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Author Topic: Free SOR Essay Marking!  (Read 76486 times)

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studybuddy7777

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #75 on: October 25, 2016, 12:36:09 pm »
Hey everyone!!

I have now made an integrated essay following the question from the 2010 HSC which can be found here!

Thanks again for doing this for me!! Could I please also get a mark out of 20 as this is the first integrated response I have attempted (better to face my demons now than in the HSC exam right? :))

Just as a general FYI as well, I completed this in 37 minutes (went 2 min over, but I'll make that up in the MC)

essay in here :)
Q4 Islam: Section III 2010 HSC
This quotation clearly expresses the distinctive Islamic answer to the enduring questions of human existence. This is evident when the reference is observed, Quran 1: 2-6, meaning it is one of the first words of the Quran, which highlights the importance of this quote. The term 'Islam' literally translates to 'submission' and this is addressed in the Quran many times such as "You alone do we turn for help" (Quran 1)

Throughout her life, Rabi'a Al-Addiwiyya preached her teachings of mahabbah (divine love) and uns (oneness of Allah) with Islamic adherents she met in Basra, where she was born, to the places she travelled. She was a celibate who lived an ascetic lifestyle, and she helped others to be "guided along the straight path" (Quran 1). She also asked and answered many of the enduring questions about human existence, which are mentioned in her poetry. In her poetry, she also used terms to express her love for Allah such as "Most Gracious, Most Merciful" (Quran 1) as well as the titles of her poems "My Companion", "My Beloved" and "Your Eternal Beauty" to name a few. Rabi'a preached uns and mahabbah throughout her life to "guide others along the straight path" (Quran 1) as well as making those adherents realise "in Allah alone we turn for help" (Quran 1). Wherever she went she would carry very few possessions, such as a small reed mat which doubled up for sleeping and praying and a few other basic items. Once she was seen carrying a bucket of water and when asked why she responded "I am going to extinguish the fires of hell." This truly emphasises how "guided along the straight path" she was, and how she could express the Islamic search for meaning just like the aforementioned quote does.

Hajj is a practice of Islam which also has similar intentions. Hajj is a religious pilgrimage that every adherent is supposed to take in their life, subject to meeting financial and physical means. Before the Hajj, pilgrims attend Mecca where the Hajj begins, they must achieve a state of ihram. This involves changing into simple white garments and emphasises a state of purity, equality as well as the absence of fighting and the use of products such as deodorant or makeup. Once the pilgrims are in Mecca, they firstly have to circumambulate the Kabah seven times, in a fast walk reciting "we are responding to your call O God, we are responding to your call." Hajj is a pilgrimage which involves many rituals that aim to "guide adherents along the straight path." The stoning of the jamras during the Hajj also support this, and further the notion that "You alone do we turn to for help". As the jamras are stone statues representing the devil, this is saying that Muslims are not to turn to the devil, or accept the devil's temptations. Terms such as "Most Gracious, Most Merciful God" truly emphasise how much faith Islamic adherents place in Allah, consistent with the fact that Allah means submission. When pilgrims pray at the Mount of Mercy they pray similar to how Rabi'a did. They pray "In the name of the God, most gracious, most merciful" from when they arrive until after sunset (normally until midnight). This is consistent with the submission that Rabi'a gave Allah and how she taught Islam to do the same. Surely this has "guided adherents along the straight path" and answers the enduring questions of human existence clearly.

Sexual ethics in Islam is only partly "In the name of God" as the Hadith (words of the Prophet Muhammed) and the qiyas (Islamic scholars) also have a large say in the ethical situation. Some issues such as contraception are not addressed in the Quran because such issues were not heard of in the time the Quran was written. Therefore adherents must look to the Hadith and the qiyas for ethical guidance on how to live their lives. While Allah can "guide adherents towards the straight path" it is only a guide, and he cannot simply expect adherents to turn to "You alone for help". Allah recognises this and this is okay with him because he is "Most Merciful". It is only in this way that an adherent can fulfil the obligations set by Allah and the Prophet Muhammad. Issues such as polygamy are addressed and supported. "Marry women of your choice: two or three, or four" (Qu'ran). Some issues such as premarital sex have not changed over time however and still remain strictly forbidden. When a woman is alone with a man the devil creates a third" (Hadith). This emphasises the need to resist the temptation of the devil, similar to the stoning of the jamras on Hajj. It is only in this way that adherents can "turn to Allah alone for help" (Quran 1)

Rabi'a once said "God can give me twice of what a husband can give me" and this is consistent with the teachings of sufis, where they live a mystical life with a direct, unmediated experience with the divine and do not accept other distractions such as husbands. This is the same as the state of ihram all adherents are to be on throughout the duration of the Hajj; to only think about Allah and not lustful thoughts on distractions such as a husband or a wife. Pilgrims are called to live a simple, uncomplicated life while on the Hajj just like Rabi'a did. This is ultimately how an adherent is "guided along the straight path" by the "most gracious, most merciful God".

In conclusion, the aforementioned quotation truly expresses the distinctive Islamic answer to the enduring questions of human existence. Rabi'a preached throughout her life to "turn to Allah alone for help" while Hajj aims to "guide adherents along the straight path." However, for some issue in sexual ethics an adherent can't simply "turn to You for help" and must turn to Muhammad or the qiyas for guidance on how to live their lives and fulfil their obligations set to them by Allah and the Prophet Muhammad.


elysepopplewell

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #76 on: October 26, 2016, 07:59:36 am »
Hey everyone!!

I have now made an integrated essay following the question from the 2010 HSC which can be found here!

Thanks again for doing this for me!! Could I please also get a mark out of 20 as this is the first integrated response I have attempted (better to face my demons now than in the HSC exam right? :))

Just as a general FYI as well, I completed this in 37 minutes (went 2 min over, but I'll make that up in the MC)


Sorry I missed this one yesterday! :) How are you feeling for tomorrow?
Yes! Face your demons now, that was always my way of approaching it all! Study time is the best for this kind of thing - provided that you can manage to not freak yourself out  :P

Spoiler
This quotation I'd say: Qur'an 1:2-6 clearly... this way you're sounding a little more sophisticated :) clearly expresses the distinctive Islamic answer to the enduring questions of human existence. This is evident when the reference is observed, Quran 1: 2-6, meaning it is one of the first words of the Quran, which highlights the importance of this quote. Unique analysis! I didn't consider that, I like it. The term 'Islam' literally translates to 'submission' in English and this is addressed in the Quran many times such as "You alone do we turn for help" (Quran 1) I think we need more from this introduction - this was the year that they didn't specify one of the three aspects of the religion, they wanted you to bring it all together. I think this needs to be addressed in your introduction, exactly what makes up this dynamic living tradition? Person, practice, ethics. Currently, there's no indication of what you'll be talking about, when ideally, I'd know that PLUS a few main ideas you'll explore. I think the best idea when confronted with a question like this, is to identify the religion as a "dynamic living religious tradition" - this way you encompass that it is varied, expressed today, yet a tradition to be adhered to. If you're going to tackle an integrated essay, then that's even more important :)

