Gilmore Girls. And I’ll help her realise she can never be defined by a mark.

- Danielle Miller

COMMENTS

Wow what a surprise. Kids are stressed because after years of no competition and awards for participation suddenly they have to achieve or be relegated to the scrap heap and they cannot cope and experts cannot understand why.

It is you experts and your level playing fields that brought this into being, you forgot life is all about competition and learning early in life about this helps you cope with it. Another article in today's Herald Sun talks about how our young cannot even climb a tree. My 2 sons spent so much time up the tree in our yard the neighbours thought they were part monkey.

- Bryan


The stress these kids are experiencing is no different to what students felt 30 years ago. The big difference is coping skills and knowing you had to respond to pressure by stepping up to the plate. Sure some kids will require assistance to handle stress, but guess what? Most of them won't and if their parents stop babying them, these young people will get through this period. If they're not prepared for work or higher education by now, then their upbringing and their parents failed them.

- Steve

[HopefulLawStudent]

In a blunt tone, Miller seeks to portray VCE as a “relentless competition”. She juxtaposes this with “traditional” school days which were openly regarded as the “best days” of a young adult’s life. By contrasting this expectation with the reality through this appeal to tradition, Miller impresses upon her readers the perception that the true meaning of Year 12 has become perverted and is no longer as it should be. She enhances this notion through her affirmation that “something… has gone terribly wrong” which is bolstered through her averment that she had “worked in education all [her] career” and that her “daughter is doing her HSC this year”. The implication associated with these comments was that she had intimate experience with students in their final year of secondary schooling; as such, the writer manoeuvres her audience to regard her concerns as justified. She further legitimises the reader concern by indicating that she was routinely approached by teens who thought “about dropping out”, portraying such thoughts as common during VCE. The writer thereby positions her targeted audience of parents to question whether or not their own children had had similar thoughts. This fear is augmented by the anecdote of students needing “to be excused… so they can lock themselves in school toilets and cry”. The reader is compelled to imagine their own children in this position and fear that it could be happening without their knowledge. As such, when Miller insists that she is determined to “help [daughter] realise she can never be defined by a mark”, the writer encourages her audience to embrace a similar stance in recognising that VCE is not the be all end all.

Contrastingly, where Miller is blunt and compassionate, Bryan is sardonic and derisive as he diminishes the experiences of these teens; he thereby implies that there is nothing abnormal with the stress these kids feel. Instead, the writer frankly diagnoses this stress as a product of “years of no competition and awards for participation.” It is an atmosphere that he blames on “you experts”;. In employing the second person pronoun you, he is in effect confronting the audience, intimating that they too had contributed to the stress of their children. This notion is further enhanced by Bryan’s ironical “wow what a surprise” which suggests that the correlation between student stress and their upbringing one was an obvious one; to this end, he seeks to expose this relationship to his readers to elicit their guilt. In turn, he assuages his reader’s concern through the implication that it was their concern that generated this problem to begin with. In a similar manner, Steve indicates that parents are guilty of “babying them” and have in turn rendered their children incapable of “stepping up the plate”. These colloquialisms convey the need for the audience to cease being so strict and to instead become more relaxed and less concerned. Steve furthers this argument by bluntly condemning the parents of kids who are incapable of managing stress, blaming their inability on “their upbringing and their parents”. To this end, Steve appeals to the love the audience has for their children in order to assuage their concern; this, he achieves through the implication that if they remain concerned, they will in effect be “babying them” and just furthering the issue.

PS: Can't believe we're at week 20 already...

[literally lauren]

In a blunt tone, Miller seeks to portray VCE as a “relentless competition”. She juxtaposes this with “traditional” school days which were openly regarded as the “best days” of a young adult’s life. By contrasting this expectation with the reality what reality would this be, exactly? You've explored one side of what she's juxtaposing here, but the other one is left a bit open ended through this appeal to tradition, Miller impresses upon her readers the perception that the true meaning of Year 12 has become perverted and is no longer as it should be excellent opening. She enhances this notion & v.good linking through her affirmation that “something… has gone terribly wrong” which is bolstered through her averment that she had “worked in education all [her] career” and that her “daughter is doing her HSC this year”. The implication associated with these comments was that she had intimate experience with students in their final year of secondary schooling; as such, the writer manoeuvres her audience to regard her concerns as justified. She further legitimises the reader her own concern? or the readers'? You could talk about both, but the former seems more fitting given the context of your analysis concern by indicating that she was routinely approached by teens who thought “about dropping out”, portraying such thoughts as common during VCE. The writer thereby positions her targeted audience of parents to question whether or not their own children had had similar thoughts. This fear awesome linking! is augmented by the anecdote of students needing “to be excused… so they can lock themselves in school toilets and cry”. The reader is compelled to imagine their own children in this position and fear that it could be happening without their knowledge. As such, when Miller insists that she is determined to “help her [daughter] realise she can never be defined by a mark”, the writer she encourages her audience to embrace a similar stance in recognising that VCE is not the be all end all. bit colloquial at the end here, but other than that, an excellent paragraph!

