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June 29, 2017, 03:22:00 am

Author Topic: 2015 Exam Language Analysis- Intro & 1 unfinished para  (Read 491 times)  Share 

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j.wang

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2015 Exam Language Analysis- Intro & 1 unfinished para
« on: December 05, 2016, 08:09:20 pm »
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Still got a long way to go to finish this essay. So before I make any more mistakes (not sure if I'm on the right track? sounds pretty formulaic), please critique what I wrote! Thanks

In response to the increasing prevalence of volunteers in Australia, there has been much heated discussion of the significance of volunteering, as well as the need for volunteers to be recognised and valued. In her speech, Stephanie Bennett fervently contends the need to appreciate volunteers’ efforts, which her company does. Arguing in a different vein is Matthew Nguyen, who humbly asserts in his speech that volunteers do not need to be rewarded, whilst simultaneously promoting his organisation.

Bennett argues that Australians need to appreciate volunteers’ work. Volunteers are dubbed as “heroes” and as a “wonderful”. Such positive words accentuate their outstanding achievements and noble qualities. Thus, by likening volunteers to beings of godlike prowess and beneficence, readers are positioned to not simply dismiss their efforts and instead, admire and honour their special abilities. Moreover, the iteration of volunteers as “taken for granted” impresses upon readers that the value of volunteers is underestimated due to the expectation that volunteers will always be available to serve the community without thanks or recognition. Thus, Bennett challenges readers to consider the consequences stemming from a lack of appreciation to those who form the backbone of society. Furthermore, the repetition of “no-one” to undertake crucial tasks, such as saving lives, stresses that the role volunteers play in our society is paramount and must not be undermined. By conjuring up an image of a world without volunteers, Bennett seeks to perturb members of the community through this exaggerated hypothetical situation. However, Bennett juxtaposes Australians’ lack of regard for volunteers with Bigsplash, who treasure them. The alliteration “helping hand” emphasises the company’s contribution in fulfilling the need to prize volunteers, and thus their benevolence. In so doing, Bennett invites members of the public to commend her company’s altruistic and generous acts for the betterment of volunteer organisations.

HopefulLawStudent

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Re: 2015 Exam Language Analysis- Intro & 1 unfinished para
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2016, 09:47:25 am »
+5
On the right track -- keep up the good work! :)

Edit: If you have any questions please feel free to ask.

ALSO: I'm obligated to mention here that if anything I say contradicts what your teacher has said, I'm wrong. I'm a 2016 graduate and only know LA from the standpoint of someone who wrote an exam essay for it over a month ago.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2016, 09:50:36 am by HopefulLawStudent »
SELLING: digital copies of my personal notes for Medea, All About Eve, A Doll’s House, My Brilliant Career and Pygmalion for $10 each (they’re really comprehensive!) -- however All About Eve notes, I'm selling for $20 because there's heeaaaaps. Also selling a digital collection of my text response ($10) and language analysis essays ($10). + will mark essays for a small fee.

PM for more info.



j.wang

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Re: 2015 Exam Language Analysis- Intro & 1 unfinished para
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2016, 07:04:25 pm »
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On the right track -- keep up the good work! :)

Edit: If you have any questions please feel free to ask.

ALSO: I'm obligated to mention here that if anything I say contradicts what your teacher has said, I'm wrong. I'm a 2016 graduate and only know LA from the standpoint of someone who wrote an exam essay for it over a month ago.

Thanks so much  :D

My teacher's disappeared off the face of this earth, so there won't be any feedback from her until school starts! Can't blame her though, it is the holidays lol

What would you say I need to do to improve on? And tbh when I'm writing language analysis essays, I feel like I'm following a formula so I'm not sure if that's right  :-\

HopefulLawStudent

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Re: 2015 Exam Language Analysis- Intro & 1 unfinished para
« Reply #3 on: December 13, 2016, 10:49:39 am »
+1
Thanks so much  :D

My teacher's disappeared off the face of this earth, so there won't be any feedback from her until school starts! Can't blame her though, it is the holidays lol

What would you say I need to do to improve on? And tbh when I'm writing language analysis essays, I feel like I'm following a formula so I'm not sure if that's right  :-\

Sorry this reply is so late! Didn't see this until today!

In the words of my English teacher (well... I think it was my English teacher who said this? If not, then it was Lauren who said this -- someone said this), there's absolutely nothing wrong with following a formula if your assessor doesn't realise you followed one. And its alright, I hated LA throughout the year cos it felt so formulaic and dry to me and that feeling never really went away. I think LA's just the sort of thing that's dull and dry and formulaic and you sort of just do it.

I think the biggest improvement is to just ensure that what you say is supported by the text. (e.g. the whole "increasing prevalence of volunteers" and "godlike prowess"). And you're gonna want to avoid general statements like "positive words" and "members of the community". Don't make LA unnecessarily vague and general.

A bit hard to pick out definitive "main things" you need to improve upon with only 300-ish words, for me anyway.

Hope that helped?
SELLING: digital copies of my personal notes for Medea, All About Eve, A Doll’s House, My Brilliant Career and Pygmalion for $10 each (they’re really comprehensive!) -- however All About Eve notes, I'm selling for $20 because there's heeaaaaps. Also selling a digital collection of my text response ($10) and language analysis essays ($10). + will mark essays for a small fee.

PM for more info.