Introduce the significance of a person in the religion before diving into biography. Throughout her life, Rabi'a Al-Addiwiyya preached her teachings of mahabbah (divine love) and uns (oneness of Allah) with Islamic adherents she met in Basra, where she was born, to the places she travelled. She was a celibate who lived an ascetic lifestyle, and she helped others to be "guided along the straight path" (Quran 1). She also asked and answered many of the enduring questions about human existence, which are mentioned in her poetry. In her poetry, she also used terms to express her love for Allah such as "Most Gracious, Most Merciful" (Quran 1) as well as the titles of her poems "My Companion", "My Beloved" and "Your Eternal Beauty" to name a few. Rabi'a preached uns and mahabbah throughout her life to "guide others along the straight path" (Quran 1) as well as making those adherents realise "in Allah alone we turn for help" (Quran 1). Wherever she went she would carry very few possessions, such as a small reed mat which doubled up for sleeping and praying and a few other basic items. Once she was seen carrying a bucket of water and when asked why she responded "I am going to extinguish the fires of hell." This truly emphasises how "guided along the straight path" she was, and how she could express the Islamic search for meaning just like the aforementioned quote does. It's a good integration of the stimulus here - you've embedded it well. What is lacking is an identification of the enduring questions of Islam - and how they are supported/answered by the quote and the significant person.

Hajj is a practice of Islam which also has similar intentions to the sig person. Hajj is a religious pilgrimage that every adherent is supposed to take in their life, subject to meeting financial and physical means. Before the Hajj, pilgrims attend Mecca where the Hajj begins, they must achieve a state of ihram. This involves changing into simple white garments and emphasises a state of purity, equality as well as the absence of fighting and the use of products such as deodorant or makeup. Once the pilgrims are in Mecca, they firstly have to circumambulate the Kabah seven times, in a fast walk reciting "we are responding to your call O God, we are responding to your call." Hajj is a pilgrimage which involves many rituals that aim to "guide adherents along the straight path." The stoning of the jamras during the Hajj also support this, and further the notion that "You alone do we turn to for help". As the jamras are stone statues representing the devil, this is saying that Muslims are not to turn to the devil, or accept the devil's temptations. Terms such as "Most Gracious, Most Merciful God" truly emphasise how much faith Islamic adherents place in Allah, consistent with the fact that Allah means submission. When pilgrims pray at the Mount of Mercy they pray similar to how Rabi'a did. They pray "In the name of the God, most gracious, most merciful" from when they arrive until after sunset (normally until midnight). This is consistent with the submission that Rabi'a gave Allah and how she taught Islam to do the same. Surely this has "guided adherents along the straight path" and answers the enduring questions of human existence clearly. Your knowledge on the religion is really good - I can't fault the evidence you're bringing forward. It's judicious. What is lacking in this one is the use of the stimulus essay question. You were quite strong on the stimulus in the first paragraph, but this one not so much. Remember to identify the source/reference when you use the stimulus to emphasise it. But also, Sacred Texts and Writing quotes besides the stimulus would also add something to your work!

Sexual ethics in Islam is only partly "In the name of God" as the Hadith (words of the Prophet Muhammed) and the qiyas (Islamic scholars) also have a large say in the ethical situation. Unique view! Nice! Some issues such as contraception are not addressed in the Quran directly because such issues were not heard of in the time the Quran was written. I could be wrong, but I seem to remember something about contraception appearing in the Qur'an, I feel like they used sheep skin as a condom-style contraception. I could definitely be wrong here, it could have come from a scholar later! Therefore adherents must look to the Hadith and the qiyas for ethical guidance on how to live their lives. While Allah can "guide adherents towards the straight path" it is only a guide, and he cannot simply expect adherents to turn to "You alone for help". Allah recognises this and this is okay with him because he is "Most Merciful". It is only in this way that an adherent can fulfil the obligations set by Allah and the Prophet Muhammad. Issues such as polygamy are addressed and supported. "Marry women of your choice: two or three, or four" (Qu'ran). Some issues such as premarital sex have not changed over time however and still remain strictly forbidden. When a woman is alone with a man the devil creates a third" (Hadith). This emphasises the need to resist the temptation of the devil, similar to the stoning of the jamras on Hajj. It is only in this way that adherents can "turn to Allah alone for help" (Quran 1) You've approached the most difficult section: ethics, really well. You've connected the sources of ethics well to the teachings and then applied it. Again - we need to identify what the enduring questions of the religion are, and then follow it up with exactly how they are addressed.

Rabi'a once said "God can give me twice of what a husband can give me" and this is consistent with the teachings of sufis, where they live a mystical life with a direct, unmediated experience with the divine and do not accept other distractions such as husbands. haha - *giggles because its so true** This is the same as the state of ihram all adherents are to be on throughout the duration of the Hajj; to only think about Allah and not lustful thoughts on distractions such as a husband or a wife. Pilgrims are called to live a simple, uncomplicated life while on the Hajj just like Rabi'a did. This is ultimately how an adherent is "guided along the straight path" by the "most gracious, most merciful God".

In conclusion, the aforementioned quotation Qur'an 1:2-6truly expresses the distinctive Islamic answer to the enduring questions of human existence. Rabi'a preached throughout her life to "turn to Allah alone for help" while Hajj aims to "guide adherents along the straight path." However, for some issue in sexual ethics an adherent can't simply "turn to You for help" and must turn to Muhammad or the qiyas for guidance on how to live their lives and fulfil their obligations set to them by Allah and the Prophet Muhammad.

I can't believe this is your first attempt at an integrated essay, you've done an excellent job. The way you've selected evidence is judicious and shows that you know a lot about the subject, and you have the luxury to pick and choose the evidence you feel like at the time. There are a few things to work on:

-Don't hold back from smashing the stimulus - repeat the reference as many times as you need, like you have in the first body paragraph.
-If the essay question specifies something obscure like "enduring questions" then you need to identify what those enduring questions are, and then go on to explain how they are addressed. I would say that enduring questions is something about the principal belief Al-Qadr - the mysterious balance between Allah's predestined route for people, but also their human capacity and autonomy to make decisions within that route. I think this applies to all three sections of the religion.
-Other quotes: We need just a few more quotes in there from other sources to reallllly ramp up the response. Even if you just get two quotes for Islam that deal with overarching ideas (submission, love, devotion, etc) then you are bumping your essay up enormously.
-Lastly, principal beliefs. These can be applied to every single aspect - person, ethics, practice, and do an excellent job of really boosting the sophistication of your essay, for very little effort. I'm talking about looking into Tawhid, Al-Qadr, Rusul, etc. These boost your essay!