Contrastingly, where Miller is blunt and compassionate, Bryan is sardonic and derisive as he diminishes the experiences of these teens; he thereby implies that there is nothing abnormal with the stress these kids again, colloq. This is a really minor point and assessors probably wouldn't care, but as always, aim to cater to the fussiest ones feel. Instead, the writer frankly diagnoses v. good characterisation of tone and authorial intent here; your vocab choices are excellent this stress as a product of “years of no competition and awards for participation.” It is an atmosphere that he blames on “you experts”;. <--stuff missing here? Otherwise, you'd want to link this to the following sentence more clearly--> In employing the second person pronoun you, he is in effect confronting the audience, intimating that they too had contributed to the stress of their children. This notion is further enhanced by Bryan’s ironical “wow what a surprise” which suggests that the correlation between student stress and their upbringing one was an obvious one good link between the tone he's employing and the overall intention here; to this end, he seeks to expose this relationship to his readers to elicit their guilt. In turn, he assuages his reader’s concern is this assuaging their concern, or amplifying it? Based on your previous discussion, this seems like more of a critique than a comfort to readers through the implication that it was their concern that generated this problem to begin with. In a similar manner, Steve indicates that parents are guilty of “babying them” and have in turn rendered their children incapable of “stepping up the plate”. These colloquialisms convey the need for the audience to cease being so strict and to instead become more relaxed and less concerned pick one; mentioning both is unnecessary. Steve furthers this argument by bluntly condemning the parents of kids who are incapable of managing stress, blaming where do you get this sense of 'blame' from? What language is contributing to this? their inability on “their upbringing and their parents”. To this end, Steve appeals to the love the audience has for their children in order to assuage their concern; this, he achieves through the implication that if they remain concerned, they will in effect be “babying them” and just furthering the issue ...being the issue of...? Avoid being hyper-general at the end here unless you're running out of time and only have a few seconds to wrap up..

PS: Can't believe we're at week 20 already...
~75 sleeps till the exams, hooray!
...so 76 sleeps until you can be done with Language Analysis forever!

[crystallisation]

Danielle Miller begins her article by contrasting ‘school…best days of our lives’ to now a ‘relentless competition’. In a sympathetic tone Miller emphasises Year 12 is no longer a happy period in a teenager’s life as she once experienced, but a period where ‘only the strongest can survive’. Miller uses the words ‘competition’ and the idea of school as ‘The Hunger Games’ to accentuate the pressure placed on students. This perspective of school persuades readers to be aware of the competitive environment students are placed in and therefore enforce feelings of sympathy towards them. Miller further informs the readers that as she ‘worked in education all [her] career’ and her daughter is also going through HSC she is exposed to the experiences students go through, therefore, she is able to give a closer insight of the stress and emotions students have towards school. With her close connections to high school this encourages readers to acknowledge Miller’s opinion and validates her anecdotes. The emotive depictions of students ‘[locking] themselves’ in toilets to cry and giving up ‘hobbies they loved’ displays the struggles students go through in their lives, Miller uses these anecdotes to support her view that school is causing students to make sacrifices at a young age to ‘spend on studying’. Through her choice of emotive words and student anecdotes this encourages readers to realise school has become a place where students are subjected to an environment labelled as a competition and hence, Miller believes this approach should be stopped.

In Miller’s opinion piece, Bryan and Steve respond to her in a judgemental and factual manner viewing her perspective of school being narrow minded. Miller views the stress students experience to be a concern that should be addressed, however, Bryan sarcastically comments ‘kids are stressed because after years of no competition’. Bryan considers the stress that students are now feeling is a normal part of life and should therefore ‘help you cope’ in the future. He continuously refers to his audience as ‘you’ to place readers in a position to feel a sense of responsibility towards their approach towards students wellbeing. Steve presents a similar view targeting teachers and parents to stop ‘babying them,’ and asserting how students handle the stress is linked to ‘their upbringing’. The duty parents have to their child’s education Steve emphasises and bluntly states if students are incapable of handling the challenges of school ‘their parents failed them’. Readers are compelled to remember that school helps teach students and is not a place that purposely forces negative experiences onto students as Miller states.

