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April 19, 2024, 06:32:17 pm

Author Topic: English  (Read 1506 times)  Share 

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DalvinT

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English
« on: October 25, 2016, 04:39:25 pm »
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Hey Everyone,


May someone please post an A/Band 6 essay response? I want to see the difference between my essays... All my essays are B range and finding it confusing to how to push it to an A.
I definitely know that I need to elaborate on my ideas stated in my "Explain" part of the body paragraphs.


Thanks :)
2017 HSC:
English Standard 91
Biology 90
Earth and Environmental Science 89
Music 1 97
Visual Arts 92
General Mathematics 2  85

ATAR : 95.15

2018-2020: Bachelor of Oral Health @ USYD

elysepopplewell

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Re: English
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2016, 05:20:26 pm »
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Hey Everyone,


May someone please post an A/Band 6 essay response? I want to see the difference between my essays... All my essays are B range and finding it confusing to how to push it to an A.
I definitely know that I need to elaborate on my ideas stated in my "Explain" part of the body paragraphs.


Thanks :)

Hey there! To start off, take a look here at my own Area of Study essay. It's free to download! Tell me what kind of structure you're currently using for the body paragraphs and maybe I can suggest some ways to improve? :)
Not sure how to navigate around ATAR Notes? Check out this video!

DalvinT

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Re: English
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2016, 07:33:25 pm »
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Hey there! To start off, take a look here at my own Area of Study essay. It's free to download! Tell me what kind of structure you're currently using for the body paragraphs and maybe I can suggest some ways to improve? :)


Moderator Edit: Merged posts, added spoiler :)

I'm using PEEL

Spoiler
J.D. Salinger, composer of "The Catcher in the Rye" and Natalie Kestecher’s "A Souvenir" have created distinctive characters through addressing their issues and its impact. The distinctive character Holden Caulfield in "The Catcher in the Rye" conveys the central themes of the desire for eternal innocence leading to the significance of isolation from the corrupted society. On the other hand, "A Souvenir", presents Paul Caspis as the distinctive character, highlighting central themes of his obsession with the Maltese culture which lead to his desire for the permanence of time. Therefore, the composers’ purpose of their distinctive characters has enabled them to convey central themes in their texts.

Salinger has portrayed Holden Caulfield as a distinctive character as he reveals themes of the desire for eternal innocence. This theme highlights Holden's distinctiveness as he is the only one in the novel that fears to see his loved ones grow up. This is firstly emphasised in chapter 4, as he asks Stradlater if Jane "kept the kings on the back row" Pg. 38. This is symbolic of security and protection as the "king" (Jane) is protected by the "pawns" (innocence) which becomes metaphorical for one to protect themselves from danger, in this context – the world of adulthood and the exploitation of the opportunities that arise: sex, smoking and drinking. This demonstrates Caulfield's reassurance that she is still innocent and youthful, illustrating his sense of hope that Jane has not matured and become "phony". Furthermore, this is also evident as he observes the statues of the museum and states that "the best thing, though, in that museum was that everything stays right where it was” Pg. 109. This quotation allows the responders to perceive Holden's world in his perspective by demonstrating his desire in a metaphorical sense; that is, the permanence of one moment in time where everything was perfect for him, the time where everyone he knew was innocent. Furthermore, Holden invests his time in his fantasies of superficiality and depicts one of them through his misinterpretation of "Comin' thro' the Rye" by Robert Burns as, "I keep picturing all these little kids… What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff… I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all" Pg. 104. This quotation reveals a childish imagination emphasising the desire for a never ending innocence in life, this is further shown through as Holden wants "to catch everybody" from falling "over the cliff" which is a symbol for the exposure of America’s corrupted society in the 1950’s. As a result, it forms the sense of a utopian society Holden wants to create. Hence, through the composer's portrayal of Holden Caulfield, it has revealed a central theme for innocence to be eternal in the society.

Moreover, Salinger's distinctive character Holden Caulfield also conveys the central idea of the significance of isolation as a result of failure to achieve the eternal innocence. This central theme demonstrates how isolation is necessary to isolate himself and others from the corrupted society of America in the 1950s, due to the loss of innocence. This idea is illustrated in the symbolism of the red hunting hat, "I took my old hunting hat out of my pocket while I walked, and put it on". The red hunting hat has a noticeable colour with a peculiar style in the 1950’s America. This forms its symbolic meaning of Holden's uniqueness and his individuality, demonstrating Holden's distinctiveness in comparison to his society. This further demonstrates that isolation is significant, as it has become a medium for Holden to avoid the outcomes and association with the corruption within the society, illustrating a sense of self-protection and vulnerability. Holden's appreciation of isolation is seen in "He and his kid were just walking along, talking, not paying any attention to their kid… He had a little voice, too. He was singing that song if a boy catches a boy coming through the rye… He was just singing for the hell of it, you could tell" Pg. 104. This quotation highlights the significance of isolation as it reveals the authenticity of one's self which Holden favours. This is because Holden perceives individualism as a way to be intimate with one self to allow passion to be portrayed in order to pleasure one's self; conveying what Holden finds as the quintessence of beauty. Additionally, Holden's likability of the idea of isolation is presented when he says "Here's my idea. How would you like to get the hell out of here? … I could get a job somewhere and we could live somewhere with a brook and all… We could drive up to Massachusetts and Vermont" Pg. 118. This quotation suggests that Holden desires for complete isolation from society as he wants to protect his loved ones from being corrupted, reinforcing the idea of protection and how it can allow the experience of the "authenticity in life".  Therefore, this conveys the central theme of isolation through Caulfield demonstrates the impact of his failure of achieving eternal innocence.