Essentially, you've done a great job here. It's just about tweaking it that little tiny bit, and for timed conditions, this is reallllly good! Hopefully you can take some of this on board :)
Not sure how to navigate around ATAR Notes? Check out this video!

studybuddy7777

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #77 on: October 26, 2016, 08:09:18 am »
Sorry I missed this one yesterday! :) How are you feeling for tomorrow?
Yes! Face your demons now, that was always my way of approaching it all! Study time is the best for this kind of thing - provided that you can manage to not freak yourself out  :P

Spoiler
This quotation I'd say: Qur'an 1:2-6 clearly... this way you're sounding a little more sophisticated :) clearly expresses the distinctive Islamic answer to the enduring questions of human existence. This is evident when the reference is observed, Quran 1: 2-6, meaning it is one of the first words of the Quran, which highlights the importance of this quote. Unique analysis! I didn't consider that, I like it. The term 'Islam' literally translates to 'submission' in English and this is addressed in the Quran many times such as "You alone do we turn for help" (Quran 1) I think we need more from this introduction - this was the year that they didn't specify one of the three aspects of the religion, they wanted you to bring it all together. I think this needs to be addressed in your introduction, exactly what makes up this dynamic living tradition? Person, practice, ethics. Currently, there's no indication of what you'll be talking about, when ideally, I'd know that PLUS a few main ideas you'll explore. I think the best idea when confronted with a question like this, is to identify the religion as a "dynamic living religious tradition" - this way you encompass that it is varied, expressed today, yet a tradition to be adhered to. If you're going to tackle an integrated essay, then that's even more important :)

Introduce the significance of a person in the religion before diving into biography. Throughout her life, Rabi'a Al-Addiwiyya preached her teachings of mahabbah (divine love) and uns (oneness of Allah) with Islamic adherents she met in Basra, where she was born, to the places she travelled. She was a celibate who lived an ascetic lifestyle, and she helped others to be "guided along the straight path" (Quran 1). She also asked and answered many of the enduring questions about human existence, which are mentioned in her poetry. In her poetry, she also used terms to express her love for Allah such as "Most Gracious, Most Merciful" (Quran 1) as well as the titles of her poems "My Companion", "My Beloved" and "Your Eternal Beauty" to name a few. Rabi'a preached uns and mahabbah throughout her life to "guide others along the straight path" (Quran 1) as well as making those adherents realise "in Allah alone we turn for help" (Quran 1). Wherever she went she would carry very few possessions, such as a small reed mat which doubled up for sleeping and praying and a few other basic items. Once she was seen carrying a bucket of water and when asked why she responded "I am going to extinguish the fires of hell." This truly emphasises how "guided along the straight path" she was, and how she could express the Islamic search for meaning just like the aforementioned quote does. It's a good integration of the stimulus here - you've embedded it well. What is lacking is an identification of the enduring questions of Islam - and how they are supported/answered by the quote and the significant person.

Hajj is a practice of Islam which also has similar intentions to the sig person. Hajj is a religious pilgrimage that every adherent is supposed to take in their life, subject to meeting financial and physical means. Before the Hajj, pilgrims attend Mecca where the Hajj begins, they must achieve a state of ihram. This involves changing into simple white garments and emphasises a state of purity, equality as well as the absence of fighting and the use of products such as deodorant or makeup. Once the pilgrims are in Mecca, they firstly have to circumambulate the Kabah seven times, in a fast walk reciting "we are responding to your call O God, we are responding to your call." Hajj is a pilgrimage which involves many rituals that aim to "guide adherents along the straight path." The stoning of the jamras during the Hajj also support this, and further the notion that "You alone do we turn to for help". As the jamras are stone statues representing the devil, this is saying that Muslims are not to turn to the devil, or accept the devil's temptations. Terms such as "Most Gracious, Most Merciful God" truly emphasise how much faith Islamic adherents place in Allah, consistent with the fact that Allah means submission. When pilgrims pray at the Mount of Mercy they pray similar to how Rabi'a did. They pray "In the name of the God, most gracious, most merciful" from when they arrive until after sunset (normally until midnight). This is consistent with the submission that Rabi'a gave Allah and how she taught Islam to do the same. Surely this has "guided adherents along the straight path" and answers the enduring questions of human existence clearly. Your knowledge on the religion is really good - I can't fault the evidence you're bringing forward. It's judicious. What is lacking in this one is the use of the stimulus essay question. You were quite strong on the stimulus in the first paragraph, but this one not so much. Remember to identify the source/reference when you use the stimulus to emphasise it. But also, Sacred Texts and Writing quotes besides the stimulus would also add something to your work!

Sexual ethics in Islam is only partly "In the name of God" as the Hadith (words of the Prophet Muhammed) and the qiyas (Islamic scholars) also have a large say in the ethical situation. Unique view! Nice! Some issues such as contraception are not addressed in the Quran directly because such issues were not heard of in the time the Quran was written. I could be wrong, but I seem to remember something about contraception appearing in the Qur'an, I feel like they used sheep skin as a condom-style contraception. I could definitely be wrong here, it could have come from a scholar later! Therefore adherents must look to the Hadith and the qiyas for ethical guidance on how to live their lives. While Allah can "guide adherents towards the straight path" it is only a guide, and he cannot simply expect adherents to turn to "You alone for help". Allah recognises this and this is okay with him because he is "Most Merciful". It is only in this way that an adherent can fulfil the obligations set by Allah and the Prophet Muhammad. Issues such as polygamy are addressed and supported. "Marry women of your choice: two or three, or four" (Qu'ran). Some issues such as premarital sex have not changed over time however and still remain strictly forbidden. When a woman is alone with a man the devil creates a third" (Hadith). This emphasises the need to resist the temptation of the devil, similar to the stoning of the jamras on Hajj. It is only in this way that adherents can "turn to Allah alone for help" (Quran 1) You've approached the most difficult section: ethics, really well. You've connected the sources of ethics well to the teachings and then applied it. Again - we need to identify what the enduring questions of the religion are, and then follow it up with exactly how they are addressed.

Rabi'a once said "God can give me twice of what a husband can give me" and this is consistent with the teachings of sufis, where they live a mystical life with a direct, unmediated experience with the divine and do not accept other distractions such as husbands. haha - *giggles because its so true** This is the same as the state of ihram all adherents are to be on throughout the duration of the Hajj; to only think about Allah and not lustful thoughts on distractions such as a husband or a wife. Pilgrims are called to live a simple, uncomplicated life while on the Hajj just like Rabi'a did. This is ultimately how an adherent is "guided along the straight path" by the "most gracious, most merciful God".

In conclusion, the aforementioned quotation Qur'an 1:2-6truly expresses the distinctive Islamic answer to the enduring questions of human existence. Rabi'a preached throughout her life to "turn to Allah alone for help" while Hajj aims to "guide adherents along the straight path." However, for some issue in sexual ethics an adherent can't simply "turn to You for help" and must turn to Muhammad or the qiyas for guidance on how to live their lives and fulfil their obligations set to them by Allah and the Prophet Muhammad.

