Hi! I need help with my creative writing. I'm having concerns regarding cliques, as well as the story clunky and not engaging. I'm also worried it might not directly relate to discovery. I really struggle with creative writing so any help is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!
QUESTION: Compose a piece of writing in which discovery is confronting and/or provocative.
I inhale. The bitter smell of coffee travels through my senses. My skin, sticky. The incessant pounding of rain is unexpectedly soothing, catapulting me into a nostalgic haze of hauntingly beautiful memories. Around one small table, family, laughter, joined by bread and wine.
I tear the opening off a sugar sachet, watching the sweet crystals pour out like a waterfall into the rounded glass. I glance at my shaken father. Completely focused. His eyes watch each drop of rain trickle slowly down the window, just like a child's tears. He has a drained expression on his handsome face, lifting the black cup towards his mouth, but refusing to take a sip, as if he too is clouded by those same memories. I place my small hand on his. Ice cold.
He takes a long, deep breath. Eyes still motionless. “I’m so glad I’m here,” he admits, his disjointed voice leaving his cracked lips in small increments. Words my father spoke so often. Words I've always yearned to understand. “I was building agricultural and industrial at the time,” he continues, “for a company called Olfa. I was a manager, working six days a week, sometimes for twelve hours”. He shook his head with revulsion. “Different… It was so different.”
He pauses for a moment, cup to his nose and breathes in. His mind elsewhere, hypnotised by the smell of burnt coffee. I want to tell him it’s okay, but the deep urge for knowledge tugs on my conscience. Thoughts of why I am here wash over me, like the rain. Realisation that this place I have always called ‘home’ didn't feel like home at all, but instead a foreign place unrecognisably, recognisable.
“I remember this one summer day, the air was humid and sticky... almost unbearable.” He pauses, his voice flat and absent. “My boss broke the news… said he couldn’t pay me, his debts were too high, that there was no money left.” His aggravated voice lifting in volume, snickering with disgust “He had the nerve to ask me to work harder. Told me patience was a virtue, promised my time would come.”
“I was working near the furnace, cutting metal. It smelt of burning metal and oil mixed with sweat. The dry heat filled me with every breath. I listened to the electric hum of the saw as I pulled the lever up. I glanced down at my rain soaked skin, and I could feel my pulse racing. I was trying to concentrate, but my mind kept reliving what he had told me earlier.”
A violent red circles his eyes. His hands, shaking. I can see his rage simmering to the surface. With his focus distant, he continues, “we were already struggling. I pulled the lever hard. The disk had disintegrated into pieces beneath my hands as metal fragments sprung up, peircing my naked eyes. . Everything happened so suddenly..”
“The ambulance arrived in a blur of red and blue light. The pain was indescribable. Although... my thoughts were elsewhere, trying to sort through the logistics. As the anxiety engulfed me, I felt useless. I prayed for things to fixed themselves, hoped for things to get better.”
I take a large gulp of coffee, no longer warm but slightly sweeter. I can see my reflection in his glassy green eyes. A small tear glides down my cheek, dropping onto my arm, like rain falling off a windowsill. He follows it with his eyes. Focused, completely.
“But things didn’t get better for three months. We were struggling with no income.” His voice is caught in his throat as he struggles to form the words. “Humiliated. Embarrassed. I feared for il mio bambi, you and your poor brother,” he choked.
Quiet. A silence so deafening, as he draws his breath, and lets it back out with a sigh. “It was then that I made the crucial decision to migrate here. Leave my mother, father, my entire life behind, in search for a better life for my family. A better future for you.”
I hear a rustle in the distance. I turn my head sharply and gazed out the foggy window. I stare at one particular droplet of rain. A looking glass into the once unrecognizable. Now clear, beautiful, simple.
I inhale. The sweet smell of coffee travels through my senses.