Okay, so the first thing I'd say is to stay confident and trust that your effort will be rewarded in time. Even if your results haven't been what you're hoping for, it's only two pieces.
Some things that might help:
- You're putting a lot of effort in, but if you're doing the same essay over and over again that might not be useful preparation.
- Rather than spending so much time writing lots of essays, you might want to consider doing some prompt work. Grab a list of essay prompts and give yourself 10 or 15 minutes to just outline an essay. It's a more effective use of your time and will help prepare you for timed conditions.
- If you're blanking, you might want to create a different routine for yourself at the start of a SAC, a series of steps that you can just turn on automatically to rely on. It might be: break down topic, brainstorm, quick plan, go - or something that works for you. But if you can switch from your current mindset to one that's action-focused, it can take attention away from other thoughts.
- Or, try creating a checklist so you break down the writing into smaller components. Rather than saying, "I'm not going to write a whole essay", make a small checklist where you can check off pieces as you go - sometimes making it into smaller tasks can help make it feel more manageable. Even if you don't finish the whole essay, it's often better to have a higher quality piece.
- Have you spoken to your teacher and explained what's happening?
If you'd like some more advice, you're more than welcome to ask (feel free to PM me if you'd like!). Hope that helps a little and good luck with English