I can't believe this is your first attempt at an integrated essay, you've done an excellent job. The way you've selected evidence is judicious and shows that you know a lot about the subject, and you have the luxury to pick and choose the evidence you feel like at the time. There are a few things to work on:

-Don't hold back from smashing the stimulus - repeat the reference as many times as you need, like you have in the first body paragraph.
-If the essay question specifies something obscure like "enduring questions" then you need to identify what those enduring questions are, and then go on to explain how they are addressed. I would say that enduring questions is something about the principal belief Al-Qadr - the mysterious balance between Allah's predestined route for people, but also their human capacity and autonomy to make decisions within that route. I think this applies to all three sections of the religion.
-Other quotes: We need just a few more quotes in there from other sources to reallllly ramp up the response. Even if you just get two quotes for Islam that deal with overarching ideas (submission, love, devotion, etc) then you are bumping your essay up enormously.
-Lastly, principal beliefs. These can be applied to every single aspect - person, ethics, practice, and do an excellent job of really boosting the sophistication of your essay, for very little effort. I'm talking about looking into Tawhid, Al-Qadr, Rusul, etc. These boost your essay!

Essentially, you've done a great job here. It's just about tweaking it that little tiny bit, and for timed conditions, this is reallllly good! Hopefully you can take some of this on board :)

Thankyou so much for this!!
Sorry I had a little vent in the Question thread when clearly you were working on it as well..

Would you possibly be able to give me a mark (or mark range/band etc) /20 for this? Thanks :)

Also, how would you go about the "enduring questions of human existence" because I couldn't find an easy way to incorporate this into my essay :)

Thanks again!

Lauradf36

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #78 on: October 26, 2016, 09:27:52 am »
Did you catch the essay I posted a few days ago? :)
ATAR: 98.85

English Adv: 94
English Ext: 47/50
Ancient history: 94
Legal studies: 94
Music I: 93
Religion II: 95

elysepopplewell

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #79 on: October 26, 2016, 09:29:00 am »
Thankyou so much for this!!
Sorry I had a little vent in the Question thread when clearly you were working on it as well..

Would you possibly be able to give me a mark (or mark range/band etc) /20 for this? Thanks :)

Also, how would you go about the "enduring questions of human existence" because I couldn't find an easy way to incorporate this into my essay :)

Thanks again!

Haha no stress! I'd put this as about a 13...with the direct response to the question and the "enduring questions" you'd be looking at 16. Then with the other little tips and tricks, up to the top range!

Enduring questions - in the introduction I would identify clearly what the enduring questions are. I take this to be Al-Qadr - the belief that Allah has a predetermined plan, but also the way that humans have a capacity to make decisions within this plan. So, to me, that is a question of the religion - exactly how much autonomy does one have? How much are humans trusted with the ability to make decisions ethically, etc. That would be my approach.

Significant person: I'd talk about how this guides the best way to use human's capacity for autonomy - and how they stuck to Allah's plan.
Ethics: The enduring question is most relevant here, where humans are given the autonomy to make ethical decisions that are in line with Allah's vision.
Practice: Probably the hardest to relate. With Hajj, the principal beliefs are confirmed at various places. But, the choice to go on Hajj is a commitment to using human's capacity for choice to be in line with Allah's vision.

Does this make sense? This is just my interpretation of the enduring questions! There are a few ways to take it on :)
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elysepopplewell

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #80 on: October 26, 2016, 09:29:57 am »
Did you catch the essay I posted a few days ago? :)

Sorry Laura! I completed overlooked it. I'll get to it before midday! :)
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elysepopplewell

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #81 on: October 26, 2016, 10:52:28 am »
Hey y'all, would you mind having a look at my religion & peace essay - semi timed? (I say semi because I timed myself while writing... but then edited it cos I was typing. But yeah.)

Also I finally worked out what a Spoiler is WOO

Woohoo! Good work on the spoiler :) Sorry for missing you! Here it is:
Spoiler
Discuss how the principal teachings of TWO religious traditions contribute to inner peace.

Peace can be described as a sense of wellbeing and freedom from conflict, fear, and injustice. Good one! In an internal sense, this relates to the individual’s personal wellbeing and desire to form stability in their own relationships and communities. The Christian idea of peace is based on the Greek word “Eirene”, meaning “harmony one another”. The Jewish religion focusses focuses* on the idea of “Shalom”, or a universal flourishing and wholeness. Excellent use of terminology! The principal teachings of Christianity contribute to inner peace through Salvation, special revelation, and the nature of God (trinity), while the teachings of Judaism contribute through repentance, the covenant, and the moral law prescribed by God. Overall, these religious traditions are integral to providing inner peace for the individual. Can't fault this - just wonderful!

The teaching of Salvation in Christianity firstly contributes to inner peace by creating peace between the individual and God. Salvation is believed to be the act of Jesus dying for adherents’ sins, destroying death and removing God’s anger so they may have eternal life. 1 John 1:9 explains this process as “if we confess our sins… he is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”If you can memorise this quote, you're in for a good time! Evidently, the act of removing sins allows believers to create a personal and holy union with God. Romans 5:1 further indicates this as “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” This demonstrates how the act of justification and propitiation provides inner peace with the Christian deity. Jesus’ ultimate resurrection and ascension three days after he died is seen to completely destroy the rift between individuals and God, allowing them to form a personal relationship with him. This resurrection also illustrates that while earthly suffering is temporary, peace with God is eternal. A sense of wellbeing is provided in response to this saving grace. Hence, the teaching of Salvation clearly contributes to a believer’s inner peace. Perfect paragraph. Students find it difficult to talk about resurrection and salvation and you just did it with such grace!

Principal teachings on general and special revelation are also central to demonstrating the role of inner peace in a believer’s life. Specific revelation through prayer and reading of sacred texts is perceived differently by variants, but is generally understood to sustain and nurture their personal relationships with God. Peace is often seen as the central focus of an individual’s energies, as Philippians 4:7 emphasises “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding…” to recognise its significance. Confessional prayers such as 1 John 1:9 are used by Catholic variants in a formal setting, whilst Protestants contain these prayers to the private and personal. Exactly what a marker is looking for! Variation in the denominations. Wonderful! The Catholic tradition further uses rosary beads and meditation to enhance an individual’s peace with God. They consider the idea of “practising the presence of God” significant, based on 1 Thessalonians 5:16 which instructs believers to “pray without ceasing”, and thus encourage an individual’s closeness to God. Protestant traditions utilise more informal prayers, with Pentecostal denominations emphasising the use of music and speaking in tongues to foster specific revelation, and Anglican using prayer books. All the variants nonetheless use these teachings to contribute to a sense of inner peace with God. Another amazing paragraph - showing the variations is so important.