Kestecher’s distinctive character in "A Souvenir", Paul Capsis, conveys central themes of the power of desire. This is first illustrated as Paul uses amplification for the postcard, stating that "It's so old… And um, it's one of the things I treasure. Absolutely treasure this". The amplification of the treasure emphasises Paul’s wide admiration and obsession for the Maltese culture, and the collecting postcard/photographs becomes a metaphor to justify this further. It shows how Paul is able to extend his imaginative state to experience the permanence of time as he is able to re-visit moments of indulging himself in a specific time. This idea is also represented as he sings a Maltese folk song, reflecting his way of allowing himself to be self-indulged within Malta, conveying the idea how the power of desire can lead to the ability to create illusions to fulfil one's longing to be at a place. The quotation, "Malta meant to me as a child, as almost fantasy place" is another example. The word choice of "fantasy place" emphasises how the power of desire is able to change his interest of fantasies as a child from fairy tales to a social culture of Malta. This enables him to free his imagination to extensively recreate the scenery to alter his perception of the world, as stated with “sometimes I walk around the streets and pretend I'm in Malta”. Therefore, "A Souvenir" reveals Paul Capsis to convey the idea of how the power of desire can lead one to innovate their imagination to fulfil their desires.

Paul Capsis has also revealed the theme of the permanence of time. Capsis introduces this idea as he really appreciates moments in time and place, thus forming his desire for the permanence of time. This is illustrated through his never-ending listing as he describes the photograph album, saying "It's a very rare book, with lovely old sepia tone picture, a cover that is quite worn, with a red circle and an old black and white photo of the grand harbour, with bits of blue and yellow, kind of floral design ". This illustrates that Paul utilises a moment in time effectively as he "takes in all the details" creating an idea that Paul yearns to stay in one moment. This is also seen through his positive connotative word choices of "nice" and “lovely", which emphasises the positivity of how photographs are memories and moments that are available to revisit and place himself in that moment, forming a sense that a certain period is repeated. Moreover, a metaphor has formed as he states "I took a lot of photographs”. This action becomes metaphorical for the fact that he is able to preserve these visions to keep them as "souvenirs" to allow the memories to last eternally; giving a sense of the permanence of time. The accent on "lot”, creates an emphasises on how the act of taking photographs in a repeated manner demonstrates that Paul had the need to "take" everything in such a small moment of time, illustrates the inability for humans to stay in one moment. The attempt of Paul to experience the fixity of time is seen as dictates "I would spend a lot of time at each place. I would spend hours". The emphasis and dragging of "hours" allow responders to visually see the longevity of his stay at the certain place. This becomes metaphorical for his desire for time to be fixated and that it would allow a sense of utopia to occur, just like his "fantasies" in which they created an idealistic world. Hence, Paul has revealed that the power of desire can cause the attempt for the persistence of time to exist although the failure to do so causes frustration and resort to photography.

In conclusion, the composer J.D. Salinger "The Catcher in the Rye" and Natalie Kestecher "A Souvenir" both serve a unique purpose in their developed texts; making them distinctive characters to convey central themes. Holden Caulfield from "The Catcher in the Rye" indulges in the desire for eternal innocence in which results in the significance of isolation. On the other hand, Paul Capsis explores ideas of the power of desire which leads to their longing for the permanence of time. Both texts convey a degree of distinctiveness within the character, making them memorable and unique to their readers.


This is an example of my essay I did in Term 2... I got a 15 or 16 out of 20 for it. I've never received an A for my essay :/
« Last Edit: October 26, 2016, 11:32:30 pm by jamonwindeyer »
2017 HSC:
English Standard 91
Biology 90
Earth and Environmental Science 89
Music 1 97
Visual Arts 92
General Mathematics 2  85

ATAR : 95.15

2018-2020: Bachelor of Oral Health @ USYD

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English
« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2016, 11:35:33 pm »
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I'm using PEEL
This is an example of my essay I did in Term 2... I got a 15 or 16 out of 20 for it. I've never received an A for my essay :/

If you like, you can post that essay here to get some feedback from our markers! You do need 15 posts on ATAR Notes for every essay, but you are close to that anyway, hang around over the weekend to spruce your count up maybe? ;D

Elyse may have some more tips to give you here, but feel free to pop it in that marking thread for a more detailed look :)