TERM 3 WEEK - [ FRIDAY ] - 54 DAYS LEFT TIL EXAMS
It's Friday afternoon, the sun is still out and I'm feeling nice so it's time to write one of my final journies before I officially finish all my sacs. I believe it's a courtesy to myself, who may go back and read this in 3 years time, to update what has happened over the last time I updated. I'll do my best to keep this entry short since the majority of my entries are quite long.
Ever since I caught the flu/cold, my motivation/energy dropped and it wasn't long until I discovered that I had the symptoms of a 'burnt out' student. Over the past week, I struggled to 'care' for any of my assessments or upcoming sacs. I didn't stress or cry or get anxiety like I normally would. I was free in my own world, working at my own pace with my studies. I felt lost because I didn't know what I was working towards. I didn't know what I wanted to do, I was scared of receiving my atar in December, I was scared that I would not pass my expectations and overall, I was scared of the uncertainty of the future. Well, don't be depressed because I have figured almost everything out now.
With the help of several YouTubers and my tutors, I have pretty much decided my preferences for next year and I only have to fill in an application for seas and scholarships next. I had a methods sac today, it was horrible. Not only did I get several 3 marks question wrong, I also had no idea what I was doing in that probability sac, I was only doing what 'made sense'. Yeah, no idea how to use the calculator for probability. On the other hand, the high achievers were commenting how the sac was such a 'breeze', like :|. Can't wait to get my sac back. All my final sacs are next week, somehow I'm not stressing as hard as I thought I would. I was also assigned an 8 hours shift for tomorrow and a 4 hours shift the next day which is beyond horrible, but I guess a 90 minutes break won't be that bad. I'll bring my books and go to the state library to do my homework or something (lol). Once I finish all my sacs, I will have to start writing practice essays every day since there will be less than 50 days until the English exam commence. I'm aiming for a 35 or more in English, so I definitely need to pick myself up.
With more or less 50 days left until the exams start, I find it quite upsetting how my peers in my study period don't take their education as seriously. I know that they are not aiming for a 90 atar or expecting anything high, but I still want them to do their best together so that year 12 will be a memorial experience. Instead, they're lazing around, chatting, laughing and constantly on their phone, I wish they were a little more motivated (not like I'm in a very good position to talk though).
These days, I keep thinking about my regrets regarding my education. I should've moved to a more competitive school when I was given the choice. I should've handed in the application form to undertake biology unit 1/2 in year 10. I should've kept going with language school instead of dropping it in year 11. I should've uninstalled all the games on my laptop because recently, they are in my way. I wished over and over that, I could go back and re-pick my choices, but no matter how much of a hypocrite I am, I can't say that I regret meeting the people who became my precious friends today.
Oh yeah, I did a practice exam for physics and got 45%... I guess I need to do A LOT of work. (sad)
P.S. My number one preference is Bachelor of (__________) Engineering at Monash. Lots of thought and research was put into it,but I finally figured what was most important and more interesting to me and it was this in the end. I couldn't deny that I love the environment the vibes at Monash anyways. teehee ALSO, to the people who supported me and gave me a bit of encouragement (in a way) when I was deciding between medicine and engineering. THANK YOU. I'm not a burnout kid anymore, I stay back afterschool and come early before school whenever I can now, just to make up the amount of work that could've been done on the weekend that I never have anymore. I'm aiming for Monash now, I really want to get into Monash.