Principal teachings on the nature of God also catalyse a call for believers to produce peace in their relationships and communities. The belief that individuals are made in the image of God is demonstrated in Genesis 1:27, which states that “in the image of God he created them.” The belief in God’s sovereignty as a monotheistic deity fosters a value of the ultimate equality, dignity, and worth of all humans. The action of bringing peace in other’s lives is hence valued in the New Testament. For example, Jesus states in the Beatitudes that “blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9). The Beatitudes is seriously underreferenced in essays I find, and you've done an excellent job with this! This reflects a sense of individual wellbeing from producing peace in their own lives. Adherents are also called to bring reconciliation in their relationships rather than revenge or violence due to their value of others. Furthermore, the omniscience and supremacy of God is seen to be reflected in his son, Jesus. Adherents believe they must emulate him as the “prince of peace”, as demonstrated in the Lord’s prayer call to “forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.” Can you specify where the "prince of peace" quotation comes from - I know it is commonly stated, but perhaps you need to iterate that just to prove your point.This hence contributes to the individual’s sense of peace in reflecting the nature of God.

The teachings of repentance in Judaism additionally influence their sense of inner peace, through rituals and ceremonies aiming to create peace with God. The ceremony of Yom Kippur is significant as a reflection of the individual’s repentance and return to the covenant, and is celebrated on the 10th day of the month of Tishri as the “Day of Atonement”. On the day, individuals will “divorce” themselves from the human world by wearing white as a symbol of their purification before God. Inner reflection will also be undertaken by fasting, reading the Torah, and prayer, fostering personal peace. Passages from the prophetic vision of Isaiah are also recited, written during the Syro-Ephraimite war when the Jewish people were called to turn from their corruption. Isaiah’s call to repent and turn to the covenant is seen as he states “Zion shall be redeemed by justice, and those who repent, by righteousness.” (Isaiah 1:27) Isaiah prophesied visions of peace and future kingdoms for the Israelite people if they re-established their covenantal relationship with God, symbolised in the hopeful land of “Zion”. The ceremony thus encourages adherents to form an inner peace with God based on their repentance and the promises it provides.

Principal beliefs about the covenant further contribute to inner peace in the Jewish religion. The covenant is seen to define the relationship between God and his people, as God rescues them and they respond by obeying the law. When believers adhere to their obligations, they also receive blessings defined by the covenant. A central blessing is seen in Numbers 6:24-6, which states, “The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance toward you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6:24-6) These blessings were first recited by Aaron and Moses in 1400BCE, and are now recited by parents to their children weekly, as well as to congregations on spiritually significant occasions. This reflects the role of the covenant in affirming an individual’s inner peace with God. Prayers are also used for blessings, and often begin by praising God to reflect the importance of this covenantal unity. For example, the Sheva Brachot or 7 blessings recited in a marriage ceremony state, “Praise are You, O Lord our God, King of the Universe.” This hence affirms an individual’s peace with God through the covenant. You're killing it! Amazing!

Teachings of Judaism lastly contribute to inner peace by emphasising obedience to the moral law prescribed by God. Adherents believe that performing the mitzvot, or law, is a form of tikkun olam. This key teaching focusses focuses*on the repairing of the world, and thus provides an individual with healing from brokenness. Peace is seen as a reward for obedience to the law, as the 613 commands were given to Moses from God, affirming their divinity. The prophetic vision of Isaiah also confirms the importance of obedience, as he states that “Those who walk uprightly enter into peace.” (Isaiah 57:2) This further fosters a believer’s inner peace through their relationship with God. Many of the mitzvot also encourage inner peace in their relation to social justice and equality. For example, Micah 6:8 states, “And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” Adhering to these requirements hence creates greater individual wellbeing. A common Jewish greeting of “Ma Schlomcha” or “how is your peace” also encourages individuals to hold each other accountable for obedience. This reflects the importance of obeying the law in providing individuals with inner peace.

It is therefore evident that the principal teachings of Christianity contribute to inner peace through Salvation, special revelation, and the nature of God, while the teachings of Judaism contribute through repentance, the covenant, and the moral law prescribed by God. Ultimately, these teachings are imperative for providing an individual with a sense of wellbeing and a strong relationship with their deity that will sustain them throughout life.

This is amazing, I cannot find a single spot in the entire thing where I would deduct a mark. I can see you've put so much work into this and it shows! Your use of quotes is judicious and works wonderfully! I'm sorry I have no feedback, this is simply the best essay I've read on the forums for Religion and Peace! Are you feeling confident with it? Have you memorised those quotes? Go you!!!!
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Lauradf36

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #82 on: October 26, 2016, 01:13:15 pm »
Quote
This is amazing, I cannot find a single spot in the entire thing where I would deduct a mark. I can see you've put so much work into this and it shows! Your use of quotes is judicious and works wonderfully! I'm sorry I have no feedback, this is simply the best essay I've read on the forums for Religion and Peace! Are you feeling confident with it? Have you memorised those quotes? Go you!!!!

Aw thanks so much, that's really encouraging to hear! I'm feeling pretty good, just hoping I remember everything on the day. And that they don't ask for one religion with just inner/world peace cos that would suck haha.
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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #83 on: October 26, 2016, 01:49:46 pm »
Aw thanks so much, that's really encouraging to hear! I'm feeling pretty good, just hoping I remember everything on the day. And that they don't ask for one religion with just inner/world peace cos that would suck haha.

Just to note: if they do ask for one religion with either inner or world peace, you should still talk about the peace teachings which should give you more than enough to say, judging by your essay above!
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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #84 on: October 26, 2016, 02:11:07 pm »
Aw thanks so much, that's really encouraging to hear! I'm feeling pretty good, just hoping I remember everything on the day. And that they don't ask for one religion with just inner/world peace cos that would suck haha.
Just to note: if they do ask for one religion with either inner or world peace, you should still talk about the peace teachings which should give you more than enough to say, judging by your essay above!

You'll both do great things!!! I can't wait to hear how you both go tomorrow :)
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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #85 on: October 26, 2016, 06:52:19 pm »
hey this is super last minute hahaha so if you can't get round to it then thats okay, but I was wondering if you could possibly have a quick look at this christianity essay that I did and see if theres any last minute tips you could give me that I can take into the exam tomorrow :)

Thanks! (and again don't worry if you don't have the time, I'll be fine haha and you've helped me so much already! + either way it may be of use to next years cohort!)

"Christianity is an authentic example of a thriving religious tradition. It offers both individual adherents and the Christian community meaningful rituals which are rich in symbol and clearly link to the principal beliefs of the tradition. Within the tradition, inspirational individuals and ideas offer models for thinking and for living. Finally, the ethical positions offered on significant issues speak to the realities of life in the twenty-first century."