2 months late? haha my LA skills are extremely rusty...this actually took longer than expected (I could have watched 2 movies with the amount of time I spent on this)

[Anonymous]

Miller’s reflection that “traditionally” school days used to be considered the “best days of our lives”, provides a stark contrast to the present Year 12 which only the “strongest can survive”. This juxtaposition reminisces the past and reinforces its favourability amongst readers. By comparison, Miller’s acknowledgement of the “relentless” competition that pervades Year 12 suggests its injustice and barbarism, and readers are compelled to view the education system’s progress with contempt. In addition, Miller’s claim: “I’ve worked in education all my career and my daughter in doing her HSC this year”, demonstrates her expertise within the field of education, thereby increasing her credibility amongst her readership. Consequently, readers are encouraged to agree with Miller’s view and are compelled to consider a reformation of the educational system in comparison to the current which has become almost brutal in nature. In contrast, Steve stresses that the stress which students experience is “no different to what students felt 30 years ago”. This serves to reinforce the notion that the education system has proved stagnant and instead highlights that we should focus our energies into developing “coping skills”, rather than condemning the educational system.

Sympathetic to the plight of students, Miller recalls that teenagers often confide in her they think of “dropping out – not only of school, but of life”. This anecdote once again reinforces her credibility and expertise within the field of education and the impact the current system has on its students. The tragic image of a student “lock[ing] themselves in the school toilets [to] cry” creates a sense of pathos within the audience and suggests the scathing demands of the educational system upon its students. Furthermore, her claim that students are forced to neglect “sports and hobbies” to ensure more time to “spend on studying” suggests that Year 12 proves too demanding of its students. It is evident that hobbies facilitate one’s emotional wellbeing and Miller’s suggestion that students are being deprived of their enjoyments compels readers to view the educational system with contempt and feel concern over the mental wellbeing of our students. In contrast, Bryan bitterly remarks “Wow what a surprise” over the increased stress students experience. His remark that students after some time of “no competition and awards” for participation must “suddenly achieve” lest they be “relegated to the scrap heap”, undermines the plight of students and describes them as too sensitive. This renders a lack of sympathy within his audience and instead compels readers to view students as timorous and sensitive in the face of “life” which is “all about competition”. Similarly, Steve condemns the soft approach of Miller and declares that parents need to stop “babying” their children in order to prepare them for the demands of work and higher education. Steve’s claim that if they are unprepared then their “upbringing” and their “parents have failed them”, creates a sense of fear amongst parents for their child’s preparedness for the future as well as a sense of concern for their parenting. As consequence, parents in particular are encouraged to condemn the soft approach of Miller and instead adopt a more forceful and strict nature to ensure their children’s development and readiness for the future.

[literally lauren]

Danielle Miller begins her article by contrasting ‘school…best days of our lives’ if you're modifying a quote with an ellipsis, you want it to still make sense in the context of your sentence to now a ‘relentless competition’. In a sympathetic tone Miller emphasises Year 12 is no longer a happy period in a teenager’s life as she once experienced, but a period where ‘only the strongest can survive’. Miller uses the words ‘competition’ and the idea of school as ‘The Hunger Games’ to accentuate the pressure placed on students. This perspective of school persuades readers to be aware of the competitive environment students are placed in and therefore enforce feelings bit strong; consider words like evoke/elicit/engender instead of sympathy towards them. Miller further informs the readers that as she ‘worked in education all [her] career’ and her daughter is also going through HSC she is exposed to the experiences students go through, therefore, she is able to give a closer insight of the stress and emotions students have towards school. With her close connections to high school this encourages readers to acknowledge Miller’s opinion and validates her anecdotes. The emotive depictions of students ‘[locking] themselves’ in toilets to cry and giving up ‘hobbies they loved’ displays the struggles students go through in their lives, Miller uses these anecdotes to support her view that school is causing students to make sacrifices at a young age to ‘spend on studying’ yes, but what's the effect of this language. Through her choice of emotive words and student anecdotes this encourages readers to realise school has become a place where students are subjected to an environment labelled as a competition and hence, Miller believes no need to comment on what the author believes; just discuss what they're compelling readers to think/feel this approach should be stopped.

