Hi there! I've attached your essay in the spoiler below with my line-by-line corrections. I have not watched this movie, so I cannot comment on your analysis, but hopefully what I've written helps! I'm in year 12 myself
. If you need any further clarification, feel free to ask.
Overall, I think you have a good grasp of the film, but sometimes meaning is lost in your sentence structures and wording. Expression improves with practice though, so keep at it
. I also feel like you lapse into summarising at times. Nominalising and forcing yourself to include the director's name a few times in a paragraph could help you shift your focus to analysing more than retelling the story, but find out what works for you.
Spoiler
Alfred Hitchcock’s 1950s thriller Rear Window, set in Greenwich Village, New york ('york' should start with a capital letter. I don't think it's necessary to state the setting of the novel unless it is relevant to the topic at hand/you expand upon it later) depicts the lives of others through the voyeuristic view of the main character L.B Jeffries. Hitchcock intends to communicate to the audience (this is a little clunky. Perhaps it would be better to word this more concisely, e.g. 'Hitchcock communicates X to the audience. Also, I suggest using a stronger word than 'communicates'. What is the author doing? (mocking, delineating, suggesting?) I say this because 'communicating' is a bit vague and it is a missed opportunity to include a better verb!) that the lives of people may seem vastly different but upon closer look inspection (look doesn't quite work there) there is little that separates them. (you acknowledged all aspects of the prompt in your contention, which is good) Within the main characters' limited view the lives of many can be seen (comma here) allowing for similarities to be drawn, in spite of their differences. ---> I think this sentence is a bit clunky. (The purpose of an introduction is to give a sense of direction to your essay. I think it would be better to signpost your body paragraphs more overtly.)
Marriage is of great importance to all people in the 1950s society of Rear Window, and a common source of stress. (I'm a little lost here - how does point this support your contention? This is why it is a good idea to signpost your key ideas in your intro.) All characters are either married or in a relationship with the opposite sex. Those who don't, pity themselves and so do those around them. Miss Lonelyhearts is one of those unfortunate characters who lacks success in finding a loving relationship. Jeffries is seen looking down at Miss Lonelyhearts window as she cries about her loneliness. (this is very summary-like ---> nominalising or including author verbs can help with this) Hitchcock implemented the downward camera angle to reveal to the audience the pity and understanding Jeffries has for Miss Lonelyhearts despite being in a relationship. Two very different characters, one in the position of power and one weaker, both have the burden of marriage looming over their heads. It is later on revealed this crushing weight was not an uncommon occurrence. (so what? what does this have to do with your contention? It might be obvious to you, but you need to be more clear. you've left this point at a standstill very abruptly. You should expand on this more - what is Hitchcock trying to convey?) While taking care of Jeff, Stella dismisses the concept of “modern marriage” which was accompanied by “psychoanalysing.” Jeff opens up about his lack of desire to get married which she brands “abnormal” . Stella then reassures Jeff it is, “normal to be scared.” (lapsing into summary) Hitchcock utilises uses the sudden tonal shift (what tonal shift? is it angry to sad? happy to angry? be specific?) in her character to illustrate the closeness she felt to the situation. Although Stella is several years older than Jeffries and opposes modern ideals, she is still able to empathise with Jeffries. Although each character's individual circumstances regarding relationships differs, this was a big aspect in all their lives, which Hitchcok argued reduced them all to social beings simply needing interaction. (In your topic sentence, you say marriage is important to ALL characters, however only proceed to talk about a few characters - or I could be wrong since I haven't seen the film, and these could be the only characters in the film. But make sure if you are using words of such high modality you can substantiate them.)