With reference to the statement above, and your own knowledge, assess Christianity as a dynamic religious tradition which has ongoing relevance in the lives of adherents.
essay in spoiler :)
Christianity is highly dynamic and living religious tradition, as it has ongoing relevance within the lives of practicing Christians through providing rituals and a model for living an ethical and spiritual life, therefore the statement is accurate. Christianity is the world’s largest religion, with over 2.4 billion adherents as of 2015. All adherents of Christianity, with slight variations between the denominations, are connected through the Church’s core ethical teachings, rituals and theological works of influential individuals - for example Baptism, Environmental Ethics, and St Paul of Tarsus - which provide a basis for their principal beliefs and the way in which they choose to live their life. Therefore, through the continued significance of the role of Baptism, Environmental Ethics and the contributions of St Paul of Tarsus within the lives of adherents, it is clear that Christianity is “an authentic example of a thriving religious tradition.”

The sacrament of Baptism plays a critical role within the lives of adherents and wider Christian society, as it includes the initiation of an individual into the community, providing them with a sense of belonging and a support network as they develop their beliefs. According to the statement, Christianity offers its adherents “meaningful rituals which are rich in symbol and clearly link to the principal beliefs of the tradition,” and Baptism is clear example of this. Though the specific practices vary depending upon the denomination of Christianity, Baptism is a uniting features amongst all Christian churches, and is described as the ritualistic initiation of an individual into the Christian faith. It is a declaration by the adherent (if they are an adult, if not it is a declaration by the legal guardians to raise them as a Christian) of their Christian faith, and their commitment to live a Christian life. Therefore, as it is a lifelong commitment, Baptism plays a significant role within the daily lives of the adherents, as it is their promise to live by the teachings of Jesus, as according to Galatians 3:27 “for all you who are baptized into Christ have clothed yourself with Christ.” Along with this, through Baptism the adherent is admitted into a community who is committed to help nurture the adherent’s faith, and provide support as they undergo their spiritual journey. This support plays a major role within the daily lives of the adherent, particularly those who where baptized young, as it is the community’s commitment to teaching the adherent the scripture and beliefs of their faith, and raise them to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. Therefore, as it is clear that the sacrament of Baptism plays a critical role within the daily lives of the adherents and wider Christian community, Christianity is a dynamic and living religion, therefore the statement is accurate.

The contributions of St Paul of Tarsus play a crucial role within the lives of adherents through many avenues, such as providing key teachings on love and salvation, being a role model for adherents and helping to spread Christianity and establish it as a dominant religious tradition. According to the statement, Christianity offers its adherents with “inspirational individuals and ideas [that] offer models for thinking and living,” and the contributions of St Paul of Tarsus are a clear example of this. Paul of Tarsus is considered to be one of the key role models of Christianity (aside from Jesus), due to his conversion and contributions to the faith in regards to spreading the Christian message further and making it more applicable, aiding in Christianity becoming a dominant world religion. A principal reason for Paul of Tarsus being such an influential figure within Christianity are his theological teachings on love and salvation, which provide adherents with an outline of the ethical demands they are committed to. Paul of Tarsus believed firmly that it was a Christians duty to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, and placed great importance on the role of love or “agape” (self-less love) within every day lives of Christians. According to Paul in Galatians 5:14, love is a critical aspect of Christian life as “the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command “love your neighbor as yourself”’ Therefore, Paul encouraged love to be the centre point of Christian ethical teachings, suggesting that any action done without “agape,” even charity work, was obsolete within the eyes of God. Paul of Tarsus also provided the Christian understanding that Salvation is only possible due to the death and resurrection of Jesus, and hence one can only achieve Salvation through faith in him. This is clear within Romans 5:20-21 where Paul describes Jesus as “bring[ing] eternal life.” These are both critical teachings that greatly impact upon the daily lives of Christians, as love and faith in Jesus should drive their actions. Therefore, it is clear that the role and contribution of St Paul of Tarsus has had a critical impact upon the daily lives of Christians, proving that Christianity is a dynamic and living religion, therefore the statement is accurate.

Christianity provides its adherents with an ethical base in regards to significant issues facing modern society, particularly in regards to how we treat, and take care of the Earth’s environment in an era of climate change and the deterioration of the natural world. According to the statement, Christianity offers its adherents with “the ethical position offered on significant issues [that] speak to the realities of life in the twenty-first century.” The term environmental ethics is used to describe the ecological conscience or morality that reflects a commitment and responsibility towards the environment, our common home. As the threat of Climate Change is a highly significant and relevant issue within the 21st Century, and has been discussed – both positively and negatively – by a range of public figures such as politicians, celebrities, activists and even religious leaders, such as Pope Francis, it is clear that environmental ethics has ongoing relevance within the lives of 21st Century Christians. The Christian Church has their own set of beliefs in regards to the maintenance of our environment, which is based upon the belief that the Earth is Gods creations, and that human beings were put on this earth in order to be its stewards. This is evident within Genesis, which focuses upon God’s creation of all things, particularly Genesis 2:15, where “the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” This suggests that God put humans upon this earth in order to take care and cultivate the land, for humans to use as we need, but not exploit it. This belief drives Christian environmental ethics, and is further emphasized by Pope Francis’s second encyclical paper Laudato si’: On Care For Our Common Home, which focuses upon the urgent need for environmental care, and heavily critiques the consumerism and irresponsible developments of the modern world. According to Pope Francis, “"Never have we so hurt and mistreated our common home as we have in the last two hundred years," calling upon Christians to push for better treatment of our natural world. Pope Francis connects environmental ethics to other critical ethical teachings within Christianity, such as those to do with poverty, therefore further emphasizing the critical importance of environmental ethics within the daily lives of adherents. Therefore, it is evident through the ongoing relevance and significance of environmental ethics within the lives of Christians, it is clear that Christianity is a dynamic and living religious tradition that provides its adherents with guidelines upon how to act in modern situations.

Through the continued significance of the role of Baptism, the contributions of St Paul of Tarsus, and environmental ethics, it is clear that Christianity provides the adherents with core ethical teachings, rituals and theological works that guide their day to day actions, and drive their morality and beliefs. Therefore, it is clear that Christianity is a highly dynamic and living religious tradition, as it has a definite ongoing relevance within the lives of practicing adherents, therefore the statement is accurate.

Mod Edit: Just put your essay in a spoiler :)
« Last Edit: October 26, 2016, 11:08:39 pm by sudodds »
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jamonwindeyer

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #86 on: October 27, 2016, 12:10:47 am »
hey this is super last minute hahaha so if you can't get round to it then thats okay, but I was wondering if you could possibly have a quick look at this christianity essay that I did and see if theres any last minute tips you could give me that I can take into the exam tomorrow :)

Thanks! (and again don't worry if you don't have the time, I'll be fine haha and you've helped me so much already! + either way it may be of use to next years cohort!)

Thanks for posting suddods! Some short and sweet feedback for you to skim in the morning, sorry I didn't get to it sooner otherwise I'd have spent longer!! ;D

"Christianity is an authentic example of a thriving religious tradition. It offers both individual adherents and the Christian community meaningful rituals which are rich in symbol and clearly link to the principal beliefs of the tradition. Within the tradition, inspirational individuals and ideas offer models for thinking and for living. Finally, the ethical positions offered on significant issues speak to the realities of life in the twenty-first century."

