If anyone had some spare time it'd be great if this could be ripped apart and marked
I am y11 but would like it marked as though y12. It's my weakest section and needs ASAP improvement. Also the word length was meant to be 400 so my 679 is well over. (the article was very short; VCAA 2007 if anyone was interested)
The issue of overprotection of children recently came to the forefront of the Daily News in light of research showing increasing trends of parents creating “defenceless young people.” One commentator, Jane Brown writes an Opinion Piece contending that overprotective parents stifle growth with her primary audience being parents. For the most part she employs a tone of measured rationality throughout the piece to assert that children of 2007 are losing their ability to become “fully functioning adults”. This issue is set to spark further conflict as it deals not only with children but also their parents who are being criticised for their ‘bad’ parenting.
Mrs Brown immediately uses her credibility as a “Retired Principal” to add authenticity to her piece as her occupation involves dealing with children. She also validates her upcoming ideas as an argument of sophistication and not one containing scaremongering thoughts with this status. By beginning with a rhetorical question, “how much longer will we continue to supposedly ‘protect’ our young people…?” Mrs Brown aims to demonstrate what she believes is the crux of the issue; that is, overprotection has been going on for too long. Her implied answer is then clearly stated as she employs her status “as a professional” in her answer, “it is perfectly clear to me, as a professional…we are ultimately creating defenceless young people…” The focus on the word ‘professional’ is likely to convince the reader to agree as to disagree with a “professional” is generally seen as erroneous by society. She also states that parents are “mollycoddling” their children. “Mollycoddling” is a patronising term for overprotection, once again illustrating the centre of the issue in an attempt to provoke thought from readers.
Mrs Brown then shifts her rational tone to a disparaging tone as she lists common activities in a demeaning manner, “parents provide a continuous taxi service…blindly search for the child’s lost jumper and they obediently bring the lunch when it is forgotten.” She reinforces the ridiculous amount of work parents do for their children by using emotive language with words such as “blindly” and “obediently”. These words have negative connotations as they label parents as ‘followers’ rather than the ‘leaders’ which may cause the reader to stop and think about what they do and if it is indeed excessive. Mrs Brown then offers her alternative solution to her audience, “overprotective parents”, which is to let children “make mistakes”, “experience rejection” and “maybe hurt themselves to learn how to cope with life,” which is a completely different approach for parents to consider. Thus she shifts back to her logical tone to propose a solution which the reader is intended to accept as previously their current way of parenting has been attacked and deemed inappropriate.
To solidify her solution, Mrs Brown uses research evidence to demonstrate the weaknesses of current children and consequently current parenting habits, “according to a study by the Children’s Society in Britain….youngsters are becoming lonely and isolated.” The latter part is an appeal to family values as it may elicit an evocative response from parents who naturally care for their children and what’s best for them. Furthermore Mrs Brown explicitly links current parenting behaviours with the “stifled” children by stating that “we [parents] are depriving them [children] of the skills required to solve the problems which they will confront in the future,” Such a confronting statement serves the purpose of challenging the reader’s thoughts to hopefully leave them with Mrs Brown’s convictions.
Mrs Brown has written this opinion piece with a clear goal of convincing overprotective parents to refrain from their “mollycoddling” habits as she believes it produces children with stifled growth who lose the ability “to develop the skills to become fully functioning adults.” She uses both a logical and derogatory tone to persuade parents that their parenting is excessive and also appeals to family values to garner the parent’s support as Mrs Brown appears to be equal to the reader as a fellow parent. Her piece uses simplistic language but incorporates a variety of techniques to leave the reader compelled to agree with her side.