AOS DISCOVERY ESSAY- Tempest

[3.14159265359]

hey I know that this time is hella stressful for everyone but I was wondering If someone can mark my essay for me please. Any feedback is appreciated.

[jazcstuart]

Hi 
I mainly just looked at your intro and first paragraph. I think some of my feedback is just me being picky so hopefully I haven't been to harsh.
I think your thesis is pretty good (you may just want to reword your first sentence I found it slightly confusing). Just make sure you sustain the focus on experiences, at times it feels like you just tacked it on the end, but overall your ideas work.
Your analysis is also good, and you have good examples and techniques. I think something you should try to do now is link it back to the audience's discovery, to make your ideas more conceptual. I have included an example in the doc.
I think you might also need to look at the balance of your prescribed to related text, as there is far more on the Tempest than your related.
Hope this helps 

Post 100!

[3.14159265359]

Hey!
Firstly, CONGRATS ON 100 POSTS!!!!!!
Secondly, Thank you so much. I really appreciate your help.
I just wanted to ask you one question.
Here you say:

I think something you should try to do now is link it back to the audience's discovery, to make your ideas more conceptual. I have included an example in the doc.
I think you might also need to look at the balance of your prescribed to related text, as there is far more on the Tempest than your related.
Post 100!

but is it necessary to talk about the audiences discovery? if I don't will I lose marks?
also generally what should the ratio be? I know its 60 prescribed /40 related. Is that correct?

[AlanMate]

Hey!
Firstly, CONGRATS ON 100 POSTS!!!!!!
Secondly, Thank you so much. I really appreciate your help.
I just wanted to ask you one question.
Here you say:

but is it necessary to talk about the audiences discovery? if I don't will I lose marks?
also generally what should the ratio be? I know its 60 prescribed /40 related. Is that correct?

I reckon its 50-50, as both texts needs to be balanced regardless.

[3.14159265359]

I reckon its 50-50, as both texts needs to be balanced regardless.

oh no way, my teacher told me 60/40

[jazcstuart]

Hey!
Firstly, CONGRATS ON 100 POSTS!!!!!!
Secondly, Thank you so much. I really appreciate your help.
I just wanted to ask you one question.
Here you say:

but is it necessary to talk about the audiences discovery? if I don't will I lose marks?
also generally what should the ratio be? I know its 60 prescribed /40 related. Is that correct?

Thankyou!!!
I don't know if it is absolutely necessary, but I would say it is important if you are aiming for top marks. I believe it links in with your critical analysis/evaluation, and adds depth to your essay. This is just what my teacher was pushing us to include. (Someone correct me if I'm wrong)

I've heard it is anywhere between 50-50 and 60-40 (which is the max you should have for prescribed), but I felt like yours was probably a bit too heavy for prescribed. Maybe you could make your last paragraph integrated instead of just prescribed if you are comfortable with that?

Good luck!