With reference to the statement above, and your own knowledge, assess Christianity as a dynamic religious tradition which has ongoing relevance in the lives of adherents.
essay in spoiler :)
Christianity is highly dynamic and living religious tradition, as it has ongoing relevance within the lives of practicing Christians through providing rituals and a model for living an ethical and spiritual life, therefore the statement is accurate. Christianity is the world’s largest religion, with over 2.4 billion adherents as of 2015. All adherents of Christianity, with slight variations between the denominations, are connected through the Church’s core ethical teachings, rituals and theological works of influential individuals - for example Baptism, Environmental Ethics, and St Paul of Tarsus - which provide a basis for their principal beliefs and the way in which they choose to live their life. Therefore, through the continued significance of the role of Baptism, Environmental Ethics and the contributions of St Paul of Tarsus within the lives of adherents, it is clear that Christianity is “an authentic example of a thriving religious tradition.” Fantastic introduction; good integration of beliefs and your core 3 elements of the study. I'd perhaps look at integrating the stimulus in your introduction, rather than just saying "it's accurate," I think it would be smoother. Just steal phrases and use them in quotation marks just like you did at the end, looks great to markers! You MIGHT also want to introduce the beliefs of Christianity you will be discussing, but that isn't an urgent thing.

The sacrament of Baptism plays a critical role within the lives of adherents and wider Christian society, as it includes the initiation of an individual into the community, providing them with a sense of belonging and a support network as they develop their beliefs. According to the statement, Christianity offers its adherents “meaningful rituals which are rich in symbol and clearly link to the principal beliefs of the tradition,” and Baptism is clear example of this. Though the specific practices vary depending upon the denomination of Christianity, Baptism is a uniting features amongst all Christian churches, and is described as the ritualistic initiation of an individual into the Christian faith. It is a declaration by the adherent (if they are an adult, if not it is a declaration by the legal guardians to raise them as a Christian) of their Christian faith, and their commitment to live a Christian life. Therefore, as it is a lifelong commitment, Baptism plays a significant role within the daily lives of the adherents, as it is their promise to live by the teachings of Jesus, as according to Galatians 3:27 “for all you who are baptized into Christ have clothed yourself with Christ.” Along with this, through Baptism the adherent is admitted into a community who is committed to help nurture the adherent’s faith, and provide support as they undergo their spiritual journey. This support plays a major role within the daily lives of the adherent, particularly those who where baptized young, as it is the community’s commitment to teaching the adherent the scripture and beliefs of their faith, and raise them to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. Therefore, as it is clear that the sacrament of Baptism plays a critical role within the daily lives of the adherents and wider Christian community, Christianity is a dynamic and living religion, therefore the statement is accurate. Great paragraph! Remember a few things; First, not all Christian denominations have Baptism. Salvation Army for example, does not. Just something to consider. Notice the bits in red are repetitious; say it once ;) I think you'd hit the importance more effectively if you targeted some specific beliefs that Baptism allows connection to. EG - "The method of immersion used in Orthodox Baptisms has greater symbolic meaning; it allows the adherent to empathise with the death and resurrection of Christ, subsequently reaffirming their beliefs." Or something. Really hamemr home the importance of this by linking to some key beliefs from Prelim; Nature of God and The Trinity is an easy one!

The contributions of St Paul of Tarsus play a crucial role within the lives of adherents through many avenues, such as providing key teachings on love and salvation, being a role model for adherents and helping to spread Christianity and establish it as a dominant religious tradition. According to the statement, Christianity offers its adherents with “inspirational individuals and ideas [that] offer models for thinking and living,” and the contributions of St Paul of Tarsus are a clear example of this. Paul of Tarsus is considered to be one of the key role models of Christianity (aside from Jesus), due to his conversion and contributions to the faith in regards to spreading the Christian message further and making it more applicable, aiding in Christianity becoming a dominant world religion. A principal reason for Paul of Tarsus being such an influential figure within Christianity are his theological teachings on love and salvation, which provide adherents with an outline of the ethical demands they are committed to. Paul of Tarsus believed firmly that it was a Christians duty to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, and placed great importance on the role of love or “agape” (self-less love) within every day lives of Christians. According to Paul in Galatians 5:14, love is a critical aspect of Christian life as “the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command “love your neighbor as yourself”’ Therefore, Paul encouraged love to be the centre point of Christian ethical teachings, suggesting that any action done without “agape,” even charity work, was obsolete within the eyes of God. Paul of Tarsus also provided the Christian understanding that Salvation is only possible due to the death and resurrection of Jesus, and hence one can only achieve Salvation through faith in him. This is clear within Romans 5:20-21 where Paul describes Jesus as “bring[ing] eternal life.” These are both critical teachings that greatly impact upon the daily lives of Christians, as love and faith in Jesus should drive their actions. Therefore, it is clear that the role and contribution of St Paul of Tarsus has had a critical impact upon the daily lives of Christians, proving that Christianity is a dynamic and living religion, therefore the statement is accurate. Another excellent paragraph, you are answering the question excellently. Great inclusion of scripture. Again, try to really hammer home how the work of Paul is active in the lives of adherents, it feels just a tad bit shy of perfect right now. The beliefs are a fantastic way to achieve this. You can easily link to the Divinity and Humanity of Christ here; connection to his ministry is important to the adherent!

Christianity provides its adherents with an ethical base in regards to significant issues facing modern society, particularly in regards to how we treat, and take care of the Earth’s environment in an era of climate change and the deterioration of the natural world. According to the statement, Christianity offers its adherents with “the ethical position offered on significant issues [that] speak to the realities of life in the twenty-first century.” The term environmental ethics is used to describe the ecological conscience or morality that reflects a commitment and responsibility towards the environment, our common home. As the threat of Climate Change is a highly significant and relevant issue within the 21st Century, and has been discussed – both positively and negatively – by a range of public figures such as politicians, celebrities, activists and even religious leaders, such as Pope Francis, it is clear that environmental ethics has ongoing relevance within the lives of 21st Century Christians. The Christian Church has their own set of beliefs in regards to the maintenance of our environment, which is based upon the belief that the Earth is Gods creations, and that human beings were put on this earth in order to be its stewards. This is evident within Genesis, which focuses upon God’s creation of all things, particularly Genesis 2:15, where “the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” This suggests that God put humans upon this earth in order to take care and cultivate the land, for humans to use as we need, but not exploit it. This belief drives Christian environmental ethics, and is further emphasized by Pope Francis’s second encyclical paper Laudato si’: On Care For Our Common Home, which focuses upon the urgent need for environmental care, and heavily critiques the consumerism and irresponsible developments of the modern world. According to Pope Francis, “"Never have we so hurt and mistreated our common home as we have in the last two hundred years," calling upon Christians to push for better treatment of our natural world. Pope Francis connects environmental ethics to other critical ethical teachings within Christianity, such as those to do with poverty, therefore further emphasizing the critical importance of environmental ethics within the daily lives of adherents. Therefore, it is evident through the ongoing relevance and significance of environmental ethics within the lives of Christians, it is clear that Christianity is a dynamic and living religious tradition that provides its adherents with guidelines upon how to act in modern situations. Be sure that your first sentence in each paragraph connects to the question; REALLY make that connection between the ethical teachings and WHY they make Christianity a dynamic, living religious tradition obvious from the start. Love your integration of an encyclical; very very impressive.

