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Author Topic: Can someone mark my Burial Rites essay pls  (Read 1808 times)  Share 

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Spode24363

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Can someone mark my Burial Rites essay pls
« on: October 25, 2016, 12:34:14 am »
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Would greatly appreciate any feedback ;D
Feel free to crush my self confidence :P
Also, how best do I go about dealing with a prompt that severely limits what I can talk about? Do I challenge it and start to deviate slightly if I'm really struggling to think of examples?

Prompt: Burial Rites explores the ways in which women can help and hinder other women. Discuss.

Hannah Kent’s caveat to being gullibly dependent upon a single source of information , ‘Burial Rites’, heavily implies that in order to aid another, there must be sufficient reason and evidence to do so.    The construct also delves into both the benefits and disadvantages of helping others, and how it consequently alters one’s character. Conversely, the recurrence of self-motivated despotism suggests that there are also pragmatic reasons to engage in blatant authoritarianism in spite of the moral quandaries- not that it is encouraged of course.

The empathetic and credulous are encouraged not to give the benefit of the doubt, in spite of the possibility of innocence.  However, this is not mutually exclusive to being a decent human being. Margaret's initial ‘distress’ towards the  ‘murderess’, and her plea to ‘make sure the bitch stays away from the knives’ is heavily justified given the testimony of her guilt from the presumably trustworthy authorities. Kent also seems to be implying that merely disregarding someone’s innocence is just as lethargic  as accepting it. There is no obvious motive, from the perspective of a townsperson, that suggests the justice department would go out of its way to instill fear by engaging in despotism. And upon witnessing the abuse and the ‘landscape of bruises’ inflicted by the guards, Margaret’s anger towards them implies that one can still be empathetic without being (in)credulous. There is no reason to think Agnes is innocent but there is also no reason to treat her like ‘a lamb ripe for slaughter’.Kent’s implementation of the officer eagerly “searching for amusement” also plants seeds of doubt in the mind of the reader in regards to the integrity of the justice system, high ethics are expected of those with authority.  An alternative, more cynical and conspiratorial, interpretation of the events is that Margaret is merely being sanctimonious, she initially washed Agnes rather than seek medical attention; implying she cares more about the cleanliness of her furniture then Agnes’ wellbeing. However, this is less likely to be the case as it implies that a relatively poor household possesses such apparatus and that there are people qualified to administer medical aid.   

But why do some people fatuously engage in paltry gossip? There is evidence to believe that it is mostly for fun, for the temporary boost in serotonin, something that is so seldom found in the uneventful ,‘bleak’, and ‘formidable landscape’.  Their anxiousness towards the ‘the only things worth writing down’ is insightfully exemplified through Roslin; her inability to contain herself, her brash assertion that she ‘know(s) quite a lot about the case’ and her seemingly endless spouting of meticulously crafted and biased diatribe regarding the murder, her giddiness, when confronted with the reality that one of her friends ,and neighbor, is confining a ‘murderess’ alludes to Kent’s view that gossip is reserved for those with tedious, monotonous, and dull lives.     

Kent exploration of why some people are willing to utilise authoritarian devices and tools suggests that to some extent people must be governed; however, people as capricious as Blondal should not be allowed any jurisdiction whatsoever. Blondal’s describes the district as ‘overrun with criminals’ ‘…awaiting justice…’ ‘…in the eye of their peers.’ Why include their ‘peers’ other than to instill fear? Could he be referring to a jury? Given Agnes’ ‘unfair’ trial that seems  unlikely. To some, this may seem appealing; however, there was no sign of anyone that was too afraid to commit a crime or any statistics that suggests this within the construct that is Burial Rites. If it was true, it was omitted. Kent is communicating the ineffectiveness of these method; and by extension, her disapproval of them. Furthermor, it is also possible that this exercise of power is self-motivated. No one in the novel bothers to impugn his integrity, or call for his resignation, when he pardoned Sigga; is everone too afraid to question his authority? In essence, people who unapologetically abuse their power  have no interest in losing it.   

As a construct, Burial is not exclusively fixated on women, but rather the flaws that define people; and how almost any situation can be interpreted with pure cynicism, and arrive at the conclusion that the actions were done out of malice.     

atomsk

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Re: Can someone mark my Burial Rites essay pls
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2016, 10:46:23 am »
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Hi! Just some thoughts from another Yr 12 student studying Burial Rites, so feel free to take it with a grain of salt.
(+ You gave me free reign to crush your self confidence so watch out  ;) jk )

- The way you address the prompt in the intro: Where are the key words? You sort of address help or hinder (in my opinion not clearly enough), but there's nothing about women in there, which is a key aspect of the prompt. I feel like you haven't unpacked it properly, and this shows in the rest of your essay. i.e. Your ideas revolve around making generalised statements about 'people', instead of thinking about women in particular.

- I would definitely refrain from using a question as a topic sentence, or using questions at all in your essay for that matter.

The beginning of your second paragraph begins to sound like a context essay.
'There is evidence what evidence?? to believe that it is mostly for fun ??? I'm not sure I'd use the word fun here, it sounds kind of flippant. for the temporary boost in serotonin.'  :o I kind of get what you're saying, but where is this going? "Paltry gossip" could be a valid point about how 'women hinder other women', how can you expand on this idea with textual evidence and link it in?

Then the rest of the paragraph, there are so many things you are trying to say in one sentence and it just feels like you're jumping from idea to idea. I'm confused! Break it apart, flesh it out.

- What do you mean by "authoritarian devices and tools"?  Why are you suddenly talking about Blondal? How does this link to the essay topic? The last paragraph contains some insights, but they seem completely irrelevant to the prompt.

- You have a decent vocabulary, but don't bog down your sentences using sophisticated words that only end up masking your meaning. Aim for clarity of expression. (i.e. this excerpt "implying that merely disregarding someone’s innocence is just as lethargic as accepting it". Maybe it's just me, but 'lethargic' sounds odd in that context and I just don't quite get what you're trying to say.

- I can tell you're struggling for text evidence but when I gave it a quick brainstorm just now, I think there's actually quite an abundance out there. I would attribute the main problems with this essay to just being tripped up by the prompt. Don't get stuck overthinking this, but go back, break it down, and try to unpack it again with more consideration to the key themes of the text :)

Hint #1: Think about what other female characters there are, other than just Agnes, Margret and Roslin.
Hint #2: In response to your questions, keep your discussion within the bounds of the prompt! I doubt VCAA would give you a prompt that would be difficult to come up with textual evidence for, however if that's your main problem, then it denotes unfamiliarity with the text. Review the book again and its key scenes as part of some lowkey revision. 
Also, why do you think this is a prompt that seemingly limits you to talking about women? What issues regarding women does the novel explore? What kind of social commentary is there about the plight of women in 19th century Iceland? Analysing it in this light, it becomes evident you could maybe challenge this prompt with a certain prevalent key theme.


Best of luck for tomorrow!  :D
« Last Edit: October 25, 2016, 11:56:24 am by atomsk »
2014: Chinese SL - [42]
2015: Maths Methods
2016: English, Chemistry, Further Maths, Legal Studies
2017: ?? MD @ Monash (hopefully !)

Spode24363

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Re: Can someone mark my Burial Rites essay pls
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2016, 04:11:01 pm »
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Thanks so much for the feedback  ;D
Best of luck to you too  :)