Anyways, just a side note I am not always sad and anxious and stressed, it just seems that when I am these things I find the motivation to post....idk why.
Yeah that tends to be when I update my journal too. I guess it just helps to write out what's going on when you're feeling like that.
So my 98% soon vanished as my brother got 100% on his math test, so I kept getting teased by my family when they know how sensitive I am about math (honestly, with all the breakdowns I have and how its so easily for me to think they are judging I would of thought they got the memo by now.) even my mums coworker said it as a joke to me and I laughed at it but I had not felt so down in ages after that.
Ooft. Yeah that's shit. Do you think you could try telling them that comparing you to your brother hurts or would that not make a difference? (Totally get if it wouldn't help though - my family wouldn't care at all).
Idk what's happening with all the juniors at work, the new one,(who I like and is super nice) hasn't been rostered back on in two weeks and my boss really liked her as well) this week we have an open day on Sunday so people can see all the greenhouses that aren't generally open to public so we have a lot of staff on and not just me this week, which will lower my anxiety about answering peoples questions and strengthen my anxiety about meeting my coworkers.
I have had the past 2 days off school, not feeling to stable mentally and we have had PTI's.
I went to Bagel Boy's house Tuesday with Milk Man. I am really worried about BB as he isn't the best, and he forgot to take his medication that day so he was very drowsy. Today I mostly slept and cried... like legit in a cycle. I didn't eat at all. and Idk if any of you peeps can relate but you just look in the mirror and fill yourself with self hate and just react with grabbing scissors and cutting your hair... well my hair is now much shorter, I cut off like 1.5 inches and idk why I did it. I am messed up. Like it looks fine but like the fuckkkkkk.
Is there anything you enjoy that you could do as a distraction when you start to feel like that? Drawing or playing a game or writing or something?
I've almost cut my hair short so many times
maybe I'll actually do it someday but I kinda like the aesthetic I've got going at the moment so not just yet
I just want this term to be over. My room is such a mess I havent done any homework and its all due tomorrow, I have to finish my essay, there is just so much drama and I am spiralling into old habits. idk. I feel like I can't really talk to anyone about it rn. so hi guys!
(also when I do this stuff I don't expect anything in return and its not a cry for help...its merely my way of getting it out, like how some people scream into a pillow or throw axes at targets I write....and write.....and write.)
Eh... I should probably go now!
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Au revoir tout le monde!
Got any plans for the holidays? Are you going to the meetup tomorrow?