The roles which each gender played are fairly similar regardless of the lifestyle they led. Hitchcock argues these roles are an essential in the lives of all 1950s Americans by capturing the gendered stereotypes through the voyeuristic gaze of L.B Jeffries L.B Jeffries' voyeuristic gaze. Jeffries heavily objectified women, his mindset being, to get a man's attention a woman, “just has to be”. (clunky sentence) Hitchcock illustrates how Jeffries fails to understand the degradation that comes with being viewed as an object. A frequent victim of Jeffries' intrusive gaze, (no comma needed between subject and verb) is Miss Torso. She is often seen wearing undergarments, which is was considered to be scandalous at the time. Jeffries observes her being surrounded by men, thinking she is seducing them, Lisa being female corrects him. (expression could be better) She understands she is doing “a woman's hardest job,” which is, “...juggling wolves.” Hitchcock applies this dialogue with an understanding tone to illustrate the things (what things?) Miss Torso and Lisa have in common outnumbered their differences. Lisa is a world away from Miss Torso but was still able to relate to how tiring and humiliating to be a prize to males. (you change tense in this sentence twice.) Males also felt they have a burden; being committed to females. Jeffries wishes for nothing more than to be free of his commitment to Lisa much like Thorwald, to his wife. Although they did not go to the same extremes to find their peace their situations are alike. As Jeffries looks out the window he chooses to view Thorwald's apartment as a whole; his “nagging” bed ridden wife in one window, while Thorwald reluctantly prepares her dinner in the other window. Hitchcock executed a mise-en-scene technique (the two windows with large panes placed side by side) in an attempt to relate Jeffries to Thorwald. (I suggest you don't use brackets in an essay) His view is usually focused on a small area, but it seems as if he has consciously taken in the whole image, as he realises the detachment between Lisa is akin to the physical distance between Thorwald and his wife. Through the exploration of gender roles Hitchcock expresses his view that the expectations placed upon each gender transcend even social class.
All humans are fickle in nature when it comes to unethical topics, which can seem recreational. Voyeurism, being the central theme of Rear Window sees many characters struggle with abiding by their personal morals, as opposed to being entertained. Jeffries is the main vouyer (spelling) with whom the audience shares his curious nature. (how?) He is the first character to dismiss his unvirtuous acts due to cure his boredom. (sentence structure is a bit confusing, and there is no evidence to substantiate this point) As Lisa, Doyle and Stella discover his new hobby they warn him of the, “secret, private world,” he is looking into and condemn the, “race of peeping toms,” they’ve become. (expression. commas are unnecessary) Hitchcock intended for the harsh dialogue to communicate the general attitude towards unethical activities to enable a contrast to be made to the sudden change in mind later on. Hitchcock implements an editing technique, the Kuleshov effect, to emphasise the sudden change in morals. Lisa is seen to be warning Jeff of taking part in such “diseased” behaviour when Thorwald's window suddenly arouses her suspicion. The camera quickly views faces? the window, then Lisa’s face which is now wearing an expression of curiosity. Hitchcock attempts to make it clear that although Jeff is simpler than Lisa, as he is often seen wearing Pajamas in comparison to her extravagant dresses, she was just as quick as him to partake in immoral behaviour for personal enjoyment. Hitchcock explains humans may separate themselves with material items but human nature, such as curiosity, is what they’ll always have in common
One might argue there are differences between people living different lives, but those that are present are negligible. Hitchcock addresses this by inserting (don't think this is the right verb) differences within the lives of the characters, which are minor. Loneliness plagues two different characters in Rear Window, Miss Lonelyhearts and Piano man. Other characters often pity Miss Lonelyhearts wondering if there is “anyone who’d cast an eye in her direction.” The piano guy (informal, unless his name is piano guy) also receives such pity also as he “lives alone” and the conclusion is made it can be concluded that he probably had an unhappy marriage.” Hitchcock implements non diegetic sound, solemn music to symbolise the loneliness these two characters felt. It is the same music each time to highlight how they were extremely different despite being of different genders, they are still just two lonely people craving romantic relationships. (expression) Hitchcock also uses symbolism (what symbolism?) to enable the audience to make the connection between the difference if they look close enough. The symbolism is hidden so that if the audience does discover the difference they realise they may be overthinking it too much, as they are so minor. (this is not worded well) In Mr and Mrs Thorwalds relationship it is more traditional; a woman is depending on her husband to provide for her , in this case because she is disabled. In the relationship of Lisa and Jeff Lisa and Jeff's relationship, Jeffries is the one ‘disabled’ and limited as symbolised by his cast. Lisa is more mobile and free to move. Hitchcock argues that there is no difference between both situations, despite the fact that genders reverse roles because in both cases it is human beings experiencing exactly the same case. Hitchcock criticised (tense) the distinctions made between people in order to seperate (spelling) them and dismisses them are as trivial
Hitchcock successfully suggests that the environment in which people live their daily lives may differ (comma) but that is where the dissimilarity ends. He believes that at a simple level humans are equal; in the beginning they are organisms which born, walk this earth (expression) and then die concluding the narrative, and whatever happens in between will not change the type of book being read.
P.S. sorry it took so long! It takes more time than I thought to read through an essay haha
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