In Miller’s opinion piece, Bryan and Steve respond to her this expression is a bit odd; they don't respond to her in her piece in a judgemental and factual manner viewing her perspective of school being narrow minded. Miller views the stress students experience to be a concern this is also a little clunky, try to use different verbs to describe what the author is doing that should be addressed, however, Bryan sarcastically comments ‘kids are stressed because after years of no competition’. Bryan considers again, don't tell us what the author is thinking or believes, just focus on how their language is being used to persuade the stress that students are now feeling is a normal part of life and should therefore ‘help you cope’ in the future. He continuously refers to his audience as ‘you’ to place readers in a position to feel a sense of responsibility towards their approach towards students wellbeing. Steve presents a similar view targeting teachers and parents to stop ‘babying them,’ and asserting how students handle the stress is linked to ‘their upbringing’ why are you quoting this? Try to only quote language that's persuasive & that you can analyse. The duty parents have to their child’s education Steve emphasises and bluntly states if students are incapable of handling the challenges of school ‘their parents failed them’ sentence structure. Readers are compelled to remember that school helps teach students and is not a place that purposely forces negative experiences onto students as Miller states.
Overall process is pretty good, but specificity is key, so make sure you're 'showing your workings' and explaining things adequately. Also - avoid quoting to summarise!

Miller’s reflection that “traditionally” school days used to be considered the “best days of our lives”, provides a stark contrast to the present Year 12 which only the “strongest can survive” try to use a verb to clarify that this is an idea the author is conveying (e.g. a stark contrast to how the author portrays the present Year 12 experience where only the "strongest can survive."). This juxtaposition reminisces the past word check; 'reminisces' doesn't really fit in this context and reinforces its favourability amongst readers and why would the author want to do this? How does it help her argument?. By comparison, Miller’s acknowledgement of the “relentless” competition that pervades Year 12 suggests its injustice and barbarism, and readers are compelled to view the education system’s progress with contempt v good! . In addition, Miller’s claim: “I’ve worked in education all my career and my daughter in doing her HSC this year”, demonstrates her expertise within the field of education, thereby increasing her credibility amongst her readership. Consequently, readers are encouraged to agree with Miller’s view and avoid sweeping/generic statements like this are compelled to consider a reformation of the educational system in comparison to the current which has become almost brutal in nature. In contrast, Steve stresses that the stress need some synonyms for 'stresses' e.g. emphasises, highlights, underscores, draws attention to, foregrounds, etc. which students experience is “no different to what students felt 30 years ago”. This serves to reinforce the notion that the education system has proved stagnant and instead highlights that we should focus our energies into developing “coping skills”, rather than condemning the educational system I'm not sure you've earned this conclusion yet; spending an extra sentence explaining this author's point/language might be necessary..

Sympathetic to the plight of students, Miller recalls that teenagers often confide in her they think of “dropping out – not only of school, but of life”. This anecdote once again reinforces her credibility try to group similar techniques together so that you don't have to repeat yourself; also, you could extend this to talking about the effect the education system has on students, rather than just talking about how it sets up the author's credibility. You kind of do this afterwards, and I think that's a much stronger point here and expertise within the field of education and the impact the current system has on its students. The tragic image of a student “lock[ing] themselves in the school toilets [to] cry” creates a sense of pathos within the audience and suggests 'is indicative of' the scathing demands of the educational system upon its students. Furthermore, her claim that students are forced to neglect “sports and hobbies” to ensure more time to “spend on studying” suggests that Year 12 proves too demanding of its students. It is evident that hobbies facilitate one’s emotional wellbeing how is it evident? Remember, you can't draw upon background knowledge or your own understanding; you have to talk about ideas that the author has raised and positioned, so try not to bring in any external impressions about the issue or related concepts and Miller’s suggestion that students are being deprived of their enjoyments compels readers to view the educational system with contempt and feel concern over the mental wellbeing of our students good description of the effect here . In contrast, Bryan bitterly remarks “Wow what a surprise” over the increased stress students experience. His remark that students after some time of “no competition and awards” for participation must “suddenly achieve” lest they be “relegated to the scrap heap”, undermines the plight of students and describes 'characterises' might be a better word in this context them as too sensitive. This renders a lack of sympathy within his audience and instead compels readers to view students as timorous and sensitive you've used this word already; try to vary it up with synonyms in the face of “life” which is “all about competition”. Similarly, Steve condemns the soft approach of Miller and declares that parents need to stop “babying” their children in order to prepare them for the demands of work and higher education. Steve’s claim that if they are unprepared then their “upbringing” and their “parents have failed them”, creates a sense of fear amongst parents for their child’s preparedness for the future as well as a sense of concern for their parenting could be more specific here; how might a claim like "parents have failed them" affect readers? Why would that language have that effect?. As consequence, parents in particular are encouraged to condemn the soft approach of Miller and instead adopt a more forceful and strict nature to ensure their children’s development and readiness for the future. v good job overall; could use some more specificity in some sections, but the process of your analysis is excellent!