Through the continued significance of the role of Baptism, the contributions of St Paul of Tarsus, and environmental ethics, it is clear that Christianity provides the adherents with core ethical teachings, rituals and theological works that guide their day to day actions, and drive their morality and beliefs. Therefore, it is clear that Christianity is a highly dynamic and living religious tradition, as it has a definite ongoing relevance within the lives of practicing adherents, therefore the statement is accurate. A tad shy on the conclusion; but it works! You could add more if you want but this does the job nicely! ;D

Overall suddods, a fantastic response, you should be really confident for tomorrow! Some last minute tips/nitpicks:

- Be sure to really make the link between the importance to adherents and the dynamic living nature of the tradition; at times that connection was only implied (mostly just in the intros, your conclusions bring it home strong every time)
- You can use the beliefs you learned in Prelim to hammer home the importance to the adherent, if you so choose. By connecting them to their beliefs, the person/practice/ethical teaching proves significant. Connecting to the Nature of God/Trinity is usually the easiest :)
- In general, watch for excess word count. Be careful not to say things twice and be careful not to include info that doesn't really help your case. For example, specifying how Baptism differs based on the age of the adherent is not that useful to you!

To be honest; these are nitpicks just to really polish up what is already a fabulous response. You answered the question really well, integrated scriptural evidence effectively, and had an excellent structure/style. Bloody brilliant! Be very confident for your exam because if this is any indicator you are extremely well prepared and you'll do wonderfully! :)

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #87 on: February 10, 2017, 08:08:51 pm »
Hey Guys!! I feel pretty weak in essays, so any advice would be great! Thanks Guys!

Question: Examine the contribution of Hassidism to the development and expression of Judaism

Hasidim is an orthodox religious movement within Judaism, that was developed in the eighteenth century in Eastern Europe. The contributions proffered by this school of thought includes the emphasis onto the tzaddik system, the importance of joy and sincerity within worship, and the consistent performance of mikvah. These contributions have ultimately provided an incentive towards the development of Judaism, as the Baal Shem Tov, leader of the Hasidim, considered the circumstances the Jews were experiencing including the pogroms that lead to the development and expression of Judaism to be influenced by the rise of the Hasidim. The shift present towards focusing onto the spiritual dimension has allowed adherents to experience positive impacts including their faith being renewed and revolutionised, however as the circumstances for the Jews improved over time, these contributions has had less significance.

The tzaddik system plays a fundamental role within Hasidim, where the development and expression of Judaism has significantly increased as a result. Intrinsically, the classification of leaders was known as tzaddik, the righteous one, followed by its adherents known as Hasid’s. Baal Shem Tov recognised the impact of the massacres occurring in the 17th and 18th century that led adherents to lack faith as being illiterate hence unable to read the Talmud, the Jews were disdained by other followers that were educated. Thus, the BeshT reversed the allocation of the names of tzaddik and Hasid that raised the ordinary Jews status. The development and expression of Judaism was improved to a large extent, as many Jews became more assertive towards their faith and worship that ensured adherents were practising the religious tradition. As “God loves all Jews without distinction; the greatest Torah genius and scholar and the most simple Jew are loved equally by G-d” expressed within the 36 Aphorisms of BeshT number 7, the overall contribution Hasidim offered enabled adherents to confide and maintain their faith through their worship. The tzaddik system along with the reversal of the names was overall, a major contribution towards the development and expression of Judaism.

Furthermore, Hasidim also contributed towards the development and expression of Judaism by expressing that one should attain joy from worship and be sincere. The Baal Shem Tov exemplified that the worship one performs should be predominately focused onto the quality of their actions, rather than the quantity, which ultimately highlights the expression of Judaism focusing onto spirituality rather than delving into traditional Talmud studies. The anecdote of Yom Kipper, a poor Jewish boy who was an illiterate shepherd, had been deeply moved by a Jewish service yet unable to read the prayers, he began to whistle as an offer to God as a gift. The congregation was horrified at the discretion of their service as they boy was yelled at and was going to be thrown out.  The Baal Shem Tov intervened, expressing that their prayers were  “blocked as they tried to reach the heavenly court” yet as the boy’s “whistling was so pure…that it broke through the blockage and brought all of our prayers straight up to God”. This anecdote demonstrates that joy and sincerity are fundamental elements to enable adherents, especially with low socio-economic backgrounds, to sustain their spirituality. “God desires the heart” (Talmud Sanhearih 1066) rather than worshipping through Talmud studies, that illustrates the importance of these humane values, sincerity and joy,  that Hasidim introduces within Judaism. Hence, the contribution of reinforcing the vitality of these values of joy and sincerity enables the development and expression of Judaism.

In addition, Hasidim places an enormous emphasis onto practising Mitzvah on a daily basis which has influenced the development and expression of Judaism. As a ritual pool is used where individuals are washed “thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin” (Psalm 51:2), Hasidim places an enormous focus onto this practise by recommending adherents to complete mitzvah on a daily routine. As individuals felt a lack of faith because of their illiteracy in the 18th century, thus unable to read the Talmud, Mitzvah ultimately enabled individuals to purify themselves thus attain higher levels of spiritual development. As Hasidim’s prime focus on mitzvah enables spiritual growth, the less frequent prayers ensures that rather than completing a set of prayers, adherents are able to focus onto the two elements, devekus and hislahavus, that enable individuals to attain an improved spirituality. Overall, the consistency required of mitzvah and the non frequent prayers elaborate onto the importance of attaining a higher spiritual level with God by focusing onto the quality of the worship.

Ultimately, Hasidim has played a significant role towards the development and expression of Judaism. The contributions it has provided has led towards the development and expression of Judaism, that rather than focusing onto traditional study of the Talmud, it emphasises onto individuals are able to attain higher spiritual level through the joy and sincerity towards their worship. Hence, the contributions such as the emphasis onto the tzaddik system along with the reversal of names, importance of joy and sincerity, and increased performance of mitzvah, has ultimately led to Judaism to develop.

elysepopplewell

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #88 on: February 11, 2017, 06:33:48 am »
Hey Guys!! I feel pretty weak in essays, so any advice would be great! Thanks Guys!


Hey SSSS! I'd love to give you a hand!

You've had to create writing pieces marked, and this'll be the third essay, so at a requirement for 15 posts per piece, you just need three more posts to get this one marked. I think I've done my calculations correct, if not let me know! But 3 posts isn't too hard at all.

Talk soon :)
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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #89 on: February 11, 2017, 09:57:47 pm »
Sorry about that!